Chapter Twenty Two – Will

“Are you okay?” Cici asks me quietly while running her finger over me. “You look… I don’t know, upset?”

Her tone makes me squeeze my eyes shut in temper. I don’t want to deal with her inane questions right now. Not when something has just popped into my brain. A small slither of a clue. The laundry mat, the pharmaceutical company, the industrial metal manufacturer, the box cutting factory… I already know that it’s all linked, but how? It might not be an umbrella company, I’ve already looked into that, but maybe there’s a shared stakeholder. Not the big guys, but a smaller stake. Someone who links it all together. I need to look into it right now…

“Do you want to talk? I think we might have some stuff to discuss, don’t you? About us, I mean…”

I snap my eyes to Cici, anger burning, “Will you just be quiet for a moment? I’ve thought of something.” Oops, that was a bit harsh, I didn’t mean to be such a dick, but I don’t want that thought to flutter from my brain. “Sorry, I just… I’ve hit onto something and I need to…” I push myself into a standing position, leaving her lying there. “I need to work it out. I really might be about to solve this.” My heart skips in my chest, I start to grow with excitement. “Oh my God, I need to get back to the office. I need to look into this now.”

I expect Cici to look excited for me, she must understand that this is amazing thing. I don’t know why she’s looking like I’ve punched her or something. I narrow my eyes and I wait for her to explain herself.

“You’re going back to work… now?” She folds her arms across her chest. “Are you serious?”

“I have to. You don’t understand. This is amazing. The quicker I shaft Kingpin, the better.”

“You have a name?” She throws her hand in the air in frustration. “You know who it is now? Because if you aren’t about to make an arrest right now, then I don’t see why it can’t wait until the morning. I don’t see why you can’t deal with it while you’re supposed to be at work. Why can’t we talk about us? Why can’t I have some time?” I can see her anger, but that doesn’t affect me. I’m the one in the right here. “Why am I never first?”

This is the reason why I never wanted to be in a relationship. I knew it would end up like this. “You knew what my job was before we dived into this. You know that I’m a cop and I’m sure that you’re aware it isn’t a nine to five job. I have to work all hours doing whatever I can. If something happens, I have to be there.”

“But you have responsibilities now. You have me and you have Jordan. You barely spend any time with your son. How many diapers have you changed since he was born? How many night feeds have you done?”

That’s a step too far, that really makes my blood boil. I forgave her for going out without telling me today, I tried my hardest to be understanding, and now she’s throwing that back in my face. We were having a nice evening, I thought that us sleeping together would put us back on the right path. I didn’t even think that things were that bad to be honest, I assumed we were both on the same page, but now I can’t stop doubting everything.

“You know why I’m putting work first at the moment,” I growl with my finger outstretched to her. “You understand why I haven’t been around much. Maybe I haven’t done a lot of the day to day stuff but I’m trying to keep you both alive which I think is more important, actually. Not that you’re helping…”

“I wanted to see my mother!” Tears fill her eyes and I do feel bad, but not enough to back down. “I’m sorry but you have no idea how lonely this life is. I don’t have work, I can’t go out, I don’t have any adult conversation most days. This isn’t easy for me at all and I made one mistake. That’s it. I just wanted to see my mom.”

“But now your mom knows, your auntie knows, your cousin knows…”

“Annabelle? Oh God, I did ask Auntie Mary not to say anything…”

“Well, according to Landon, she isn’t impressed, and I’m sure she won’t keep her gob shut either.”

“But Kingpin knows about me anyway. He’s always known so it hardly matters.”

“Hardly matters?” Fucking hell, this is ridiculous. “It’s you and my son, your lives are at stake.”

Cici snorts and shakes her head. I have a terrible feeling that if I allow this to carry on, she’ll walk out on me again and we’ll be back to square one. I don’t want this one fight to end up ruining us.

“Look, I really do have to go. I need to explore this lead further. We should both take some time apart and calm down then we can talk about this a bit more. Okay?” I shake my head. “I can’t argue about this.”

“You can’t argue… I see. Well, I guess we should just leave it then. Let it fester.”

Cici collapses down and turns her head away from me. She doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, and I don’t either. This isn’t going to get anywhere. I grab my clothes, yank them back on, and I walk purposely towards the door. I shoot one glass backwards and see the thick tears falling down her face before I turn and I walk out the door. It’s fine, we can get through this. It’ll be okay in the end. It has to be.

“Sorry,” I mutter under my breath, too quiet for Cici to hear me. “I know, I’m fucking useless.”

***

I sigh deeply, taking a moment to stare up at the dark night sky by the time I finally leave the office. I’ve done a lot, it’s been successful, now I just need to wait for the final lists of stakeholders to come in before I can take my next step, so I’m glad I came. Now, I’m going to have to face the consequences of my decision as I return back home to the argument that I allowed to fester earlier on. It’s really going to suck.

This is why being single is easier, I think, yearning back to when my life was much simpler. I don’t have anyone to answer to, I don’t have to worry about causing offence, I can just have a lot of fun.

With a deep breath, I make a snap decision and I head in the opposite direction to my apartment. I just can’t face it yet, I don’t want to deal with Cici’s sad face. I just want to take a moment to go back to a simpler time when I could get rid of my work stress by heading to a bar for booze and a stranger. I really didn’t have to talk about things then. I could even pretend to have a different job, if I wanted to. I smile to myself, remembering the fake names I gave, the false job titles, the lies I made up about my past. I’m sure a lot of the girls knew that I wasn’t being honest because they have an idea about who I am, but they went with it anyway.

I slam the door open to the Stag’s Head bar and my face lights up as I see the familiar bar maid there. “Hello, Rose.” She’s older, in her forties, and married to a very buff man, but a good laugh. She knows what I’m like and it amuses her. I haven’t seen her for a fair while, which I suppose is because I’ve been so busy. “How’s things?”

“Oh, my goodness. It’s Will Yoker.” She gasps in mock surprise. “I thought that you’d vanished off the face of the planet.” She grabs a glass and pours my usual. “Where on earth have you been?”

“Oh, well.” I sink into a bar stool and grip onto my forehead. “Work’s been crazy, you know?”

She slides the drink to me and gives me a sympathetic look. “I heard about your partner. I’m sorry about it.”

When anyone else brings Andre up I get this tense twisty feeling in my chest, but in Rose’s smooth voice it doesn’t feel quite as painful. I suppose it’s because she knows me, and she knows to be straight forward.

“Yeah, well.” I shrug and take a swig. “It sucks. He was a fucking good guy. One of the best.”

Rose nods slowly and grabs a shot glass. She pours a tequila into it and gives it to me. I suck it back without even asking and allow the burn to rage in my throat, reminding me that I’m still alive. Maybe I shouldn’t be, but I am. I’m here, and I have a fucking job to do. Why can’t Cici understand that?

“Hey there, handsome.” I jump as I feel a pair of hands resting on my shoulders. “Long time no see.”

I twist around to see a busty blonde standing in front of me. Judging by the very familiar smile on her face, she’s someone that I know. Potentially even someone that I’ve been with before. I scan through the rolodex of memories in my brain but she isn’t flashing up. But I can’t tell her that right now.

“Er, yeah, hi.” I force a fake smile onto my face. “Good to see you again.”

She flings her arms around me and pushes her boobs into my face. I wait for the familiar stirring in my pants which comes with a gorgeous chick around me, but it doesn’t come. I don’t know what I’d do with it anyway, but it’s weird to feel uncomfortable. I’m definitely not myself anymore. All of this has changed me.

“So, how have you been? Is work good?” She cocks her head and looks at me. “What is it you do again?”

I don’t know her name, never mind what I told her. The old me would’ve spun another lie, I’d have smoothed over the cracks and been back at hers in a moment. But this isn’t the old me. I don’t even want this conversation.

“Er, yeah.” I sink the rest of my drink, chuck a note on the table, and I give Rose a grateful look. “I have to get back to work actually. But, yeah, it’s good to see you again. I might see you soon.”

“Oh, don’t go.” She pouts out her bottom lip playfully, but I can see the deep lust in her eyes. What she wants is completely obvious. “We’re only just getting reacquainted. There’s still so much to… discuss.”

It’s not even tempting, and that’s because of Cici. Even if I don’t feel ready to see her, knowing that she’s at home makes me feel much safer and happier. “No, I really must go. I will see you. Goodbye.”

She huffs out spitefully, which only confirms that I’m doing the right thing. It’s really time to leave.

What the fuck is going on here? I can’t go home, I don’t have any reason to be at work, and I can’t stay here either. I feel lost. I stuff my hands into my pockets and I walk aimlessly. My head spins as I go. I really need to be more of a man than this. I’ve created a mess at my apartment and I need to go back and sort it. I shouldn’t be skulking around in the dark, avoiding things like a teenager. Especially not with Kingpin around.

Maybe he’ll seize this opportunity and attack me. Maybe he’ll come for me now and finally reveal who he is. At least I still have my gun holstered by my side in case, because if he does I’m going to put an end to this, no questions asked. Once he’s gone, I can finally have a life again.