My heart feels like it’s being torn into pieces.
I’ve never felt so much pain in my entire life. Not when my parents told me I was adopted. Not even when I broke my arm when I was ten. This pain is so much more than I can bear, and I have no idea how I’m supposed to move forward. How am I supposed to even wrap my mind around everything that’s happened? Finding out the one person I counted on lied to me and kept something from me, feels as if I’m being ripped apart from the inside out. I never once thought Caden would be the one to ultimately break my heart, but I’ve been proven wrong. Caden took my heart and tossed it out the fucking window then ran over it again and again.
I don’t even remember getting back to the apartment. The whole way there, all I could do was cry. Cason never spoke a word, and I was grateful. It’s not like I knew what to say anyway. Plus I can’t bear to look at him either. That’s the thing about leaving with the twin of someone that’s supposed to love you.
Love is nothing but a fucking lie.
Caden claims he loves me, but how can he even utter those words knowing what he’s done? How can someone say they love someone else and hurt them so much?
I don’t know what went through Caden’s mind when he decided to keep this from me, and just knowing he’s known for weeks makes me so damned angry at him. He’s known all along who my birth mother was and that I have a sister. A half-sister. In hindsight, I guess it makes sense why Shelby and I connected so quickly, and why I felt as if I’d known her all my life. But even with this new information, I can’t ignore how Caden has lied to me for weeks about it. If I had known, Shelby and I could’ve gotten closer. I could’ve spent time with her. Caden stole that right from me. He took away my choice to know Shelby on a different level than just a friend. The big question is what do I do now? Honestly I’m such a mess, and I have no clue where to start. A part of me wants to say fuck this stupid town and run back home. But I know I won’t. Even if I’m hurting, I can’t just up and leave knowing I have a sister now. I want the chance to know her, really know her, and I can’t just skip out on that.
Running my hands through my hair, I will these stupid tears to stop falling. I’ve never cried so much in my life, and it seems I have an endless amount of tears. They refuse to stop, and I quickly wipe them away as they fall down my cheeks. Seeing Cason take a seat by me on the couch, I let out a heavy sigh. While I’m grateful that he got me away from Caden, I also feel like a terrible person for putting them in that position. I saw them arguing, and I could feel the anger rolling off Cason while he drove away. It wasn’t my intention to make them fight, but I needed to get away from Caden. From the hurt, he’s caused me. “I’m sorry I caused a rift between you and Caden.” I can’t look at him as I apologize, and I hope he knows I am sorry.
“There’s no need to apologize.” Cason lets out a huff before saying, “You have no reason to be sorry. Caden …” he stops for a moment, and I can hear the disappointment in his voice. “Caden is a fuckin’ idiot for keepin’ somethin’ like this from you. I warned him, but he wouldn’t listen to me.”
Looking down at my hands, I swallow hard before asking, “Why did he keep this from me? I just can’t understand why he would when he knew I’ve been searching for my mother for years.”
“Honestly I think he was scared.” Frowning, I glance at him for only a second before turning away. “I can’t say for sure, but I have a hunch he was afraid you would leave if he told you. I know you wanted to find out who your mother is, but I do know Tabitha,” his voice breaks and I can’t help but wonder why. Since getting to know Cason over the past few months, he hardly ever shows emotion. But when he uttered her name, it’s the most emotion I’ve heard from him, and I’m sure if I was looking at him I would see it too. “She’s not someone you want to know, Savvy.”
“Even still. He should’ve told me and let me decide. He took that away from me and then lied about it.”
“I know. I’m not sayin’ what he did was right, but in a way I do get it.”
Another tear rolls down my cheek as I whisper, “It just hurts you know?”
Shockingly, Cason scoots closer and wraps an arm around me. Taking his comfort, I bury my head on his chest and begin to cry again. “It’s goin’ to be alright, Savvy.” Hearing him say that only makes me cry harder because I don’t know how I’ll ever be alright again. I don’t know how I’m ever going to be able to forgive Caden for this. It’s one thing to lie to me and another to keep such a big secret from me, but it’s knowing that I love him and I trusted him. I gave him the power to hurt me and destroy my trust. But knowing I have Cason here to comfort me helps some. He’s like the brother I never had, and if I’m honest, I’ve fallen in love with the entire Harlow clan. Maybe that’s another reason why I’m so upset. How am I supposed to see them again knowing Caden and I may never get back to where we were? Sucking in a deep breath, I lean back and wipe my face again. “You got to stop with the tears alright? You’re makin’ me feel like shit because you keep cryin’.”
“I’m sorry,” I say with a broken voice. Glancing at him, my stomach clenches. It’s like I’m looking right at Caden even though I know it’s not him. “No offense, but it’s kind of hard to keep myself in check when I can’t bear to look at you.”
“Do you want me to put a paper bag over my head?”
Letting out a chuckle mixed with a sob, I ask, “Did you just make a joke?”
He raises an eyebrow and shrugs. “Yeah, I guess I did.” He smirks then shakes his head as if he’s lost in thought before saying, “For what it’s worth, he does love you.”
My eyes blur again with more tears, and I honestly claim, “If you love someone, you don’t hurt them or lie to them.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Savvy.” He pauses, and I wait for him to finish. “Love makes people do stupid shit, and it’s usually the ones we love that hurt us the most.”
Glancing away, I can’t deny he’s right. Love is such a fickle thing. It does make us do crazy things we never thought we would, and it also hurts that much more when the ones we love hurt us in return. Even with knowing this and agreeing with Cason, I still don’t know how to move on from this. The hurt is too real, raw, and only time will tell if I’ll be able to forgive Caden.
I honestly I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get over this.
The next morning, I find Cason in the kitchen drinking coffee. He never utters a word as he moves to the cabinet above him and hands me a mug. Taking it from him, I make myself a strong brew. “How did you sleep?” he asks.
Pressing the start button on the Keurig, I lean against the counter as it spits out coffee. “Like shit. I tossed and turned all night.” It was the worst sleep I’ve ever had, and I know it was from everything that went down last night. I just had so much on my mind that I couldn’t turn it off long enough to rest. “Did you get any rest?”
“Not really.”
Noticing my coffee is finished, I grab the cup and forgo adding anything. I need it to be as strong as possible today. Raising my mug, I say, “Thank God for coffee.”
Cason huffs out in response and gazes down in his mug like it holds all the answers to the world. He’s quiet for so long I almost forget he’s standing in the kitchen with me. “What are you plannin’ to do about this?” he asks, and I snap my gaze to him.
Not really knowing what to say, I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know. A part of me wants to go back to Florida, but then again I want to talk to Shelby first. Plus I don’t want to up and leave you high and dry at the gym.” I refuse to think about Caden. I just … I can’t go there right now.
“Whatever you decide, you’ll always have a place to work at my gym. Don’t worry about that.” Hearing a knock at the door, Cason slowly sets his mug down as I wonder who is here. My stomach drops thinking it’s Caden, but why would he knock at his own apartment? When he glances at me, he says, “Here’s your chance to talk to Shelby.”
“You called her?” He only nods as he walks out of the kitchen, and I follow him toward the front door.
Holding onto my coffee mug tightly as he opens the door, Shelby walks inside and her eyes instantly find mine. I won’t lie. I’m nervous as hell about this. It’s one thing to think she and I are just friends, but now we both know we’re sisters. This is so out of my comfort zone, and I have no clue how to act, feel, or what to even think. “I’m goin’ to run some errands, but if y’all need anything just call.”
“Thanks, Cas,” Shelby says, and I let out a nervous sigh when he leaves. Setting my mug down on the coffee table, I turn to her wondering what to say. “So,” she starts. Glancing around the room, I wonder why it’s suddenly so awkward. It’s not like I haven’t talked to her before, and every time we’ve been around each other, it was easy to fall into conversation. “Am I the only one that’s a bit freaked out about this?”
Letting out a small laugh, I say, “No. I’m feeling it too.”
“I have to say, I’m still reelin’ about all this. I had no idea I had a sister.” She looks away, and I frown seeing the hurt in her eyes when she looks back up. “If I had known, I would’ve found you sooner.”
“It’s not your fault. No one knew but one person.”
“My, I mean our mother,” she adds. Technically Caleb and Caden knew, but if our mother hadn’t made me into a dirty little secret none of this would be happening. Nodding, all my words leave me once more, and I’m surprised when she walks over and wraps her arms around me. It takes me a few seconds before I return her hug because I wasn’t expecting it. “I’m sorry, Savannah. I wish I had known before.”
Pulling back, I notice tears forming in her eyes. “It’s okay, Shelby. I’m not mad at you or anything like that. I know you had no idea.”
She wipes away a tear before it falls down her cheeks as she says, “It’s just so fucked up you know?” Taking her hand, I squeeze tightly letting her know I’m here. “My mother, shit sorry. Our mother. It’s goin’ to take a while to get used to sayin’ our.” She and I chuckle because I can only imagine how strange this is for her too. “It just seems like our mother just keeps messin’ with my life, and now she’s added you into the mix. It’s not fair, and I’m so pissed she didn’t tell me about you. All this time you’ve been missin’ from my life and I had no clue.”
I completely understand where she’s coming from. When I found out I was adopted, I was so consumed with finding my birth mother, and I never dreamed of having a sister out there just living her life. I had no clue this was in the plans for me. “It’s not fair, and I wish we could turn back time and get all the years that were stolen from us, but,” she gazes at me as I finish. “Now we have all the time in the world to be sisters, and trust me when I say, there won’t be anything stopping me from it.”
She smiles then claims, “I knew I liked you for a reason.” Grinning widely, I feel a rush of pride flow through me knowing I’ve made my sister happy. That’s still weird to think, but it’s the truth. “I’m glad I finally have the chance to know you, Savvy. Even though it didn’t come out the way it should’ve, I’m still glad to finally know.”
“Yeah, me too.” Looking away, I know she’s referring to Caden. My heart painfully clenches thinking about what he’s done and how badly he’s hurt me.
“Shit, I’m sorry. It’s too soon to bring that up.”
“It’s alright,” I honestly say. “I knew it was bound to come up sooner or later.”
She rubs my shoulder, and I appreciate her comforting touch. It is nice to know I have not only her now, but I have Cason here if I need to lean on them. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Sucking in a breath, I shake my head as I say, “Not really. I’m still so angry about it, and I don’t feel like crying anymore.”
“I have an idea,” she claims, and her eyes light up. “Why don’t you get your things, and we’ll drop them off at my house. I want to take you somewhere.”
Grabbing her hand as she starts to walk toward Caden’s room, I ask, “Are you sure? I don’t want to impose on you and Carter.”
“It’s fine, I promise. Carter was the one that mentioned it before I came over. So let’s get packin’, sis.” She winks at me, and I can’t help but smile. It’s like she knows just what to say to make everything better, and when she motions me to follow her, I do so without a word.
Shelby pulls into a driveway, and I sit up straighter seeing the small two-story yellow house. Wondering where we are, I glance around the yard seeing tons of bright colored flowers decorating it. Turning to Shelby as she turns off her car, I ask, “Where are we?”
She smiles brightly as she says, “You’ll see. Come on. I want to introduce you to my family.” Not knowing what to think, I unbuckle my seatbelt and get out of the car. Taking a deep breath, I push down my nerves and follow her toward the house. I wonder why she brought me here. Am I going to meet more of my family too? Making it to the front door, Shelby doesn’t bother to knock. Walking in behind her, she calls out, “Annie? Where are you hidin’?”
A petite woman with gray hair walks around the corner, and I know I’ve seen her before. Unable to place where I’ve met her, she smiles at Shelby and her honey brown eyes glance to me. “Well isn’t this a wonderful surprise.”
Shelby turns back to me and places an arm around my shoulder as she asks, “Annie, do you remember Savannah? You met her at Caleb’s welcome home party.”
My gaze locks with Annie as it clicks into place. I do remember meeting the sweet and very motherly Annie a couple weeks ago. It seems like so much time has passed since then. “I do remember,” Annie says. “I could never forget such a beautiful girl.”
My face warms at her compliment. “Thank you.”
“No need to thank me, honey. Y’all hungry? I’m about to make some lunch.”
Annie turns around to walk into the kitchen, but she stops when Shelby says, “Annie, I need to tell you somethin’.”
Annie immediately turns around with wide eyes. “Oh goodness. No one is hurt are they?”
I smile as Shelby lets out a laugh. “No, Annie. Everyone is fine. In fact,” Shelby stops and turns her gaze to me. Wondering what she’s up to, I glance between her and Annie. “I just wanted to drop by and introduce you to my sister.”
With wide eyes, I look at a very shocked Annie. She’s holding a hand to her chest as she says, “Well I’ll be.” Annie doesn’t ask how we’re sisters or anything of the sort. She walks right up to me and Shelby steps away from me as Annie wraps her small arms around me. Hugging her back, I’m a little surprised at her reaction. When she pulls back, she has tears in her eyes. “Welcome to the family, sweetie. Oh we have to tell William,” she exclaims proudly and turns to go find him.
“I hope you’re ready for a lot of huggin’,” Shelby says quietly.
Watching Annie rush out of the house, I ask her, “Are they my family too?”
Shelby shrugs and explains. “Technically no. But just because they aren’t blood-related doesn’t mean they aren’t family. Annie and William took care of me pretty much half my life, and I consider them my parents.” Waving her hand back and forth, she adds, “It’s a long story.”
Before I can ask what she means or to explain more since I know a bit about the situation, Annie comes back inside with William right on her heels. I recall talking with William some at Caleb’s party, and I smile noticing the height difference between him and Annie. She sort of looks like a midget compared to him. “What’s all the commotion about?” He asks.
“Just hold onto your horses,” Annie says as she looks to me then Shelby.
William waits for someone to tell him why I’m here and why Annie is so excited. “I’m not gettin’ any younger,” he declares when no one speaks up.
Shelby glances to me, and I take it she wants me to tell him. Feeling a bit nervous, I suck in a breath before saying, “I’m Shelby’s sister.”
“No kiddin’?” His expression is the same as Annie’s was. Nothing but pure shock and surprise. William glances to Shelby then to me before he says, “I thought y’all looked alike when I met you before.” He smiles at me, and I can’t explain why but I feel as if they are my family too. Maybe it’s the way Annie and William are looking at me with nothing but love in their eyes. Maybe it’s because I know Shelby says they’re her family. Either way, my heart warms when he says, “Well get over here and give me a hug.”
Grinning widely, I don’t hesitate to do just that. He embraces me tightly and all the hurt I felt before coming here, eases just a bit. It’s still there, but having Shelby’s family welcome me with open arms makes everything seem just a bit better than before. When William lets me go, Annie hugs me once more. Squeezing her tightly, she whispers so low that only I can hear her. “I’m so happy you and Shelby found each other.” Not knowing what to say when she pulls away, I give her a smile and nod letting her know I heard her. “How about some food?”
“Why are you always tryin’ to fatten us up?” Shelby asks, and I let out a laugh.
“Food is the cure for everythin’, and I happen to like feedin’ y’all,” Annie says back.
“I know I’m not complainin’,” William says to them as he rubs his belly.
“Well,” Annie starts. “Y’all take a seat, and I’ll whip us up somethin’.”
Shelby nods her head toward the table, and I follow her. She and I sit next to each other as William sits on the other side by Shelby. Annie busies herself with making lunch, and a calmness washes over me when I hear her humming. “I have to ask you, Savannah,” William starts, and I glance over to him. “Are you still with that heathen Caden?”
My stomach drops hearing his name and thankfully Shelby cuts in. “We aren’t talkin’ about him, William.”
“What did he do now? Do I need to get my shotgun out?”
“William,” Annie warns.
I hold back a laugh hearing the seriousness in his tone, but it is nice to know he’s willing to risk jail time for me. Even if he doesn’t know me, he’s already showing me he takes care of his own. “How about we don’t kill my fiancé’s brother just yet,” Shelby states.
“I won’t kill him. Just want to scare him a bit.”
Shelby gives William a pointed look before saying, “I think we should let them figure things out before any of us interfere.”
William looks to me when he declares, “If you need me to ruff him up a bit, I will. My offer will never expire.”
“I appreciate that. And I might take you up on that offer,” I say with a wink.
Shelby leans over, and I hold back a laugh when she says, “Don’t encourage him. He’s dead serious.”
For the next hour, I find I really enjoy being around Annie and William. I can totally see why Shelby considers them family. They have no idea who I am, but yet they’ve opened up their home and their arms to me. They’ve made me feel as if I am a part of their family within moments of being here, and I can see myself wanting to stay here. I can see and feel the love they have for one another, and I hope one day they give me the same love.
For so long I’ve felt like an outsider, even with my own family. But being here with Shelby, my sister, and her family makes me finally feel complete. The only thing that’s missing is the one person I don’t know if I can ever face again.
Caden Harlow.
After helping Annie clean up the kitchen, Shelby wanted to show me her favorite hangout. Following her out to the backyard, I squint when the sun shines in my eyes. “You’re goin’ to love this,” Shelby says as she looks back to me.
Taking her word for it, I tag along with her until we reach a treehouse. “Wow,” I exclaim. “How old is this thing?”
Shelby looks up with her hands on her hips as she answers. “It’s pretty old. William built it for me and the Harlow boys. We use to play up there all the time when we were kids.” Glancing away from her, I look up and wonder if she wants to climb up there. “Come on. I want to show you the inside.”
“Uh … Shel?” She turns back to me as I ask, “Are you sure it’s safe?” It doesn’t look very safe to climb, and I’m not sure how I feel about sitting inside a very old treehouse.
She laughs and shakes her head then says, “I know you don’t want me to mention Caden, but he once said the same thing.” Trying to act like it doesn’t bother me hearing his name, I take a deep breath. “I promise it’s safe. Carter and I still come up here sometimes.”
“Ew … Shel. I do not want to know that.”
“We don’t do that up there,” she claims with a huge grin.
“I don’t know. With the look on your face, it tells me all I need to know.”
She shakes her head but doesn’t say anything. Watching her as she starts to climb the makeshift ladder, she turns back to me. “Are you comin’?”
Pushing out a breath, I say a little prayer hoping I don’t fall to my death. “I’m right behind you.” Shelby grins widely then begins to climb again. I follow behind her, but I’m much slower. I take the wooden ladder carefully because I don’t want to slip and fall. Not to mention, I’m a little worried the wood will somehow come out of the tree, and I’d rather not die at twenty-two. Looking up, I notice Shelby is gazing down at me through an opening in the floor above me, and once I reach the hole she helps me up. Taking a look around, my heart pounds seeing how high up we are. Seeing the neighbor’s yard, my hand shakes as I move to grab the railing. “Shit. I didn’t realize how high up this was.”
“I know,” Shelby says, and I glance to her seeing her bright smile. “It’s great isn’t it?”
Raising my eyebrows, I claim, “I guess so. Unless you’re afraid of falling to your death that is.”
She lets out a laugh before saying, “I used to love coming here. I felt as if I could escape all the worries and problems of my life when I was up this high.” I frown seeing her smile fade, and I wonder what she’s thinking about. Whatever it is, it seems it still haunts her. “Let’s go inside,” she says, and I don’t say anything as I follow her once more. We both have to duck as we walk inside, but once we’re clear of the door frame, we both stand tall. Glancing around the room, I smile seeing the knickknacks of her childhood. A few bean bags sit in the corner behind some old horror posters, and I pick up to look at the mixtapes sitting on a shelf. There are even some old army men toys lined up by the tapes. “This was my safe place,” Shelby says as she sits on one of the beanbags and looks around the room. “It’s like comin’ home every time I come up here.”
Setting the tapes back down, I take a seat next to her. “I have to say, I’m impressed. Not only because we haven’t fallen to our deaths yet, but because I can see why you love this place too much. It’s cool.”
We both let out a chuckle then she says, “It’s too bad you couldn’t be here when William built it. It’s a little worn out now, but this place holds so many memories.”
I can’t help but think Shelby is holding something back. She keeps looking off into the distance as if she remembers things from her past, and I can’t decide if they’re good things or not. “Will you tell me about them?”
She turns to me with a wide smile as she nods. “Well there’s so many. I don’t know where to begin.”
“What’s the first one that comes to mind?” I want to know more about her and her life. I have so much to catch up on, and this seems like the way to go about it.
“Let’s see,” she starts and looks up at the ceiling. “Oh I know.” When she glances back to me, she says, “Carter and I lost our virginity up here.”
“You’re lying,” I say in disbelief.
“I’m not.” She giggles. “It happened right over there,” she says as she points toward the only window in the room. “It was awful. We had no clue what we were doin’, and it hurt so bad.”
Unable to hold back a laugh, I glance away from the spot she’s looking at and try to put the picture of her and Carter out of my mind. “Yeah, my first time wasn’t that great either. Why didn’t anyone warn us how bad it would be?”
“I honestly have no idea.” Laughing with her once more, her laughter slowly stops. “Can I ask you somethin’?”
“Of course.”
“How was your childhood?”
Her question catches me off guard for a moment, but I quickly recover. “It was wonderful. My mom and dad were the best. They used to take me to the beach, and they were very loving. To be honest, I feel like an asshole for how I’ve been acting toward them since they told me I was adopted.” Shelby doesn’t say anything as I continue, and it feels good to be able to talk about my family again. I miss them like crazy, and even if I found my blood family with Shelby, I wish my parents were here to meet her too. “I was sixteen when they told me, and I didn’t react to the news very well. I thought they had lied to me for so long, and some part of me thought since I was adopted, that meant I didn’t belong with them.”
“I understand not feelin’ as if you belong. I’ve dealt with that all my life.”
“It’s not a good feeling. I hated that I felt that way, which is why I fought so hard to find our mother.”
She nods in understanding, and she’s quiet for a while before she finally says, “I’m glad you had such loving parents, Savvy. Trust me, you do not want to change who your parents are.”
Frowning, I wonder what she means. “Can you tell me what you mean by that?”
She sighs deeply as she looks away and I suddenly wish I hadn’t asked. “Let’s just say our mother won’t ever be winnin’ mother of year awards. I’m sure Caden and Cason have told you our mother isn’t someone you want to be around, and they’re right. She wasn’t lovin’, not in the slightest. Our mother is who she is, and she’ll never change. She’s a very selfish woman, Savvy. Which is why I’ve clung to Annie, William, and the entire Harlow family. They were there when our mother starved me, let me go days without a bath, and was downright hateful.” Reaching over, I grab her hand and squeeze tightly. I had no idea how different our childhoods were, and it makes my heart hurt knowing that our mother was so different than I thought. “Anyway I’m still tryin’ to keep all that in the past, but I want you to know that Caden was tryin’ to keep you away from that.” Glancing away, I don’t know what to say. “I’m not sayin’ what he did was right by any means,” she says and lets out a small sigh as she continues. “I understand why he did what he did because I’ve lived through that kind of hurt. He loves you, Savannah.”
“I don’t know if I can believe that.”
“Why not? Isn’t it obvious?”
“To a point yes,” I pause as I try to get my emotions under control. I suddenly feel all the hurt he’s caused blubbing up, and it threatens to take over. “I’ve just been looking for so long for our mother, and now I know who she is and that I have a sister. It wasn’t right or fair to either one of us that he decided to keep all this a secret.”
“I know. I really do get it from both sides. And I wish Caden hadn’t lied to either one of us.” She lets out a sigh before saying, “The only way I think you’ll understand is if you meet her.”
“What?” She can’t mean what I think she does.
“I think,” she says with a heavy sigh. “I think it’ll be good for you to see for yourself how our mother is, and maybe then you’ll understand why Caden did what he did.”
Staring at her, I wonder if this is a good idea. But knowing how badly I want to meet her, I don’t really give myself a chance to think it over even knowing Caden, Cason, and Shelby is clearly warning me away. “You would do that for me?”
“Yes. Because you’re my sister, and in this family, you’ll also see we’ll do anythin’ we can to protect you and give you everythin’ you need.”
“Thank you.”
Shelby shakes her head and lets my hand go as she stands. “Don’t thank me just yet, Savvy.” Ignoring her warning once again, I nod. I can’t deny I’m excited to finally meet my birth mother, and I’ll finally get the answers I want.
The thing is I hope the answers I desperately crave are the ones I want to hear.