CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Beau
Beau says I can accomplish anything. He makes me believe it. ~ Love, Kenny
ASHTON CARMICHAEL’S SECRET GAY LOVER!
DOES ASHTON CARMICHAEL PLAY FOR THE OTHER TEAM?
FOOTBALL’S EX-BAD-BOY SWITCHING TO GAY ORGIES?
PLAY-ACTION ASS—I MEAN PASS
I slammed my laptop closed, tired of all the headlines. Sharp pains stabbed my chest when I breathed, and it took everything in me not to throw the computer across the room.
It had been five days since we’d gotten caught at the bar. Five days of my phone ringing like crazy, reporters camped out at my house, at Mom’s house.
Five days since I’d heard from Ash.
Fucking Ashton Carmichael. That was the worst. I could deal with the other shit. I didn’t give a fuck what people said about me. I did care what they said about my family, or the harassment they’d been subjected to, and I cared about the fact that Ash had run away. Not just from the situation, but from me.
“Fuck.” I leaned forward, elbows on my desk, my hands fisted in my hair. My stomach had been in knots for five days. They’d even had to give me time off because my personal shit was bleeding into the job.
It wasn’t every day shit like this happened in Fever Falls.
My phone buzzed beside me, making my pulse kick into high speed. My hand jerked forward, fumbling the damn thing, a silent, quite infuriating prayer bouncing around in my head—please be Ash, please be Ash.
Kenny: There’s no one with cameras at the school today.
Me: Good. Still wait for me to pick you up. I don’t want you walking.
Kenny: I’m an adult, Beau. I can take care of myself.
I sighed. Yeah, yeah, he was. Kenny could probably take care of himself better than I could. I didn’t see him getting himself into situations like this. Still, I couldn’t help but reply with: Please?
Kenny: Okay.
Kenny: Have you heard from Ash yet?
My gut clenched tighter, like there was a giant fist around me, squeezing the life out of me.
Me: I’ll see you soon.
As I set the phone on the desk, the slide of a key in the lock came from behind me. I didn’t turn as it twisted, as the door opened, as someone stepped inside and then closed and locked it again.
“I guess they’re starting to see how boring you are. It’s clear out there. Not a camera in sight,” Linc said as he crossed the room.
“If I’m so boring, why do you always want to be around me? I can’t seem to shake you.”
“Pity,” he replied. “I feel sorry for you, plain and simple.” He leaned against my desk, crossed his arms and sighed. “And I might sort of love you. You’re my best friend.”
“Thanks, Linc. I love you too.”
He stepped forward, wrapped his arm around me, and kissed my head. “I’m sorry, sweetie. Men suck.”
“I feel like shit…like it’s my fault. I just…” I guessed part of me didn’t really see that it would be a big deal. So he was gay…who cared? Not that I didn’t respect him and understand he hadn’t been ready to come out, but the cameras? The headlines? I hadn’t seen that coming, and it reminded me that Ash was part of a completely different world than I was.
No one gave a shit in Fever Falls. Outside of here, people cared.
“Why would you feel guilty? You didn’t force him to put his dick in your ass. You certainly didn’t force him to like it so much…or to fall madly in love with you, or to go to the bar with us. He was there because he loves you and wanted to be with you…and maybe because you’re hot and he knew all the guys there would see it.” Linc winked, and I rolled my eyes at him.
“I miss him.” I shrugged. “And I feel responsible because he was with me. I should have…I don’t know, protected him more.”
“You aren’t responsible for everyone you love in the world. I know you like to pretend you are. Hell, I know I like to pretend you’re responsible for me sometimes…but you’re not. You’re not a superhero.”
“Take that back.” I smiled, even though I didn’t really feel it. Or maybe I did. My friendship with Lincoln always helped, even when he drove me up the damn wall.
“Okay, so you’re kind of a superhero, but Ashton is also a grown-ass man who isn’t acting like it right now. I get that he’s hurt, but does he not think you’re hurt too? And he can’t fucking let you know where he is? I’m going to kick his ass next time I see him…or you know, have Rush do it for me. Ashton’s bigger than me, and those muscles…fuck, those muscles.”
Closing my eyes, I dropped my head back, as though that somehow gave me answers. I was hurt, worried, and pissed…because I was there. Whatever way the chips fell, I was there, and I would deal with it, while Ash had run away and hidden…and obviously didn’t care enough about me to even let me know he was okay.
A frowned tugged at my lips when I saw the group of men in front of the college. The temperature in my body spiked, shot to dangerous levels as I jogged toward them. When I saw a familiar head of perfectly behaved dark-brown hair standing in the center of them, my whole fucking world blew apart. I didn’t realize I’d sped up, run faster, and suddenly I was there, shoving one of the reporters away from Kenny. “Leave him the fuck alone!” I shouted, with cameras in my face.
“We’re not doing anything wrong; just asking a few questions. Isn’t that right, Kenny?” one of the men said. Kenny was speaking so fast, I couldn’t understand him, his words all tangled together. “He was telling us about your boyfriend, Ashton Carmichael. How long have the two of you been hiding your relationship? Did you allow all the sexual escapades over the years to keep up the facade?”
“Leave us the fuck alone,” I said again as I wrapped my arm around Kenny, trying to walk away.
I hadn’t made it but a few feet when I heard, “What about the suggestion that this is all some kind of ploy? Out-of-control football player tormented by being gay? Went to his hometown, coached a special-needs team, donated a football field? You have to admit, it’s genius. He cleaned up his act, making himself look like he was a victim of toxic masculinity in football, while he’s donating to good causes, settling down with his stable boyfriend and coaching a special-needs team with him? Ashton is a whole lot harder for a team to turn away now, without the league blowing up for being homophobic.”
White-hot rage sliced through me.
No. No, no, no, no.
Ash wouldn’t do that.
“Fuck off. You don’t know him if you think that.” It was a stupid thing to say, but I couldn’t help myself. I wasn’t going to let them twist who Ash was that way. I sure as shit wasn’t going to let Kenny feel like Ash had been using him.
“His agent has been talking to the Tigers about him for weeks. Did you know that?” the man asked.
My foot caught on the edge of the sidewalk, and I nearly tripped. My grip on Kenny tightened.
“B-B-B-Beau?” Kenny looked at me, and I shook my head.
“Don’t say anything. Don’t believe them.” We were walking again, but they continued to follow.
“Are you going to stay loyal to him now that you know he could have been using you both for his image?” the reporter, who wore a shirt which read Glitz & Glam, said again, and I couldn’t say what came over me. Anger short-circuited my brain. My head throbbed. I was pissed at the reporters, the situation…Ash.
Could Ash have been using me?
“He didn’t tell you, did he? You didn’t know about Texas?”
Before I could stop myself, I’d balled my right hand into a fist and swung. It connected with warm flesh, and he stumbled backward.
Cameras went off, not just from the fucking pricks who’d cornered Kenny, but students from campus. Phones were aimed at me, recording.
Kenny was crying.
“Stay the hell away from us,” I ordered, wrapping my arm around Kenny and going for my truck.
Once I got my brother safely into the passenger seat, I jumped to the driver side and fled. A safe distance away, I jerked my truck to the side of the road. “Fuck!” I yelled, banging my open hands against the steering wheel over and over and over again. My hearing was fuzzy, my eyes blurry as rage overtook me.
It wasn’t until I heard a soft, “B-B-Beau?” from beside me that I allowed myself to be brought back to reality again. Jesus, what in the hell was I doing? I didn’t lose my shit like that, especially around Kenny.
“Shit,” I cursed. “I’m sorry, Kenny. I just…”
“I didn’t…I didn’t…I didn’t tell them anything,” he replied, fiddling with the corner of his journal.
“No. I’m not mad at you. And even if you did tell them something, that’s alright. You don’t have to lie for us, okay? I’m not mad at you. I’m never mad at you.”
He closed his eyes, took some steadying breaths, and I was so damn proud of him for collecting himself so he could go on.
Kenny nodded and looked down. “Are you mad at Ash?” His speech wasn’t as clear as it usually was, but it was better than it had been a few moments ago.
Yes. Actually, I wanted to kill Ash. “That’s hard to explain. Things are complicated.”
“Do you think what that guy said was true?”
“No,” automatically slipped from between my lips. “He would never do that to you. Are you kidding me? Ash loves hanging out with you. You’re his K-man, remember?”
“Is Ash still your boyfriend?”
That question was a whole lot harder to answer. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath. The Tigers were interested in him. There wasn’t a part of me that didn’t believe that. It was what he’d been hiding from me. Why wouldn’t he have told me if it wasn’t because he planned to go…and leave me behind.
My gut cramped. My head swam. I didn’t know what to think…to say, to feel.
“I don’t know. Life is…difficult sometimes.”
“Don’t…don’t do that. Don’t talk to me like I’m a kid,” he replied.
So I didn’t. I let my eyes meet his, thought about what had happened and the fact that there were numerous missed calls from me on Ash’s phone he hadn’t returned. I thought about how we’d spent the last five days…about the team. About what the reporters had said. “No, Kenny. Ash isn’t my boyfriend anymore.”