Chapter Twelve – Will

“What the fuck is this?” I moan angrily while I toss my head back in dismay. “This is getting ridiculous now.”

Andre huffs and shakes his head. “Well, I guess we now know that it’s definitely you they want.”

I scan my eyes through the pictures with ice cold blood racing through my system. This is bullshit, this is really fucking freaky. I’ve seen all kinds of weird shit while I’ve been a cop, and of course I’ve had terrible things said to me along the way. When arresting people, I get threatened all the time, I get called all the names under the sun, but this is something else. This is photographs of me living my everyday life, just going to the shops and leaving the police station, drinking in a bar and talking to an acquaintance on the street. There isn’t anything written on the pictures, there’s no note with them, it’s just a stone cold threat and I know that it’s from him.

Kingpin is watching me. He wants me to know that he has every move of mine under surveillance. I wonder why. I wonder why just me. I’m not the only one on this mission, there’s lots of us. This is weird.

“What the hell are we going to do about this?” I ask while rubbing my eyes. “How can we stop it?”

Andre gives me a helpless shrug. “I don’t know if we can stop it. I mean, we can have guys watching you all the time for back up in case something does go awry…” He catches me shaking my head. “No? Why no?”

“I don’t want more people watching me. I want less people seeing my every move. Plus, if this asshole was going to put a bullet in my brain, don’t you think he’d have done it already? Look at these pictures. He’s had plenty of chance to do so. No, I don’t think more people is a good plan. That might be what he wants.”

I wish I knew what he wanted. That’s something I would love. Just to get a true insight into this guy’s mind. I’d love to know what he’s thinking and why. This isn’t just about the drugs anymore. It might have started out that way, but now I think it’s about control. He wants to have the power over me, he wants to control my life. But why? What’s the point? What benefit does he get from it? Unless he’s a sicko who gets off on it.

“Maybe we should just ignore it then?” Andre asks me curiously. “Don’t let him get to you.”

“Hmmm.” That doesn’t feel quite right either. “No, there’s got to be a message in these photographs, some sort of real warning. Maybe…” I scan through them again. “Look, there’s pictures of me at some of the locations I scanned the other day. But not at the business park at the edge of the park. Look. And I was there for ages.”

“Hmm. That’s true.” Andre nods slowly. “But maybe they got bored of you by then. What were you even doing there anyway? When it was a junkie yard most of the warehouses were abandoned, but now it’s pretty much thriving again. That guy who bought the land has done a really good job of reviving it.”

I shrug my shoulders, pretty much ignoring him. The idea is forming in my brain that this is exactly where I need to be looking. I scanned the buildings that were suspicious at all, but now I’m thinking that I wasn’t thorough enough. I only gave it a half hearted once over. I need to go back there, maybe even with a search warrant and a team. I mean, I'll have to find a good enough reason to get the funding for that, but this could work.

“I better be careful as well. Oh, and you better say the same to Landon and the others. Basically, anyone that you’re close to.” My confused eyes snap towards Andre. “We’ve seen this before, if the guys can’t get to you they’ll start targeting other people in your life. They might not, but you should warn people. Just in case.”

I scan through my brain, flicking through everyone in my rolodex, until all of a sudden, I stop. There’s one face that really sticks in my mind, one person who I really fear might get hurt in all of this. If this guy is going for me, he’s far less likely to go for my friends and co workers than he is someone I’m actually into.

Cici. I cannot have Kingpin going after Cici. She’s unassuming and unsuspecting. Plus, she’d be easy to get. She’s a school teacher, very easy to find, and also simple to attack too. We haven’t been dating for long enough for that. She’s not even my girlfriend yet, and much as I’d quite like her to be, if there’s potential danger in the air then maybe I should pull back. I should let her go so she can be free. Even if there’s a deep animalistic growl inside of me that desperately wants to hold her and protect her, I have to resist. For her sake. I like her enough to want to keep her away from all of this. She’s definitely too naïve to deal with Kingpin.

“Hmm, yeah maybe I will,” I reply quietly. “That might be for the best. It’s only just in case anyway.”

“Yeah, exactly. Just for a short while. We’re getting into this now, we’ll be at the bottom of it soon.”

“Hmm, sure.” I wish I could be as confident as Andre but I just don’t see it. It doesn’t feel like we’re any nearer than we were when all of this started out. “Thank God my parents don’t like here anymore.”

“Pfft yeah, that would send your mother into a tailspin. Can you imagine?” I laugh mirthlessly, trying to get in on the joke. He’s only trying to lighten the mood. “So, that’s one benefit. Not that there’s much good about all of this. We need to come up with a plan of action for the next few steps, don’t you think…”

Andre talks to me but I tune him out and I stare at the pictures once more. With each one, I try to put myself in the place of the photographer, and it’s a miracle that I didn’t see this guy. Was I so wrapped up in my own thing that I wasn’t paying attention? That’s just about the most dangerous thing I could do. The next time it might not be a camera lens facing me, it might be a gun. I have to be much more aware in future. It’s essential.

***

“I’m sorry,” I say guiltily to Cici. “I don’t mean to be this way, but I’m stuck in the office again.”

“Oh no, I totally understand, I just miss you is all.” She’s so trusting, it makes me feel even worse for lying to her. “I hope that you’re okay, and please call or text me when you get the chance okay?”

I huff loudly, wishing that I could just demand she come over to be in my arms. I hate sitting on this couch without her. I have to keep reminding myself over and over again this is for her benefit only, not mine. I have to do this. I have to keep her safe. The past week has been a nightmare, photographs are pouring through the door of the police station every single day, and they’re all centered on me. Andre is right too, Kingpin’s started including images of other people in my life too. Other cops, people I see on the street, friends… it’s further proof that I need to keep away from her. I can’t see her in one of the photographs, it’d kill me.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll call you. I don’t know when I’ll be free though because I’m in the middle of the biggest break through ever with regards to this case. I can’t stop now or it all might fall apart.”

“No, no, I understand.” Her words are positive but her tone much less so. “I know you’ve been working on it for a while. Years, isn’t it? I don’t want to get in the way if you’re close to solving it. Just, be careful.”

Her words touch me deep. I’m blowing her off and she’s still being nice to me. It sucks that Kingpin’s ruining the one shot at an actual relationship that I’ve ever had. I hate him even more now. I’m not letting Cici go completely, and she’s not giving me up either, but eventually she’ll get bored. If all of this lasts another year she’ll never stick around and I can’t blame her. Why wouldn’t she want to move on?

“I will. I’ll… yeah, I’ll be careful.” Urgh, I hate myself. So much. “You look after yourself as well.”

“Okay, sure, I will.” She sounds sad, maybe even heart broken. “Speak to you soon. Goodbye.”

I hope the hell my phone hasn’t been tapped. I don’t know how to bring up that she might need to watch her back. That’ll really freak her out I can just see her getting irrationally worried already. I don’t want that for her.

As I hang up the phone, I fell awful. I don’t usually make a habit of drinking after work but I head straight into the kitchen and I grab myself a tumbler to pour some whiskey into it. I need to dull the pain. I might not have known Cici for long but losing her is agony. I despise pushing her away. I don’t want to think about her sad little face as I reject her once more. She might already be falling onto massive hate with me.

Once I’ve poured the amber liquid into the glass, I squeeze it so tight that for a moment I fear it might explode and shatter in my hand. I’m just so fucking pissed at everyone. Right now, I hate the damn world.

“Right,” I mutter to myself to give me a distraction. “Let’s read through these case files. Get something done.”

At least I haven’t totally lied. I did bring some work home with me. I’ve got everything from the last few years to scan through it all. Now that I’m stuck on this business park, I can’t get it out of my head. I know that the rest of my team don’t see what I do in it, but I can’t let it go. I just hope I’m right. If I’m not, I’m sure they’ll all think I’m crazy. It could damage my reputation completely. But I’m sure I’m right, I’m certain of it.

The words blur in front of my eyes but I don’t stop reading. I keep trying my hardest to let them soak in so I can forget about Cici, but she doesn’t go anywhere. Her red hair flicks around in the back of my brain, all I can see are her sparkly eyes, I can almost feel her soft skin between my fingers. God damn it, I miss her!

I grab my cell phone and I stare at her number, wondering how bad it’d be to just have her over once. One time wouldn’t be so bad, would it? I’ve been much more vigilant and I haven’t seen anyone around me. I’m pretty sure I’m alone tonight, so would it be so bad? The temptation itches in my finger tips, I can feel it gnawing. If only I didn’t care about her as much as I do, I would be calling her already, but I do. I care about her too much.

“Nope… work it is. Just work, that’s all I can think about right now. Work, work, work.”

I squeeze my eyes shut and I rub my head. I just need to get my eyes to focus, that’s all. So easy. So fucking easy, so why does it feel so damn hard? Why do I feel like my head’s about to explode off my head?