Chapter 21 - Harper

Before I know it, one day turns into the next and it’s Friday evening again and almost everyone has gone home. I know I’ll have to come in to work tomorrow but maybe it can be a short day. I finally click shut down on my computer and start gathering my things. My left hand moves to touch my right ring finger, where I always wore my grandmother’s ring. My heart skips a beat when I don’t feel it there, and then I remember I took it off at the beginning of the week.

It should be right here, in the top drawer. I pull the drawer open and frown. There’s a few pens and bits of stationary but no ring. I empty the contents of the drawer but can’t find it anywhere. I pull open the second drawer, then the third, starting to feel the familiar hollowness in my stomach when I’ve lost something.

I can’t lose this ring! It was my grandmother’s ring, and I’ve worn it every day since the day she gave it to me. I go through every drawer, move everything around on my desk, check and re-check my purse.

“Fuck,” I breathe to myself as I slump down in my chair. All of a sudden I’m exhausted and I feel the tears start to well up in my eyes. Why am I so fucking emotional right now?! I’m either horny or crying or laughing hysterically these days. I look at the calendar on my desk and frown. I’m late for my period, so maybe it’s about to start and that’s why I feel like this. I’ll find the ring, but I can’t handle being an emotional wreck.

A thought creeps into the back of my mind. Maybe the reason I haven’t gotten my period is…. Could I be pregnant? All the cravings, the nausea?

I shake my head. It couldn’t be. I’ve been tested. One in ten million chance, the doctor said. Almost completely infertile. Almost. I sigh and shake my head again. I wasted enough energy hoping for that one in ten million, I’m not going down that path again. I’m just PMSing, that’s all.

I remember the way the doctor said those words. It felt like he reached inside me and tore my uterus out himself. Now the tears aren’t just welling up in my eyes, they’re pouring down my cheeks. I close my eyes and try to stop myself but I can’t stop my ragged breaths.

“Harper, are you ok?” Zach’s voice pierces through my sadness. My eyes fly open and I quickly brush the tears away. They’re still falling out of my eyes and I hate myself for it. I sit up.

“Fine, fine. I’m fine. Sorry,” I say, turning away from him. He walks into my office and comes around the desk, kneeling beside me.

“What’s wrong? Are you OK? What happened?”

I look at him and see what looks like real concern in his face. He’s staring at me so earnestly, so openly. He’s kneeling beside me and every party of my body is screaming for me to reach over and touch him.

“Nothing happened,” I say, brushing the last of my tears away. “God, this is so embarrassing.”

“Stop, it’s fine.” He stands up and leans on the desk beside me. He’s so close I can feel the heat of his body next to me. “It’s been a stressful week.”

“Yeah,” I reply lamely. How could I explain why to my boss I was crying, no, sobbing in my office on my own. Because I lost a ring? Because three years ago I was told I would never have children?? How completely pathetic of me.

“Harper, if this is about work, you should take the weekend off. You’ve put together a brilliant plan and the team will be able to carry it through.”

He’s staring at me again with those eyes. His face looks softer than it usually does, and his voice is barely louder than a whisper. It almost sounds like he really cares. I shake my head.

“I’ve got a couple things to do tomorrow. Don’t worry about me, Zach, you just caught me at a bad time. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you, Harper.”

Something in the way he says it makes my eyes flick up towards him. The softness in his eyes makes my heart grow twice its size and a soft warmth floods my veins. Zach reaches over and runs his finger along my temple, then tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. I close my eyes and inhale deeply as his finger traces the line of my jaw.

For the first time in three weeks, I ignore the voice that’s telling me this is wrong. All I’ve wanted is to feel his touch, and now he’s here next to me and everything feels right. My hand moves up to meet his and he grabs it, pulling me up to face him. He’s still leaning on my desk and suddenly I’m standing in front of him. He pulls me into him and wraps his arms around me, then brings his hand up to my cheek to wipe away the last of my tears.

“Don’t cry,” he says softly.

“I’m not crying,” I reply. “Not anymore, anyways.”

“Good,” he grins.

Time stands still as our faces move towards each other. I can feel the heat of his thighs on either side of my body and the warmth of his hand on my lower back. His other hand cups my face and then tangles into my hair as he brings my head closer to his. Finally, finally, our lips crush together and I taste his kiss again.

He tastes better than I remember. My arms hook themselves around his neck and I lean into him, pressing myself against his broad chest as his arms pull me in even closer. We kiss and kiss and kiss until I have to pull away to catch my breath.

“Let’s get out of here,” he growls. “I’ve been dreaming about you for three weeks, Harper. Come home with me.”

“Ok,” I reply. It’s the only response I can manage, even though I want to tell him that I’ve been dreaming of him too. I want to tell him that every orgasm I’ve given myself these past few weeks I’ve been thinking of him, and every time I see him all I want to do is run my fingers all over his body.

I don’t say any of that. I can’t. My throat feels tight and all I can do is stare at him, wide-eyed with my heart thumping against my ribs. He kisses my lips one more time and then grabs my hand. I pick up my purse and we head out the door together.