ONE WEEK LATER
As Katie and I eat dinner on the rooftop balcony of Jicaya Restaurant, one of the nicest in Albuquerque, I feel like I did when I was sixteen years old and went on my very first date.
My palms are sweaty. My heart is racing. I’m not acting my age, which is twice hers. I need to fucking pull myself together.
I’ve been waiting for tonight all week. And much longer than that, if I’m honest with myself. I’ve been waiting for tonight since I first literally ran into Katie Finnegan at the Marks, Sanchez and Reed law firm. And maybe I’ve been waiting for this night my entire life.
I have got to get a fucking grip. But I feel jittery, talkative, alive. I know we only have this one night together and I don’t want it to end.
“How was your week?” I ask her, which is a question I immediately regret because it sounds so mundane.
“It was pretty crazy,” she says. “I’ve had to listen to Ruby chat non-stop about getting married.”
“I heard that Ron proposed after the wedding,” I tell her. “That’s pretty insane.”
“I know, right? Marriage is for suckers.”
I almost spit the filet mignon I’m eating out of my mouth.
“I meant, more specifically, that it’s pretty insane for Ron and Ruby to be engaged so quickly,” I clarify.
“Oh, yeah, that’s kind of insane too,” Katie agrees. “But that’s Ruby for you. She knows what she wants when she wants it and she doesn’t let anyone get in her way.”
She takes a bite of her salmon.
“They’re moving really quickly on everything,” she says. “They’re getting married in Spain, where Ruby ran off to when she and Ron broke up for a hot minute. Did you know that I’m the sole reason they got back together?”
“Is that so?” I ask her, as she grins sarcastically.
“Well, I played a big role in it, that’s for sure.”
She cracks me up. I love her sense of humor, the sound of her laugh, the way that she talks.
“You’re pretty good at setting people up even though you yourself don’t date,” I tell her.
She nods, realizing the conversation has taken a turn for the serious.
“Have you ever had a serious boyfriend?”
She shakes her head.
“I’ve never really wanted one.”
I pause, considering this news.
I bet she’s a virgin.
Normally this knowledge would turn me off— it’s such a big responsibility to take someone’s virginity and they might get clingy at levels even I haven’t experienced. But like everything else about Katie, the idea intrigues me.
I want to be her first.
But first I want to get to know more about her. Which is something I’ve never really cared to do with any woman.
“So, you continually mention that you don’t believe in love,” I say.
“Yep.”
She shrugs.
I feel like a fucking dumbass for mentioning anything. But I can’t stop now. I want to know all about her.
“Why is that?”
She just looks at me, as if she’s afraid to talk.
“Ask me something else,” she says finally, picking up her fork again.
Fair enough.
“Okay,” I tell her. “Why do you smoke pot?”
Now her look is surprised, as if she definitely wasn’t expecting me to ask that. As if she didn’t even know that I knew.
“I have a medical card,” she says quickly, as if she’s in trouble.
“It’s fine,” I tell her. “I’m not interrogating you. I just wondered.”
“All right,” she sighs, as she takes a sip of her water. “I guess I’ll just tell you. I suppose the answers to your two questions are one in the same.”
Hmmm.
She’s stumped me now. What does the reason she doesn’t believe in love have to do with the reason she smokes post?
“I have anxiety, ADHD, I’m basically a big head case,” she says. “You have no idea.”
I have some idea, I think, but I don’t say anything. I just nod at her, silently asking her to continue.
“It’s a good thing this is just a dinner date, as part of Ruby’s stupid dare, because you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me. I’m a mess. A real basket case.”
“I see,” I tell her. “You have anxiety about relationships?”
“About pretty much everything,” she tells me.
I sense that there’s more to it than that, but it seems to be a big deal to her to just tell me this much, so I don’t pry.
“I have social anxiety, I get nervous and jittery, I always think the worst about things. I always think I’m going to get into trouble.”
She shrugs.
“Why is that?” I ask her, since she kind of left the door open to the question.
She stares at me.
“Maybe I’ll tell you sometime,” she says. “But this is just a date.”
“Of course,” I agree. “Just a date.”
But it’s by far one of the best dates I’ve ever had. I love a challenge. And Katie is quite the mystery. I’m fucking proud of myself for getting her to open up to me emotionally even if it’s just a little bit. And I know I can get her to open up to me physically too.