Jessica
Kenneth has a daughter!
I’m trying to work, but every time I think I’m starting to get into the flow of things, that thought intrudes.
A daughter. A little girl.
Someone who at this very moment is right there in his office. Existing.
I don’t know why this blows my mind, but for some reason it does - especially after what I’ve seen of him over the last week. He’s not exactly the kind of guy I would call family-oriented.
But then…what would I know?
I’ve only seen him at work - and his reputation here is well known. Though, having worked this closely with him for a week, I’m not sure I’d quite say he’s as ruthless and demanding as the other secretaries I’ve worked with seem to think.
He’s focused, sure, and determined about it. I’m just not sure where the negativity around that comes from. I mean, he runs a company, what do they expect?
Even with my own bias against him, I have to reluctantly admit he hasn’t been that bad to work for. If anything, his obvious desire for efficiency and getting the job done seems to fit my need to be purely professional quite nicely. Since that first day, he hasn’t made any more comments about getting coffee or catching up either, and I’ve been enjoying the work.
Being his assistant puts me right in the center of ExVenture and there’s something invigorating about feeling like I’m in the beating heart of a company, with everything that forms a part of it going through and past and around me. Probably even more so than it touches him, since I’m the one that filters it. It’s a god-damn more interesting than being some Product Design exec’s secretary, that’s for sure.
But still…a daughter.
My god.
He has a child! Or…maybe even children?!
Oh wow…what if she’s not the only one? What if he goes home to…like…a wife and three kids running around or something?
I have to stop myself from giggling. Somehow, I just can’t imagine it.
Even if he was kind of different in front of his daughter. I mean, of course. I might not know much about them, but even I’d guess that children don’t like it when your voice is all professional and detached.
I shake my head and tell myself resolutely to stop thinking about it and focus on what I’m doing - but I can’t help it, for once my mind isn’t on my work.
I guess that’s probably okay, because with Abbie in there I doubt Kenneth is all too focused on his work either. I’m more than aware of the list of things that didn’t get done this morning, and while I tried to suggest possible people to delegate more than half of it to, it still leaves a lot to catch up on.
I keep wondering how he’s getting on in there. What they’re both getting up to.
How the super-efficient, no-nonsense businessman is coping with a little girl to disrupt him. My mouth twitches at the idea, as I start thinking about what it would be like to be a fly on the wall in that room right now.
It really shouldn’t surprise me. If anything, I should have expected it - I mean, he’s twenty-eight, same as me.
This is the sort of age people start having kids, right? I know plenty of girls from back in school who are already married with a couple of little ones, and even one of my friends in my old events coordinator job is pregnant now.
Only…Abbie isn’t exactly a baby. So I guess he started a while ago.
So what, though? Why shouldn’t he?
Why do I keep thinking about this?!
I shake my head and even though I know I shouldn’t, I can’t help comparing.
In the last ten years he’s founded a billion-dollar company and he’s got a family.
What have you done, Jessica?
It’s a stupid question. It shouldn’t be comparable. No one could ever expect to have that sort of success - and it’s not like I ever wanted to start a business. I’m not even sure about a family, either. My experience of that so far has been…mixed…to say the least. Seems like there’s entirely too much risk of it all going wrong.
So it doesn’t matter. If I don’t want it, who cares that he got it? With someone else.
I’m happy. I have a good life. I’ve got a grandfather whose love has never been in doubt, a cat that tolerates me admirably and even shows occasional affection, and good friends. I might even have a job I’m starting to enjoy.
That’s always been enough.
It’s just…I guess you don’t expect to see someone you used to know making up-and-coming hotshot headlines.
Someone you used to date.
Someone you lost.
“At least you’re not a dick.” I mutter to myself. “You’re a decent person who doesn’t promise the world to someone and then abandon them completely. That’s more important.”
A small part of me wonders if that age-old resentment is starting to wear a little thin, but I cling to it anyway.
The last thing I need is to start getting confused about my feelings toward my new-boss-old-ex.
* * *
As the day continues without much actual work being done - from either of us, as far as I can tell - my attention keeps drifting in and out.
Both to the little girl I can hear chattering away to herself inside Kenneth’s office…but also to the desk drawer I’ve been steadfastly ignoring so far.
And what’s inside it.
The letter that came this morning.
The one that I saw just as I was leaving for work this morning - the one that almost made me late, as I stood there, my whole world feeling like it was spiraling out of control. I didn’t have time to work out what to do with it then - definitely not if I was going to open it, and even throwing it away would have been too much to deal with.
But part of me couldn’t just leave it, so I stuffed it in my bag and then the moment I arrived, I tossed it into the drawer and resolved not to think about it until the end of the day.
At first, Kenneth’s daughter was enough of a distraction to help with that - I almost forgot about it entirely - but settling back into work that’s not nearly as focused as I’m used to, it’s creeping back to the forefront of my mind.
It’s right there.
Unable to help myself, I pull the drawer out - just a little - and my eye catches on the familiar handwriting. The last time I saw it was seven years ago - and after that I never wanted to see it again - but I’d still recognize it anywhere. The cursive that I used to think was beautiful and perfect, just like the woman I imagined writing it, until I slowly grew to hate everything it represented.
Disappointment. Excuses. Apologies.
And eventually…total obliviousness.
I never thought I’d see it again, actually. It would probably be easier if I hadn’t.
Because now…now I have to work out what to do with it.
Unbidden, my hand slips forward, hovering over the familiar lettering, almost tracing my name at the top - until a loud exclamation from inside Kenneth’s office makes me jump. I snatch my hand out and slam the drawer shut before I can think, my heart beating hard in my ears as I look up in alarm.
I catch the moaning complaints from inside and then the deeper tone of Kenneth’s voice as he tries to appease his daughter, and take a deep breath myself.
Not now. Now isn’t the time to deal with this. It’s not the time to think about it.
I turn the key in the lock and put it firmly to one side. That letter can wait. It’s obviously waited seven years for her to write it - I don’t have to look at it now. Or ever, if I don’t want to.
No matter how much some small part of me still wants to know what it says.
I turn back to my work, noticing the distinct lack of email responses from Kenneth’s account and let myself think about the difficulties he’s having today instead. Somehow, knowing that he’s probably struggling too makes me feel slightly better.
From the slightly muffled voices, I think Kenneth is still talking to Abbie, and I start wondering how he’s going to manage supervising his daughter for the meetings I know he’s got coming up.
He keeps the door to his office open and I’ve heard him talking on the phone intermittently through the morning, while Abbie seemed to chatter pleasantly to herself in the background - but from the glances I keep sneaking over in that direction, I can tell the situation has been deteriorating for the last couple of hours.
I think Abbie is getting bored.
I don’t blame her, either. An office isn’t exactly the most fun place for a little kid, especially if she’s not getting the attention and engagement she’s probably used to. Even with the toys he mentioned earlier…there’s only so long you can expect that to work.
When lunch comes around, I get a much better view of that as they walk past my desk.
Kenneth gives me a brief nod. “We’re going to head out to grab lunch and have a little walk.”
“Sure.” I say. He usually takes lunch at his desk or asks me to order something in, but I can definitely understand them both needing some fresh air today. “I’ll leave a few things on your desk for you to look at when you get back.”
“Thanks.”
It comes out clipped and disgruntled, and I don’t think he actually appreciates the thought of that at all, which I can understand right now. He still needs the documents and information though, especially for that meeting with the buyer from the health food store later today, and I’ve been reluctant to walk in and disturb them so far today.
He looks harried as he walks off - a deeper level of the stress he usually seems to carry around with him - and Abbie looks decidedly grumpy. It’s enough that I even start to feel a little sorry for him.
For Kenneth Stark. The boy who broke my heart, of all things.
I know I need to stop thinking of him like that. It’s probably not healthy - and he’s a man now, anyway. Not a boy anymore. He even has a child to prove it.
He’s not the same person…except that the part of me that stopped trusting people the moment he left reminds me that he is. That’s how people work. Everything that he was back then is still in there somewhere.
But that still doesn’t mean it’s helpful to keep mentally referring to him as the boy who broke my heart. Why would I even want that reminder?
It’s just…hard to stop. And maybe it’s good to remember all the reasons I have to dislike him. That way, I won’t accidentally start thinking about why I liked him in the first place. Then maybe the stupid fluttering I get in my stomach from time to time when he’s around will finally disappear. You would’ve thought a week would be long enough for that.
In the time it takes them to get back, I decide that I feel more sorry for her though.
It can’t be easy being dragged to your Dad’s work like this and mostly expected to entertain yourself.
At least she has a Dad, though. Some voice inside me insists. At least he seems to be trying.
I spend the whole time they’re out debating what I’m going to suggest when they get back.
It’s the only thing that seems to make sense, and if it hadn’t been that it’s Kenneth, I would have done so much earlier this morning.
When they walk back down the hall from the elevator, I can see Abbie tugging at Kenneth’s arm, dragging her feet as they approach, and I guess that the walk didn’t help as much as he was hoping for. The fed up expression on her face is the thing that finally decides me.
“Kenneth.” I say, before they have a chance to walk past. This time, he didn’t even stop to acknowledge me, too focused on everything else that’s going on at the moment.
He stops, looking back at me and I can see the mixture of exhaustion and concern in his expression. Damn it, another thing that makes him seem more decent than I want to give him credit back.
“You’ve got those meetings this afternoon.” I say, trying not to think too much about this.
I don’t know how I’m going to feel if he says ‘no’.
Instead, I turn my attention to Abbie and give her a small smile as I continue. “I was wondering if Abbie would like to spend some time out here with me, instead of waiting around in an empty office?”
He blinks, obviously surprised, and I try not to take that the wrong way. I’m more focused on Abbie anyway, who is looking uncertainly between me and her Dad. After the enthusiastic greeting she gave me this morning, I’m slightly disappointed, but it’s only to be expected if the morning has left her bored and irritable.
I get a momentary burst of apprehension as I realize I really have no idea how to deal with an irritable child - especially someone else’s - but I tell myself I’ll figure out a way to bring the bright-eyed little girl back to life again anyway. Considering how good-natured she seemed this morning, she probably just needs some attention more than anything.
“You’ve spent all morning with your Dad.” I say, talking directly to her this time as I smile and hope I haven’t misread her earlier enthusiasm. “If you want, you could come and help me out here for a little bit, too.”
Her expression brightens at that and she tugs on Kenneth’s hand.
“Yes! Daddy, I want to help…umm…err...I want to help her.”
“Jessica.” I offer, giving her another little smile. “My name’s Jessica. And you’re Abbie, right?”
She nods, then looks back up at Kenneth.
“I want to help Jessica, Daddy.”
He’s still looking between us, obviously uncertain.
“You don’t have to…” He starts quietly.
“I’d like to.” I smile openly at them both, then look back at Abbie. “We’ll have some fun together, won’t we?”
She nods. “Yes! Daddy, pleease.”
He crouches down, looking at her seriously.
“You’d have to be very good for Jessica, sweetie.”
“I will!” She says happily and I’m surprised how good it feels to see that simple change in her now that she has something else to think about than spending the afternoon trying to amuse herself again. How good it feels to have caused it too.
“Don’t disturb her when she’s doing anything important, okay?”
“Okay.” She nods, with such a perfect replica of his serious tone that I almost want to laugh.
“Well, then…” He looks between us again and I can see the uncertainty is still there - but it’s mixed with relief, too. “I guess I’ll leave you both to it.”
She grins and steps up to my desk immediately, holding the edges and rising onto her tiptoes to peer at the papers I have lying here.
“Thanks, Jessica.” He adds as he stands up. “If you need anything, please do come and interrupt us.”
I nod, though I have no intention of doing that - not unless there’s some real emergency.
He picks Abbie up and she giggles as he swings her around a bit, before giving her a kiss on the forehead.
“Be good, little girl. Have fun with Jessica, then.”
She giggles and squeals as he puts her down, running forward to wrap her arms around him before he tousles her hair and she comes bouncing back to me.
He walks into his office with just one slightly bemused glance over his shoulder and I wonder what he’s thinking - then his back straightens slightly and I guess that he’s already thinking about all the work he’s been distracted from today. Despite some of my mixed feelings, part of me is glad about that too. It’s what I’m here for, after all. To make sure he can focus on what he needs to do.
“So whaddaya do here?” Abbie asks, coming around the desk and trying to step up to look at it better.
“Well…” I start, wondering how to explain as I push the chair back so she can come closer and see. “I do lots of things. I help your Dad so that he knows where he needs to be and what he needs to do every day.”
“What are these?” She asks, trying to pull some of the papers closer.
I laugh a little.
“These are different documents your Dad might need to look at. I look at them first and then decide what to do with them - some of them can go in the bin and some of them just need to go in that filing cabinet over there. Only the most important ones need to go to your Dad.”
“Ooohhh.”
The genuine fascination in her voice warms something inside me. I haven’t spent much time around kids and it hadn’t really occurred to me how new everything must be to a young child. All these things I’ve do every day without thinking about - there’s something nice knowing that someone can be so interested in things that just seem…mundane otherwise.
People talk about children seeing the world with fresh eyes but I don’t think I really got it before now.
“Jessica…” Abbie starts, then stops as Kenneth walks back out of the office.
“I’ll be in the Seagate meeting room if you need me.” He interrupts us, probably without even noticing. “Abbie’s toys and everything you might need is in here.”
He sets a bag down on the floor beside my desk and I nod.
His gaze roams over us and then comes back to me, and it’s obvious that the kind of focus I’m used to from him is back. There’s a small part of me that’s relieved - I know how important these meetings are to him and it was almost strange how different he seemed today.
“Everything is okay so far?”
I nod again and he gives me a nod back, bends down to kiss the top of Abbie’s head with another quick ‘love you, be good’ before walking off with the sort of purpose he usually displays.
I’m still watching him go when Abbie giggles beside me, covering her mouth with her hands.
“He’s funny when he’s like that.”
I look down at her, then smile myself. I hadn’t thought about it like that, but maybe there is something funny about the official-professional attitude we seem to put on as soon as we step into the office.
“Yeah.” I smile at her. “He is kind of funny, isn’t he?”
That’s not something I would have thought about Kenneth otherwise, but there’s something nice about being able to not take him so seriously.
“So do you want to show me some of your toys then, Abbie?” I ask, pulling the bag closer.
“No!” She shakes her head vehemently, stopping me mid-motion. “I want to help you.”
“Ohh…” I pause, surprised. That’s not what I’d been expecting.
“I want to do work like you and Daddy!” She insists.
“Hmm…” I make a show of thinking about it, in part to buy me some actual time. “Well, let’s see…how old are you, Abbie?”
“I’m four.” She announces proudly. “How old are you?”
I laugh, the open question making me grin. “I’m twenty-eight.”
She grins back. “That’s the same age as Daddy.”
“Yes…yes, I guess it is.” My smile fades a little bit, but I turn my attention back to her before I can think about it. “Four years old is a lot - I think you should be old enough to help.”
She nods enthusiastically. “I’m really big now. Daddy says it all the time.”
My smile widens again. Kenneth’s little girl is utterly adorable.
“Well…” I look around, taking in the stacks of paper on my desk that she was so interested in, and a sudden idea occurs to me. “Okay, wait here a moment, I just need to get some of these documents for you to help out with.”
Abbie practically beams, jumping up and down on her toes and nodding as she grips the end of my desk and tries to see over my desk.
I click a few buttons on the computer and bring up a ridiculously long report into health, safety and hygiene considerations within a few of ExVenture’s factories, sending it to the printer a moment later.
“I’ll be back in a moment, Abbie - and I’ll be just over there, okay?”
I point to the printer on the other side of the space in front of Kenneth’s office - it’s only across the hall and I’ll still be able to see Abbie perfectly, but some part of my stomach churns at the idea of walking across that space away from her. Can you leave a four year old on the other side of a room for two minutes? I don’t see why not, but everyone always seems to talk about how much trouble children can get themselves into and I’m all too aware I know nothing about this.
It’s fine. You can still see her. That’s fine, right?
I ignore the insecurity as Abbie nods again, slightly reassured that she seems totally unperturbed by the idea, and then walk across to the stationery area. I take a stack of blue, green and red paper out of the cupboard and load the printer with it before setting the 500-page document to , all while keeping one eye on the girl who has started rummaging in the bag Kenneth left - taking out toy animals from what I can see.
“I said I’d be back in a moment.” I mutter to myself, amused that she’s started entertaining herself.
It’s all done a few moments later and I shuffle all the papers together, mixing up the colors as I do, before walking back to my desk.
“Ohh…” I say, faking a disappointed tone. “You look quite busy now…”
She looks up with wide eyes, shaking her head and jumping back to her feet.
“No, no, I’m not busy.”
“No?” I ask, looking at the toys at her feet. “Are you sure you don’t want to show me some of your toys instead?”
If she would prefer to play, I really can’t blame her. I can’t say what I’ve got planned is going to be the slightest bit interesting.
“No!” She shakes her head again. “I want to help.”
“Well…okay then…”
I kneel down beside her and she crouches down too as I put the stack of paper on the floor.
“Do you remember what I said about how I sort documents for your Daddy, so that he only needs to look at the most important ones?”
She nods, her eyes fixed on the paper like it’s the most important thing in the world. I almost feel a little guilty but this is what she said she wanted to do…
“Well, I’ve got a lot of documents here, and they’re not sorted. Do you think you could help me sort them?”
“Of course!”
“Right, well, this is what I do.” I take one of the pieces of paper. “I look at the paper and see whether it’s important or not. This one is blue, so it needs to be kept for information and I’ll file it later. I’ll put it in one pile over here to be filed.”
I place the paper to the side, and then talk her through blue paper - which can go in the bin later - and red paper, which is the most important that Kenneth will need to look at.
I’m surprised at the total focus and attention she seems to give me for the explanation and then as we go through the next several pieces of paper together, she gets the hang of which pile to put them in immediately. It probably helps that it amounts to putting each color in a pile together, but still, I’m impressed.
It only takes a few minutes of us doing that together before she waves a hand at me.
“Okay, okay, I can do it now.”
I nod. “You’re doing a very good job, Abbie. It looks like I can just sit back and watch you now.”
“No, no.” She shakes her head, waving that hand again. I have to try not to smile too much at the slightly imperious attitude. “You go back to your work. I’ll do this.”
“Are you sure?” I frown. I don’t mind making up a semi-related game for her to play, but I did think the attention and support would be part of it. Doesn’t every kid like that?
“Yes.” She nods, obviously distracted by the paper she’s sorting in front of her.
She’s actually getting through it at a surprisingly quick rate, too. I’m almost wondering whether I should have found a bigger document, or printed this twice.
“Well…okay…but I’ll be just over here, alright?” I point to the desk beside where we’re sitting on the floor. “And if you don’t want to help anymore, that’s okay too, we can always do something else together.”
“I want to help.” She insists stubbornly and I give up trying to give her other options.
She’s obviously too stubborn for that.
“I can tell - you’re being very helpful, Abbie. Your Daddy will be so pleased when he gets back.”
That draws her attention back to me for a moment and she glances up. “Do you think he will?”
I nod, trying to be serious and not make it obvious that I’m far more distracted by how sweet she seems.
“I’m sure he will.”
She gives me a huge smile for a moment, then turns back to the papers in front of her.
“Okay, now stop distracting me.”
I have to stop myself from laughing as I leave her to it, going back to sit at my desk as if I might actually get back to work instead of just glancing over at the little girl I’ve suddenly been left with.
I’m still slightly bemused by the fact Kenneth has a child but seeing her like this…I don’t know. I can’t deny that regardless of the confused reactions I might have about that, the child herself is adorable. In her own way.
I watch her sorting through papers, muttering to herself contentedly as she ‘helps’ me with my work.
Interesting little girl. Slightly bossy. I guess she gets that from her Dad.
The thought makes me smile and I shake my head slightly. I’ve been deliberately trying not to think about Kenneth in any way other than professional, but…well, with his daughter here, that’s a little harder.
After it becomes obvious that she’s fully absorbed with what she’s doing, I do start trying to sort through some of the emails that have built up, but I’ve still got at least one eye on her. Not even because she needs it - just because something about her fascinates me.
This is Kenneth’s daughter. His child. The guy you once thought would be having kids with you—
Oh no. Don’t go there.
But it’s not even the unpleasant, resentful sort of feeling I thought it would be.
It’s just…bemused.
And with Abbie right here, it’s almost impossible to shake off too.
Eventually, though, it seems like she’s not getting bored of sorting papers into piles - despite my disbelief - and I do start trying to work again. With all of the distractions today, though, I can’t focus - and with Abbie apparently entertained for a while, my hand starts hovering around that drawer again.
The drawer.
The one with the letter.
I hesitate, but then I find myself unlocking it and pulling it open again.
The letter is right where I left it and I bite my lip.
Maybe it’s seeing Kenneth and Abbie here today, something about the idea of family that’s starting to tug at me, but…
The uneasy combination of anger and need sits hard in my stomach, an unpleasant knot that I don’t think will go away until I work this out.
Before I can stop myself, I reach for it.
Not to open it. I wouldn’t do that - not here. Maybe not ever.
But I can hold it, right? Just feel that it’s actually real? Just…touch it a little? That’s okay, right?
I take it out slowly, holding it carefully in front of me as if it might disappear. As if I might be imagining the whole thing.
“What the hell am I supposed to do with this, Mom?” I mutter to myself, staring at the familiar writing all over again. “How do you think you can just…”
I shake my head. I don’t need these age-old questions now. Not with Grandma gone and Gramps—
“What’s that?”
I almost jump out of my seat as Abbie’s head appears at my side, her cheery voice jolting me out of everything I was thinking.
“It’s, um…well, it’s a letter from my Mom.” I say, calmly enough, some part of my mind slamming all those perilous emotions back into the box they belong in. For some reason, I don’t even consider saying anything else. Maybe it’s because she’s just a kid, but it seems natural to just tell her the truth.
“Oohh…is it your birthday?” She presses her hands on the arm of my chair and leans forward to look at it. “My Mom sends me letters on my birthday!”
I blink as some of the emotion that I thought I’d locked neatly away comes leaking out again at that simple comment, the significance of it not lost on me at all.
My Mom used to send me letters on my birthday, too.
Before I can think of a way to answer her, though, she squeals and darts away from me.
“Daddy!”
I hadn’t even noticed Kenneth walking down the hallway, but Abbie obviously had - and she grabs the pile of red paper lying on the floor and bounces up toward him.
“Hey there, little girl.” He smiles at her, his face lighting up at seeing her happy and enthusiastic again. “Have you been good for Jessica?”
“Yes! I helped!” She nods. “Here, Daddy, these are for you! They’re important.”
He blinks as he takes the papers she shoves at him automatically, glancing down at them with a small frown. My cheeks heat as I wonder what he’ll think about this, but he looks down at her before I can say anything.
“Ooh…” He says, in the kind of tone you use when you’re obviously trying to be interested and enthusiastic about something, but you’re still working out what that ‘something’ is.
I stand before he has to get any further with that thought.
“Abbie was helping me with organizing different documents.” I explain. “I showed her how I make sure you only see the important ones, and she helped sort them for me.”
Please don’t think this is stupid. It seemed like a good idea an hour ago.
“Oh, of course.” He says, with a big smile at his daughter as he looks at the now-probably-incomprehensible safety report. “And you did all this?”
She nods with a matching grin. “Yes!”
Then she moves around to point at the blue papers. “And we’re going to…um…we’re going to…”
“We’re going to file those.” I finish for her, nodding.
“And these go in the bin!” She says, picking up the green papers and dropping them back on the floor for emphasis.
“Exactly.” I say, still looking at Abbie.
I’m not quite sure I want to look at Kenneth right now. I have no idea what he’s thinking.
“See? I helped!” Abbie says proudly and Kenneth steps up to her with a smile, ruffling her hair.
“That’s amazing, little girl.” He says, stepping up to ruffle her hair. “Thank you for all your hard work.”
She grins at him, then raises her arms and he pulls her up into them, spinning her around.
I glance away for a moment, feeling suddenly awkward, like I’m intruding into this personal part of Kenneth’s life. But when I look back, he’s looking over Abbie’s shoulder at me, and mouths a small ‘thank you’.
I shrug, a little embarrassed about it, and not quite sure why. Maybe it’s because I haven’t tried playing children’s games since I probably was a child, and it doesn’t quite seem like the right thing to do at work.
But he was the one who brought her in…
“Okay, sweetie, I’m going to go into my office now and have a look at these papers you brought me.” He says, and I suddenly realize that all my concern was stupid. He’s obviously used to indulging her and whatever game she might be playing.
I mean, of course. Isn’t that what Dad’s are for?
How would you know?
I shake off the thought. It’s stupid for all of this to be making me think about any of that. I stopped thinking that way years ago. But with the letter this morning too…
“Okay!” She says with a grin.
“Are you okay to help Jessica for a little while longer?” He asks, but he’s actually looking at me.
I nod automatically, trying to focus on what’s actually happening in front of me.
“We still have to file those blue papers.” I tell her seriously and she nods back at me.
“Yes. We’ll file the blue papers, Daddy.” She repeats to him.
“Great.” He says, setting her back down on the floor and leaning in to kiss her cheek. “And it won’t be long now. I just have one more meeting and then I’ll be back.”
“That’s okay. I don’t mind, Daddy.”
“Thank you, sweetie. You’re the best little girl I could ever ask for.” He smiles at her, saying it with obvious feeling, and I have to look away again.
I might be helping him out here, but I have to remind myself I’m not actually part of any of that. It’s private.
“Thank you too, Jessica.” He says, looking at me with the same bright expression he just showed his daughter, but I don’t quite meet his eyes as I nod.
“No problem.”
He hesitates for a moment longer, his gaze still on my face, before finally nodding and standing up. He gives the papers another look over and makes an appreciative noise as he goes back to his office. Damn, he’s not bad at this. That’s almost the way he’d react to papers he does need to look at.
“Jessica?”
I glance down.
“Sorry sweetie, what was that?”
“We need to file the papers.” She insists.
“Right. Yes. Okay, well this is how we do that…”
I grab some spare folders from my bottom drawer and start explaining to her how to slide the different papers in, before we put them in the filing cabinet together. With Kenneth gone, some of the levity I felt spending time with Abbie earlier comes back, and I find myself smiling a whole lot more.
She really is a sweet child. Though I can’t help wondering, now, about her Mom. And Kenneth. And things I shouldn’t be thinking about. Things that have absolutely nothing to do with my purely professional relationship with my boss.
“Good!” She says with satisfaction, folding her arms and looking at the one stack of green paper left. “We did it.”
I smile, having to resist the urge to reach out and stroke her hair in a similar motion to Kenneth’s. That might be strange for her - she’s not my child.
“You did it.” I say instead. “You’re a very helpful little girl, Abbie.”
She nods, then looks up at me. “If I help, Daddy won’t have to work so much.”
I pause, caught off guard again by her casual comment, and something tugs at my heart. I don’t know anything about her - or about Kenneth’s life now - but I can’t help the picture that’s starting to form. Or how much it’s making me feel for her.
God damn it, Kenneth, your little girl…
“Jessica?”
I glance over to see her crouched down by the scattered green papers.
“Yes?”
“Do we have to bin these now?”
I frown, confused. “Umm…we don’t have to. Why?”
She grins. “Because they’re like grass!”
I blink, but she’s already clearly thought this through because the next thing I know she’s turning some of the papers over to blank green sheets and reaching for her plastic toy animals.
“My horses like grass.” She continues, bouncing one of the horses over the paper and onto another one.
The smile is back on my face as I watch her happily playing with the animals, totally unaware of the effect she’s having on me. I never really thought children were all that cute before, but something about Abbie…I don’t know. Too much time around her and I might start having dangerous thoughts.
My long-dormant body clock might finally make an appearance.
The idea almost makes me chuckle - and without thinking about it, I crouch down next to Abbie, asking her about her horses.
She chatters away at me and I watch as she moves them around the hastily-assembled pieces of paper.
“Hmm…” I look at them. “You know what this needs…”
She looks up at me and I jump up to grab a couple of pens from the desk.
“Some trees.” I grin at her, then begin drawing in a couple of trees.
Her eyes light up and she takes a pen too, helping me.
We continue playing with the horses and I forget all about actually doing work today as we start drawing on the different pieces of paper. Part way through I go and get some different colors of paper so that together we make fields and lakes and a dangerous volcano for her animals to explore.
As the time passes, I have to admit to myself that whatever I might think about Kenneth, his daughter is simply wonderful. I haven’t had this much silly fun in a long time, and until today I never would have said I was the sort of person who might be good with children.
When the phone at my desk goes, it even takes me a moment to realize what it is - and that I am supposed to be working too.
I jump up, almost guiltily, and tell Abbie to wait a minute as I take the call from Kenneth’s lawyer, Patrick Heath, about a meeting he needs to rearrange. I flick through his diary, schedule it in, and by the time I put the phone down I’m not surprised to see Abbie peering over from the other end of the desk.
“Who was that?”
“Your Daddy’s lawyer. He wanted to have a meeting with your Dad.”
She leans back to look into the office, then shakes her head.
“Daddy’s not here.”
I smile slightly. “Yeah, I know. I told him he could see your Daddy tomorrow.”
“Oh, okay.” She says, then frowns down at the phone. “How does this work?”
She starts pressing buttons and I have to hurriedly disconnect the whole thing before she makes a call I have to explain to someone.
“Um, well…” I pause, then look into Kenneth’s office again as I get a sudden thought.
She’s right…he’s not here.
“Why don’t I show you?” I say, suddenly grinning.
“Okay.” She grins back, even though she doesn’t know what I’m thinking yet.
I set the phone to an intercom-only mode, so that it can only communicate with the one in Kenneth’s office, then set her down in my chair. She laughs and wriggles back in it, almost getting lost in the over-sized seat.
“So, I usually talk to your Daddy on this phone—”
“But he’s just in there!” She exclaims, pointing to the office.
I smile to myself. She has a point.
“Sometimes he’s doing important things in there, or I need information here at my desk to talk to him.”
“Hm…” She doesn’t sound convinced, but she doesn’t ask anything more.
“Do you want to have a go?” I ask instead. “I could go in there, and you could talk to me on the phone.”
“Ooh, yes!” She says, leaning forward in excitement. “I want to use the phone!”
“Okay. Just let me get it working…”
I take the phone off the hook and point to the machine.
“When you want to call me, press this button here - just this one, don’t press anything else or it won’t work - and then we can talk to each other.”
“Okay!” She grins. “I’ll be you, and you be Daddy.”
I blink, then I laugh to myself.
“Okay, sure. I’ll be your Daddy.”
“And I’ll be you! Go on, go on!”
She gestures me excitedly toward the office, but I give her a serious look first.
“You remember which button?”
“This one.” She says decidedly, and sure enough, she seems to know what she’s doing. “Go on!”
“I’m going, I’m going.” I say, raising my hands in defeat.
I’ve disconnected everything enough that she won’t be able to call anyone else anyway, so if it doesn’t work, I can always come back out and help her.
It’s strange to go into Kenneth’s office for a different reason than my usual professional agenda - especially like this, using it to play a child’s game - but I can still see some of Abbie’s toys to one side and that seems to make it okay. The whole workday has been different today, it’s okay just to accept that.
It feels even stranger to walk behind the desk and contemplate the large, plush leather chair there, but the phone rings - the button for secretary lighting up - and without another thought, I pull it out and sit down, laughing a little as it twists and turns behind the desk. All these games with Abbie have left me feeling like a kid myself and I indulge the slightly naughty feeling of sitting somewhere that’s previously been so obviously the CEO’s chair.
I give into the strange giddy feeling as I cross my legs under the desk and look out at the office before picking up the phone. It’s strange seeing it from this angle, but I can’t deny it’s fun as I hold the phone to my ear and and lean back to contemplate it.
“Hello.” I say, putting on my most serious, gruff voice as I get into the role. “This is Kenneth Stark, super serious businessman. What super serious business did you have for me today?”
I hear the giggle on the other end of the phone and smother a laugh myself as I try to maintain my ultra-serious persona, all while I want to break down into fits of giggles myself - until I glance up.
To see Kenneth stood right there.
My hand freezes on the phone in my ear and I sit up with a jerk, fast enough the back of the chair hits me a moment later, as mortification sweeps through me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. What did he just hear? What did I just do?
I can’t look at him, but I hear what could be a slight laugh as he looks between the two of us.
Oh god. How do I explain—what can I say—what—
“I think I might need my desk back.” He says, his tone mild as he doesn’t mention whatever he just heard at all.
Please say he didn’t hear.
“Right—yes—of course.”
I almost scramble to put the phone down, jumping up and trying very hard not to run out of the room as I get out of there as quickly as possible, my heart pounding in my chest. I don’t shut the door behind me, but I wish to god I could, cursing his open door policy for the first time.
“Jessica?” Abbie looks up at me, eyes wide and innocent. Totally oblivious to the kind of trouble she just got me in.
“I think…” I say slowly, my face still crimson with embarrassment. “I think, Abbie, maybe we should go back to playing with your horses.”
I take her hand and help her off the chair, wishing I could sink into it and let the ground swallow me up.
“Okay…” She says in a very indulgent tone, looking at me carefully.
We do that and I try not to think too hard about whether I’m still going to have a job by the end of the day. I’m pretty sure openly mocking your boss is a no. Even if it was just for a little bit of fun…
“Jessica! You’re not paying attention!”
Abbie scolds me several times, but all I can see is that strange expression on Kenneth’s face, like he’s trying to stifle some outburst.
Anger? Laughter? Disbelief?
I’m no closer to an answer when he comes to collect Abbie and take her home - and I still can’t meet his eyes.
“Say thank you to Jessica, Abbie.” He says as he picks her up, balancing her on his hip.
“Thank you Jessica!” Abbie sing-songs from his shoulder and I give her a weak smile.
“It was lovely to meet you, Abbie.”
There’s a pause for a moment and then Kenneth steps up to the desk, so it’s impossible not to look at him.
“Really, thank you Jessica. We both really appreciate your help today.”
“That’s okay. I enjoyed it.”
My cheeks heat again as I hope he doesn’t immediately think I enjoyed that game in his office. I still feel embarrassed enough I want to cover my face with my hands.
He hesitates before leaving, though, then looks back.
“If I don’t get this situation with Abbie’s Nanny sorted, we might both be coming back tomorrow…” He trails off, not quite asking, but it’s obvious what he’s saying.
I nod. “Well, if Abbie wants to spend anymore time with me, she was very helpful today.”
Plus, that means I still have a job. Right?
“Thank you.” He says again, the relief in his voice obvious as he bounces Abbie on his hip, looking over at her. “Do you think you might want to spend a little more time with Jessica, Abbie? Help her out some more?”
“Ooh, yes!” She grins at me and I have to smile back, however awkward I feel around her Dad. I really do like that little girl.
He laughs. “Okay, well, we’ll see how things go tomorrow then.”
With that, they both leave, and I’m left not sure what to think or feel about it all.
I shake my head, taking a deep breath and trying to settle the mortification still burning in my stomach.
He didn’t say anything about it. I guess that means it’s okay? Maybe we’ll just forget about it…
Yes. That would be best. I helped him out, he’ll overlook that little moment I had there. That seems fair.
As I pack up to leave for the night, I think about Abbie coming back tomorrow and a small smile tugs at my face. I really did enjoy today. Sure, I’m not getting much work done, but I think Kenneth is just going to have to accept that.
I wonder what other games we could play around here to entertain her…not anything like that intercom moment, obviously, but there have to be other options…
Lost in thought, I forget all about the letter waiting for my decision in my desk drawer.