Chapter 45 - Valerie
“Hurry up, Val!”
“I’m coming!”
The impatience in Emma’s voice is just hovering beneath the surface of her words. Finally, I appear out of my bedroom and give her a twirl.
“How do I look!” I say with a smile.
“Fucking smoking hot!” Emma exclaims. I laugh.
She’s finally been able to drag me out on a Friday night. Ever since that last day with Clay I’ve kept to myself and buried myself in work. I’m so far ahead on the leaderboard every month that I’ve already been promoted to Regional Agent’s Manager. I’m the youngest Regional Manager in the firm’s history.
It’s bittersweet, though. The success at work comes nowhere near the high I was on for those few weeks three months ago. It feels somehow hollow and meaningless. Those weeks where everything was falling into place. I shake my head to dispel these thoughts. Emma is tapping her foot impatiently so I slip on my heels and head for the door.
“I’m so glad you’re coming out with me, Val. It’s not healthy to be working as much as you are and not getting out. Next thing you know you’ll have 17 cats and will be knitting them all sweaters for Christmas.”
“Ok, first of all, there’s nothing wrong with knitting. Second of all, have you ever SEEN a kitten?!” I protest. She rolls her eyes. “I’m just not into the bar scene, I actually like being at home.”
“It’s not about the bar scene and you know it. It’s that asshole doctor who messed you up.”
I feel a stabbing pain in my heart when she mentions him. I’ve spent the past three months convincing myself that he IS an asshole and I AM better off without him.
And yet, and yet....
There’s a piece of me missing. After that day I cried for three days straight. Emma was there, once again, to pick up the pieces. My thoughts flick back to that evening on the roof, under twinkling lights of the city, when he made me an amazing meal and made me feel special. I remember when we clinked our wine glasses together, he looked so strong and handsome. His eyes were dark but they were sparkling with soft emotion and kindness.
It’s the kindness that doesn’t make sense. I still don’t understand how someone so kind, so tender, could be so… fake. As hard as I’ve tried to convince myself that I’m better off without him, a small part of me still doesn’t believe it.
Even now, when I’ve spent the last three months convincing myself I made the right decision by cutting him off, I feel a warmth in my centre at the thought of him. At the thought of his strong, muscular body that looks like it was chiseled in stone.
I can almost, almost feel the sparks fly across my skin at his touch. Almost, but not quite.
I haven’t told Emma that I haven’t had an orgasm since the last day I saw him. Truthfully, I haven’t really tried. There’s no point. I know, deep down, that I can’t come without his touch.
Emma continues. “Listen, we’re not going to try to hook you up with anyone. We just need to get you out of this freaking apartment and around some other people! People you don’t work with.”
Tonight is the first time I’m going out since I stopped talking to him and I’m incredibly nervous. I don’t even know why! Nervous to talk to other guys, maybe. Nervous I’ll run into him. A part of me almost hopes I will, but I chide myself for admitting it. New York is a big city, the chances of running into him are minuscule. And plus, he should be in Seattle by now.
The thought of him gone away to the other side of the country is simultaneously a relief and the worst thing I could imagine.
Emma and I hop in a cab and head to the newest lounge down the street. It’s packed to the rafters with people and my heartbeat increases immediately. Emma grabs my elbow and gives it a squeeze, sensing my unease.
“It’ll be ok,” she whispers in my ear.
She struts into the bar and as usual all eyes are on her. She’s sex on legs, and I’m glad that the attention isn’t on me. I just need to find a corner to hide in now to calm my anxious mind.
My eyes scan the room instinctively. I’m looking for him, I know I am.
What am I doing? I’m the one who stopped talking to him. Even if he was here, who’s to say he would even give me the time of day. He would probably have some bombshell on his arm. Maybe even more than one.
The thought of Clay with another woman makes me lightheaded. I feel sick. Of course he’s been with other women since me, he’s a player. That’s what he does. I need to get over this, and going out tonight is the first step.
I follow Emma to the bar and we order some drinks. She turns around and is immediately accosted by a tall, good-looking blond guy. He’s got that wind-whipped hair look that reminds me of a surfer. I wonder how he achieved that look in New York City. I look at him and take a deep breath. I’m not sure I can do this.
Emma gives my elbow a squeeze again and turns to the guy.
“Guess what! I just bought her seventeenth cat today!” She tells him excitedly. “I’ve started knitting them Christmas sweaters already, want to see some photos?”
He opens his mouth and then closes it like a fish out of water, and then spins on his heels and walks away. I burst out laughing. I love this girl.