Just when I thought today couldn’t possibly get any worse, my secretary is quitting on me. The one that I’ve had for over twenty fucking years.
“Why are you doing this to me?” I ask her, as she stands in front of my desk wearing a floral pattern dress leftover from the 70’s and a somber expression newly plastered on her face.
I’ve only ever known Shirley to be a bright, cheerful lady who brings me my coffee to drink every morning and my perfectly proofread letters to sign every afternoon before she leaves. I never thought she would up and quit on me.
I hear someone clear their throat at the door to my office and I look up to see Ruby standing there with a cart full of files in front of her.
Even though I’m in the worst mood than I can remember being in for a very long fucking time, it lifts my spirts to see Ruby’s perky yet large breasts and her smiling yet slightly sarcastic looking expression. I love how she never seems to take anything around here too seriously. Because everyone else— including me— has the tendency to take it way too fucking seriously.
“Sorry, Mr. Sanchez,” she says, bowing her head slightly. I like how she does that too. “I was just dropping off these files you wanted, but I could come back.”
“That’s fine, Ruby,” I tell her. “You can arrange them on the credenza there.”
I nod across the way and she walks through my door still looking rather hesitant.
If it were anyone else, I would tell them to please come back later. Or I’d probably ask them why they’re bothering me with files that should go to a secretary. But I have a feeling that Ruby wants to be in my office. And I want her to be here too.
She is the one little ray of fucking sunshine in this otherwise miserable downpour of a day. One look at those blue eyes and I know that the storm will be over soon.
“Now, Shirley,” I say again. “Where were we? Oh yes. How can you possibly be up and leaving me like this?
“I’m sorry,” she says, for what has to be the fifth time. “But my husband is retiring and wants to move to Florida.”
“Florida?” I explode. “Why Florida? Does he want to get eaten by alligators? Swept away in a hurricane? Because that’s the only fate that awaits him in Florida.”
Her eyes widen and Ruby clears her throat, more subtly than she did when she was at the door. I realize I may have gone a bit overboard in my reaction to the news of her departure. I sneak a peek at Ruby in an effort to try to calm myself down.
She’s reaching over the cart to line some folders up on the credenza and her ass looks so good. She’s also looking back at me with her eyebrows raised, as if to tell me to be nice to Shirley.
I know she’s right. There’s no need for me to poke fun at an entire state just because I’m upset that my secretary is fucking leaving me.
“I’m sorry, Shirley,” I tell my secretary. “I’m sure there are some pleasant things about Florida. The beaches. The sun. The other…”
Ruby clears her throat. She turns around again and shoots me a look as if I’m being bad.
I was going to say “other old people” but that’s obviously offensive. Sometimes I don’t think enough before I fucking open my mouth, especially when I’m in the heat of the moment. Ruby seems to know this about me even though I barely know anything about her.
Perhaps I’ll have to change that.
“…retirees,” I finish. “But I thought I had another five years left of having you as my secretary. You’re only…”
I trail off again, without Ruby even having to clear her throat this time. I was going to guess sixty-five, but for all I know Shirley could be eighty. And her age is beside the point. All that matters is that I need my coffee and my typed up and proofread letters and I don’t know who else is going to bring them to me every day.
“…celebrating twenty years of working here,” I quickly finish.
“Twenty years is a long time,” Shirley says, as if to say that I should have known she could leave any day now. “And I was trying to decide how to tell you. It was a very difficult thing to do.”
“And you decided you just had to tell me now, today of all days? When I just…”
Took a pounding in court, I want to say, but don’t. I never admit defeat in front of my subordinates. It only makes me look weak. And I’m certainly not going to admit it in front of Ruby.
“I know, I know, Mr. Sanchez,” Shirley says, shaking her head.
She looks down at the floor instead of up at me.
“I didn’t want to have to do it at all and especially not today of all days,” she finally continues. “But it’s the last day I can put in my two-week notice before…”
“Before what?” I ask her, since now it’s her turn to trail off.
“Before we have to leave for Florida,” she tells me. “Winston bought a condo and we have to be down there to do a walk-through inspection in two weeks.”
“Who’s Winston?” I ask her, picturing one of those wiener dogs.
“He’s my husband,” she says, looking very offended.
Ruby shoots me another shocked look.
Oh yeah. Winston is her husband. That makes sense. I know I should know that after all these years. Not to mention from the context of our conversation. But I’m a little distracted due to constantly looking at Ruby’s ass.
And Shirley barely ever talks about her husband or anyone at all really. She just does her work. Makes my life easier. And that’s why I’m going to miss her.
“Who’s going to bring me my coffee?” I ask Shirley. “And my legal letters and pleadings and briefs?”
“Mr. Sanchez, I’m sure you can find someone else to do those things,” Shirley says, smiling shyly, obviously pleased with the fact that I need her. “Mr. Marks said that Madilyn can start interviewing suitable replacements right away.”
“Asher knows about this?” I ask her.
I don’t know what I feel more betrayed about— the fact that she informed Asher before she told me or the fact that Asher didn’t tell me as soon as he knew.
“I told HR first,” she says, taking a step back as if she fears she did something wrong. “And they told me to let the managing partner know right away so that he can begin making arrangements.”
I do my best not to grind my teeth. The term “managing partner” is enough to drive me nuts. Fucking Asher thinking he’s in charge of everything. Fucking HR apparently agrees with him.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Sanchez…” Shirley says, wringing her hands together as if she’s distraught.
“Shirley, it’s fine,” I tell her, letting out a sigh.
She looks up at me as if she’s trying to figure out if I really mean it.
“I’m grateful for all your help over these past two decades and if you want to leave me for the beaches and sunny skies of Florida, by all means, you deserve to be happy.”
She smiles at me, and even Ruby can’t help but turn around and grin at me.
I can be charming when I fucking want to be charming. And it’s not Shirley’s fault that everyone views this firm as only Asher's when it’s also mine.
“I just don’t know where I’m going to find another secretary as good as you,” I tell her, and I can’t help but glance over one more time at Ruby.
“Well, Boss, they’re all done,” she says, gesturing to the files neatly arranged on my credenza.
I have no idea what I’m going to do with those fucking things. Normally I would give them to my secretary but she just quit on me and I doubt she’s in the mood to move a bunch of files I just asked Ruby to put there.
“Thank you, Ruby,” I tell her, distracted by the way she calls me “Boss.”
I like it.
I like it a little bit too fucking much.
“I’m sure you’ll find someone,” Shirley says.
As Ruby walks out of my office I can’t help but think that maybe I already have.