On the drive home, I can’t get Boyd out of my mind. The feeling of his cock in my mouth was unlike anything I had ever felt before. And even though I almost choked, it almost made it even hotter.
And that kiss he gave me before I left the office. It told me that he maybe wanted something more than just a sexual fling. But could he? And with me? I shouldn’t even be doing anything sexual with him at all. I should be steering clear of him and the temptation that he brings.
After leaving his office, I headed straight for the ladies’ room. As predicted, my panties were soaked. Next time, I would have to remember to bring an extra pair just in case. The thought takes over and I know I’d like him to return the favor. For I can’t help but wonder what that tongue would feel like entering my most private place, where only my own fingers have gone before.
I pull into the driveway and sit in the car for a moment, trying to compose myself. Andrew’s car is also parked in the driveway and I know full well that I have to confess my sins, because if he finds out first—and I just have some feeling that he would—he’ll be irate. I just don’t know how exactly to go about it—how to say it.
I hear the front door open and Andrew walks out of the house, carrying the garbage. He sees me and waves. I give him a weak wave back. He puts the garbage down and comes over to the passenger side window. He knocks and I unlock the door for him. He slides into the car and looks at me, concerned.
“Is everything alright, Grace?” Andrew asks, his hands folded neatly in his lap. “You don’t seem your cheerful self.”
“That’s because I’m not alright.” I can’t make myself look at him, the shame rising up in me like a flood. My grip tightens on the steering wheel. “I’ve done something shameful and I don’t know how to take it back.” I still can’t bring myself to look at Andrew.
“What’s happened, Grace?” Andrew asks, his tone gentle. “You can tell me anything.” He puts his hand on my shoulder, comforting me. The familiar touch helps to alleviate some of the built up tension.
“I don’t know how to tell you this,” I start, but I’m not sure where I should even finish. I can’t tell him everything that happened. He might kick me out of the house. I’m extra careful to make sure he doesn’t know I masturbate, let alone, that I just sucked my boss’s dick. Which I’m hoping to do again in the very near future. The mere thought frightens me and I put my head in my hands, ashamed at my sinful thoughts. I have to tell someone or I might explode.
“I think I have feelings for my boss,” I say, deciding not to go into any excruciating detail. I don’t want to risk the life I have here with Andrew and Colleen. It’s all I have.
“You do?” Andrew says, looking directly at me. “Has anything come of it? Physically? Or are you just thinking these thoughts?”
“I’m just thinking these thoughts,” I say, knowing that I could never tell him the actual truth of what happened. The fact that I’m lying to someone who’s only been kind to me makes my stomach twist into knots. “Nothing has come of it. He probably doesn’t feel the same way. I mean, he is my boss after all.”
“Yes, he is your boss,” Andrew says, folding and refolding his hands on his lap. He’s unsure of what to say to me. I’ve never seen him unsure before. This concerns me more than anything. “I’m unsure of what to say to you other than you have to be careful. You can’t let this man lead you into temptation. Staying pure is the best thing for you. It will give you a life of fulfillment and prosperity. You cannot sleep with him. You must trust yourself and know that God has a bigger plan for you. And it’s not with an older man to whom you work under. You and I both know He would not approve.” Andrew finishes his speech and looks at me. I finally meet his gaze, but find so solace in his words. In fact, it makes me feel that much worse.
“I know He doesn’t approve,” I say, looking away from him and out through the windshield. “That’s why I wanted to speak with you about this. To have you remind me what I’m meant to be doing.”
“Thank you for telling me this, Grace,” Andrew says, making to leave the car. “It’s very grown up of you to recognize a situation that can lead to danger. It’s extremely important now that you stand your ground and stay away from this man as much as you can. You’re a strong and intelligent woman. I know you’ll make the right choice.” He gets out of the car and closes the door behind him. I watch as he picks the abandoned garbage back up and puts it in the bin at the end of the driveway.
Stay away from Boyd as much as I can? How do I even do that? He’s my boss. I can’t just ignore him. This has gotten way too complicated, way too fast. And I know that I’m the one to blame for all of this.
***
The next day at work, I try my best to avoid Boyd. But that’s kind of difficult when he’s the boss and I’m his assistant. I make small chat with Erin and I’ve met some of the other girls; Katie and Ruby and Caroline and I have had lunch.
But during the firm-wide Monday morning meeting, I keep sneaking glances over at Boyd at moments when every other coworker is doing the same. It helps that he’s speaking to the entire group for a long length of time. It gives me an excuse to look at his beautiful face and those lips that I wish were on mine right now.
No, I can’t have these feelings right now. Not in a conference room full of people. I look back towards my notepad and take careful notes of what he’s saying. Making sure not to look at him too much. Otherwise, I don’t think I’ll be able to keep these thoughts at bay.
Later in the afternoon, Boyd calls me into his office and I know that there’s no way that I can refuse to see him. I take longer than usual but eventually walk toward his office, lust and shame bubbling up inside me.