Chapter 47 - Valerie
I say goodbye to my client, knowing I’ve made another sale. She shakes my hand and then hails a cab, jogging from the building’s awning to the cab door to avoid getting drenched in the rain. I look up at the sky. No signs of this storm clearing.
The rain is belting down, bouncing up off the sidewalk and flooding the gutters. I look down the street and chew the inside of my cheek. I’m only a block away from that cafe in Soho, from that loft. My heart beats a little bit faster when I glance in that direction.
A nice, warm latte would be really nice right now. I am in the neighbourhood, and if I happen to glance up at a certain set of windows, that won’t hurt, will it? It’s probably empty, or has new owners. He’s definitely in Seattle by now.
I pull out my umbrella and open it up, heading in the direction of the cafe. I duck in and fold up my umbrella, leaving it by the door and shaking my hair out. I glance out the coffee shop windows at the other side of the street, but I can barely make out the building through the rain. I shouldn’t be here, I think. It’s too close for comfort. My heart is beating hard in my chest and my breath is shallow and quick.
I walk up to the counter and order a latte, to stay. I pick a table and wait for my order to be ready. When it’s called out, I wrap my fingers around the warm mug and sit back down, wondering what I’m doing here.
I shouldn’t be here. I’ve avoided this area ever since that day, when I found the truth about Clay O’Neill’s personality. I don’t want to run into him. Didn’t want to run into him. My heartbeat quickens at the thought of seeing him. I take another sip of hot, milky coffee to calm my nerves. I shouldn’t even be nervous! He doesn’t live here anymore, I’m sure of it.
How can I be sure? I think to myself. I can’t. But I have to tell myself that he’s gone forever. Maybe if I glance up at the windows and see someone else in that gorgeous loft apartment then I’ll be able to move on knowing he’s gone.
I sip my coffee slowly, savouring every mouthful of hot liquid. It’s creamy and sweet, and it runs down my throat warming me up from the inside. I close my eyes with every sip, letting my body relax and my mind go blank.
I’ll finish my drink, and then walk across the road and look up at the windows, just once. Then I’ll walk away and I won’t come back.
I’ll move on.
This is the last step. After this, I can move on. Maybe I can even try to get myself off. I still have my Girl’s Best Friend, and I know it’s not the toy that’s broken. I know I can do it, I just have to prove to myself that I can do it without him.
Do I even want to do it without him?
Before my mind starts spiralling down that path I stand up and push my chair back. I gather my things and take a deep breath, ready walk across the street and then walk away. Forever.
My umbrella is still dripping wet but I shake it out just outside the door before opening it up. I step out into the rain and wait for the light to change, and then cross the street.
Each step takes me closer and closer to his building, his home. The building where I felt as much at home as I have anywhere else in this city. Each step makes my heart beat faster, my breath more ragged. I can hear my own heartbeat raging in my ears like a torrent, drowning out the rain and the incessant honking of New York City traffic.
I step up onto the curb on the other side of the street and look at the familiar brick wall, raking my eyes upwards slowly. Brick by brick, storey by storey, window by window, I bring my gaze up to the loft. It’s dark, there aren’t any lights on. I can’t see any furniture in the darkness nor can I see any movement. I sigh, letting all the nervous energy out with my breath.
It’s done.
He’s gone.
The realisation hits me like a moving train and the breath is knocked out of me.
He’s gone.
He’s gone.
Hot, burning tears start welling up in my eyes. I’ve lost the one thing that made me feel whole. I cut him out, without realising what I was doing. I didn’t let him explain a word to me, I just took that woman’s story at face value.
He’s gone.
I’ve lost him.
The weight of my mistake hits me. I cut him out without listening, without trusting him. I let my pride and my embarrassment get in the way of hearing what he had t osay. The tears are rolling down my cheeks and finally, standing in the cold rain outside his apartment I understand the true depth of my loneliness. My feet are like blocks of concrete, I can’t move, I can’t think. I can only cry silent, unending tears.
And then, a voice pulls me out of my stupor. Not A voice, THE voice. The voice I’ve been dreaming of, the voice I’ve been missing. His voice. His voice! He’s calling my name!
“Val!”
I spin around towards the sound and I see him opening the lobby door, rushing towards me. In an instant he’s drenched by the rain but it doesn’t matter, nothing matters. He crashes into me and his arms are around me, pulling me into him. My umbrella drops to the ground as I lift my arm up towards his neck, wrapping myself around him.
His lips collide with mine and the sweet warmth of his kiss envelops me like nothing before. It’s not just a kiss, it’s more. It’s our entire beings, our hearts, our souls colliding, meshing, coming together and dancing together with our tongues.
The rain pours down and washes my face clean of my tears. He brings a hand up and tangles his fingers into my hair, pulling my head closer to him. Our clothes are drenched, soaked in the rain. The cold means nothing, it is nothing, compared to the heat of our bodies coming together.
His hands travel down to my ass and he hoists me up to his waist. I wrap my legs around him and bring my hands to the side of his head. I don’t stop kissing him for a second. I can’t stop. I won’t stop.
He’s here.
He’s here.
He’s mine, and I’m his.