Jessica
Kenneth and I discuss how this is going to work before he goes away, but it still surprises me how easy the routine is to slip into.
I visit Gramps during the day, while Kara looks after Abbie, giving me a whole day to spend talking to him, entertaining him and encouraging him to practice the exercises his speech therapist and physiotherapist have given him.
I’d been concerned that his previously infallible spirit was starting to slip in the face of struggling to communicate and have the sort of lively conversations he’s always been able to before - but over the week, his interest and enthusiasm in practicing seems to pick up again. I’m not sure what it is, maybe having me around more often or maybe I’ve just gotten better at understanding and talking to him, but it’s a relief to see and I start feeling like maybe having me around really is making a difference.
It’s definitely making a difference to me, at least. I didn’t realize how guilty I’d been feeling every time I left him, until that feeling started to ease after spending all day together. I get back to Kenneth’s home to take over from Kara, in time for her to have an early finish and drive to Jefferson City, and by the time I’m with Abbie, I actually start feeling like I have the space and mental capacity to think about something other than Gramps’ recovery.
Either that, or being around Abbie just demands that of me anyway, in the way I’d guess only a four-year-old little girl could do. I’m glad for it though and not just for the relief that not thinking about that all the time gives me - I also just love engaging in all the little things Abbie wants to tell me. Becoming part of her world for a little while, whatever fun, inventive things she comes up with, instead of dealing with the difficult reality of my life.
She tells me all the things she got up to with Kara, or at nursery, and sometimes we play a little and continue some of those games. Other times I find her paints and craft materials and we create big landscapes out of random components, or I make up stories that she acts out. I get her dinner and help her with her bath and bedtime, and I’m surprised how she doesn’t seem to mind that it’s me doing all these routines instead of her Daddy.
I guess that sometimes Kara does them, when Kenneth has been away before, and maybe she’s used to it…but it still touches me, somehow.
Halfway through the week, I have a bad day with Gramps. He tries so hard to have long, real conversation with me - the kind of lively debate we used to have about the things he reads in the paper - and I’m excited when I get in and he starts talking about it, articulately and totally understandable, feeling for a moment that maybe things are back to how they were.
Within the first ten minutes, though, that initial confidence deteriorates and I watch him getting increasingly frustrated as he struggles for words he can’t find, slurs others and I have to ask him to repeat himself several times. He tries for a long time and we have a bit of a conversation about it, but he gets increasingly frustrated and withdrawn and it hurts to see how demoralized it makes him.
I try to tell him how great it is we could start that, the obvious progress he’s making and how much better he’s getting with the exercises, but it doesn’t seem to help and when I leave - early, at his insistence - his dejection seems to have worked its way into me, too.
That evening, when I get back to Kenneth’s, I’m not quite there and I know it. I feel bad about it, but I can’t change it - and somehow, Abbie seems to know. Instead of trying to talk to me or play any of the games we have been doing, she pulls me over to the TV and says she wants to watch a movie.
That’s about all I feel up for at that moment anyway, so I gratefully put on Tangled when she points at it and sit back down on the couch with her. I’m surprised a few moments later when she wriggles her way under my arm and cuddles up to me and I feel myself tense up, looking down at her. I’ve played games with her and hugged her goodnight before, but we’ve never been close like that before. The appropriateness of it briefly crosses my mind, but I find myself relaxing and wrapping my arms around her before I let myself think about it too much.
She probably misses her Dad. He probably cuddles her all the time.
And…it’s nice.
Unexpected and different, but nice.
I find myself thinking more about that than the movie, wondering what it would be like if I had children…whether I ever will. I didn’t think I was that bothered before - and I certainly haven’t put any effort into finding a partner - but…well…now I’m not so sure. Being around Abbie is enough to make me want…something.
Family, maybe.
Though I wonder if I’m just thinking that because of Gramps’ stroke. Unbidden, I find myself thinking about the letter I had from my Mom again, the same way I have intermittently over the last few weeks. I haven’t been able to bring myself to reach out or do anything about it. I don’t know whether I want to and I haven’t even had the energy to think about it. The last thing I need right now is to introduce another emotional storm into my life. With how fragile I feel about Gramps sometime, I don’t think I could cope if it affected me more than I expect.
Still, I think about it. And I think about Gramps. And Abbie, and Kenneth.
And the idea of family.
What it is, what it ever was, what it could be…
Things I’m not sure I should be thinking at all, as we cuddle up for the movie and I slowly let myself relax.
The thoughts and feelings about the day gradually leaving me as I sink back into the couch. Halfway through I even get ice cream and we eat it before dinner - though I make her promise not to tell Kenneth. He strikes me as the kind of guy who has strict rules about these things.
She giggles about it and gets far too full eating ice cream, barely eats her dinner and spends the rest of the evening bouncing around trying to play with me. I count that evening as a one-off failure and tell myself it’s probably allowed.
Everyone needs a day to make bad decisions and indulge themselves a little bit sometimes. That’s okay.
Not that I’m planning to tell Kenneth too much about it.
I go to bed feeling strange that evening. Not in a bad way, just a little bit confused, a little bit achy inside, and not really sure what to make of it. Not sure whether my feelings are about Gramps or Abbie or both. Or Kenneth. Even if he isn’t here, it’s hard not to think about him when I’m staying in his house, looking after his daughter.
There is something about being here that feels strange in itself.
Living here, spending so much time with Abbie and setting up Skype calls for her to talk to Kenneth…it’s almost like being a part of their life together, their little family, but not quite. Slightly on the outside, looking in. I can’t help wondering whether that’s how Nannies feel in general, or whether it’s just me - just with these two.
It’s so easy to imagine what it would be like to really be part of it that I can’t help thinking about it, even if it is silly. Even if I’m just helping Kenneth out for a week.
Even if you’re still fantasizing about him.
I know that doesn’t help. It probably wasn’t the most sensible choice to offer to do this, given all that, but I couldn’t help myself. He needed help and…I wanted to give it to him. I didn’t want to see him so torn between his job and his daughter like that.
Those thoughts don’t leave me over the week, even as I enjoy my time with Gramps and Abbie.
I do a little bit of work, too, checking emails and dealing with the most urgent business and anything Kenneth needs for his meetings in New York - but mostly, I don’t need to.
I don’t know exactly what Kenneth did, but he told me he’d sorted everything with HR - according to them, I’m just ‘working from home’ this week. It’s even true, I guess, though I don’t think Kenneth told them whose home I was working from. Or the type of work I’m doing. But it’s enough that I’ll get paid for it - and with the bonus Kenneth is offering me, I feel a little less stressed about the cost of all the therapy I’m getting Gramps.
I feel a little less stressed in general, actually. A little less tired too, despite the whirling storm of little-girl-energy I deal with every night. I think I’m sleeping better, here in this amazing, stately house, with all my time and attention able to focus on what’s really important right now: Gramps and Abbie.
* * *
On the last day of Kenneth’s trip, I spend the whole evening trying to convince Abbie of all the reasons why she can’t stay up to wait until he gets in, sometime after midnight. I don’t think I do a very good job.
By the time we’re halfway through her bath time, I’m about willing to admit that I’ve been out-debated by a four-year-old whose logic consists entirely of ‘but I waaaaant to’, just to end the complaining and mini-tantrums.
I can just wait for her to get tired and fall asleep, right?
I finally ‘give in’ and suggest curling up on the couch to wait and reading one of her bedtime stories.
Or all of them, if we’re going to be there for hours.
I’m hoping that the routine might have her drifting off by the time I finish the book and then I can carry her up to bed - but before we get halfway through, the door opens.
Abbie jumps up and races over to it, slipping and sliding in her fluffy socks as I try to catch up and steady her.
“It’s Daddy! It’s Daddy, it’s Daddy, it’s Daddy!” She sing-songs. “He’s hooooome!”
“Okay, okay—careful!” I try to say, totally confused. I have no idea if it actually is - he’s not even supposed to take off for another hour - but I don’t know who else would have a key to the door—
“Hey there, little girl!”
Kenneth’s voice stops the jumbled thoughts, something about it going straight through me and I step out into the hallway to see him knelt down with Abbie scooped up in his arms.
“I knew it, I knew it!” She exclaims happily, clinging to him as he holds her tightly.
He glances up at me briefly and I give him a small smile, but I stay out of the way. This is their moment, not mine.
You were just here to help, remember?
“I missed you, baby girl.” He says, his voice rough as he kisses the top of her head.
“I missed you too, Daddy.” She snuggles closer to him and he stands up, easily lifting her up with him and letting her legs circle his wide torso.
“Did you have a good time with Jessica?” He asks encouragingly, bouncing her as he picks up the bag he left on the floor, walking toward me.
“Uhuh.” She nods, her head moving against his shoulder.
He smiles at me again, over the top of his head. “Thanks Jessica, for all of it.”
“That’s okay.” I meet his gaze evenly, trying to control the flush that seems to want to rise through me, directing my focus back to Abbie instead. “We had fun together.”
He walks past me through to the kitchen and my stomach does a little flip-flop as he passes inches away from me. I follow, slightly bemused, and surprised at how warm and pleased I feel to see him.
I wonder whether maybe it hasn’t just been Abbie missing him. Which seems silly, but over the last few months, I’ve gotten used to working alongside him and seeing him every day. His presence has been a steady, consistent thing…and it’s noticeable when it’s not there anymore.
“I brought take-out.” He turns to me, raising an eyebrow and lifting the bag he’s carrying.
I blink, still not quite processing that he’s back already.
“We already ate.” I say, shaking my head. “I didn’t realize you’d be back in time, or we would have waited. I thought your flight—”
“I was done early, so I took an earlier one. I thought I’d surprise you both.” He says, smiling at me before turning to Abbie.
I frown, confused. Wanting to surprise Abbie, I can understand…but me? Why wouldn’t he let me know?
“I was hoping to be back for dinner, but at least I made it back for your bedtime, hmm, sweetie?”
Abbie mumbles something into his shoulder and I’d guess it’s not going to be too long before she needs that. After all the energy and excitement of waiting for him, arguing with me about letting her stay up and then finally seeing him again, I’m not surprised that now she’s what she wants, warm and content and wrapped up in his arms, she’s getting tired.
I don’t blame her. I can imagine just how easy it would be to fall asleep in those arms.
As you do imagine. Far too often.
“I think I better take her up to bed, huh?” He gives me a wry smile, glancing over his shoulder as he looks back at me. “I’ll just be a few minutes.”
He’s gone before I can question that and I pause, suddenly unsure. Now that he’s back, he doesn’t need me here anymore - and I would have thought he’d want some uninterrupted time with his daughter, even in her semi-comatose state - but a few minutes doesn’t suggest that at all.
I hesitate, not sure whether I should be packing up my things, or if I’m staying here tonight just because that was the original plan.
It’s not that late. But…
I don’t go back to the spare room to pack. Kenneth has only just arrived, in a whirlwind of activity that’s left me feeling slightly adrift and unsure. I’ve enjoyed this week - it’s been different, sure, and maybe not exactly my job description, but it’s been nice too - and even though I knew I’d be heading back home tomorrow, that doesn’t mean I’m quite ready to leave just yet. It might be stupid, but some part of me wants to hold onto this for a little longer.
Instead, I wait in the kitchen, until the smell of Kenneth’s take-out draws me over to it. We might have had dinner, but he obviously hasn’t yet…
I start taking it out and setting it onto a plate for him, ready to heat up, more for something to do than anything—
“Couldn’t wait for me to get back, hm?”
The deep voice startles me and I look over my shoulder to see Kenneth leaning against the doorway, watching me with a smile. I give him an amused glance and shake my head.
“I was just getting it ready for you.”
He walks forward to behind me, looking over my shoulder at the different boxes of Chinese food. I don’t move away before he gets there - and then I’m suddenly aware of his presence against my back, close enough that I swear I can feel him, my breathing stilling in my chest.
“You’re not joining me?” He says, his voice dropping to a murmur.
I tell myself that’s because Abbie is sleeping upstairs, but she’s so far away it’s a ridiculous thought. Especially when that murmur works its way into my stomach, curling pleasantly there.
I cough to try and diffuse the feeling as I shake my head.
“I already had dinner, remember?”
“Yeah, no doubt some of the nice, healthy food that I insist Abbie eats. But she’s not looking now - we can indulge a little.” I can feel his smile in his voice, but I don’t turn to look at him. If I did that, I’d practically be in his arms. “C’mon, aren’t you just a little bit tempted?”
Heat rushes up my cheeks and suddenly I’m not thinking about takeout at all.
Stop it, Jessica. This is ridiculous.
I look back at the takeout in front of me, trying to focus.
“Well, maybe just a little…”
I have to cough again to stop my voice dropping to the same low murmur, as I tell myself I’m just talking about the takeout. Just the takeout.
It does look pretty good.
I try to ignore the way he’s still standing there just behind me as I dish out another portion for myself - and then he finally picks one up and moves over to the microwave. A slight tremor runs down my back as his presence disappears, my body relaxing a little as it releases some of the tension.
“Good.” He responds, turning to look at me and leaning against the counter with the now-whirring microwave. He folds his arms across his chest and I get an immediate pulse of lust at the way it highlights the bulging muscles there, even through his crisp white shirt. “I was hoping we could eat together. It’s the least I can do after you staying here this week - turn up with some good food at the end of it.”
He smiles at me and I match it, turning so my hip bumps against the counter.
“How was the week away? Did it go well with your investors?” I ask, genuinely interested and hoping for the best.
He’s had so much to worry about recently and I have no idea how he juggles it all. Something has to ease up for him soon, surely?
He nods. “Well enough. They were some of the more awkward, uncomfortable conversations I’ve had in my life - but by the time I left, they were willing to give me enough benefit of the doubt to wait until the court case comes in. They won’t do anything until then, at least.”
He sighs and I frown, irritated on his behalf.
“Can’t they see—you don’t deserve any of this, Kenneth. This whole case is so unfair.”
I’ve tried to refrain from voicing too much of an opinion before, but it’s getting to the point that I can’t help it. I can see what this is all doing to him - and I know he’s innocent now. I might have found it hard to trust my own instincts earlier, but every moment I spend around him just makes it too obvious to doubt even my judgment.
“And hopefully, in a few weeks’ time when this all goes to court, everyone else will see that too.” He smiles grimly at me, then shrugs. “But either way, it’s done now. I won’t have another trip to New York to think about for a long time now—”
“Don’t say that!” I admonish automatically. “You said that after you came back last time. It’ll jinx it.”
“Mm, yeah, I’m sure that was why I had to go out this time and not, say, a bunch of investors getting scared about the lawsuit.” His eyes sparkle and I know he’s laughing at me.
“Who knows, maybe that’s why they got scared.” I point out and he actually does laugh.
The microwave pings behind him and he pulls out his plate, swapping it for my own as the enticing scent of takeout steams between us.
“Either way, it’s done now, and there are better things to be thinking about.” He continues, then looks across at me again. “How was everything here?”
“It was good.” I say, chewing my lip slightly, suddenly unsure. I don’t know exactly what he was expecting from my stay here, but I figure I did a good enough job. “I think Abbie had a good time - and everything worked out fine.”
“And your grandfather?” His voice softens as he says it.
“He…he’s a bit better, I think. I think…maybe…he’s making progress.” I say slowly, feeling like I actually believe it as I say it.
“Good.” I look up to see Kenneth a few steps closer to me, the intensity back in his eyes as he looks at me. “I’m really glad, Jessica.”
The compassion there makes me swallow glance away before meeting his eyes.
“It’s been…really good…to have more time to see him. I think it’s made a difference.”
He nods, and the understanding in his expression goes right through me. “If you want some more time off…”
“No, that’s okay. I just wanted to thank you, for whatever you arranged.”
“Believe me, you’re not the one that needs to say thank you here.” He takes another step so that he’s standing in front of me, his hand settling on my arm where it’s resting on the counter, sending an electric jolt through me. My eyes dart to his and I can feel them widen as my heart beats a little faster.
Stop it. Don’t be stupid, Jessica.
“Thank you for taking care of Abbie.” He murmurs gently. “Again.”
“That’s okay - I enjoyed it. It was…nice…being here with her.” I swallow, not quite sure what I mean by that, knowing I’m thinking far too much of what it was like living here, feeling at times like I was an actual part of their little family. Knowing it, but still having all those emotions
“Sometimes I think you’re doing a better job of that than me.”
His eyes linger on me, warm and…something else, too.
I shake my head. “No, you—”
He kisses me before I can finish, his lips pressing into mine and driving everything else from me. I don’t even freeze from the shock, melting into it almost before I can work out what’s happening, as his other hand comes up to rest behind my head, tugging me closer.
I go willingly, moaning slightly as his tongue parts my lips and lust curls through me.
“God…Jessica…” He mutters and the heat there has my heart thudding wildly in my chest, pulses of energy rushing through me as my mind tries to make sense of what’s going on, tries to fight my body for some semblance of control.
It doesn’t have a chance. This has been too long coming. Too much that I’ve thought about, wanted, needed, and been unable to do anything about.
Too long working with him side-by-side, seeing too much of the man he is now.
The boy I used to love.
The man who has stolen his way into my every thought. My every fantasy. My every need.
He shifts so that he’s pressing me against the counter and I surrender to him, my hands coming up to his head and pulling it further into mine, my legs spreading for the thigh he presses closer to me. I gasp from the burning need it creates, the way my pussy seems to spasm out of control and a distant part of my mind wonders whether he used to affect me like that.
I don’t seem to remember it that way, but then…time does strange things.
Or maybe it’s him. All grown up and changed and…and…
His hands tangle in my hair, tilting my head up as his mouth threatens to devour me, stealing my breath and need and lust as we make out with a desperate urgency I don’t think I’ve ever felt before.
I’m grinding against his thigh, I know I am, but I can’t help it - and I can hear him groaning against my mouth as he nips on my bottom lip, sending shudders and shivers through me.
“This is…all…I’ve been thinking about.” He mutters to me and I shudder again.
I can’t say anything, I can’t admit it out loud. I don’t know what would happen if I did - and the last thing I want to risk is any of this stopping. I can’t think about it. All I can do is follow his lead.
So I just moan - lightly, softly against his mouth.
It seems to be enough for him. He picks me up, lifting me as if I weigh nothing and settling my legs around his hips as he starts carrying me out of the kitchen. Distantly, very distantly, the microwave pings behind us, but neither of us are thinking about takeout anymore.
I cling to him, the way I haven’t dared admit to myself that I want to, my arms around his neck as we continue kissing even like this. I have no idea how he can see where he’s going, but I trust him. He’s not going to drop me - and I don’t care about anything else.
I squirm against the belt of his pants, feeling the pressure of the bulge underneath and wanting more.
It should scare me, wanting so much, so soon, but it’s been in the back of my mind since that kiss.
Since I saw him again, if I’m honest about it.
In my thoughts, my fantasies, my half-lucid dreams.
Him. Just him.
I can’t think of anything else until he takes us both down onto the couch, still holding me as our bodies twist together and he continues kissing me, his lips and tongue and teeth grazing over my mouth, down my neck and along my collarbone. I shudder and have to stop myself from moaning too loudly, my legs hooking around his body as I lean my head back and just indulge in the feeling of it all.
When he finally looks up, eyes glittering darkly and full of heated promise as they rake across my face, I can’t help smirking at him.
“Making out on the couch?” I ask and I can hear the heat in my own voice. “Haven’t we outgrown that?”
“I’m not sure I could ever outgrow making out with you.” He growls, the deep tone making me shudder as I relax back into the couch, tilting my neck back to expose more of myself.
He takes the invitation immediately, his fingers popping the buttons on my blouse open with an ease that surprises me - until his head dips and he kisses the tops of my breasts, his stubble brushing against the soft skin there. Then I can’t wonder about anything at all.
All I can do is hold on and surrender to the attention, to the way just feeling him against me is driving me crazy and sending warmth rushing through me. An aching need is already pooling inside me and I can’t help grinding against me, feeling the tight bulge in his pants as he responds, his hands reaching around the inside of my blouse to unclasp my bra. I run the strap down my arm, shimmying it off and then gasp as my breasts tumble out and his mouth closes on a nipple, licking and sucking immediately.
I gasp, bucking up into him and pulling his head down, wanting more, the electricity and energy running through me feeling impossibly addictive.
My god. If I thought the fantasies were good…
“Fuck, Jessie…” His breath rumbles over my chest, the pleasant vibrations running through me. “I missed this.”
Missed this?
My mind catches on that. It’s been years. So many years. Does he even remember…
I don’t get another chance to think about it before his mouth and hands completely distract me, pushing me closer and closer to an ecstasy that’s been so long. I start regretting not making more effort to find someone these last few years - and then regret losing him all over again.
Then all of the thinking disappears as I’m fighting not to moan too loudly, twisting my head and pressing my mouth into the soft cushion behind me as the need within me builds higher and higher.
And all he’s doing is…fuck…
“Kenneth…” I breathe, trying to pull him up, kissing him again, breathless and passionate and desperate as I grind against him. “Keeenn…”
I moan, the need in it obvious.
Ken.
I haven’t called him that in…
“I want you, Jessica.” He whispers in my ear, sending another shudder through me. “I’ve wanted you since the moment you walked into my office. I’ve thought about you every day since. It’s been the…fucking hardest thing…holding myself back.”
“Don’t.” I interrupt before he can say anything else, the need in me impossible to resist.
And I know that this time, I’m not going to resist. I don’t think I can anymore. Not after spending every day working with him. Not after meeting Abbie. Spending the week at his place.
Realizing just how much I missed him.
“Don’t hold back.” I say again, my voice breathy and urgent. “Not anymore. I need…you.”
It comes out as a moan, my hands already tearing at his shirt, fumbling far more with his buttons than he did with mine. Not caring, too caught up in being able to see him. Touch him. Taste him.
He catches my mouth in mine, his hands coming up to help me and within moments the shirt is discarded on the floor and he’s already working his belt off. My hands roam over the firm muscles, the slight spattering of hair soft against my fingers as I drink him in. His belt comes off and my gaze goes lower, fixing on the bulge there as something deep inside me spasms in need. I urge him on, gasping for air in between kisses and not wanting to slow down in the slightest.
I tug his pants down at the same time as he pulls my skirt up.
“Have I said…how much…I love these skirts…” He pulls again and it rides up over my hips, exposing my lacy black panties to him as he runs a hand down my thigh.
I shudder, wetness pooling inside of me and leaking out, creating a damp patch that I know from the glaze of his eyes that he’s seen. He shifts on the couch, kicking his pants off - but making me groan in frustration as he settles down between my thighs before I can see the result. I have to settle for the shifting muscles of his back as his mouth whispers against the top of my thighs, tracing kisses and gentle nips all along the soft skin.
I clutch his shoulders, my fingers digging in hard as he spreads my legs with his hands, their large strength holding me easily and making me whimper against him. It feels like every little kiss sends electricity right through me and—
Oh fuck.
I arch back against the couch as his finger strokes across my panties, running a line along the oh-so-sensitized skin and making it impossible to think about anything else. I try to close my legs around him, bring him in further, demand more…but he’s insistent, trailing his mouth up and down my thighs while his fingers slowly caress my panties.
“Keennneeth…” I moan, my hips bucking up against him as he teases me. “Fuck…”
He chuckles, the breath brushing across my skin before he slips my panties to the side and flicks my entrance with his tongue. I almost buckle right then and there, the pure pleasure going straight through me. Instead, I cling onto him as he slowly starts exploring, groaning with his own need at what he tastes of me.
Oh fuck. Oh. Oh my. Ohh…
I bite down on my lip to keep the sounds from escaping, dimly aware of Abbie just upstairs, as I give myself over to what he’s doing to me. His tongue works up and down my entrance, firm and slow and enough to tantalize and awaken every nerve there before starting to flick over my clit and press inside me. It makes me moan and gasp almost incoherently, my head thrown back against the couch, and then he’s stepping it up, going further, his fingers slipping into me while his tongue strokes over and around my clit.
“Damn, you feel so…tight…”
He mutters, right against me, and I groan again. This is driving me crazy. The heat inside me is building to an insane level and I can feel it there, ready to tip over the edge…but I know I want more. I want him. I want to feel every part of him and as hot as his tongue against me is, it’s not nearly enough right now.
I want to be…so much…closer.
“Want…you…”
I can’t manage much more, but the way I’m already almost convulsing around his hand obviously makes it clear enough. He pulls himself up over me again, his mouth tangling with mine and I get another rush of heat to realize I’m tasting myself on his tongue.
“Good.” He mutters against me. “Because as much as I want to draw this out…I’m not sure I can wait much longer.”
Everything within me echoes that sentiment and as he leans back I finally get to see what I’ve been wanting this whole time. His thick cock jumps up between us, hard and ready as he grips it between his strong fingers. The sight is enough to make me sigh, anticipation rushing through me.
He grins at me, as if he knows exactly what I’m thinking.
“This is what you wanted?” He asks, stroking it in front of me. My pussy spasms again.
“Soo much.” I moan, my hips rising up eagerly and his eyes flash as he lowers himself down to me.
His knees spread my legs open and he positions himself, his cock butting against my entrance and making every nerve scream out in need as he holds himself over me. So close our eyes feel inches apart, the intensity there striking right to my core as he finally - finally - thrusts inside.
My mouth opens on a cry I fight to keep silent as it lights up everything inside me, the explosion of pleasure and sensation rocking through me with an intensity I can’t ever remember. All the build-up in the world couldn’t compare to what the last few months have been for us, to seeing him and wanting him every day, and trying to deny the whole thing to myself.
I wrap my arms around his neck and he kisses me passionately as he deepens his thrusts, striking up a steady rhythm that doesn’t quite give me a moment to get my breath, to absorb what this is or what we’re doing. To fully revel in the magnitude of it.
Instead, I’m rising to meet him, every nerve on edge and shivering with every stroke he gives me. I whimper against his neck, burying myself as I take him all, his cock stretching and filling me in a way that blows apart every fantasy I ever had.
I’m full and whole and so totally right as our bodies move together, the power and strength of him above me giving me exactly what I need.
“Fuck…fucking…perfect.” I mutter against him, barely even aware of what I’m saying, and I can almost feel the way he lights up under me, the heated grin against my neck.
He starts moving faster, thrusting into me harder with each stroke, coming almost the whole way out before plunging into me again and lighting up every nerve ending I have. The friction has me moaning and I press my lips against his neck, trying to quieten myself even as my body races toward the kind of explosion I can’t remember ever facing - not even with Kenneth, all those years ago.
Heat and need build inside me, a twin ache that pulses with every firm stroke inside me, his firm cock stretching me wide in a way that I know I’m going to feel tomorrow. I can already feel the anticipation of it, the warm satisfaction that I hadn’t even realized I was missing.
Just as I think I can’t take anymore - that I’m going to fly over the edge at any moment - his hand snakes down between us, flicking my clit and making me scream silently against his shoulder.
Fuuuuck…
“I want to…feel you…around my cock…” He grunts against me, and I can tell from his labored breathing that he’s at the edge of his control too.
The idea of that - spasming and pulsing around his cock - fills my mind and with his clever fingers driving me crazy, the next time he drives into me I can’t hold back anymore. He sends me hurtling over the edge, heat and pleasure rocking through me as my whole body lights up with the sensation. I cling to him, my pussy spasming and pulsing - and in the next instant, he buries himself deep and groans, his cock twitching and streams of warmth flooding me.
“Ohh god…” I moan.
I keep moaning. I’ve stopped thinking about being quiet entirely.
I just sink into the feeling, the warmth of it spreading through me as my body still rocks with aftershocks from the climax. I give myself over to it, my mind leaving everything else behind as our sweaty bodies slide together, twisting around each other as the frantic energy gives way to a languid relief.
His arms come around me and I curl into them, his body surrounding me completely as I relax more deeply than I can remember since Gramps had his second stroke. Or, hell, maybe even his first one.
Or maybe since he left all those years ago…
“I needed that.” He murmurs, kissing my hair and the start of that thought drifts away before it can even form.
“Me too.” I whisper, quietly enough that I don’t know whether he hears me.
As I settle into his arms, my mind and body floating somewhere warm and content and slightly dazed, I can’t help thinking I needed this part too.