Chapter 1
Ian
It was evening, but not quite dark yet. The streetlights wouldn’t switch on for another couple of hours, which meant sunset was still a little while away. Even without the visual cues, I could tell by the dramatic drop in temperature that nighttime was approaching.
The wind was almost numbing, as it whipped around my body. It swept snow from the heavy banks on the curbside over the street in small powdered swifts.
I thought I would have developed an immunity of sorts to the bitterness of winter in New York City. But I hadn’t. It cut swiftly through me like a sheet of ice sharpened to a razor-sharp blade. I didn’t bother to bundle my wool overcoat closer. I didn’t bother to button it over my crisp Italian suit.
Hell, I didn’t even wrap my scarf around my neck. Instead, I let it drape across my shoulders and droop over my chest.
I deserved to be cold.
I knew it’d sound dramatic if I ever said it out loud, but I felt that I deserved every ounce of pain that could have possibly been thrown at me. In all reality, I wasn’t so sure I hadn’t made the decision to walk home, despite how cold it was, just to punish myself.
I even deserved the way thoughts of her kept nagging and tearing away at me.
She was haunting me, and rightfully so.
What was killing me, though, was the longer I stayed away from her, the more intensely thoughts of her flooded my mind. Thoughts that reminded me what kind of complete ass I really was.
After more than two weeks, I still couldn’t shake the memories of that passionate night, the way it felt to hold her close, and I certainly couldn’t forget the feeling of her lips against mine.
But all of that was before.
Before I fucked it all up.
Before I basically sold my soul to the Devil. That is, if the Devil’s name was Ben Murphy.
I took the deal he’d laid out for me; the deal that meant BioResearch would agree — alongside MTS — that the lawsuit would come to a close. I took the deal that would inevitably save my dirty, rotten late-father’s name, and my own for that matter.
I took the deal.
And I still wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do or not, but I knew that, regardless, the way I handled it was shitty. And even if it was the right thing to do from a business point of view, I didn’t feel like it was right for me.
I also didn’t feel that living in that apartment building, living where I knew she was still living, was a good idea. Yet, there I was. Still there.
All I could do was try to keep my distance from her. Which included, even longer hours at work than I’d already had jam-packed in my week’s schedule, and I guess the worst — and probably most pathetic part — included stalking around the building like a thief casing the joint; peeking through the glass doors and windows every time I got home.
Anything, and everything to make sure I didn’t run into her.
Admittedly, this involved watching her from afar, when I did actually catch sight of her, and then creeping away in the shadows like a fucking scared weirdo. But I feel like anyone would have lost their nerve to face someone like Kate if they’d done what I had done.
I still couldn’t even believe how I’d ended it. It was even worse than the fact that I had ended it.
I’d sent her a text message.
A goddamned text message for Christ’s sake!
And what was more, ever since I had hit that send button, I knew that I’d made the biggest mistake of my life — and I knew mistakes. I’d made a lot of them. I even knew it was a mistake when Ben actually held his end of the deal. When we all actually started the process of dropping the lawsuit. Because that’s when I realized what I’d traded the only thing to make me smile in ages for.
A clean name.
Which is exactly what it boiled down to. At least, that is, after BioResearch proved that my dad was a huge liar.
As much as I didn’t want that to happen, I didn’t want to lose Kate more.
MTS was always his dream, and although I loved it for him — and I appreciated my job very much, Kate was my dream.
But it was too late.
Even if she might have forgiven me for being a huge dick and breaking up with her via text message, the deal was already done, and she probably knew about it by now.
She was gone. She had to be. Something told me that Kate wouldn’t be so easy to forgive a ball-less excuse of an ex-boyfriend. Hell, I wouldn’t blame her.
That wasn’t the type of guy she’d signed up to be with.
Ian Cross wasn’t usually ball-less. Ian Cross — at least the man I thought I was — was confident, powerful; he was a goddamn nightmare to fuck with.
Yet, I feel like I’d tucked my tail between my legs and cowered away to the likes of Ben Murphy. Junior-fucking-Murphy!
And what was worse was that I was stalking around my own apartment building like a creep, peeking into windows, every single night.
I wasn’t even sure who I was anymore.
All I was sure was about, was that I wished more than anything that I would have had the sense to realize everything before I’d actually pulled the trigger.
I would have happily gone through with the rest of the lawsuit, and risked everything — including tarnishing my old man’s name, and my own for that matter — if it meant still being with her.
But now I knew there was no hope for us. I was too cold to her; and beyond that, I hadn’t fought for her.
I hadn’t even gotten a response from it. Not a confused one. Not a heartbroken one. Not an angry one.
Nothing.
Not that I could blame her for not responding. I didn’t deserve a response.
Each stride brought me closer to my apartment building, teeth chattering together as I walked slowly, shivering more and more withe every step. My eyes had watered almost the entire way. It was a damned miracle they weren’t frozen solid.
The lobby glowed vibrantly against the contrast of the approaching night. In perfect criminal form, I began to cautiously move closer and closer to the front door of the lobby, pivoting my head slowly back and forth, holding my breath as I walked.
It was as if I expected her to have sonic-super-power-hearing or something to a point that she could hear me approaching from the outside. I was being that fucking weird.
As I reached the corner of the building, I made efforts to stay as close to the wall as possible — just like I had every day since I’d sent that text message — just in case she was in the lobby. I had to be able to get away from the door quickly if she happened to spot me.
And as stupid as it sounded, for a minute, I almost felt almost like a spy. Which, I was sure I was just telling myself because it sounded a whole hell of a lot better than “douchebag who was avoiding his ex-girlfriend because he’d done her wrong.”
I moved alongside the wall of the building until I reached the corner near the lobby entrance, and glanced slowly around the edge of the building and through the front lobby door to look for any signs of her. As I scanned the lobby, a large banging noise rang out from behind me.
I turned quickly, wondering what the hell it was. What I saw was a dark, masculine figure emerging from the alleyway. The dimming of the light of the day, mixed with the shadow of the alley and the good fifteen-feet of distance between us, made the man almost impossible to make out. He moved closer but all I could see was a scarf wrapped around his. His steps were determined and quick. At first, I thought he was just running toward my building, maybe late to meet up with someone. But then, I realized he was approaching me.
I was almost ready to swing at the man, until he’d brought a hand to his scarf to unwrap it from around his face.
“Mr. Cross?” the man asked sounding surprised before a smile broadened over the familiar face of the young valet.
“Thank, God.” I sighed. “I thought you were about to murder me.”
“And I thought you were about to bomb the building or something,” he laughed. “I just saw you from the back, lurking against the wall, looking into the building suspiciously.”
I smirked. I probably did look like I was up to no good.
“What were you doing?” he asked, his brows furrowing in confusion.
“N-nothing…” I stammered, not really sure how to answer.
“Here, he said,” moving to the lobby door and grabbing at the long golden handle bolted to the glass. “Allow me, Sir.”
He pulled the door open, and gestured for me to walk in. I smirked, not wanting to protest. Not wanting to say that I hadn’t quite finished casing the place yet. “Have a good evening,” he smiled, his young, juvenile, face shining more brightly than I’d ever seen it.
His cheeks held dimples, and his smile made him look like he couldn’t have been older than fifteen years old. Although I knew he had to be. He was a valet, after all.
I flashed a half-smile at him and powered through the door, scanning the lobby as I strode toward the elevator. In my mind, I knew once I was inside that little box and the doors closed behind me, I’d be home free.
But, karma was a bitch, after all.
Just when I thought I was in the clear, the elevator doors slid open and my eyes fell on a sight that nearly stopped my heart completely.
“Kate…” I whispered, before I could even stop myself. I halted dead still and stared straight at the familiar form revealed by the elevator doors as they opened. I couldn’t help but wonder if it really was her for a second, but when she looked up and her gorgeous figure stepped out into the lobby it was unmistakable. That striking red hair, those beautiful eyes. It was her. No doubt about it. She was like a fucking ghost from my past sent to haunt me.