“Is it always this good?”

I regret asking it as soon as the words are out of my mouth, but it’s just one more thing I can’t seem to control around him. He cocks his head to the side, contemplating. After taking a few seconds to think, Jameson places a kiss on my forehead and responds.

“Not even close. Even though I shouldn’t be saying that.”

I can tell he doesn’t want to look weak in front of me. But I think he is quite the opposite— strong and sexy. He withdraws himself from me and I let out a little moan that sounds more like a grunt, still sensitive from before.

He takes a step back from the wall and lets me down. I suddenly feel very naked because I am very naked. We’re both very naked. I cross my arms over my chest and look for my clothes.

“Are we doing this again?” he asks.

I stop searching and look back up at him.

“What?”

“Every time something happens between us, you run off. This time I’d like you to stay. Why don’t you stay?”

Stay and do what? Our relationship is so undefined that I never know what to do when I’m around him. I feel like it could fracture at any moment and the ‘us’ that I have built in my mind will disintegrate into nothingness. The more time I spend with him, the more likely he’ll get bored with me and move on to someone better. Instead of saying any of this, I agree to stay for a little while.

“I can stay, but I’d like to get dressed first?”

He relaxes and we both put our clothes back on. Well, Jameson puts on his boxers and t-shirt, but I fully dress myself. He goes to lie down on the couch in the corner of his office and motions for me to lie down on top of him. I do so and he wraps his arms around me. “Only for a little while, then I need to get home…”

The words come out sleepily and I find myself slipping into a dream as Jameson talks to me about… something? I can’t quite make it out. I must’ve been a lot more tired than I thought.

I wake and look up to see Jameson’s face. He’s still asleep and looks quite peaceful. I could wake up to him every morning.

I sigh. Morning? Morning!

I sit up with a start that shakes Jameson awake and realize I spent the night at the office. The very thing I was trying to avoid. Jameson rubs his eyes and lets out a yawn.

“What time is it?” I turn to him and my panicked expression wakes him up. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s morning and everyone’s going to be in the office,” I check my watch, “in about an hour. Plus, I haven’t been home all night!”

I get off of him and rush to put on my shoes.

“Wait! Where are you going?”

“I wasn’t supposed to spend the night and now I need to get home.” I’m on the verge of tears. There is no way I’m going to be able to explain my way out of this. “I wasn’t supposed to spend the night.”

I don’t let him answer and I run out of the office. I jump in my car and rush home. The whole way home, my phone is vibrating with a lot of missed calls and messages, but I don’t want to deal with knowing they’re from my parents, who will be mad enough when I get home to face the music.

I arrive and run up the steps, but before I can get inside, my dad opens the door. My mom is standing behind him and from their expressions, I can tell they are more than angry with me.

“Mom, Dad. I can explain.”

“No. We’ve let you explain too much.” My dad’s tone is even, but I can hear the anger behind his voice. “You’re going to have to see Pastor Nichols. He’s the only one who can help us now.”

My heart sinks and for the first time since last night, I feel bad about sleeping with Jameson. I was so caught up in fulfilling my desires, that I let them get the better of me and I slept with him. The one thing I promised myself I wouldn’t do. The one thing I was told never to do. I go inside to clean myself up and then head over to the church to ask for forgiveness for my sins.