CHAPTER EIGHT
Beau
Beau says you should try to be kind to everyone…unless they’re an asshole. ~ Love, Kenny
The most fucked-up thing about seeing Ashton Carmichael standing in front of the station was that I wasn’t surprised. It felt like something I shouldn’t know about him—that he would show up today, not considering the fact that we hadn’t seen one another in so long—but I knew. He’d come because he knew it would fluster me, even though I hated that it did. He’d come because he liked to get under my skin. And he’d also come because I’d done something nice for him and he would want to thank me. I thought maybe that wasn’t the Ash people usually took the time to acknowledge. Hell, I knew I didn’t. It was hard to do it even now.
“I stopped by Campbell’s Confections. Decided to take a walk around. It’s been so damn long since I’ve roamed these streets,” Ash said, then held up the bag with Mom’s logo on it. “Want a chocolate éclair? I mean, I have an extra one and all, but if you can’t while you’re working, I understand.”
My brows pulled together at the vulnerability in Ash’s voice. I wasn’t sure anyone else would hear it, didn’t quite know how I could, other than I’d grown up paying too much attention to Ash, watching him because he drove me batshit crazy. Ash was basically the definition of confidence, and while I could see it in him then, there was something softer in his eyes too, and something in the unsure tone of his seemingly easygoing voice.
“I’m gonna take a break, Jace,” I replied.
“Okay, I’ll just be sitting here working,” he teased, and I rolled my eyes.
“Let’s go to the park.” It was just a block away up Willow Brook.
We were quiet as we went, our footsteps falling in line with one another. A smile tugged at my lips when I realized Ash wasn’t filling the quiet space with random jokes and lines about how good he was, the way he would have done when we were kids.
“Well, that’s new. What’s that smile for?” he asked.
Damn it. I hadn’t known he’d looked over.
“It’s not new. I smile.”
“Not with me.”
“We went over this last night. And I smile with you, Ash. My whole world doesn’t revolve around you.” Though I tended to act like it did when he was around. I needed to work on that.
“You have to admit I’m a pretty good thing to have your world revolve around.”
“And there’s the Ashton Carmichael I know,” I replied as we sat down at a picnic table under a willow tree. Ash pulled an éclair from the bag, wrapped it in a napkin, and handed it over.
“God, you used to love my mom’s éclairs.” I’d forgotten about that, the way Ash would get an éclair after school or a game.
“I still do. When I first left for college, Mom used to send them to me.”
That seemed like a waste. “What, they don’t have éclairs in LA?” I teased.
Ash shrugged. “It wasn’t the same.” His words slid down my spine in a strange way. There was nostalgia in his voice, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do with that. It was a puzzle, trying to put together the Ash I grew up with, with the one I read about in all the headlines, the one who dominated on the field until recently, and finally, the man I saw last night and the one in front of me today.
“Sorry about last night,” Ash added. “I really am a grown-up now who can take care of himself, contrary to what it might look like sometimes.”
It was there, sitting on the edge of my tongue to ask him if he truly was grown up, but I bit it back. “It’s no problem. Happens to the best of us.”
“You slept on a fifteen-year-old beanbag chair before you got up, got my car, and then went to work, where apparently you’re a hero.” He grinned. Obviously, he’d been speaking with Kenny.
“I’m not a hero.”
“I think you are.” His words were a jolt of electricity to my chest. “At least, that’s what I heard.”
And…that tamed it down a bit.
“How did you get my car back, anyway?”
“I know someone who owns a tow company. Figured you’d need your car. That’s all.”
“Thanks, Cranky Campbell.”
“No problem, Cocky Carmichael.”
He grinned, and damn if my dick didn’t take notice. It would be a whole lot easier to dislike Ash if he wasn’t so damn sexy.
Looking away, I forced myself to change the subject. “So, I get an éclair and no coffee?” I teased.
“You can share with me.” He pushed it over.
“I was kidding.”
“I promise you won’t get cooties from drinking after me. Geez, so uptight.” He winked, and damn it, I smiled.
I took the cup and let the warm coffee distract me. I needed it after how shitty I’d slept last night. A fifteen-year-old beanbag chair isn’t the most comfortable thing I’d ever slept on.
“So…Kenny tells me you watch all my games. That you’re so into them, no one is even allowed to talk when I’m playing.”
And I felt it. I was frowning again. “Don’t let it go to your head, Ash. I’m mostly just critiquing your game.”
“Oh, my heart.” Ash clutched at his chest and fell off the back of the bench and onto the grass. I couldn’t help but laugh, the rumble starting deep in my gut. He was charming as hell and he knew it. I wanted to hate him for it.
He got back onto the seat, and I said, “I should head back.” It was earlier than I needed to go, but I said it anyway.
“What time do you get off? I figure I owe you a dinner. I was supposed to pay last night, and you drove me home, babysat me, and had my car towed.”
I was already shaking my head before he finished speaking. I hadn’t quite put together why Ash wanted to spend time with me. Wyatt was around. They’d always been closer anyway, and I knew they kept in touch because Wyatt went to a couple of his games a year. Regardless, I wasn’t sure spending time with Ash was the best thing for me. “You don’t owe me. We’re good.”
“Come on, Campbell. You did a nice thing. Let me do a nice thing.”
“You brought me éclairs and shared your cootie coffee with me.”
Ash chuckled like I hoped he would.
“We’re even, Ash. You don’t have to pay me back for anything.”
I’d just begun standing when his words stopped me. “What if I just want to hang out with you?” His eyes darted away toward the table as heat spread across my skin—well, that and a heavy dose of confusion.
I sat back down, opened my mouth, and let myself say what had been weighing on me for years. “You kissed me, Ash. You kissed me, then ignored me and left for college. It wasn’t as if I expected anything. I know a kiss isn’t a contract, and hell, I didn’t want one anyway, but did you ever think of what that moment did to me? For me? I was confused as shit, scared as shit, and yeah, I’m over it now. I’m gay and proud, but I just… Maybe it shouldn’t matter. I know it’s been ten years, but…I don’t know. I guess I’ve been waiting ten years to ask you that.”
And I was wishing I hadn’t. What the hell? I sounded like a scorned lover. Like I’d spent my days pining over him, when I hadn’t. “Actually, scratch that. Can we forget I brought it up? I should get back to work, and again, you don’t owe me dinner.”
“Dinner has nothing to do with that,” Ash said. “That was… I don’t know what that was. I was confused, but I’m not now; obviously, I’m not now. I’m straight. I just…thought we could be friends.”
His words from last night slammed into me, his thanking me for treating him normally and for not mentioning football and the kiss. Christ, I was an asshole. I should have known better than to ask him. It was his life, his business. “That came out wrong. I’m not sure what got into me. Friendship has nothing to do with your sexuality, and I knew that’s what you meant. I just think—hell, I’m sure—that I spent a whole lot of years thinking about something that didn’t matter, that was likely forgotten right after it happened.” I hated to admit it, but I had spent ten years wondering about it, seeing him on television and driving myself crazy about one small moment in time. After all these years, I needed to get over it.
“So…dinner tonight, or what?” I asked.
“I mean, if you insist…” Ash grinned, and again, I chuckled.
“Asshole.”
“That’s what I’ve been told.”
“I need to get back to work. Fever Pitch at seven?”
“Okay,” Ash replied. “See you then.”
When I walked away I felt it, the same way Ash always knew when I frowned—I felt his eyes on me.
I could do this. I could be an adult and let go of the past. I could be friends with Ashton Carmichael.
I think…