Chapter 28 - Clay
I want to tell her everything about me, about my life and upbringing, about my time at medical school. My time as a stripper. How I worked on this apartment until it was completely transformed. About my ex, and the way she hurt me. I want her to know everything about me and I want to know everything about her. But every time I open my mouth the words catch in my throat and I can’t tell her anything. She’s in my arms and I feel more content than I’ve felt in years but I’ve lost my ability to speak.
I feel a twinge in my chest when I try to relax into the feeling. I can’t let that happen again, let myself be stomped on and crushed by a woman. I take a deep breath and try to harden myself. I’ll get bored of her like I get bored of every girl. But then, as if she senses my unease, she lifts her hand and runs her fingertips all over my chest, back and forth across until I have no choice but to relax into her touch.
“So why are you selling this place,” she asks, breaking the silence. “It’s beautiful.”
“I’m moving,” I respond, blurting it out.
“Oh yeah?” Her voice sounds a bit strained, like her words are ever so slightly forced.
“To Seattle.”
Her body tenses slightly. “Seattle?”
“For work. The country’s best cardiologist is there and I want to learn from him. I’ve been working towards it since I started medical school and it finally looks like it’s going to happen.”
“That’s really great, congratulations,” she says, but her voice is flat. She doesn’t seem to be happy for me at all. At least it’s out in the open now. Don’t get attached, girl, because I’m leaving. You’re lucky you’ve seen me twice as it is.
The realisation that I’m leaving hits me now. Of course I shouldn’t open up to her, I’m leaving! I’m moving across the country and I have no time for this as it is. This is just a bit of fun caused by a mutual attraction. She needed help getting off and I’m here to provide that help. That’s all. Or at least that’s what I need to keep telling myself. I’m letting this get away from me.
She sits up in the bed and looks at me, smiling. Her face is almost radiant, and I love how her hair is like a mane around her head. I can’t help but smile back. Spending a bit of time together won’t hurt. Seattle isn’t confirmed, after all.
“Let’s get some food,” she says. “I’m starving.”
“What did you get?” I ask.
“Only the best Thai food in New York! You won’t be disappointed.”
We get up and share the food she brought. I crack open a couple beers and hand her one. It’s comfortable being here with her. I like the way she tucks one foot under herself on the chair when we sit down to eat, and the way she tucks her hair behind her ear before taking a bite. It’s like she’s just as comfortable with me as I am with her.
I never thought I’d want this, never thought I’d actually look forward to spending time with one woman so much. She laughs at something I say and her face lights up, eyes crinkling a little bit at the corner. My heart beats a little bit harder and I wish I could bottle some of that laugh and take a sip of it whenever I’m feeling down.
I wonder what this feeling is, why my heart feels light. And then it hits me: I’m happy.
“I still don’t think you should sell this place,” she says to me. “It’s too perfect. And you worked so hard on it. Can’t you go to Seattle and keep it, at least for a little while? Rent it out or something?”
“I hadn’t really considered that. I kind of just wanted a clean break. There’s nothing holding me in New York anymore.”
“Anymore? What happened?”
“Nothing. What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?!”
She laughs that gorgeous laugh again. “Fine, sell it, but make sure you sell it to one of my clients because I wouldn’t mind the commission.”
We sit on the couch together and I put on one of the movies I chose. I look at her sideways and notice a freckle on her neck, right below her ear. I lean over and kiss it without thinking. She giggles and turns her head towards me, finding my lips and kissing me softly. The movie starts up and she turns towards it.
“Oh! Pulp Fiction! One of my favourites!” she exclaims. I look over at her in surprise.
“Really?! Me too. Girls don’t usually like this movie. I thought you’d want to watch The Notebook or something.”
“Girls don’t usually like this movie?! What kind of girls?! I thought you weren’t a ‘hang out on the couch and watch movies with a girl’ kind of guy. And plus, The Notebook is a classic and I’d appreciate it if you spoke about it with respect.” She nudges me in the ribs with her elbow and I laugh. I put my arm around her and we settle in for the movie.
I didn’t know I could be so content just sitting in my apartment on a Saturday night.