I hear Aiden’s front door open, and I can tell from the high-pitch squeals that Sydney has arrived. I’m just finishing zipping up my bag when she comes barreling into the bedroom.
“I can’t believe I’m going skydiving today. Eeek!” she screams. She’s called me every day, checking on me. But I haven’t talked to her since we had been told about skydiving, so I wasn’t sure what her reaction was. Her voice seems a little higher than normal today. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Syd is usually an excited person, but this is different.
Realization dawns on me. “You’re scared,” I say surprisingly. I smile wide. Sydney has never been afraid of doing things. Truth or Dare growing up, she always chose dare. She accepts things and takes them head-on. Well … maybe not some of my ridiculous stunts at trying to find bad people. She’s never quite understood my need for that.
She shakes her hands as she shifts from one foot to the other. “I’m scared to death,” she admits. “Look, I’m shaking.” She holds out her hand to show me the noticeable shaking. I grab it, holding on.
“You’ll be fine. Damon and Aiden have jumped hundreds of times. You will love it,” I say, trying to reassure her.
She waves me off. “Rationally, I know that. I’m super excited, but that’s not helping my nerves. I mean nothing like thinking I’m going to fall to my death from ten thousand feet in the air.”
“Let’s go prove you’re a real pixie and can really fly.” I laugh as I grab her hand again and pull her out of the room.
Aiden’s on the phone saying good luck to someone and then hangs up. He looks at Sydney and then back to me, and I can tell something is off.
“So, Damon got called out on a case today, so he won’t be able to go …” Well, this sucks.
“I’ve already been. Why don’t you take Sydney up,” I suggest, interrupting Aiden. I know she’s scared, but I also know she really wants to do this. I’d hate for her to miss this opportunity.
“No. I can just go next time,” Syd says, looking at me. But I can already hear the disappointment in her voice.
“Would you two be quiet and let me finish?” We both whip our heads in Aiden’s direction. “Max is going to go with Syd, so we’re still good.”
Syd lets out a small laugh. “Oh, Damon will love that.”
Turning my attention back to Syd, I cock my head to the side. “Is there a reason Damon would be upset?”
“No,” she states. “He’s always been a little territorial.” She rolls her eyes. “Anyway, he’s dating a girl he met online.”
What? I look at Aiden. His eyebrow raises. This must be news to him, too. He flashes a mischievous grin. Oh, shit. Damon will never hear the end of this.
I’m still secretly hoping he and Syd get together. They have a connection. And if he’s getting jealous of other guys, then he still likes her. I was thinking this weekend might help move things along, but I guess that won’t be happening.
“I don’t want to be a third wheel with y’all at the beach house.”
“You’re going. End of discussion. Let’s go,” I say, picking up my bag.
“Wow. You’re sounding more like a mom every day.” She scrunches her nose at me, picking up her bag. I don’t know why, but hearing that makes me miss Lexi. I’ve talked with her already this morning, and she’s loving every second on the ranch. Hearing her tell me that she misses me pulls at strings I’m not even aware I had. Feelings that make me questions things.
I file those away for another day. They won’t be answered today. Aiden comes up and hugs me, and I melt into his arms. Memories of last night run through my mind. I shiver, remembering how worshipped I felt. My memories of that horrific night are slowly being replaced and pushed back into a dark place I’ll never let see the light of day again. I know I’ll never be able to forget those ten days, but the pain associated with the memory will eventually disappear. Time will heal my mind.
Aiden will heal my heart.
Aiden pulls me from my thoughts. “Sweetheart, as much as I love you in my arms, we need to leave.” He presses his lips to my forehead and whispers, “I love you.”
“Yes, because I’m already starting to feel like a third wheel,” Sydney says sarcastically.
The car ride is definitely not as eventful as the first time we drove up. I can tell Aiden is thinking about it, too, from his wicked smile and wagging eyebrows, his hand squeezing my thigh when we pass the spot where he pulled over when I had my mouth on his cock.
The memory sends heat straight down to my core, making me wiggle a little in my seat. His laugh is deep and sexy. The car’s atmosphere turns electric, evident by the exaggerated sigh coming from the back seat. I feel bad at first, then remembered all the times I had been subjected to the screaming of her current boyfriend’s name in the middle of the night during our college years. Yep, don’t feel bad anymore.
Syd’s eyes get huge when we park, and she notices the plane. “We’re going up in that thing?”
“Did you think we were going up in a seven-thirty-seven?” Aiden jokes.
“No … but I guess I thought it’d be bigger than that,” she says, pointing to the plane. I wrap my arms through hers as we walk to the hangar. I can tell she’s getting more nervous by the way she’s biting her fingernails.
“Why aren’t you dating anyone?” The memory of hearing her sex noises throughout the night make me realize she hasn’t mentioned any boyfriends since I’ve been back. Granted, it’s only been a couple months, and I’ve been busy with Lexi, but I’m hoping it’s not something I just missed.
“I’ve been on a couple dates.” She shrugs. “I just haven’t really had a connection with any of them. It just hasn’t been a priority these past few months.”
I sigh and my shoulders drop. I hate knowing people put their lives on hold because of me.
“Don’t think it’s been all about you, girlfriend.” She laughs as she bumps my hip with hers. “I had a new job, moved to a new city. I had a lot going on.” The new job she almost lost because she was flying back and forth to see me. “Addison Grace Mason,” she says sternly, stopping me. She had to go there, didn’t she? It’s been years since she’s used my whole name. I think the last time was when I learned Amy wasn’t my real aunt. Her big, ice-blue eyes look up at me. “Stop. Right now. You would have done the same thing for me.” I nod, knowing she’s right. I would have fought with everything I had to find her. “You have so many people who love you. You need to stop thinking you’re alone in the world, because you’re not. People worry about you, deal with it.”
She spins on her foot and pulls me forward again. I squeeze her arm. “I love you, Syd,” I whisper, blinking back the tears that are forming.
She replies softly without looking at me, “I love you, too, Addie.”
Aiden kept walking while we stopped. Smart man. He’s talking to Max up ahead. I smile to myself, thinking that Syd is right. I have so many friends who have become my family. Since my mom died, it’s always been hard for me to lean on people. If I didn’t get too close, I couldn’t get hurt when they left. I learned to just rely on myself. Not let people in. Syd wiggled her way in and never left.
I think about the people in my life now and I know that I would do anything for them, and they would do anything for me.
When we walk up to the guys, Max looks at me and says, “You okay?” The concern in his voice just reiterates my previous thoughts.
“I’m good. Just ready to jump.” I look at Aiden. I’m ready to jump with him. Wherever it leads. If anyone should know how life is so unpredictable, it’s me. I’m not wasting it anymore. Aiden flashes a knowing smile and pulls me in for a tight embrace.
“It’s just you and me, sweetheart,” he whispers in my ear. My hands squeeze around his neck, pulling him closer to me.
Max clears his throat, “So, it looks like you’re with me, Tink.” I pull back from Aiden and laugh loudly. He thinks her nickname is Tink?
Syd sighs loudly. “Tell me again why I’m putting my life in the hands of this man?” she asks, gesturing to Max with her hands.
“No, I think he’s just remembering me telling him you looked like Tinkerbell.” I giggle.
“Uh-uh, he knows darn well that is not my nickname. He’s just being an ass.” Syd rolls her eyes. Max barks out a loud laugh. What the hell? I didn’t know Max and Syd really knew each other.
“Your boyfriend going to be mad you’re jumping with me?” he asks with amusement.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” Syd exclaims with her hand on her hip.
“Max,” Aiden says, “seems Damon is dating someone he met online.”
“No shit,” Max says, looking down at Syd who’s crossing her arms and has a red face.
I glance between Max and Sydney while they’re having a staring contest then to Aiden. What am I missing?
“Max is just being Max.” Aiden chuckles, grabbing Max’s shoulder. “Let’s go, children.”
Max growls under his breath. “I’ll show you child. I’m a hundred percent man,” he says, grabbing his crotch.
My eyes go wide. I would expect this from Damon, but Max? Never. He’s more of the reserved guy, likes to watch from the sidelines, and you never see him coming until it’s too late. That’s Max.
“Oh, my God! I’m going to die,” Syd says dramatically.
“Max, play nice. Sydney is nervous, and you’re not helping,” I grind out, pushing his arm.
Max stops and looks back at Syd, who hasn’t moved from her spot. “Tink, I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.” His voice turns serious, but I’m still surprised he’s using that nickname. He walks back to her and surprisingly throws her over his shoulder. “Stop sulking and let’s go fly.”
She screams and kicks her feet, yelling his name. A large hand lands on her ass, smacking her silent. I gasp, waiting for the shrill voice to come. When he keeps walking past us, Syd’s submission shocks the hell out of me.
I turn toward Aiden, and I know what he’s thinking. The devilish glint in his eyes as he bites his lip has my body wanting to jump on him and run away at the same time.
“Don’t you dare. I told you already what would happen to that hand,” I say instantly, already backing away from him.
His emerald green eyes gleam with challenge as his lips curl into a salacious grin. I twist my lips, watching his every move. Challenge accepted.
The second I see movement of his foot, I turn and run toward the hangar. He’s close, but not close enough. Instinct has me turning to see where he is. Unfortunately, instinct doesn’t know about the rock I’m about to trip over.
“Shit,” I scream on my way down onto the grassy area. I roll as much as I can to avoid the hard impact on my knees and hands. Thanks, Tony, for teaching me that trick.
“Nice dismount,” Aiden jokes as he reaches me.
“Haha, funny man. Help me up,” I say, putting out my hand for him to grab.
Aiden holds both his hands up in the air, shaking his head slowly. “Nope. I fell for that once.” He smirks. “Last time I got kneed in the nuts and shot.”
“You’re still bitter about that, huh?” I giggle, pushing myself off the ground. He’s serious. He is not going to help.
He picks the grass out of my hair as I dust off the dirt and grass from my clothes.
Aiden stands really close to me, leaning down to my ear. “No, the real reason I didn’t help was because watching your tight ass run in front of me got my dick hard, and if I would’ve helped, I would have thrown myself on you.” He bites my ear before sucking it. Chills spread over my entire body.
“But we need to go,” he states quickly, grabbing my hand and pulling me forward. He adjusts himself with his other hand as we walk, and I chuckle. He looks down at me with an amused smirk. “You should know not to run from me,” he jokes, squeezing my hand.
I roll my eyes. “If it wasn’t for the damn rock, I would have made it.” I stick my tongue out at him.
“I’m about to give you something to do with that tongue.” His threat sparks a desire deep within me. I let out a soft mewl. “Addison,” he growls. “Your best friend is going to get a little show here in a minute if you don’t cut that out,” he says, adjusting himself again.
“So, how’s Katie?” I say, trying to get his obvious hard-on to become not so obvious. He looks down at me again and throws his head back, laughing. God, his laugh is as gorgeous as he is.
As we walk up to the hangar, I quickly glance down. “We’re good. For now,” he says, winking at me.
Walking into the hangar, Max is helping Sydney put on her jumpsuit. It’s super quiet in here. I tilt my head. I mean, Max is usually quiet, but Syd … she’s abnormally silent.
She looks up and catches me watching them. Her lips curl into a small smile, and she rolls her eyes at Max. “The dominant asshole doesn’t think I can do it myself, so he’s doing it for me.”
I hear Max growl something under his breath, but I can’t make out what it is. But Syd does. Her face turns red and her eyes get huge.
“Ugh. Not in your lifetime,” Syd sneers, stepping away from his grasp. He stands up with a wicked smile and walks over to put on his jumpsuit. “I’m burning up in this thing. I’ll meet y’all outside,” she says, obviously flustered. Max lets out one of his booming laughs.
I’m so enthralled with what’s happening right now I don’t notice Aiden standing beside me, holding my jump suit.
“What’s so interesting?” he whispers in my ear.
“I’m just …” I twist my lips, turning to look at Aiden. “Never mind,” I say, shaking my head. I don’t even know what to think.
I grab the jumpsuit out of Aiden’s hand. Max walks by me, suited up already.
“I’ll be outside with Tink. I need to go over everything with her and get her harness on.” Max’s playfulness is gone. He’s all business now. This is the side I’m used to.
“Why do you insist on calling her Tink?”
He shrugs. “Why not?”
“Really?” I say, my brows furrow. “Maybe for one, it pisses her off.”
“No, when I call her little girl … that pisses her off.” Max chuckles, walking out the door.
I whip around to Aiden. “When did he call–”
My words are cut off by Aiden’s lips pressed to mine. Naturally, I fall into him. I let him explore my mouth with his tongue as our kiss deepens. He bites my lip before pulling back.
“Don’t worry about them. Syd can handle Max, I promise.” He leans his forehead on mine.
I sigh. “If you say so.”
“I do. Now hurry up so I can get you into the sky.” He reaches around and slaps my ass then grabs a handful. “God, I love this ass.” A low growl erupts from his lips as he gives me a quick peck.
“This ass is mine.” My body freezes as my mind takes me back to my hell. “I bet Aiden never had this ass, but I will. I will own this virgin asshole.” The stench of cigarette smoke and the pain as he forces his fingers in me have me gasping for air.
“No!” I scream out. Fight, Addison. “Get the fuck off me!” I push off, fighting to escape the pain.
“Addison!” Aiden’s voice commands, grabbing my arms and wrapping himself around me tightly. When I pry my eyes open, the smell and the pain is gone, but the memory is right in front of me. My body is shaking so badly I’m lightheaded.
“I need to sit down,” I whisper. Instead, Aiden squeezes tighter.
Max and Sydney are standing in the doorway, staring at me, concern in their eyes. I want to close mine out of embarrassment, but I’m afraid of who will be waiting for me behind the darkness. I fight back the tears, but I don’t have enough strength. They fall freely down my cheeks. I bury my face into Aiden’s chest. Both our chests rise and fall with heavy breaths.
“I’m so sorry, Addison.” Aiden’s voice hitches.
Guilt spreads through me like a raging inferno. My tears break into waterfalls. Just when I think the memories are fading, reality proves me wrong.
“I don’t know how to make it stop,” I hiccup through my tears. “I’m sorry.”
Aiden’s arms release me, his hand hooking around my neck. As he guides my chin up with his thumb so I’m looking into his eyes, he says, “Do not apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong.” His voice is soft, but his hardened face tells me he’s fighting his emotions. Anger. Sympathy. Guilt. All of them tear at my heart. I don’t want him to hurt. I want him to be free of my nightmare, but I don’t know how to do that if we’re together. I squeeze my eyes shut in frustration. Why is it the second something goes wrong, I doubt us being together?
I look down and dig the palms of my hands into my eyes. Shaking my head slowly, I groan. I hear the door close, so I assume Syd and Max went back outside.
“Addison, I love you,” he whispers in my ear. “We’ll get through this. Together.” He raises his voice to make sure I hear the last part. I sigh. If only it was that easy. “Stop. You remember last time you tried to run from me? You fell.” He chuckles. I look up to his eyes and softly smile. His beautiful, emerald green eyes glisten with wetness. “Let me be here for you. To catch you and lift you up. Let my love fill your dark spaces. If you would just let me in and stop fighting with yourself.” I exhale shakily as his thumb caresses my cheek. “Fuck, Addison. That’s for me to decide. And I choose you. I will always choose you. So stop running.”
The depth of his words reach deep inside me, his love encompassing my fractured heart, sending pulses through it to wake it the hell up. Any doubts that I have about Aiden start to shred, piece by piece. This man in front of me, who is handing himself to me without any reservation, is the breath I need to help me heal. I can’t live without it.
I can’t live without him.
A tear escapes down Aiden’s cheek. I take a deep breath in and out. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m happy that fate led me to you.” He laughs, bending over and kissing my nose. He knows how I feel about fate. He’s silent as he waits for me to gather my thoughts. “I can’t imagine you not being in my life. The love that I have for you scares the shit out of me.” I look away from his emotional eyes as I declare one of my biggest fears.
“I understand that,” he says softly as he guides my face back to his.
“We … we have so much more to talk about, but I can’t right now,” I say with so much vulnerability in my words. I’m emotionally drained. I need to be more stable to talk about how deep that love is. “But…” I pause, taking in another deep breath, “…I’ll stop running. Please be patient with me.”
“Addison, there’s no rush. As long as I’m by your side.” He holds my face in his hands and pours his love into a kiss. A beautiful kiss. Tender, soft, and loving.
“I’m going to need a few moments to gather myself,” I say. He smiles and nods in understanding. I walk to the bathroom, letting it close behind me.
I look like hell, I say to myself when I see my reflection in the mirror. I redo my ponytail, pulling it into a bun, and splash cold water on my face. Gripping the outsides of the cold sink, I stare at myself in the mirror.
You are not a victim. You are a survivor.
I close my eyes and repeat my mantra over and over. A soft knock interrupts my current pep talk.
“Addie,” a voice as soft as the knock says, “I’m coming in.” Syd walks in and closes the door behind her. I sit on the toilet seat, and she props herself up on the counter. “Hi.” She smiles. Her jumpsuit is unzipped halfway, hanging off her hips.
“Hi,” I say back, folding my hands in my lap.
After a few silent seconds, she asks, “Wanna talk about it?”
I know I should talk about it, at least that’s what the doctors say. I shouldn’t keep it bottled up inside. Their words run through my mind. I blow out my cheeks. “Aiden said something and it triggered a memory.” I start rubbing my temples. “I don’t want Aiden to feel he has to walk on eggshells around me, not knowing what he’ll say or do that causes one.”
She twists her lips and nods her head, thinking about what to say. “I know you don’t want to talk about …” She pauses, but I gesture that I understand where she’s going. “So maybe you need to tell Aiden certain things that might trigger a memory.”
“I was doing so well with Lexi around, not having these memories or nightmares.” I sigh.
“It’s not a surprise that you’re having them with Aiden,” she says, looking at me with her eyebrows up. “Y’all’s relationship is on a different level than yours and Lexi’s.”
“Okay, smartass, I know that,” I say sarcastically. She laughs. “I’m sorry I’m putting a damper on today.”
She hops down and stands in front of me. “Stop apologizing, Addie. I heard what you were saying to yourself. You are a survivor. So don’t let what happened to you run your life. You are in control, even if you do have a few missteps along the way. And you have a gorgeous, bad-ass man who loves you more than the air he breathes.” I smile. That’s exactly the way I feel about him. “Now let’s go out there and get ready to watch me get smashed by the Hulk himself.” Leave it to Syd to make me laugh. “I mean really, if he so much as trips when we land, I’m doomed,” she says with wide eyes and flailing hands.
“Max is not going to trip,” I say. “But speaking of Max, he acts different around you.” I don’t even know how to explain it. Syd’s description of him as dominant seems to be right on target. I stand up and walk behind her out of the bathroom.
“He’s just an annoying, overgrown boy. That’s all,” she says, handing me my jumpsuit.
You sure that’s it? I narrow my eyes at her vague explanation. She shrugs.
A sound of popping grabs my attention out the window. I don’t see anything, and I can tell it’s not super close, but I can definitely tell it’s gunfire.
I turn to find Syd zipping up her jumpsuit. “Did you hear that?”
“Yeah. That’s Aiden and Max,” she says scrunching her nose. “He needed an … outlet.” Her voice is hesitant. I know she would never lie to me, but I understand her hesitancy.
I pound back the guilt that wants to surface. He just needed a minute, too. A song comes into my head that I heard the other day. I wanted to send it to Aiden then because it’s exactly how I feel, but I chickened out. I wasn’t ready. I am now. I grab my phone to text him.
ME: Unsteady by X Ambassadors