I’ve been given a few days off. More like mandatory days off because I didn’t ask for them. Staying at Aiden’s apartment probably isn’t the best idea, but I don’t want to be alone at night just yet. Having his arms wrapped around me the last couple nights has made me feel more at peace than I’ve been in a long time. Just this morning I’ve received at least five texts from him checking to make sure I’m okay.
I’m fine.
More than fine.
Too fine.
What’s there to not be fine about? Lexi’s safe. I’m safe. Oh, well, maybe it’s the fact that I killed someone a few nights ago. Someone I thought I knew. Someone who was going to rape me.
I shouldn’t be fine. That’s why I have an appointment with Dr. Price today, at the suggestion of the department, Aiden, Sydney, and every freaking one else.
Okay, people, I’m going!
I’m always going. I already have a standing monthly appointment with her. I think I paid for that new Jaguar she bought a couple months ago. When I tease her about it, she laughs awkwardly. See, even she knows I come a lot, she just won’t admit it.
Therapy days seem never ending. I’m tired, starving, and ready to relax. When my cab drops me off, I notice Aiden’s beamer at the curb in front of his apartment. Hmm, that’s weird. I wonder where he went today that he needed his car. Walking into the apartment, the smell of Chinese food greets me.
I can feel Aiden’s eyes on me before I know where he is. I turn around after putting my stuff down on the entry table and find him in the kitchen. He’s leaning against the counter drinking a beer, his emerald green eyes pinned on me. My whole body tingles as I drink in his gorgeous body.
“Hey,” I say softly.
“Hi,” he replies, flashing a sexy, half grin. “Want some wine?”
“Some? I’ll take the whole bottle, please.” I sigh as I walk over to him.
Instead of grabbing my wine, he sets down his beer and pulls me into his hard body. I settle between his legs as his arms bind my upper body to his chest. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I melt into him. He presses his lips to the top of my head, resting them there. The love I feel through his touch, floods through me. My broken heart and body that I thought would never be whole again … I can feel it mending. Coming back to life with just his touch.
“Want to talk about it?” he murmurs.
I inhale a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “No,” I say somberly. “I’ve done enough talking about it today.”
“Addison …” He pauses for a moment. “I know what it’s like to kill a person. Taking someone’s life changes you. Please talk to me,” he says, pulling back so he can see my face.
When I look up at him, his eyes are pleading. “I will. Just not tonight.” I sigh, looking down. He places a soft kiss on my head again, steps out of our hold, and grabs my wine.
“Hungry?” he asks, nodding in the direction of the food.
“Very.”
After dinner, Aiden suggests watching a movie, so I grab some pillows and a blanket while he sets it up. Glancing out his bedroom window, I remember his car being out front.
“Aiden,” I say, walking out of the bedroom, “what is your car doing out front?” A mischievous smile crosses his face. I tilt my head and raise my eyebrows. “What are you up to?”
He laughs. “You’re too observant.”
I shake my head. “Um, you do know what I do for a living, right?” I giggle, laying the pillows and blankets on the couch.
“Well … since you’re off for the next few days, and tomorrow is the weekend, I thought we’d do something.”
“Something …?” I narrow my eyes.
“Will I ever be able to surprise you?”
“More than likely not,” I say, wrinkling my nose.
“Fine. Have it your way, spoil sport.” He laughs, poking me in the nose. “We’re leaving in the morning. You, Sydney, Damon, and I are all going skydiving.”
I squeal and jump into his arms, not even caring that I spoiled the surprise. He falls back on the couch with me straddling him. Not being able to contain my giddiness, I wiggle my ass in excitement, grabbing Aiden’s face with my hands.
“You are amazing,” I squeal.
Aiden’s hands grip my hips. “Sweetheart, you really need to stop that.”
I wasn’t even aware I was doing anything, but now that I am, the feel of his arousal against me causes a myriad of feelings. I gasp as heat streaks up my body at the same time my brain takes me to a place I don’t want to go.
I’m not ready.
“Sorry,” I say, jumping off of him. He grabs me and pulls me back to his side.
“That is not something to be sorry about. Ever,” he says, smirking. He leans over slowly and his lips are a whisper away from mine. My pulse increases as he remains there. Waiting for me.
The rise and fall of my chest intensifies as I close my eyes. “Open your eyes, sweetheart.” Aiden whispers. The warmth of his breath has my body shivering. I pry my eyes open. “It’s just me. The man who loves you more than anything in this world.” My eyes start to water at the depth of his words. “We won’t do anything you’re not ready for, but I want to feel your lips on mine. Meet me halfway,” he pleads, still whispering.
A lone tear falls down my face. He catches it with a kiss as soft as a feather, making my breath catch, but then returns to hovering over my lips. My resolve weakens as I lean in, our lips fusing together. I can feel Aiden’s breath hitch when I lean my body into his. The kiss is sweet and soft.
Aiden pulls back, cups my neck with his hand, and brushes his thumb across my bottom lip. He inhales sharply and brings his forehead to mine. We stay like that for a few moments before he places a kiss on my forehead and then stands up.
“I need another beer. Need more wine?” he asks quickly and heads to the kitchen. I turn to look over the couch and watch him. He adjusts himself, whispering something. I chuckle because I swear I hear him say Katie’s name.
“How was Syd’s reaction when you told her?” I ask while arranging the pillows and spreading out the blanket.
“Much like yours,” he says, shrugging, walking back to the couch.
“Well, if she jumped in your arms, too, you better not have had the same reaction you did with me.” I smirk. He sits down, handing me my wine.
“I didn’t tell her, Damon did. And I can promise you that if she did jump into his arms, I’m almost certain he’d have the same reaction.” He grabs the remote and looks over at me. “But I love that you’re jealous.” He winks and flashes his megawatt smile. I stick my tongue out and lean back into my pillow.
“Why in the world did you set up our pillows so far apart from each other?” He pouts, leaning back into his own pillow. He stares at me, waiting for an answer.
Placing my glass on the table, I shrug. “I just thought—”
He grabs both my legs and yanks me over to him. I yelp. Lying flat on my back, I look up to Aiden’s gorgeous face. One that I will never get tired of looking at.
“Well, you thought wrong,” he says, pulling me up against his chest. “I need you beside me.” He kisses my nose and then turns me around, leaning my body against him. I feel like a ragdoll being tossed around. He exhales. “That’s much better.”
“I don’t know what just happened, but you could’ve just asked me to sit next you,” I say, playfully elbowing him in the stomach.
“What fun would that have been?” he says, tickling me.
I squeal as he continues to torture me. When he stops, I breathlessly ask, “Can I grab my wine now, or are you going to manhandle me again, thinking I’m moving?”
“I like to manhandle you,” he whispers in my ear. My whole body trembles. Ugh, this is exactly why I thought it was better if I was across the couch.
“How about you manhandle the remote and turn the movie on already.” I giggle, moving to grab my wine. I empty my glass trying to drown the heat tickling deep down in my belly.
Avoiding sitting back down right away, I go to the bathroom, fill my wine back up, and turn out the lights. By the time I sit back down, I feel like I’ve seized control of my body.
But how stupid am I? Aiden wraps his arm around my waist, resting his hand on my stomach, and that control I thought I had flies out the window. As he watches the movie, he’s not even aware of how his simple touch affects me. I’m so confused right now. How can I have an incessant craving for his touch, yet when I think about having sex I start to tremble? It’s like my body is playing a really twisted game. And I’m definitely not the winner.
“Stop thinking,” he whispers.
I try to relax and watch the movie, but every time he moves, my body reacts. His thumb mindlessly rubbing my stomach. The slightest touch of his head against mine when he takes a sip of his beer. Just the feel of his chest moving from breathing has my overstimulated nerves on fire. Is there a movie playing? I wouldn’t even know because I’m so wound up.
Baby steps. My therapist says take baby steps. For the sake of my sanity I have to do something. Right now I’m so turned on that if he just said the word pussy, I’d have an orgasm. I want to grab his hand and stick it down my pants. I shiver just thinking about him touching me. I blow out a shaky breath, standing to get some air. As I stand, the effects of downing wine are apparent. I’m not sure though if it’s the wine that’s burning me or the gorgeous man staring up at me.
“What’s wrong, Addison?” I’m pacing, fanning myself.
“Be right back,” I murmur, walking to the bedroom, the wine fueling my courage.
Baby steps, it is.
There is only one thing that’s going to satiate this fire. I just hope it doesn’t fuel another one. I unzip my bag and grab a small pouch. I noticed it this morning when I was getting my stuff to take a shower. It must have been in there since we went to the beach last year. When I walk back into the living room, Aiden has paused the movie and is watching me with eagle eyes.
I sit down next to him, and I’m suddenly nervous. How do I ask him this? I inhale deeply, letting it slowly out. “So…” I pause for a second, “…I have a homework assignment.”
He raises a curious eyebrow. Grabbing his hand, I empty the little black bag’s contents in his hand. He looks at it and his tongue darts out to lick his bottom lip. Wrapping his hand around the small bullet, he looks back up to me. A salacious grin spreads across his face.
“So, what exactly is your homework assignment?”
“I’m supposed to masturbate,” I say quickly as I feel the heat of embarrassment spread over my face. I bite my lip, looking away from his grin. Shit, this just got awkward.
He cups my face with his hand, lifting it so my eyes meet his. “You sure you want my help?”
“Five minutes ago I was sure.” I let out a nervous laugh.
He leans forward. His lips brush mine and any awkward feelings I have diminish. I lean into the kiss and open for him. He moans when our tongues touch. He explores my mouth with such a soft caress as his hand runs through my hair. Nipping my bottom lip when he pulls back, he softly says, “If it gets to be too much, tell me to stop.” His eyes swirl with concern, lust, and love. I can only nod.
My breathing accelerates, not from being scared, but anticipation. He sits on the edge of the couch, lying me down. He lies to my side, head resting on his hand, and his eyes never leave mine. His hand travels painstakingly slow down my torso. As soon as his hand cups my sex, my back arches off the couch. I moan out with pleasure.
Aiden leans over and whispers in my ear, “Fuck. Still so responsive to me.”
My body shudders at his words. He moves his hand back up, moving it inside my shorts. I bite my lip, staring up into his eyes. He lowers his head and sucks on the lip I was just biting. My hips move of their own accord when Aiden’s fingers graze my clit.
My thought process becomes hazy as my body takes over, giving my mind the night off. My insides quiver when his finger skirts over my opening. The touch of his fingers are light, yet they have a purpose. His eyes stay glued to mine. It’s hard for me to keep my eyes open as the feelings rush through me. A feeling I’ve missed. A feeling I took for granted before. A feeling I thought I never would get back.
I can feel the wetness pooling as his finger’s pressure intensifies. I’m practically humping his hand, wishing he’d just get inside me.
“Aiden,” I plead. He slightly nods and smiles.
When his finger finally presses inside of me, I moan loudly. His fingers tease in and out of me. When I feel the vibration of the bullet on my clit, my body starts convulsing almost immediately.
“Oh, God! Aiden,” I scream and contract around his fingers, and he lets out a moan. My nails are digging into his muscular arms as I hold on through my release. I feel lightheaded and my breaths are erratic. He kisses me like he’s trying to breathe for me. Deep and passionate.
I did it. Well, I didn’t do it, Aiden did. I giggle to myself. The post orgasmic haze starts to clear, and I open my eyes to find Aiden staring intently at me.
“Thanks,” I say softly.
“Sweetheart, any … and I mean any time,” he chuckles, leaning down and pressing his lips to mine in a sweet kiss. When he leans down, the feel of his hard bulge rubbing against my leg has my body humming already. The need to satisfy him has me pushing him on his back, straddling him.
His eyebrow arches as he watches me in silence. My hands rub his taut chest, slowly working their way down, gliding over his muscles. When my fingers gently slide beneath the waistband of his underwear, his hand stops me.
“Addison, you don’t need to do this. Tonight was about helping you,” he says sternly.
“You’re right, it is about me. About me taking back control. And right now, I want to feel you. So let me,” I softly demand.
He releases my hand and brings his hands behind his head. “By all means then, feel away. My body is your playground.” He flashes his megawatt smile, dimples on full display, and winks.
I undo his jeans, pulling them open. His hard cock presses against his black underwear. I slide my fingers underneath, brushing the tip. His growl has me looking back at his face. His breathing has accelerated and his lust-filled eyes are almost completely black with desire.
I stare into his eyes, completely mesmerized by how I can cause this gorgeous man to completely give himself to me. I wrap my hand around his cock, slowly stroking him. It’s the first time my body has felt another man since …
I freeze and squeeze my eyes shut. Begging myself not to go there. Think about Aiden. Instead, my mind takes me to a dark, musty room. The smell of cigarettes …
“Addison, open your eyes.” Aiden commands. His deep voice erases the room, bringing me back to the present. I exhale shakily and open my eyes. His hand is on top of mine, still on his cock. “Keep those beautiful blue eyes on me,” he says as he runs my hand over his still-hard dick. “Stop thinking. You are in total control here, you want to stop … we’ll stop. But it’s just me and you here right now.”
I wrap my hand around him, adding more pressure as I stroke him. I definitely don’t want to stop. As long as I stay here with him, I want this. He moans as he moves his hand off mine and slides it up my shirt. He runs his thumb over my hard nipple poking out of my bra. I lean into his touch, needing more. He licks his lips as his fingers find their way inside the cup.
Yes, please put your lips on me, I silently beg. As if he can read my mind, he sits up and yanks my shirt off. The second his mouth is sucking my breast, I arch my back, moaning out in pleasure.
The feel of his hard cock on my stomach reminds me that I was supposed to be relieving him of his needs. I bring his face up to mine, and we kiss deeply before I push him back into the couch.
“Stop distracting me.”