Chapter 10
Amber
The rest of the week passed by in a snowy blur. It was cold outside, a bitter cold that seeped in through your bones if you were out for too long. Gage kept the house pleasantly warm, despite the below-freezing temperatures. The temperature between Gage and me, though, was more like sweltering heat.
It was the type of heat that burned my skin when I thought about the night before, while lying in bed, listening to the sound of Ethan and Lily chatting away down the hallway. I could smell freshly brewed coffee along with the scent of sizzling bacon in the air. Breakfast smells.
All awkwardness had fallen away after eating at the restaurant. Holding Gage’s hand had felt so natural, so comforting. That was the only type of physical contact we had, though. Afterward, Gage kept his distance while I tried to keep mine. My divorce was a dark cloud looming over my head already. I didn’t want another scandal haunting the Roselynn name by getting involved romantically with a man that my father trusted as a close friend and business partner.
I had volunteered to make dinner the night before, after Gage spent the entire week cooking delicious meals for us. After the kids had eaten, I had made it a point to clean up the kitchen before losing motivation. I had bent over the kitchen counter to wipe away some leftover food when Gage’s body had brushed up against my backside intimately as he reached for something in the cupboard above my head.
His close proximity had nearly undone me right then and there. I had fallen back into Gage’s chest without even thinking about it. It felt natural to rest up against him, and I half expected him to pull away from it. Instead, Gage’s hands had fallen to my shoulders to massage them gently. It had felt so good to be wrapped up in the perfect domestic scene. The dream that I had wanted with Scott three years ago.
That was when a splash of icy water had come crashing over me. I ripped myself away from Gage to hurry into the bathroom. What was wrong with me? The question repeated itself in my head. This was my dad’s best friend. No matter how many times I tried to repeat that to myself, it never seemed to sway the urges I could feel building for Gage. I had gone to put Ethan down for the night despite his protests, before settling down myself for the night to hide away from Gage.
He’s not your husband, Amber. What are you doing playing house?
This wasn’t what I had wanted in the first place. It was my father’s brilliant idea to save him the trouble of the media chasing after me. He had enough headaches to worry about back in D.C. until my mother was back in the states to deal with the mess I called my life. I didn’t even want to imagine what my parents’ reactions would be if they knew how I felt for Gage, and how he felt in return. That simple return of affection solidified it in my head that Gage felt it, too, but he was trying to hold back for his own personal reasons.
I kicked back my sheets and blankets to grab one of my sweaters to tug over my sleeping shirt. I walked along the carpeted hallway to descend the stairs slowly, preparing myself to face Gage after running out on him the night before. I found Ethan perched on a booster seat at the kitchen island with Lily alongside him. Both of their plates had bits of pieces of scrambled eggs and slices of cooked bacon. The smell of it made my stomach growl hungrily in response.
My eyes landed on Gage as I leaned in to kiss Ethan on the top of head. He stood in front of the stove, spatula in hand and dressed in a pair of sweat pants and a sweater as well. He glanced over his shoulder as I greeted Lily with a warm smile.
“Morning, Mama,” Ethan said. He held out a piece of bacon for me to eat. “This is for you.”
“Thank you, baby,” I said, taking it with a smile. “Did you finish your breakfast?”
He held up his plate full of crumbs with a pleased smile. “I like Gage’s breakfast.”
“No more oatmeal,” Lily added, making a face at me. “How do you like that stuff?”
“Lily,” Gage started, in warning. “You used to eat it, too, as a toddler. Don’t even start with that.”
Lily rolled her eyes when Gage turned back around to grab a pot of coffee from the kitchen counter. I bit back a laugh, even though I still felt uneasy with Gage’s presence in the kitchen.
“Can we watch TV now that we are done?” Lily asked, hopping down from her seat. “Come on, Ethan. Let’s go watch TV for a little bit in the living room.”
I helped Ethan from his booster seat before the both of them were already off to turn the TV on. I heard it click on a few seconds later, followed by the sound of their laughter from the living room.
“Thank you for getting Ethan dressed,” I said as Gage turned back around to hold out a cup of coffee to me. “I didn’t even hear him get up this morning. It must’ve been early.”
Gage shrugged his shoulders. “It wasn’t a problem. I was already up for the day anyway, when the two of them decided to get up.”
Our fingers brushed when I reached for the coffee cup. Sparks went up my arm at the simple touch. I nearly dropped it to the kitchen island, but managed to hold onto it by a miracle. Gage was studying me intently as I took a sip with a long sigh.
“Amber,” he started, rubbing at the back of his neck. “I wanted to apologize for last night. It wasn’t appropriate on my part. I shouldn’t have reached for the cupboard with you right there.”
I grimaced when hot coffee scorched the back of my throat. “Don’t worry about it, okay? Let’s just forget it happened.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive,” I said. “I don’t want to make anything awkward between us while I’m here, you know? The kids are having so much fun together. I’ve never seen Ethan so energetic and happy.”
“Lily is enjoying the company, too,” Gage said. He turned the burner off on the stove, setting the frying pan in the sink. “It makes me wonder if I made the right decision in waiting to expand my family.”
“Things happen for a reason. You can’t linger on the past.”
I caught sight of the snow trickling down outside. There was something beautiful about the winters in the mountains. I couldn’t describe it, no matter how hard I tried to, when Scott asked me what the appeal was. “It’s fucking cold up there, Amber. What’s so special about winters in the mountains?”
Everything. Everything was special about the winters in the mountains. It was peaceful and quiet when your heart was turning from the chaos and stress of life.
I loathed the idea of returning back to Colorado Springs once my mother was back from Fashion Week in France. I didn’t want to face the cameras, or the constant presence of people in the house. I enjoyed the serenity in Gage’s home.
It was a few hours later that Lily noticed that the snow was sticky and heavy enough to build a snow man in the backyard. Side by side, Gage and I bundled the kids up to protect them from the snow before bundling ourselves up. We spent the next hour dodging snowballs and pushing around large balls of snow to create a snowman. I draped my scarf around the neck of the snowman as Lily and Ethan sang Frosty the Snowman.
I couldn’t remember the last time I ever felt so happy. It’d been at least three years. The only light in my life had been Ethan. That was it.
I watched as Gage picked up Ethan to place him on his shoulders as they ran away from Lily. She pelted them with snowballs, laughing happily as she did. The sight of Ethan’s grin warmed me from the inside out. He had followed me to Gage’s house without batting an eyelash, and now seeing him so trusting of Gage brought on a swell of emotions. Tears filled my eyes as I rose from my position on the back porch. Not willing to cry in front of Ethan or Lily, I walked around the house to regain my composure.
Why couldn’t it happen with Gage? He had always been the one thing that I’ve wanted since day one. I deserved it after all the shit that Scott put me through.
Maybe I didn’t, though. I had my choice to marry Scott, even though I knew the truth about him. I had pushed away all those doubts because I blindly believed that Scott would change for love. The cold air stung my cheeks as I walked down to the edge of the driveway to let the sobs pour out. I reached up to touch my cheeks through gasps of air. My tears were frozen to my cheeks. Not surprising with the cold air, but because all I ever did anymore was cry. I was sick of it, too.
I had worked hard for three years to try and create that picture-perfect family for Ethan. That was my punishment, knowing that I failed to give Ethan something that I had grown up with.
Snow trickled down from the thick clouds above. It was only a matter of time before I had to return back to reality. I had appointments to attend with the lawyers that my father hired to negotiate custody and my divorce. The thought of losing Ethan terrified me. The last thing I wanted was for Ethan to grow up believing it was okay to yell and hit others when he didn’t get his way.
I stayed down at the end of the driveway until I was frozen stiff. The tips of my toes were probably blue and purple from the cold by the time I rounded the corner of the house. Boots, covered in snow, were pushed off next to the sliding glass door to prevent a huge mess in the kitchen. I slipped out of my own boots, setting them next to Ethan’s before shaking out my heavy jacket. I draped it across the back of a dining room chair to head in the direction of the living room.
I found Gage sitting in front of the fireplace alone with an iPad in his hand. He looked up from the tablet when I entered. He took one look at the tears frozen on my cheeks and my bright red nose that was snotty from the cold, and tossed the iPad onto the couch.
For a wild moment, I thought he was going to kiss me. A part of me wished that he would, even welcomed it. Instead, Gage pulled me to stand in front of the fire to warm me. He rubbed at my cold hands, and the shock from the heat of his skin caused a groan to leave my lips. He bent down then to look me directly in the eye. I could feel his breath puffing against my lips, and the faint taste of cinnamon washed over me.
“Whatever you’re thinking in that head of yours,” he murmured softly. “Is absolutely wrong. You’re beautiful. You’re smart. You deserve to be happy with whatever you do in life. If anyone says differently to you, they can take it up with me personally.”
Those words caused my skin to goose bump for an entirely different reason. I gazed up at those icy blue eyes that were actually filled with warmth.
“You think I’m beautiful?” I asked.
“Absolutely,” he said. “I’d be an idiot to think otherwise.”
I swallowed thickly as a different type of heat came over me. “And you’re not an idiot. You’re a smart person.”
“And once again saying, you are very beautiful in my eyes.”