CHAPTER NINE
Ashton
Ashton “Fake it till you make it” Carmichael pulls out a surprising win!
“Come on, dude. Go chill with us. You’re always making excuses.” I looked at Beau as he adjusted the backward ball cap on his head. His arm muscles looked like they were getting bigger, a vein running down his forearm. My pulse thumped strangely, sped up in a weird way that made me frown.
“I can’t. I have shit to do,” Beau replied.
“You gotta work at your mom’s shop?” Wyatt asked, and Beau shook his head.
His eyes caught mine and then quickly shot away, which made me do the same. “Lemme guess…ditching us to get your dick wet?” I asked.
“No, asshole. There are more important things than sex, but even if I was, let’s not pretend you wouldn’t do the same.”
He had a point there. Ever since I lost my virginity, I hadn’t really been able to stop getting my dick wet. “I don’t chase girls; girls chase me.”
Wyatt laughed and gave me a high five. Beau looked away as though I’d disappointed him, and my stomach tightened in response. I was always doing something to annoy or disappoint Beau. I didn’t know why I cared. I tried not to, but that shit was always fucking there. It was weird. I didn’t much care what anyone else thought of me, but I cared what Beau thought. On the other hand, I didn’t want to care, so I purposefully tried to piss him off. It was a vicious cycle I participated in even though I didn’t understand it. “You’re scared my team will kick your ass, huh?”
We were trying to arrange a football game with some friends, and somehow, Beau and I always ended up on opposite teams.
“Fuck off,” Beau replied.
“I’ll go easy on you.” I winked, and when he flipped me off, I saw something in his eyes that made guilt rumble around inside me and my chest tighten.
“You two attached at the hip or something? You can’t play without Beau?” Wyatt complained.
My face got hot. “What? No. Fuck that. Let’s go.”
We said our goodbyes to Beau at the corner, then jumped into Wyatt’s car as Beau turned and walked away. “Should we give him a ride?” I asked.
“He would have asked if he wanted one. What the fuck, Carmichael? You’re always so goddamned worked up about what Campbell’s doing.”
“Fuck you!” I shoved his arm, and he swerved slightly. “I don’t give a shit what Campbell does.” I didn’t. I really fucking didn’t.
We drove around and picked up a few more of our friends. We met another group at this café we went to, where they had really big to-go cups for cheap. Once we filled up on soda, we all climbed into a few cars and made our way toward Fever Falls High.
When we passed Willow Brook Park, I saw a familiar backward cap—Beau standing there, talking to a kid. It was like a light bulb went off in my head, knowledge smacking into me as I thought about the shit I’ve given him.
“Fuck, pull over,” I told Wyatt.
“Huh?”
“Pull over. I was supposed to, um…meet Mom at the store and I forgot. I can’t play today.”
“What the fuck, Carmichael. You’re the one who put this game together.”
“And now I remembered I have something to do…with my mom. Pull over, man.”
Wyatt grumbled under his breath but stopped the car. “Dude, you’re worse than Campbell right now,” he told me.
“Hey…you’ll be the best player on the field without me and Campbell there.” I closed the door, and he flipped me off. I waited until the cars had driven around the corner, then jogged to the park. When I got there, making my way across the sidewalk and over one of the small, grassy hills, I saw Beau across the way, playing catch with Kenny.
I stopped, my feet rooted to the ground like the huge willow tree in the middle of the park. Beau made his way over to his little brother, said something to him, showed him the ball…maybe how to hold it?…before he pulled his arm back, likely explaining to him how to throw.
My stomach sort of ached, and goose bumps traveled up my arms. I should have known it had something to do with Kenny. There was only one thing Beau loved more than football, and that was his family, especially his brother.
The ache traveled from my stomach to my chest. I didn’t know anyone like Beau. He was good at everything, confident, and a nice guy. He was more responsible than anyone I knew, like this old soul fitting into a body that looked similar to mine.
Only he had that happy face on his biceps… His arms were smaller than mine but getting bigger. His hair stuck out from under his hat, and there was mud on his thigh. He had a dimple beneath the left side of his mouth, and the way his forehead wrinkled when he talked to Kenny… And what in the fuck was I doing standing there describing Beau Campbell?
As I watched him throw to Kenny again, I thought about how much he loved him. Beau never asked for anything in return. He just always did the right thing, was always kind…and I wished I was more like him.
“Hey!” I said as I jogged over.
“What are you doing here?” Beau asked when I reached them.
“Cap-tain, right, Beau?” Kenny asked. He spoke slowly, as though he was trying to concentrate on his words. His speech was slightly hard to understand.
I grinned. “Yeah, I am. And Beau is second.” I was trying to make sure his brother knew Beau was just as important on the team as me, but the way Beau groaned, I wasn’t sure I had. “Can I play with you guys?” I asked.
Kenny said, “Yes!” right as Beau asked, “Why?”
I shrugged and said the first thing I could think of. “Because it sounds like fun. I can help you teach Kenny how to play.”
“P-ease, Beau! P-ease!” Kenny begged, and I knew I had him. Beau wouldn’t deny Kenny anything, and again, it struck me how noble he was.
Beau nodded. “Okay.”
“But-er-fly, but-er-fly!” Kenny said, then began chasing it.
Beau chuckled. “So much for football… You don’t have to, ya know? I’m sure you’d rather be with the guys…or Sarah.”
“I’m not seeing Sarah.”
“Olivia?”
“Nah, we broke up.”
“You can go, Ash. You can’t want to play catch with me and my little brother.”
But I did, more than I could explain. “Sorry, Cranky Campbell, but Kenny wants me here, so you’re stuck with me. Come on, let’s go teach your brother the fine art of football.”
And that’s what we did. Sometimes it was hard for me to understand what Kenny said. I always felt bad when that happened, but Beau always seemed to understand every word. We were out there with him for nearly two hours before Kenny told Beau he was tired and ready to go home. It had been one of the things I couldn’t make out.
Kenny smiled more than anyone I’d ever met. He was a fun kid, who obviously loved his brother like crazy. I envied them their relationship. I didn’t have siblings, and as much as I loved Mom and Dad, I’d always wished for a bigger family.
As we waited for Kenny to get a drink at the fountain, Beau looked down, toed at something in the grass I couldn’t see. “Thanks, man…for playing. He liked that. The other kids tease him sometimes, so he doesn’t really have anyone but me. They made fun of him because he couldn’t throw.”
“He can now. How could he not learn with the best teacher there is showing him?”
Beau rolled his eyes. “You’re so full of yourself.”
“I wasn’t talking about myself. I was talking about you.”
His eyes snapped up, his lips pulling into a smile. Dizziness swept over me, twisted me up. My feet itched to run away, and I suddenly couldn’t stand there a second longer. “Catch you later, Cranky Campbell,” I said, then turned and took off as fast as I could go.
I shook my head, trying to wake myself up from my nap and wondering why in the hell my dream had gone to that day in the park with Kenny and Beau. It had to be because I’d seen Kenny for the first time in what felt like a hundred years. It hit me how much his speech had improved, and I smiled, proud of him for what he’d accomplished.
It was impossible not to think of Beau and Kenny as a sort of package deal. There wasn’t anything Beau wouldn’t do for his brother. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t seen him in ten years; I knew that was still true.
And like it had when I was younger, that did something to me. I envied it…respected it…was enamored by it. My parents would have done anything for me. I’d grown up knowing that, but outside of them, I wasn’t sure I’d ever met someone who gave a shit about me on a real level, a deep level, and not because I was good-looking or popular or good at football. And I always wondered if I could do it, if I could have given up all the things Beau did for his family. I was pretty sure I was too selfish for that.
Those thoughts took me back to what Beau had admitted…when he’d asked about the kiss. I’d spent years in turmoil over it, not able to believe I’d done it, scared it would come back and bite me in the ass…wondering what Beau thought about it.
Nope. I wasn’t going there.
I dragged myself out of bed, and for the second time that day, I took a shower. I thought about jacking off, but wasn’t sure I had the energy, so I just stayed in until the water went cold, and then got out. Wearing only a towel, I went back into my room and tried to figure out what I was going to wear.
Realizing it didn’t matter what the fuck I wore to a thank-you dinner with my old high school friend, I grabbed a pair of khaki shorts and a black Henley. Before I knew it, I was walking into Fever Pitch a whole half hour early and wondering what I was doing.
I should call Wyatt. It could be a reunion dinner of sorts. The three of us could hang out, touch base again. Wyatt had said he still saw Beau sometimes, though they didn’t hang out like we did in high school. Thinking about that made me think about Beau’s friend Lincoln…and the other guys he mentioned. I didn’t recognize any of their names from friends of ours in school, so they were either new to town or had gone to a different high school.
And I was pretty sure they were all gay or bi.
Oh shit. Were all Beau’s friends gay? Did that mean it was weird for me to want to go out to dinner with him?
My pulse sped up and my eyes went a little blurry before I reminded myself I was a grown-ass man and could be friends with whoever I wanted. What the hell did anyone’s sexuality have to do with friendship? I was losing my damn mind.
Which brought me back to the point that maybe it would be cool to call Wyatt, and we could hang for old times’ sake. Still, I didn’t call him. It would be nice to get to know Beau again, just the two of us.
“Excuse me…sir?” a man asked, and I could tell by his frown and the way his brows were pulled together that he’d been talking to me for a while. “Just you?”
“Um…no…two. I’m, um…early, and I’m meeting my friend Beau here. We were high school buddies and haven’t seen each other in a long time. He should arrive soon.” Because obviously I had to give the host my whole life story.
“I’ll be sure to tell your friend you already arrived, sugar.” He winked.
“No, no. We really are just friends,” I replied as I followed behind him.
“I didn’t say you weren’t.”
“Yeah, but the way you said that…”
“I didn’t say it like anything. Honestly? It’s none of my business. I’m just here to seat you.”
Well, now I felt dumb. I believed what I was doing was called projection.
The host walked me to a booth toward the back. My overactive brain started to go crazy, wondering if he was seating me back there because he thought I was hiding. Did he really think Beau was more than a friend? Was I losing my goddamned mind? Yes, yes, I was.
He sat me, and the waitress came up right behind him.
“He’s waiting for a friend,” the host said.
Was it me, or did he stress the word friend? “Can I have a beer, please?” I asked, then told her which kind.
I fiddled with the black menu, kept looking up to see if she approached with my beer. Having dinner with Beau was strange in a way I hadn’t expected, and I hadn’t even started the having-dinner-together part yet. And then there was the fact that it was my idea…one that I couldn’t let go and had pushed until Beau said yes. Because I’m a nice guy…because I want to get to know an old friend…because there’s always been something about Beau that gets to me.
The waitress brought over my beer, and I drank half of it in a few quick swallows. The moment I set it down, a shadow crossed the table and Beau was there, his black hair kind of messy and looking a little wavier. He wore a T-shirt that said Fever Falls Fire Department and a pair of jeans. “You’re early,” I told him.
“Not as early as you.” Beau cocked his right brow.
He had a point there, so I figured it best I ignore it. “You want a beer? I’ll signal the waitress over.”
Beau sat across from me, a smile tugging at the right corner of his lips. There was a small scar there that I remembered from when we were kids, but I wasn’t sure what had happened to him. What the hell was with me and his scars, I didn’t know. “You’re smiling again.”
He frowned.
“Damn it! I ruined it. What happened to your lip?”
Beau raised a hand and rubbed his mouth. “There’s something wrong with my lip?”
Shit. That wasn’t what I meant. “No. Your lips are good. I meant the scar.” Your lips are good? What the fuck was that?
Beau winked. “I’ve never had any complaints.”
Okay, this wouldn’t do. “Somehow, I believe we just traded places. I don’t like it. I’m the cocky one, remember?”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” He shook his head as though he didn’t know what to do with me…but he also smiled again. I liked making Beau smile. I decided it was my goal to do that more often.