Rivers

“This is quite the turnabout,” Hannah says when I set a cold glass of water in front of her since hers is empty.

“It’s water. I was going inside anyway,” I downplay. The truth is, I’d do anything to help her out. She became family well before she exchanged I do’s with Jet last year.

My oldest brother is the one who sacrificed his own ambitions for ours. If one of us had to go without, he always chose himself. He and Stella are similar that way. What they don’t realize is we’re all in this life together. We can row the boat when they are tired. We can man it when they feel weak. We can step up and let them recover.

Unless we don’t know. They hold their cards close to their chest until you get close enough to sneak glimpses of the burden they carry. The moment Stella allowed me in, to let me share her pain, she blossomed like a flower seeking the sun for me. And it is a beautiful sight to see.

Hannah went a different route, bringing a son Jet never knew he had into the picture, into all our lives. Alfie dashed from the table as soon as he was excused to return to playing a video game he’s obsessed with. Jet’s family went from us to six in less than two years. Nikki made seven. And Ridge, former sufferer of cool name envy when he used his birth name of Dave, feels right at home sitting at the large Crow family table. Whether he’s Dave or Ridge, he’s part of the family.

Hannah laughs but then leans over the side of a little portable baby bed when Violet, their three-month old, stirs. The baby grabs her finger and falls back asleep. Lowering her voice, Hannah says, “I mean you and Stella. Thank you for the water, though, too.”

“Oh.” I chuckle. My own unburdening in Austin has allowed me to sit back and enjoy being around my family again and not harbor any envy or sadness that I was slowly becoming the odd brother out. I don’t want Stella in my life because of being lonely, though. I want her because she should have been here all along. She should be sitting here now. She’s the half of my being I’ve been missing. It feels good to spend time with these couples, these amazing people, and feel whole.

I knock the top of my bottle against Ridge’s, and ask, “We didn’t have a chance to talk back in Austin—”

“Not my fault. You were a bit preoccupied at the time.”

I can’t deny I was utterly distracted in every minute of every day—happily distracted. “Nice try. What’s up with you and Meadow?”

Tulsa practically spews his beer, causing Nikki to jump up from the chair next to him. “What the hell?” she asks, making sure she’s clean from the scene. Then Violet garbles, and she says, “Sorry.”

Hannah smiles, waving her off. “She’s fine. Don’t worry.”

He says, “Man, I haven’t thought about her in a while. How’s she doing?” I’d almost forgotten Tulsa used to have a crush on Meadow. With a constant threat of me kicking his ass hanging over his head, he was wise enough not to go near her . . . At least I think he didn’t.

When Nikki sits in his lap, he wraps his arm around her without missing a beat. They’re good for each other and uniquely them—full of love for each other and for life. They soak in everything life has to offer and laugh with each other. A lot.

Being a lead singer of her own band gives Nikki a perspective that not many other people understand. Not only does she understand what we go through to make our music, but she also gets Tulsa like no one else ever has. She has a freer spirit—a cool calmness—about her.

I once said how incredible it is that Tulsa found his perfect match, and I meant it. He’s never looked better. He’s never been more focused when he’s hitting the drums, and although the Ferrari surprised me at the airport, his rowdier ways seem to be settling down.

I set my bottle on the table, and say, “She’s good. Right, Ridge?”

Ridge laughs and hits my upper arm. “You’re an asshole.”

Jet starts laughing. “Do I want to know what that’s about?”

Taking a long gulp of avoidance with his beer, he finally just says, “We messed around a little. Nothing serious.”

A feeling of protection zips through me. “Does she know that?”

He’s already shaking his head by the time I finish the question. “She’s the one who said it.”

“Shot down?” Tulsa cringes. “Man, that’s rough.”

Nikki asks Tulsa, “Did you date her?”

Tulsa shakes his head. “Nah. She’s like a little sister to me.” Eyeing Ridge, he nods, and adds, “Like a hot little sister.” That earns him an elbow to the ribs.

“How do you put up with his shit, Nik?” I ask, sitting back in the patio chair, stuffed from the food that still covers the table.

“As long as it’s in the past, it’s ancient history. If it invades my present, that’s another story altogether.” She turns to me. “My brother said to give ’em a call when you and Ridge got back to LA.”

After touring all summer with her band, Faris Wheel, all of us became friends. Her cousin and brother round out their sound, and the guys are free to mingle. I wouldn’t mind hanging out with them and grabbing some beers, but the status quo has changed. I’m not going to do one damn thing to screw up what I’m rebuilding with Stella.

Ridge answers for both of us. “Will do.”

Resting my elbows on the table, I look at Jet. “Can we talk? In private?”

His eyes go to his wife’s first, and then he nods at me. “Sure. Let’s go to the studio. The sound equipment was installed last week. It’s sick it’s so sweet.”

We leave the others, and I follow him down a Saltillo tiled hall. They bought a Spanish style home in Benedict Canyon. I’m not familiar enough with LA to lay down roots yet, but with two kids, Jet and Hannah had other things, like schools, to consider.

Jet shows me the soundboard and the latest in innovations connected to it. Taking over the captain’s chair, he rolls the other toward me. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”

“I told Stella she could stay at the house.”

“Of course. We’re probably selling it soon, though. Even if we ever wanted to move back, we wouldn’t move back into that house.” I kick my feet up on the desk, and he promptly knocks them back to the floor. “Respect, man.” He’s teasing, but he still means it. “What’s going on with Stella? Does she need a place to live?”

“Landlord and asshole issues.” I rest on my forearms, needing advice. “I want her with me, but that’s fast, so I’m not sure how she’ll take it. I don’t want her to think I don’t respect her career or her by asking her to dump her life to be with me. And then there’s Meadow. Stella will never leave her behind, and I don’t think it’s right to either. Unless she wants to stay.”

“You said at dinner that they’re estranged from their parents. I’m sure there’s a story to back that, but do you think they’ll want to move across the country and leave everything behind?”

Lowering my head, I rub the back of my neck. “She’s been through some shit she never should have been.” I look back up. “I don’t think she’d mind a fresh start. I just don’t want to take away her independence.”

“If Stella wants to be with you, that’s not taking away her anything. It’s adding to her life. Like Hannah, man. For some unknown fucking reason, she loved me enough to allow her life to move in a different direction. But love does that. It doesn’t compete with who is more important. True love just gets shit done.” He stands and turns a few knobs before leaning against the desk and crossing his ankles. “You guys were kids back then. Reasoning hadn’t even kicked in. Mistakes were made. This is a second chance that I can see you want. Now you need to find out what she wants before you move in different directions.”

“Yeah,” I say when I stand. If there is one thing I truly appreciate about my big brother, it’s that he gets the deep stuff . . . and doesn’t need many words to communicate it. It’s what makes him a good brother, and excellent lyric writer, and a man I admire. True love just gets shit done. We walk back down the hall. Before we reach the others, I ask, “Do you remember how Mom used to put vases around the house?”

He stops and looks back with a grin that accompanies that happy memory. “I remember that. We’d pick flowers for her and put them in the jars. She always said the only bad thing about flowers was watching the slow death of something so beautiful.”

Instead of the daisies Mom loved coming to mind, my thoughts are on Stella. “That’s true.”

* * *

I claimed the guest room at Jet’s while Ridge took off with Tulsa and Nikki to the bungalow they’re renting in the Hollywood Hills. There was talk of going down to Sunset and getting drunk, but I want to lie low tonight and check in with my woman. Even more so because of the story that broke.

“Hello?” she answers after the first ring, making me feel victorious.

“I’ve been wanting to hear your voice all day.”

“I was stuck in class all day thinking about you. That’s why I missed your call.”

“It’s okay, but I need to tell you something.”

“Is it the Naomi story I saw online?”

“You saw?”

A heavy breath like a load off her chest is heard. “I didn’t read it. Screw her. She’s stolen too much of my time away with you already. I’m not giving her a second more.”

My chest still feels tight. I can’t have us moving backward after all the work we did to repair our relationship. “I told you everything that happened.”

“And I believe you. I do. When I decided to trust you again, it wasn’t just for the past but also for the future. I trust you, Rivers. So let her get her thirty seconds of fame and then we never have to think about her again.”

“Thank you.”

“No thanks needed. As for you being gone, I already miss you. That’s not normal, right?”

“It’s normal for us because I miss you too. I’ve been thinking a lot about that.”

“Do you want to share those thoughts?” she asks in a low voice, a tone that makes me feel like a voyeur intruding on an intimate moment. So fucking sexy.

“I’ll give you a hint. Every thought is about you and me being together.”

Her light laughter fills the line between us. “That sounds like more than a hint, babe. Remind me never to play poker with you.”

Babe. That’s new. I like it. A lot. “When we’re alone, I won’t be wasting time playing cards with you unless it’s strip poker.”

“We don’t have to play cards for you to get me naked.” A heavy breath laced with desire is heard. “I probably shouldn’t tell you—”

“Tell me. Don’t ever hold back.”

There’s a pause and another breath, but then she says, “I didn’t know . . . after what happened to me . . . I put the memory in a box like a bad date so it wasn’t as horrific to ruin something I once enjoyed. That box in my mind never closed, though, until I saw you. I didn’t know I could feel desire, that I would crave your hands on me in ways that are dirty but never made me feel dirty when you touched me. Rivers?”

“Yeah?” My voice lowers to match the desire stirring in me from her confession and the images of her on top of the car as I took her for all the stars in the night sky to see.

“When I said I loved you, those weren’t just words to me.”

“I’m coming back to you, Stella Lilith. There’s no way I’m not.”

“Even though you left this morning, I’ve been smiling all day. You know why?”

“Why?”

“Because when you said that miles are the only thing that will ever be between us, that spoke for my heart as well. It’s not a matter of believing. It’s a matter of knowing. I know we’ll be together, and I can’t wait because I suspect that reunion sex with you is going to be pretty spectacular.”

“Fireworks spectacular. I promise. So you know, this is new for both of us. When we were together before, I only left town once without you and that was a night of sleeping in the truck since we couldn’t afford a motel much less a hotel.”

“You had a gig in Nacogdoches right before finals. I couldn’t get off work to go with you.”

“You remember that?”

“I remember how lost I was without you.” God, I love this woman.

Holding the phone to my ear, I tighten my fingers around it, and whisper, “Now I’m the one who’s lost.”