Chapter 18
Ian
I couldn’t work, not with something so serious weighing on my mind. I had sat at my desk after talking to Kate on the phone, and I’d just stared at the screensaver of my laptop. For a whole fucking forty-five minutes. The whole time, I was going back and forth on what I should do.
“Fuck it.”
I grabbed my stuff, got in my car, and drove. Finally, I was there, in the halls of Mount Sinai. And I was wandering through every single corridor that I came across. I could’ve asked where Claire was, but I didn’t know her last name. Besides, I didn’t want to see Claire—I didn’t even know her. I wanted to see Kate.
My feet pounded in a nervous sort of panic, and I couldn’t tell where the fuck I was going.
I had no idea if I was even going in the right direction, or if I had crossed through the same zone twenty times. But I was searching for the emergency department.
I was searching for Kate, and the place was like a fucking maze.
“Dammit,” I growled as I turned a corner. I was getting pissed. I turned another corner, my feet still pounding in a panic. “Goddammit!” I said as I looped my body around the next corner. And then all I saw was a bouncing cloud of red before I felt the wind knocked out of me.
I gasped for breath, and my eyes shot open in shock. I had just run smack dab into someone, and that someone was Kate.
I finally caught my breath, and as soon as I did, she stood up tall on her tiptoes and threw her arms around me and flung her body against mine. I could tell by her uneven breathing that she was fighting back tears. I inhaled deeply, relishing the clean scent of her hair.
This was the first time that I had seen her so vulnerable. Sure, I had caught her right after a fight with her dad — but that had been nothing like this. This was different — completely different. I was touched that she felt comfortable enough with me to let me see it, and to let me hold her while she was going through it.
She pulled away and wiped at her red, puffy eyes. I could guess that she was trying to hide the fact that she’d been crying. I smiled at her and tipped her chin up with my index finger and thumb.
We hadn’t spoken any words, and I wasn’t sure words were really necessary. I was there for obvious reasons, and she was apparently happy to see me. There were no words that would explain it any more than I already knew.
“I’m so glad you came,” she whispered.
I couldn’t believe it. All this had happened — her day had been a total piece of shit, and she looked as beautiful as ever. She was wearing an oversized sweater, and everything on her — her face, her clothes, her make-up —looked absolutely gorgeous. She was almost flawless. The only things that stood out — the only things that would indicate the shitty day she was having—were her red, puffy eyes, and slightly frizzed hair.
But even despite that, she looked unbelievable.
“How’s Claire?” I asked, remembering why we were here.
“She’s okay. She’ll be fine, but right now, she’s just tired and sad.”
“Understandable. Have you eaten?”
“No, but I just want to be with you for a minute, if that’s okay?”
It was more than okay. We sat down in the waiting room, in one of the large, two-person chairs just against the wall. I draped my arm around her shoulders.
She leaned her body into me, pulling her head in, resting it against my chest, and then we fell into a surprisingly comfortable silence.
I loved moments when words weren’t needed. Especially right now, because I had no fucking clue what to say. It was real. The whole situation was just real. It was one of the most real things I had ever experienced.
“Do you think,” I mumbled, breaking the silence, “that maybe talking about it all will help?”
Kate lifted her head off my chest and looked into my eyes. Her gaze was deep. What had I done to deserve such a gorgeous woman lying against me, snuggling close?
“I just don’t know how to explain it so that anyone could understand what it is that I’m feeling,” she finally said.
“You don’t have to talk about any of this,” I said, “but I won’t really get it unless you explain it to me.”
She nodded as if considering my words. She sniffled and snuggled closer.
I pulled out my blue silk pocket square and handed it to her. “It’s not really a handkerchief, but it’ll do,” I said with a smile, hoping that she wouldn’t take offense to the fact that I’d noticed her getting snotty.
She looked up at me. “I can’t wipe my eyes with that.”
She was smiling, and her eyes glistened with more than just tears. Maybe, despite all the uncertainty in her family life right now, I could give her something solid and real—I could give her my companionship and friendship and even some affection.
“Yes, you can,” I said, smirking slightly. I put the cloth over my fingertips and wiped at her eyes as gently as I could, trying my best to dab them dry.
“Good thing I’m wearing water-proof make-up, huh?” she laughed, her head instinctively leaning into my touch.
I continued to dab her cheeks and eyes dry. I really didn’t give a rat’s ass about that pocket square. Not when it meant making her feel a little more comfortable.
She even eventually took it from me, her gratitude spread across her face and bright within those gorgeous green eyes. She seemed comforted, even if it was for just a moment.
“Thank you, Ian,” she said softly. “It was so sweet of you to come here.”
She pulled me into another hug, and I felt myself wrapped up once more.
Sweet. I couldn’t help musing at the description.
That was a word I’d never heard someone use to describe me. Usually, it was something along the lines of asshole, overbearing, difficult. Insensitive jerk had been a favorite, too.
I felt her warm breath run over my ear as we hugged. It caused a shiver to roll down my spine.
“I just hate that I keep crying,” she said. “I feel like an idiotic little girl.”
“No,” I said firmly, pulling away. “You’re not.” I tilted her chin up so she could look me in the eyes. “You’ve had a really bad day.”
"I know, but it’s still something I hate doing,” she said. “I hate when people look at me, and that’s what I feel like everyone’s doing right now.”
“It’s just me,” I said softly. “And I’m not going anywhere.”
“Thanks, Ian," Kate whispered as she hugged my side tighter.
She leaned her head against my shoulder, and I felt her lips and cheeks move against me. I knew she was smiling, at least faintly.
While comforting her, I had become aware of just how much I really did care for her. As if it wasn’t already blatantly obvious by the fact that I had even left work in the first place.
I glanced back down at her. I noticed, for the first time, that there was a small circle of freckles just on the nape of her neck, and even a small cluster of two or three just over her luscious lips.
Those lips looked even more inviting than they ever had before.
Her red hair shimmered in the fluorescent light of the hospital waiting room. Fluorescents made everyone look like shit, and being in a hospital usually did the same. But Kate looked good. Her hair shone and framed her face in a halo of beauty.
She kept glancing at the doors, and I couldn’t help but wonder if she was still waiting on her dad.
I turned and put my arm around her. She immediately melted into my embrace. I couldn’t help but breathe in her scent again — it was flowery and soft, and so fucking intoxicating.
I had never had the urge to hug a woman, not in a comforting sort of way. Hugging was never really my game. Why would it be? What good did a hug do?
Well, before, I thought nothing good could come from a hug. It wasn’t that I was against them, just that they didn’t make sense. I’d been wrong, though. Hugging Kate made all kinds of sense.
I ran my hand through her long, red, silky hair just before pulling back.
I felt my heartbeat quicken, and sweat formed above my brow. I couldn’t help but nervously gaze into her deep and intense green eyes just before leaning in again. Only this time, I wasn’t going for a hug.
I didn’t care — and she didn’t seem to either — that we were in the middle of the waiting room. Before I knew it, our lips came together.
It was bliss. Complete fucking bliss. I hated how much I was enjoying being with her, while her sister lay in a hospital bed not too far away, hurt.
But Kate’s body warmed me, and I felt her arms wrap around me, holding me close. The kiss was desperate, and it was like we were the only two in the room in that moment. It was like everyone else had disappeared.
It was almost exactly what it had been for our first kiss. We were in the middle of so many people, but it felt like we were the only two in existence.
The feeling that I had felt building all day finally started to bubble out. The kiss, which had been soft and tender, turned passionate, desperate, and lustful. We were both moaning.
Until, at about the same time, we realized where we were.
No matter how alone we felt we were, we weren’t alone, and we were being rude. Reluctantly, we pulled apart from each other. The other people in the waiting room were studiously ignoring us, except a little old lady who gave me a wide grin and a thumbs up. Kate had to bite her lip to keep from laughing.
As I situated myself in my seat and looked at the time on my phone, I realized that although it was getting a bit late, I wasn’t tired in the least. My mind was so busy. I couldn’t help but think about how much my life had changed in one day, that day I first met Kate.
It had been a Monday just like any other fucking Monday. I had gone to Starbucks just like any other day…but unlike any other day in the history of all my days — I’d forgotten my wallet, and a beautiful woman rescued me and bought my very much-needed caffeine for the morning. And that woman had started to make me feel something more than the day-to-day existence I’d been enduring.
She filled me with passion, excitement, and energy.
And now, she had me here, and I was worried about a girl I didn’t even know. Because I cared about Kate so much that I hated the thought of anyone close to her being hurt. I hated the thought of her being sad.
I had always loathed hospitals, especially after my dad died. But here I was, voluntarily. Unlike with every other woman I had ever dated, I wasn’t doing things like this hospital visit just to gain brownie points. I genuinely just wanted to be here with Kate. If I had any sort of doubt before about how much I had changed, this definitely sealed it. I was different.
She must have sensed that something was wrong because she turned to me, her face full of worry. She placed her warm hand on my forearm and asked gently, “Are you all right?”
I sat up and laughed a faint, tired laugh. “I should be asking you that.”
There really wasn't anything wrong with me — I wasn’t sad. I was confused. I was a little scared. This thing between us, whatever it was, felt powerful.
She tilted her head and gave me a slight smile. “I’m okay.”
I wrapped my arms around her again and gave her a soft, gentle kiss on the top of her head. She smiled in response and snuggled into my side.
“Really,” she said with a sigh. “Thank you for coming.”
And together we cuddled in the uncomfortably stiff chairs, holding each other.