Chapter 4
Kate
It was slow going, getting Claire dressed to leave. She was finally being discharged, and you’d think she’d be hopping up and down for joy, but she was sluggishly bitching about anything and everything I did.
“Will you please be careful!” she snarled, her teeth clenching as I pulled her pants up.
I’d already known the drill enough to grab a pair of sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt from her pajama drawer before I left for the hospital. I knew she’d want to go home in her own clean clothes.
“My leg hurts, Kate!” she hissed.
“Well, probably because you — how did you put it — ‘took a chunk out’ of your skin?” I snapped.
“Stop it.”
“Nope. Not this time, Claire.” I pulled the sweatpants over her butt and snapped the waistband.
“Jesus, I thought I was leaving the torture chamber!” she cried.
“Stop being dramatic,” I said. I wasn’t sure if I was trying to give her tough love or if I was really pissed off. Maybe it was a mix of both.
“Can I come in or not?” our dad’s deep, gruff voice called through the curtain.
“Not unless you want to see her boobs!” I shouted, frustrated as I jerked the white and blue hospital gown off from the front of her body. I could feel her cringe as soon as I mentioned her breasts out loud and I knew Dad was doing the same. But I didn’t care. I yanked hard at the cotton gown and it slid off her arms.
“Ouch!” Claire seethed, gesturing to the small cotton balls where her IV had been in.
“Sorry,” I said, finally getting her top on her. “Come on in, Dad!”
Dad walked in wearing an odd expression. His eyes looked more tired than usual and he had a half-smile on his face. I twisted my brows, confused. What the hell was he on? He looked high.
He walked toward us, an emotional grin on his face as tears edged their way at the brims of his eyes. His arms extended out to us and, immediately, I tensed as I felt one of his hands graze my shoulder. I held my breath as he pulled me and Claire close to him.
“Uh?” I grunted, as I felt my breath being squeezed out of my body.
What had gotten into him?
“I love you both so much,” he whispered, almost too faintly to hear. By the tension I felt come from Claire, I knew that she’d heard it too.
He pulled away from us and his hands dropped to his side for a second. He took a deep breath and then looked at me. “I have to head back to work. Will you be able to take her to the therapist?”
His voice was hurried. He was in a rush, but there was something genuine in it. It almost sounded like he actually felt guilty for having to leave.
As much as I wanted to be mad, and as frustrated and stressed as it made me that he was leaving and I had to finish all this on my own, I couldn’t be too angry. After all, he was there. And I was happy that he was there, finally. It meant that he was making some progress, and it meant that maybe he was actually going to try with Claire. At the end of the day, that was all I ever really wanted.
Well, that, and for the day to actually end.
Dad left, and I sat on the bed beside Claire. We talked while we waited for the nurse to come back with Claire’s discharge paperwork. Very few words were said at first, neither of us knew what to say about the behavior of the man who had just left. But, then we talked about her therapy. How she’d probably need treatments for a while after school. Every day. I wasn’t even sure it wouldn’t be for more than an hour if it meant individual and group therapy too. And then she’d be free to come home, or go out with friends, supervised.
“What fucking friends?” she snapped.
I huffed and clammed up for a moment, realizing that she really didn’t have any friends. Not any that I knew of anyway. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe she needed friends.
“Kate, snap out of it, already,” she said. “You’ve been zoning out all day.”
My eyes narrowed into slits and I looked at her. “What the hell are you talking about?” I said. “You’ve been sleeping most of the day while I’ve been running around here worried to death!”
“Well, when we’re talking, you just start looking all thoughtful — like a million things are going on in your head.” She sounded angry, although I had no idea how me having shit on my mind would make her mad. “I need you to be in the moment. Right here. With me.”
“Well, sorry to burst your bubble, little sis,” I spat, “but you didn’t even want to be here at all a matter of hours ago!”
I knew it wasn’t the time to bite her head off about it. I knew — in all my training — that it wasn’t the way I needed to handle it. We were both getting angry. The waiting game was never a good one. We knew we still had a lot left to do in the evening, and it didn’t help matters that the discharge process was taking its sweet ass time.
With every tick of the clock, I was pretty sure my anger and annoyance toward her grew just a little more. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock. My eye started to twitch and I had to bite my lips so that I wasn’t snarling at her.
But I had to stay calm, and I had to be supportive.
I wanted to show her how much I loved her, but I wasn’t really sure that I could; I didn’t know if I had it in me to be very loving at all.
She grabbed my cell phone right out of my hand, surprising me. I watched as she went through it like it wasn’t a big deal. She even went as far as immediately signing out of my Facebook account — and then into her own.
I rolled my eyes. She was such an annoying teenager sometimes. On the bright side, if she was signing into Facebook it had to mean she had some friends. “You know, you could’ve asked before grabbing my phone out of my hand.”
“Where’s my phone?” she asked. “Seriously, where the hell is my cell phone?”
I shrugged. “No idea.”
I knew very well where it was. I’d be taking charge of it for a while.
“Dammit Kate! Where the fuck is my cell phone?”
I had to love how eloquent my baby sister was. All that intellectual language spouting from her mouth. I loved how clean and crisp all those words were.
“You can have it back after the therapy appointment,” I said.
I wasn’t sure why exactly I was keeping it from her. If I just gave her the cell phone, she’d be a whole lot less of a headache to deal with. She’d leave my phone the hell alone, for starters. Oh, and let’s not forget — she wouldn’t have been pestering me constantly, asking where hers was.
“That’s so annoying!” she whined. “Just give it to me. I need contact with the outside world!”
“Well, you didn’t seem very concerned about that when you were cutting yourself,” I said. “Besides, you’ve barely been here long enough to merit a need for contact with the outside world.”
“Just lay off it!” Claire snapped, tossing my phone angrily into my lap. “I’m trying.”
“How are you trying?” I snapped back.
“Just,” she sighed, sadly. “Please, can I have my phone?” Her voice seemed defeated. Tired. “And please stop giving me that tough love shit like Dad does. I just need someone in my fucking corner.”
“You know what?” I said. “Whatever.” I reached over to the foot of the bed and into my coat pocket. I grabbed out the phone and jewelry they’d given me as soon as I got here. “They had your jewelry, too.”
I really wondered how long I’d be able to take that attitude of hers. I always knew teenagers were bad, but it was even worse having an angsty teenage sister, who always put you through hell and back. Tried to kill herself, and then still had the gall to continue on and act like a total bitch after I’d worried and been there all damn day.
And just as I felt my eye start to twitch, her doctor came in.
“Hey, guys! We’re all ready to go!” she said, walking over to Claire.
“I’m going to give a final dosage of pain killers before you get completely discharged,” she said to Claire, in a tone that said she’d just been freshly perked up. It was like she’d just downed her fourth cup of coffee, running on fumes — but very alert and pepped.
“Once you have all her things, feel free to leave at any time!” she said with even more pep than before.
“Great, thank you,” I said, shooting a glance at Claire. She could at least be polite.
Claire shrugged, barely looking away from her damn phone.
“I want to wish you both the best of luck,” the doctor said quietly, as she turned to walk away.
I nodded and watched the woman continue on before disappearing completely around the corner. As soon as she did, I hopped up off the bed and clapped my hands. “Let’s get all your stuff together!”
There wasn’t much. She had most of it in her hands, actually, so it didn’t take long. She stood — quickly, and then staggered a bit.
“I feel so faint,” she whined.
I stopped dead in my tracks. I was way too tired to deal with whining.
She leaned against the bed, as if she was using it to brace herself up. Like she’d fall if it weren’t for it holding her. Her head was down, like it was too heavy to lift up.
I groaned. “Just wait here and I’ll find a cab for us.” Big sister role once again. I wasn’t sure if she was being dramatic, or serious — with Claire, you could never really know. But I wasn’t going to take the risk of her fainting, hurting herself, and ending right back up in this cubicle again. But still I felt my patience wearing thin. Because seriously, I did not need any more on my plate.
“I’ll get cab and a wheelchair.”
I ran down the string of hallways and out the front door. The cold air hit me, but this time, I didn’t care. I was more concerned with just getting the hell out of there so I could eventually get home. I didn’t give a shit about the cold.
The sidewalks were busy, but I managed to squeeze through people and hail a cab, fairly quickly.
I could see through the glass window that my cab driver was a large fellow. He was bald and his head was shined with grease and he had a cigarette hanging in the corner of his mouth. The mouth that held what looked like a permanent scowl.
I knew the type. I hated to pass judgment based on looks — but I could tell that this guy wasn’t just having a bad day. He was a total dickhead. I opened the back door and a foul stench of smoke hit me right in the face.
“Come on, come on!” His voice was raspy and thick with a Jersey accent. “We ain’t got all day, lady!”
I rolled my eyes and bent down so that my head was just poked inside the backseat.
“I have to go back up and get my sister; she’ll be in a wheelchair,” I said sweeter than I’d intended, especially considering his shitty attitude. I’d about had it with poor attitudes for the day. Taking it from my sister was one thing — I didn’t have to take it from a stranger.
“I ain’t got room for your wheelchair!” he said.
“We won’t be bringing the wheelchair. I just need to bring her down in one.” I was getting mad, and my tone was showing it. I wasn’t going to just take being talked to like that. He was a fucking cab driver. His job was to sit, wait, and run his damn meter until I got to my destination.
“Well, meter’s runnin’ — just so ya know. Your money you’re wasting — not mine!”
“My thoughts exactly,” I mumbled under my breath as I slammed the door shut.
I turned back and jogged toward the large glass doors of the hospital. If I wasn’t paying for it, I probably would have snail paced the entire way. I pulled on the handles almost violently and stormed in. I wasn’t just annoyed at the rude-ass cabby, but also at the fact that it’d been the longest day to end all long days — and it wasn’t even over yet.
When I finally reached Claire’s curtain, I noticed it had been drawn shut again. I almost wondered if they’d moved someone else in her cubicle and kicked her out until heard her talking in a hushed whisper.
She’d just told me she didn’t have any friends, so who the hell was she talking to?
I leaned my ear against the curtain to eavesdrop, but it didn’t work. I couldn’t hear anything she was saying. There was too much interference—either a machine beeping, a person wailing, or the sound of footsteps blocked her words. So instead, I reached out and grasped hold of the curtain and pulled quickly.
She was still on the phone, and she looked at me wide-eyed. I wasn’t sure if she was caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to, or if she was just wondering what the hell I was doing lurking about and flinging curtains open dramatically, but her mouth was open wide and she pulled the phone away from her face, slowly, before ending the call.
She didn’t say goodbye to whomever she was talking to or anything.
I almost laughed at the shocked expression on her face, but part of me couldn’t help but wonder if she was hiding something from me. She usually was, after all.
“Who were you talking to?” I asked, hoping she’d just come clean.
“Mind your business,” she said, the shock wiping clear from her face.
“Whatever,” I said with a shrug. I wasn’t going to fight with her about this. It was probably a boy, and as far as I was concerned, she could have her silly little angsty boyfriend if she wanted. I just wanted to get her some help and maybe gain some of my own sanity back in the meantime.
“Let’s get going,” I said, before ushering her out of the opened curtained cubicle. “Meter’s running.”
We walked hand in hand. Not because we were joyous sisters having a grand old time, but so that she could hold her weight on me. Although she seemed perfectly fine when I’d busted in on her talking on the phone. She seemed like she was able to hold her weight up just fine.
And although I knew she was embellishing, I didn’t mind too much. I knew she probably really was tired. I felt bad for her. I wanted to hold her close to me and tell her it was all going to be fine.
When we reached the large desk between the waiting room and emergency department, a nurse brought out a wheelchair almost immediately. She grabbed one of Claire’s hands and helped me lower her into the chair.
Claire’s head fell forward, groggily. “I’m so tired.”
“Me, too,” I said. “Let’s get you to the therapist then home, yeah?”
The nurse smiled at me. “Have a good day, Ms. Murphy.”
I smiled back at her and wheeled Claire gently toward the double doors, trying my best to hurry. Having Claire so portable definitely made my job a whole lot easier. I flew down those halls, taking the corners as sharply as I could, until we got outside.
As soon as the cold air hit us square in the face, and I saw the cab still sitting there, I couldn’t help but feel relief. Despite the fact that the exhaust was sputtering out a gray cloud of nasty, I viewed that little yellow cab as heaven on earth. It’d be heated, and it was the first step I had to take to get home and back into the comfort of my bed.
I reached the back seat, and noticed before I pulled the door open, that the chubby man sat there, his face sullen. Clearly, I’d taken too long for his liking. I just rolled my eyes and flung the door open.
I took a deep breath and grabbed both of Claire’s hands, trying to pull her up. Instead of offering to help me, the cabbie just sat there while I struggled to get her to her feet.
“Hurry up, lady!” his disgusting raggedy voice bellowed out.
With one final pull, Claire was on her feet — at least long enough so that I could help her into the back seat.
“I’m going to just take this wheelchair back up to the front doors,” I said to the man, showing no sort of emotion whatsoever. I watched as Claire scooted to the other side and rested her head on the window, a smile of contentment on her face.
That must have been an awesome painkiller.
I pulled the wheelchair back up onto the sidewalk and raced it to the front doors. I wasn’t about to just leave it out on the street for someone to take. As soon as I got close enough to the door, a young male nurse rushed over and opened the door. “I’m so sorry!” he said quickly, looking genuinely concerned. “I should have helped you. Did you get her all loaded in?”
I nodded with a smile before pushing the wheelchair gently towards him.
I didn’t wait much longer after his hand grabbed hold of the handle, because I knew my cab bill was going to be absolutely heartbreaking. It was going to get worse if I didn’t hurry.
I turned on my heel and jogged to the open back seat before launching myself inside and slamming the door shut.
“Where we heading?” he asked, his voice softer as he looked at me in the rear-view mirror.
I rattled off the address and the cab began to move.
“So, earlier, you were gone a while when I slept,” Claire mumbled.
I turned to look at her. I had to admit, I was almost amused. She acted like she was high. “Yeah, a friend came by and he kept me company while you were out.”
“So is that the guy?” she asked, just as faintly as before.
“That’s the guy. Ian. He came to sit with me at the hospital.” I could feel my stomach flutter like it had nothing more than a million butterflies inside of it. I still couldn’t believe what sort of crazy effect he had on me.
“Tell me about him,” she said, but I knew she was drifting off, which was a good thing, because I wasn’t sure my nerves would let me talk about Ian. With the way my stomach had just leaped, it was a miracle I hadn’t hurled in the back seat. The cabby would have loved that.
I really wasn’t sure what it was about Ian, but I liked him.