Chapter 50 - Clay
Val has this little smile on her face that makes my heart swell. Her golden hair is around her on the pillow like a halo. Her cheeks are flushed and her eyes are clear blue like turquoise tropical water. I don’t want to look away from her. I want to drink her in, keep her in my sights and never let her go.
I pull her in closer to me, letting my hands roam down her back. She nuzzles into me and moans in contentment.
“I missed you,” I tell her quietly.
She pulls her head back and strokes my cheek. Her touch is soft and tender, and I close my eyes to savour the sensation.
“I missed you too,” she replies. “It’s been the worst three months of my life.”
We stare at each other, trying to find the words to speak our hearts to each other. She starts.
“I’m sorry I cut you off, Clay. It was a mistake. When I thought I lost you, I..” her words trail off and I can see her eyes welling up with tears.
“Hey, hey,” I say gently, running my hands through her hair. “I’m here.” I pull back and look at her, staring intensely into her deep blue eyes. “I’m here, you hear me? I’m not going anywhere.”
A tear rolls down her cheek and I brush it away gently. The sight of it makes my chest tighten.
“Can you tell me what happened, Clay? I kept telling myself you were a bad person, a player but I don’t know… I just don’t believe myself.”
Her voice is strained, like she has a lump in her throat. I can see the tears welling up again and I stroke her hair. “Tell me you’re not a bad person, Clay,” she whispers hoarsely.
I take a deep breath. “I worked as a male entertainer when I was in med school,” I start. She frowns slightly and I feel the corner of my mouth tugging upwards. “A stripper.”
“So it was true,” she says, eyes widening. I can feel her heartbeat next to me, getting faster as she processes what I’ve told her.
“That part was. I met Caroline in my first year, at a bachelorette party.”
“A bachelorette party… so.. she knew?”
“She knew from the start. I tried to be clear with her, that I couldn’t stop doing it, not while I was in med school. The money was too good and the schedule worked with my crazy school hours.”
The memories start tumbling back to me and my voice catches in my throat. I take a deep breath and continue.
“I never cheated on her.” My voice is hard, strained. The emotion is making it hard to speak but I want to tell her. I have to tell her, she has to believe me. Val’s eyes are wide as she waits for me to keep talking.
“Not once. I never touched another woman, never even considered it, but you can imagine the type of job it is. I couldn’t stop working though. It’s always been my dream to be a doctor and I wasn’t going to let something like money get in the way. She just… couldn’t handle it. She couldn’t handle me being surrounded by all those women all the time.” I take a deep breath and look at Val. She’s listening to every word, eyes wide, gaze intent on me. I can’t tell what she’s thinking but I have to continue.
“I don’t blame her. Not for that. I know that I wouldn’t be able to handle it if my partner was working a job like that. But then..” I sigh. “I wish I’d broken it off with her. I knew she couldn’t handle it, but I was too weak. I didn’t want to be alone.”
I’m quiet for a while and Val brings her hand up to my cheek.
“What happened?” She asks quietly.
I look at her. She’s not judging me, she’s just quietly listening, waiting for me to tell her my story. To speak the words I haven’t told anyone.
“She told me she’d rat me out, tell the guidance counsellor at school that I was working as a male stripper and make sure I never got an internship unless I stopped dancing. Either way she was backing me into a corner, forcing me to give up being a doctor.”
“Oh Clay,” Val breathes. “That’s awful.”
“Then she cheated on me. I found her in bed with my best friend.”
Hot tears roll down my cheeks and for the first time in almost five years, the betrayal I felt comes to the surface. Val holds me and lets me cry, cooing soft words into my ear. Her voice pierces through the sadness and the betrayal and lifts me up. I feel lighter until my throat opens up and I can speak again.
“I have photos, Val. I can show you the bachelorette party where Caroline and I met. I swear on everything that is holy that she knew what I was.”
“Clay, I believe you. I believe you.”
“When I saw Emma at the restaurant, I… Val. You have to believe me. I know how it feels to find your partner with your best friend and I never meant to hurt you. I would never do that to you.”
“Clay, stop. Emma is my best friend, and she told me to make up with you that day. I was mad and jealous, I hate the thought of you with anyone else. But I know it was before us and I believe you when you say you wouldn’t do that to me.”
We both lay there in silence, letting the words we’ve been speaking sink in. Val opens her mouth and starts speaking softly.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you, didn’t let you speak to me and explain everything.”
I shake my head.
“I should have tried harder,” I say. “After Caroline, I vowed to never let someone else in, to never compromise my plans for the sake of a relationship. So when you ignored my calls I just gave in. I gave up.”
Val’s eyes are watering again. “Why did you come back then?”
I breathe deeply. Val’s skin is so soft next to mine, her heat is like a healing balm on my heart.
“I came back because you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I was working my dream job in Seattle but I dreamt of you every night. Val, I love you.” My voice catches in my throat and I force myself to continue. “I need you. I’ve never been happier than when I’m with you.”
Val puts her delicate fingers over my lips to silence me. Her voice is barely louder than a breath, and her eyes are sparkling like diamonds in the sunlight.
“I love you too, Clay O’Neill,” she whispers, and then brings her lips to mine. My heart soars and I grip her tight against me. I’m never letting her go again.