Chapter 13
Kate
I glanced over to Craig, and immediately my stomach sank.
I wanted to apologize for how terrible of an evening it had been, and definitely how rude Ian was. Not to mention how I had behaved. I also knew that wouldn’t be the only thing I’d have to tell him, though.
I would have to tell him about what happened. He was standing there, his eyes wide, full of what looked like surprise. A look that was almost as clear as day in front of a look that he tried to hide. Hurt.
I knew what earlier probably meant to him, and even though Ian had just sent me to the moon and back, taking me for a complete loop, I knew enough to know that I’d been a royal bitch.
I took a step towards him, and then another, my heart pounding harder with every inch I got closer to him. I felt terrible for just leaving him in Starbucks to essentially go make-out with Ian, but that wasn’t what I intended at all. I was sure that was what it looked like, though.
“I take it, you’re working things out,” he joked as he ran his hands through his hair.
I laughed, nervously. “I guess you could say that, but I really… I don’t know.”
“You know. You want to work it out.” He was speaking so matter of factly. It sort of hurt to hear him so short. He wasn’t angry, but I could tell he was upset.
“I’m sorry that our evening ended up so awkwardly,” I said, truthfully. I was sorry. Was I sorry that I kissed Ian? No. Was I sorry that I had feelings for him? No. But was I sorry that he had rudely interrupted Craig and I? A million times yes.
The only thing I wasn’t sorry about in it was that I probably would have led him on even further without really meaning to. So in that sense, I was glad that Ian had showed up to ruin that opportunity.
In that sense, I knew things probably ended up the right way. I knew that Craig wasn’t what I wanted. He was handsome, he was successful, he was wonderful in almost every single way. There wasn’t really a reason, necessarily, that I didn’t want him.
He had never fueled a fire in me — not like Ian had.
And although, admittedly, I had entertained the idea, I wasn’t sure getting involved with him was ever anything that I would be able to do. And it didn’t just have to do with Claire, which was always a major reason I hadn’t gone there before, but also because he just ultimately wasn’t for me, and in all honesty, he deserved better than that.
“You deserve to be someone’s everything, Craig,” I offered sincerely.
He shrugged, and smiled. “I knew tonight wasn’t a date, Kate,” he said. “By the looks of what was going on just now, I can bet that you won’t be going on any in the near future — unless it’s with Mr. Cross.” He was still smiling, although I could tell in his voice he was mildly hurt.
“No. I guess not.” As soon as I said it, it honestly scared me. Ian really was that important. Ian really did mean that much to me that I was willing to try another relationship with him.
“I do want you to do what I recommended, though,” he said, his smile fading, and his eyes turning more seriously. “I do want you to try and eliminate some of your stress. I know you’re moving, and I know you’re worried about Claire, and I also know you had some issues with this guy — what issues, I’m not sure, but issues, nonetheless — and I want you to try to get to a happy place. If this guy makes you happy, then I’m definitely for you being happy. I just want you to focus on yourself.”
I smirked, “You make it sound like we’re never seeing each other again.”
He laughed, “I doubt that’s the case. I mean, you know where I work… I’m sure we’ll see each other around.” He was joking. I knew that he was. But part of what he said was definitely true. It really was always just a matter of time. Hopefully, the next time we saw each other would just be out of a small little emotional shit-fest similar to any other normal teenage girl.
“You joke, but I know you’re right,” I breathed out heavily, rolling my eyes. “But I don’t want that to be the only reason we see each other.”
I wasn’t sure if I was trying to make him feel better, or if I genuinely wanted to spend time with him, but when I saw his lips curve into the most genuine, childlike grin I’d ever seen, I knew that I’d meant it. I knew that I really had wanted to spend time with him.
“Just no dates?” he joked, trying to make light of a clearly sad situation for him.
I chuckled. “Just friendship.”
“Want to share a cab, friend?” he asked, offering me his bent arm as he gestured towards the street.
I smiled, but knew that I just wanted to run immediately and jump on top of Ian, and I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to talk to Craig the whole way to my place without giving it away. I was flustered, and I knew that a cab would also take longer than if I’d just walked, and ultimately, I wanted to get there as fast as humanly possible.
“I’m going to walk. I’m just down the block.”
“Well, until next time,” he said, sort of quietly, but with a slight smile just before extending his hand out for me to shake in a similar fashion as to the way he had offered his hand to Ian earlier.
I took it, and shook it firmly, sad that the evening had resulted in nothing more than a handshake. Until Craig leaned in and kissed me softly on the cheek.