Jessica
“Do you think she’s going to stick around?” Kenneth asks softly, voicing the same question in my mind.
He’s standing beside me, his arm around my waist as I lean into him, while we look out the French doors to the garden beyond. It’s stark and bare now, with the cold winter day keeping everyone inside and just a few evergreen shrubs to show any color at all, but it gives us something to look at while we try to give Gramps some space at the other end of the room.
It’s the first time I’ve brought Mom here and he insisted he wanted me there too - which meant that in turn, Kenneth insisted on coming along with me - but I don’t want to intrude on their time together. Even from here, I can feel some of the emotion that’s coming from that corner of the room. It’s been a long time.
“I don’t know.” I finally say. “I didn’t think so, at first…but now?”
I glance back over in that direction, at the worn face of my mother, and try to sort out the confusing mix of feelings I still feel whenever I see her. I’m not sure whether they’ll ever go away, exactly, but that doesn’t necessarily make them all bad. It’s just…a lot.
“I don’t know…I’m starting to wonder whether she really means it.” I cuddle closer to Kenneth, feeling a shiver run down my spine. “It’s been a long time - for all of us - but for them in particular, I think.”
“They look like they’ve got a lot to work out.” He follows my gaze briefly, before turning back to the glass doors.
I nod. “I don’t know all of it, but…well, I think they both have regrets.”
“If they’re going to work all that out…”
I nod again. “Maybe she’ll stick around to do it.”
He squeezes my shoulder. “What do you think of it all?”
I glance up at him to see the gentle concern there. The same mix of hope and uncertainty that I feel myself.
“I’m not sure, exactly. I think…I think I’d like that. But it’s still strange - just the thought of all three of us being in this room together. It’s not something I thought would happen.”
“I never thought you’d come back to me.” He murmurs. “But I couldn’t be happier that you did.”
I look up at him, a question in my eyes. That doesn’t seem like the same thing…we found each other again by chance.
He shrugs. “I still don’t like what she did to you - what I saw you go through, all those years ago - but if I get a second chance…well…maybe I’d like to believe other people can deserve them, too.”
I look back over at Gramps and Mom, sat there together, and a slight shiver runs down my spine. I hadn’t thought about it before, but I wonder just how willing I would have been to meet with her if I hadn’t had Kenneth back in my life - if I hadn’t already had those months where I was wondering, in the back of my mind, whether someone really could be different.
Seeing Kenneth again - getting to know him, all over again - it’s changed me in ways I’m not even sure I fully realize. It’s healed things I don’t even think I ever saw. I rest my head on his shoulder and sigh gently.
“I’m glad you wanted one - another chance - that you convinced me.”
He laughs softly. “Me too. A dozen times over.”
“I think you’re right.” I say slowly. “About people deserving a second chance. Even if it takes a long time, and it’s hard. It’s worth trying.”
I look back over at them again. They’ve been talking…or at least together…for over an hour now. It’s longer than I thought they’d be able to make work. I can’t help wondering what they’re talking about - or if they’re talking at all. Maybe just being there, getting used to each other again, is enough.
“I’m glad we could do this - that he let me bring her here.” I say suddenly. I don’t know what will come of it, but I hate the thought that might be getting older, with past regrets still there. That if things had gone just a little bit worse this year, it might have been too late for Mom at all…
I shudder.
“You did the right thing.” Kenneth nods beside me, echoing the thought in my mind.
I don’t know what will come of this, or if they can fix whatever is between them - but I’m suddenly so very grateful that they’re going to try.
“You know…I’ve been thinking about something.” Kenneth says, and I glance up at him again. “Your grandfather keeps talking about moving back home…”
“I know.” I sigh, sadness tugging at me again. “It’s so hard, seeing how desperate he is for independence and knowing…”
I shake my head. “When it was just the first stroke, there was a real chance that it would be okay - that when he’d recovered and done the physiotherapy, he’d be able to manage at home again, but after the second…he doesn’t seem to have realized how different it is now. That, or he’s just so damn determined he refuses to consider—”
“What if he moved in with us?”
I blink, Kenneth’s comment completely derailing my trail of thought.
“What?”
I can’t have heard that right.
“There’s an annex at the end of my house - somewhere he could have as his own, but still be close enough that we could help him out. If we got a full-time, live-in carer too…he’d still have all the support he gets here. But maybe it would feel different - like he has his own space again.”
“Wait…really?” I look at him, totally stunned.
I’ve never thought—never even considered—
The idea of a full time, live-in carer was so beyond anything that was possible for me, that it had never even occurred to me as an option. I’d been so resigned to the idea that he’d have to live somewhere like this for the rest of his life that…
My god.
“Yes, really.” He says, squeezing my shoulder again, his gaze drifting toward Gramps again. “If he’d like to.”
“I can’t ask…” I start, already feeling awkward at how much Kenneth has been helping me out with the bills from his care home and therapy, but I can’t quite finish it either. For something like this - for Gramps, I can’t refuse, either.
“You’re not asking.” He says, giving me a sidelong glance. “And I’m not doing it for you, either - I’m doing it for him. For your grandfather. My family.”
My eyes jump to his and a crazy emotion wells up in my chest as I meet that kind, compassionate gaze. It’s unyielding and powerful, but just so…so…
I have to bury myself against him to stem the sudden urge to sob, the power of the emotions flowing through me suddenly totally overwhelming.
Family. All of us.
“Thank you.” I breathe, eventually.
I’m not even talking about the offer for my grandfather.
I’m mean for being exactly who he is. The most loving, generous man I think I’ve ever known.
He kisses the top of my head. “I love you, Jessica. And everyone you love. Always.”
This time a sob does escape me, just one and then I keep it under control. I don’t want to alarm anyone here.
“I love you too, Kenneth. More than anything.”
By the time Mom stands up - the movement catching my eye - we’ve even had time to discuss half the intricacies of his suggestion among ourselves How it would work - with our relationship, with Abbie, with a carer and even Hannah who still helps out with Abbie - less so with me there, but enough for them to slowly get to know each other.
We walk over slowly - and I don’t miss the way Gramps’ eyes are shining with unshed moisture as he looks at Mom. Or the red and puffy expression on her face.
A lot to work out, indeed.
“Hey.” I say gently. “You both okay?”
Mom gives me a slightly shaky smile and nods.
Gramps doesn’t say anything, but he reaches out toward Mom - and she takes his hand, holding it for a long moment.
“I’ll be back again next week.” She tells him quietly. “I promise.”
He nods, then looks away and she turns to me, her smile turning slightly hesitant.
“I…” I swallow slightly, then finally volunteer it. “Maybe we could arrange another date to meet sometime, too.”
There has been so much going on lately that I hadn’t had the chance to accept that ongoing invitation earlier. I’d felt like I needed to tell Gramps, to arrange this, but as for us…there’s still a lot to work out there, too.
Her smile widens.
“I’d like that. I really would, Jessica.”
I nod, and she doesn’t push it any further, giving us both a small wave and stepping around us to leave.
I sit down in the armchair she vacated, Kenneth taking the one nearby.
“Are you okay, Gramps?” I ask gently.
“Yeah.” He says, his voice a little rough. “It’s been…a long time.”
“I know. It’s strange, huh?” I say, a little self-conscious about the whole thing.
He nods but doesn’t say anything for a while, and I don’t push him. I know how confused I was after seeing her again - I still don’t feel like I’ve completely sorted my emotions out yet.
“Good, too.” He finally says, meeting my gaze. “Maybe…maybe…”
I swallow slightly, knowing exactly what he’s trying to say.
“Maybe.” I agree, looking back the way she left - and then back around at Kenneth, Gramps and I.
It might not be the most conventional family. It’s still got its dysfunction and I doubt it will ever work the way they quite should, but…
Maybe.
We sit there for a while and I wonder whether to say anything at all - whether it would be too much, just after Mom left - but in the end I can’t hold it back. There’s a part of me that’s too excited about finally giving Gramps what he should have.
“Gramps.” I finally say, my voice slow as I glance over at Kenneth. “Kenneth and I were just talking about something…”
I take my time explaining, but as what we’re suggesting becomes obvious, I can’t help it - I can feel the excitement building in all three of us.
Excitement - and hope.
For the future we’ll get to share, together.