Jessica
I step out of Kenneth’s office with a strange, tingling feeling spreading through my body, not at all sure what I just agreed to - or why.
All I know is I’m breathing hard, every nerve inside me is suddenly lit up with something - and I don’t trust the part of me that just said ‘yes’ at all.
Said yes without even thinking about it.
Before I’d had a chance to figure out what was going on.
The one that just knew I wanted to, even if I didn’t know why. Even if it didn’t make any sense at all.
And, as much as I like her, I don’t think it was all about Abbie. What Kenneth had said earlier about how upset she was about his trips had moved me, of course they had, but…
But this is a bad idea. It’s not normal, not professional, not…not anything you’re trying to do here. And you know it. You knew it the moment he called you into his office to ‘discuss something’.
As much as I feel for Abbie, I’m not used to jumping into anything without considering it properly first.
Which leaves Kenneth.
Kenneth.
I felt for him, too, of course -his predicament between his daughter and his company, and how much he wanted to make it right.
I don’t think that’s what made me say yes, either. Not entirely.
These last couple of weeks, ever since he brought Abbie into work with him, it’s been…different…working with him. I’ve tried not to think about it, but even though I don’t want to, I keep seeing things in him. Flashes that make me remember the past. Subtle signs of what a good man he is, how hard he works and tries - for his family - even if some secret part of me still wants to believe he’s a dick and I don’t like him.
It’s getting harder and harder to hold onto that.
It’s getting harder and harder to deny the way he makes you feel.
Still. After all these years.
The slight butterflies when he walks past my desk. The way his gaze lingers on my face a moment too long. The way my breath catches and I get tingles deep inside as he makes some firm business decision, totally unaware of just how powerful and sexy he looks in that moment.
God damn it.
When I took this job, I thought the difficult part was going to be working with a man I spent years hating. Turns out, that was easy.
Working with a man I seem to secretly still have a crush on? Who still makes my insides light up and reminds me of how long it’s been since I last had sex?
Oh my fucking god.
Impossible.
I’m still trying to be professional, but there are moments when his tone will lighten and some crazy mix of the past and present will collide until my tongue loosens and I’m teasing him the way I always used to.
There are moments all that just slips out.
Like right fucking now.
Like agreeing to go on a week-long business trip with my boss and his daughter. Even though it’s unprofessional. Unconventional. Inappropriate and badly timed.
Just because I want to.
That’s what I’m really struggling with.
The simple reason I said yes: because I want to.
I shouldn’t want to - and even if I do…I haven’t made a rash decision like that for a long time. They’re dangerous. They sneak past my guard…and that’s when everything goes wrong.
But I want to.
My body is still tingling from the way Kenneth was looking at me - from the mixture of sweet concern, firm determination and sexy ruggedness on his face. From the memory of his hands on my arms, his gaze on my face…from when we were something more than a boss and secretary.
There, in that moment, we felt like more than boss and secretary again. Just briefly.
It’s why I said yes.
And that scares me.
That scares me more than I think I can deal with right now.
I glance over at the office and bite my lip, but I know even as I consider it that I’m not going to change my mind. I’m not going to walk in there and dash his hopes of a solution to his work-and-daughter conflict.
Because part of you wants to go.
So you’re just going to have to deal, Jessica.
With the trip, with the consequences, and with the part of you that wants to go regardless.
* * *
I spend the next week organizing everything.
I adjust our arrangements for New York, make sure our neighbor is happy to feed Pan while I’m away, and I tell Gramps I’m going and I won’t be able to visit for a week.
He’s excited for me, actually - enough that I remember there’s a good reason for me to be excited, too, despite everything that’s going along with this trip.
I’ve never been to New York before. I know a couple of people who would love the opportunity to visit on an all-expenses-paid work trip, stay in luxury five star hotels and go out to fancy restaurants. If I wasn’t so nervous about the whole thing, that probably would have occurred to me earlier.
“You’ve never been a restless soul, Jessica.” Gramps says with a small smile, as he reaches out to stroke my cheek, seeming to pick up on the thought. “Always happiest at home and surrounded by your friends and family when you were a kid. Not like…”
He hesitates, as if he didn’t realize he added that out loud.
“Not like Mom.” I finish the thought, knowing exactly where his mind had been going.
He looks at me, then nods, squeezing my hand.
“Yeah, not like her.”
“I haven’t opened the letter yet.” I say, the words coming out before I can think about it too much.
“Yet?” He asks, one eyebrow raising.
I flush slightly, shrugging. “Well, I guess I was probably always going to…at some point.”
He nods again. “Loose ends can feel worse than knowing, one way or the other. But take your time.”
“Well, I’ve got another week to think about it.” I give him a slight smile.
There’s no way I’m taking it with me.
“Don’t do too much of that, Jessica - try to spend at least a little time enjoying yourself.” He says, then smiles. “New York will be full of distractions, at least. I want to hear all your stories when you get back.”
“I’m there to work.” I remind him. “I’m not sure how many stories I’m going to come back with, Gramps.”
“Nonsense, that boss of yours can’t demand your every waking moment. You’ll have time in the evenings, surely.”
He might not. His daughter, though…
“Maybe.” I answer, not saying that.
I haven’t mentioned anything about Abbie to Gramps. After his previous concern about Kenneth and how appropriate it was for him to bring his daughter to work, I have no idea how he’d take this.
I don’t even know how to take it - or what exactly I’m doing - so it seems better not to think about it too much at all.
Instead, we say goodbye with rather more excitement on his part than mine. Unless the butterflies I’m feeling about the whole thing count as excitement. They’re definitely something.
I know I’m going to miss Gramps for the week, too. He might not seem bothered about my absence, but I’ve gotten used to seeing him regularly again - and I’m just going to worry that something will happen if I’m not here.
Which is stupid, since me being here wouldn’t change anything, but…that doesn’t stop the feeling.
I ask myself why I agreed to any of this a dozen times over in that week - but the moment the three of us are on the flight and heading to New York, it’s obvious.
Abbie is enthusiastic and excited - enough that Kenneth has to calm her down a little to avoid some of the wary, discontented looks we’re getting from passengers around us.
At least she’s not screaming or having a massive tantrum.
I would’ve thought there were worse things to be around than an excited child…but then I’ve never flown first class, either. From the looks of it, there are a lot of high-class business people on this flight. I wonder idly if any of them have kids, somehow doubting it as Kenneth quiets Abbie down and sends me a mixed eye-roll-grin that makes me want to grin back.
He looks almost as excited as Abbie, despite the week of business meetings, and their anticipation is starting to feel infectious.
The strange electric butterflies come back and I try to hunker down in front of my laptop, ignoring them until they go away and focusing on the arrangements for the week, double-checking I have everything covered. Okay, triple-checking. Or maybe a few times more than that.
Yeah, I’m feeling kind of nervous, okay?
It’s just that it’s not the arrangements making me nervous.
We arrive into New York in the late afternoon, with Kenneth’s meetings scheduled to start the next day, and as Kenneth talks about all the things Abbie and I can do in New York together, I have to try to ignore how much this feels like we’re all on some sort of vacation together. Talk about personal.
It’s not. You work for him and you’re just doing him a favor. That’s all. Even if you have some ages-old crush going on.
I just don’t remember seeing him this animated about anything business related.
Distracted by everything he’s saying, it’s not until we’re almost at the hotel that he looks up with a frown.
“Wait, this isn’t the Crowne Plaza. Where—”
This time I’m the one that rolls my eyes - already slipping into the less formal vibe that having Abbie around seems to create.
“I didn’t think a high class business hotel was really what Abbie was looking for.”
He blinks, then glances back down to his daughter as I continue.
“I figured you could trade access to those meeting rooms you never use for somewhere with more natural suites, child-friendly restaurants and Central Park within walking distance.”
He laughs, giving me a rueful smile. “I didn’t think about that.”
“Mm.”
At least one of us does.
But I don’t say it. That is what I’m here for, after all.
“Good thing we’ve got Jessica to look after us, hey, Abbie?” He winks at his daughter and she grins at me, nodding, even though I doubt she understands what we’re talking about.
“Are you looking forward to spending the week exploring New York with her?” He asks, his voice obviously encouraging as she nods along, seeming distracted by everything she’s seeing out of the window.
“We’ll have fun.” I smile at them both. “I’m looking forward to it, too.”
My eyes meet Kenneth’s for a moment and I find myself fighting the heat that wants to spread across my face.
However unconventional this might be, it’s true.
I’m looking forward to this week.