Chapter 18
Amber
It was a huge relief to hear my father tell his team that we were going to stay in Montana for a little bit longer. The state-wide impact from the winter storm was now spreading into other surrounding states. The highways were an absolute mess. Trucks couldn’t get to where they needed to go, to deliver food and supplies to supermarkets. There were deaths, too. A lot of them.
I lowered the newspaper after reading another story of a man pulling off the side of the road to wait for help. The exhaust pipe had clogged up without him knowing it with snow and ice. He was found dead by first responders who were on the way to help him as fast they could. I prayed for his family quietly as I picked up my coffee cup. The airports were closed down, too, with this rush of arctic temperatures.
I felt guilty for being so relieved that we were staying put until the weather let up. People were dying in the cold temperatures while utility crews fought to bring power back on. We were lucky to have generators and an endless supply of money to fuel those generators with.
My fathered appeared in the kitchen with Ethan tagging along behind him. They were both dressed in their Sunday clothes, finely pressed pants and button up shirts. My father’s silver hair was slicked back as usual. He smelled fresh of aftershave as well when he deposited Ethan into the chair next to mine.
“Are we ready to go?” he asked, pressing a kiss to my head in passing. “I want to make sure we leave on time with the roads being icy. Don’t want to be late for church.” He winked playfully at Ethan, who giggled. “Thou shall not be late when going to church.”
“It wouldn’t be a good idea,” I agreed with a smile. “Are the SUV’s packed with extra blankets that I bought?”
“All packed up.” My father smiled at me from across the table as he picked up his cup of coffee. “I’m proud of you, honey. The church promised to help hand out any blankets that people needed. Only half the city has power with the power lines snapping from the ice.”
“I just can’t imagine being without power right now,” I said, shivering at the thought. It was freezing outside, much colder than normal temperatures during the winter months in Montana. An arctic front was coming through, and with all the snow still on the ground, it was frigid out. Many of the churches had been kind enough to take in any homeless people to prevent them from freezing to death in the middle of the night.
“No, we’re lucky that we have generators here to help us get through the cold days and nights.”
We fell into companionable silence while Ethan ate between us. He hopped down after finishing his breakfast to go play in the living room. I gazed out the kitchen window. A part of me wanted to pick up the phone, to call Gage, and hear his voice. It didn’t take a body language expert to know that something was wrong in Gage’s demeanor yesterday after we returned from the afternoon in the hotel room. He had spoken harshly to Lily who followed him without an argument. She knew when to push her father’s buttons, but when not to argue, either.
I had no idea what happened. My father remained in a cheerful mood throughout the day afterwards. If something had come out, Gage wouldn’t have walked out of the house unscathed.
“Amber?”
“Hmm?”
“Did you not hear a word I just said?”
“I’m sorry,” I said, and looked back at my father, who sighed in irritation. “I was thinking about something. What were you saying?”
“That’s what I was commenting about,” he remarked wryly. “That you seem a bit lost in your thoughts, again. What’s going on with you?”
I shook my head at him because there was no possible way that I could explain my feelings for Gage to him. I didn’t want to sell the relationship out before it could begin, either. I wanted to stay in our private little bubble longer, if not permanently, before everyone else pushed themselves into it.
“Nothing is going on with me,” I said. “Why do you keep asking me that question?”
“Because I’m starting to worry that you’re stalling on the divorce,” my father said coolly. “You haven’t been to any of your appointments with your lawyer. They’ve done everything completely blind for you.”
“I thought that’s what the plan was. For me to stay out of sight.”
My father gave me a long and critical look that instantly had me shifting nervously on the edge of my seat. He had the uncanny ability to see things in people, particularly when they weren’t being honest. My mother and I always joked that he should’ve worked for the CIA or the FBI, taking down criminals or analyzing them.
“Something is going on with you,” he said slowly. “I know there is something that you don’t want to tell me about, but I’m going to trust that whatever it is, you’ll tell me eventually.”
I didn’t respond. I felt the lure of information in his words. He wanted me to confirm that there was something going on, but I refused to acknowledge it. I didn’t even know how to process through my own emotions for Gage yet.
“The lawyers have sent over the terms of your divorce. We are just waiting for Scott’s lawyers to agree.”
“Then, why are you asking me if I’m stalling?” I asked irritably. “It’s him that is stalling. Not me.”
“It would’ve gone faster if you went to those appointment, Amber. That’s what I’m saying. I don’t know why you felt the need to skip them.”
“I don’t want to go to them because then I’ll have to face Scott in front of a judge,” I said, rising from my chair. “I’m going to finish getting ready for church. I’ll see you in the car.”
I left the kitchen with tears burning in my eyes. I could feel the weight of my father’s stare burning into my back. Bypassing the busy living room, I hurried up the stairs to the guest room.
Why can’t he just let this go? I want to just move on. Move far away from everything.
I entered the bathroom to grab my bag of makeup from the counter. The bubble with Gage felt even more inviting than ever. At least it was peaceful, but it was also exciting in there with him. The rest of the world felt cold and critical to whatever decisions I made.
Dabbing some foundation under my eyes, I stared at my reflection in the mirror as a wave of queasiness crashed over me again. My skin felt different this morning. Everything about my body felt different. I couldn’t explain the constant cramping, or the back aches followed by nausea.
The flu. That’s what it is. The flu.
I found Ethan already buckled in one of the SUV’s when I stepped outside. Cold air nipped at my bare legs as I hopped into the passenger seat next to him. My father hopped into the other seat. The drive back through Bozeman was slow and, at times, treacherous. The roads were slick with ice. By the time we reached the church, I was covered in a sheen of cold sweat. My stomach was churning, too.
All of that disappeared though when I spotted Gage’s truck in the church parking lot. My heart leapt at the prospect of having another excuse to see Gage, but his truck was empty when I walked past it.
“I didn’t think Gage would be here,” my father remarked, also looking at the truck with a frown. “He normally never attends church. I can’t remember the last time he even appeared in a church.”
“I’m not sure,” I replied, adjusting Ethan’s weight on my hip. “I’m going to drop Ethan off at daycare in the church basement.”
My father glanced at me with a frown. “Bring a security detail with you to keep an eye on Ethan.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “He doesn’t need one here. No one is going to do anything to him.”
He didn’t get the chance to argue. A few men from the church immediately flanked my father’s side to shake his hand. I walked through the church lobby to the stairs that led down to the basement where bible study and daycare were located. Ethan gladly wiggled out of my grasp at the sight of the other kids. I kissed him goodbye before signing him into daycare and peering in through the window into the bible study group. I spotted Lily’s chocolate brown hair, tangled again, pulled back in a ponytail as she flipped through her bible with visible boredom.
That meant Gage was somewhere in the church.
I spotted Gage in the fourth row in the pews with my father and a few members of security. Heart pounding, I tried to keep my nerves at bay as I approached them on wobbly legs. Gage’s eyes flicked away from the conversation to watch me approach, but that familiar warmth in his eyes was gone. He seemed guarded and reserved as he nodded curtly at me.
His aloof demeanor stung. Deeper than I wanted to admit.
I stood next to my father’s side while I waited for a break in the conversation to sweep Gage up into a discussion. Irritation swept through me when my father sat down between the two of us. Folding my hands neatly in my lap, I tried to focus on the hymns and sermons while my mind raced. A headache thrummed in my temples. The heater kicked on, blasting everyone in the pew, but I shifted uncomfortably against the heat. The sweater dress I’d picked to wear to church clung to every inch of me as I glanced over at Gage to find him sitting rigidly in the pew next to my father. His eyes were focused on the minister, but they were glazed over in thought.
It wasn’t until church service ended that Gage came up behind me to whisper in my ear.
“I need to talk to you,” he said, voice low. “Can you talk tonight?”
The both of us were facing forward, but with the loud chatter of conversation, it was impossible for anyone to overhear us. I kept myself facing forward as I watched a stream of people exit the church. If I turned around, then I would want to kiss him madly.
“I’ll call you tonight after everyone is asleep,” I muttered back. “Will that work?”
“It’ll have to.”
I blinked at the curt reply, unsure of how to decipher that. The rest of the day passed by in an anxious blur of distributing blankets to the churches and talking to the press. I hated this part of doing something nice for people, the way the media turned it into a big deal.
It was well past ten at night when the entire house went quiet. I dialed Gage’s cell phone number, inwardly praying that cell service was back up. It went straight to voicemail, and I reluctantly dialed the landline. I didn’t want to wake Lily up, but he answered it on the first ring.
“Hey,” I said, burrowing into my blankets to keep my voice muffled. The last thing I needed was security to overhear my conversation with Gage. “What did you need to talk about?”
“I just want to know one thing,” Gage said.
I chewed on my lip nervously at the abrupt tone of his voice. I had no idea what had prompted Gage’s sour mood, but it apparently had something to do with my life.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Are you still in love with your ex-husband?”
“What?” I whisper-shrieked, thoroughly astounded by the question. I would have laughed, but Gage sounded so serious. “No. Absolutely not, Gage. Why would you ask that?”
Gage sighed into the phone. “It’s something that your father mentioned to me about your divorce yesterday. He said that he noticed you’ve been pining over someone, and he believes it’s your ex-husband.”
“It’s not my ex-husband,” I stated, exasperated. “Is that why you’ve barely spoken a word to me since yesterday?”
“Maybe. I’m sorry.”
It was incredibly endearing and sexy to know that Gage’s distant behavior had been because of jealousy. He was jealous over the idea of another man taking up my attention. It turned me on.
“I’m sort of obsessed with an older man, actually,” I whispered into the phone, grinning when he sucked in a harsh breath. “The only problem right now is that I’m turned on, and he can’t do anything to help me.”
“Crap, Amber.”
I reached down to push past the elastic band of my pajama pants to feel the wetness between my legs. The brush of my fingers against the sensitive flesh there provoked a shudder.
“I miss you,” I breathed into the phone. “Especially right now, while I have my hand somewhere that wants you and only you.”
“What are you trying to do to me, Amber?” Gage croaked into the phone.
I smiled at the husky quality in his voice. “I’m just teasing you. We need to make another private escape, yes?”
“Absolutely. I’ll figure something out.”
“Good. Back to business. Are you stroking yourself right now?”