Chapter 8
Amber
The small church overlooking the rugged plains and wilderness of Montana was packed full of people. It was more crowded than I expected it to be after dropping Ethan off in daycare while Lily attended bible classes. None of the faces were unfriendly, though. No one had a camera pointed in my direction.
It was nice to sit somewhere in peace as I led Gage up a few rows of pews to the front of the church. A few of the older church ladies turned in their seats to give us both welcoming smiles when we took our seats. Morning light leaked in through stained glass windows above the pulpit. It smelled of what I grew up smelling on Sunday mornings, rich perfumes and cologne with everyone dressed in their best attire.
One of the older ladies took notice of Gage sitting next to me. She looked at him in mild surprise.
“Mr. Devlin? Is that you?”
Gage nodded politely to the woman. “Hello, Mrs. Fields. I didn’t know that you were at this church.”
“Every Sunday,” Mrs. Fields said.
She looked over at me curiously, but was swept up into another conversation before she could ask for my name. I felt Gage let out a long and pent up breath. Sweat beaded along his hairline. He looked handsome in the casual pair of loose trousers he wore with a crisp white shirt and black tie. It took all my strength to not reach out and run my fingers along his well-muscled thigh. He shifted in the pew next to me.
“You didn’t have to come,” I said. “I could’ve found the church by myself.”
“I haven’t been to church in years,” Gage replied, his voice tight with tension. “This was Marcie’s thing. She loved going to church every Sunday morning.”
“Why did you come with me, then? You could’ve stayed back at your house to enjoy your Sunday morning.”
Gage glanced over at me. “I promised your father that I would keep an eye on you. So, I’m minding the favor.”
His eyes dipped down to the blouse I wore before looking away quickly. I glanced down to find that two of the buttons had popped loose, exposing a bit of cleavage. My heart skipped as I looked back Gage, but he was busily flipping through one of the spare bibles in the pew in front of him. Was Gage looking down my blouse?
The thought sent a surge of heat through me. There was no doubt in my mind. He had been looking at my breasts, and it only fueled the feelings that have been building up in me for the past week.
I didn’t get a chance to dwell on it. The minister of the church stepped up to the podium to begin service. A sense of peace came over me as I showed Gage which hymnals to flip to. Church seemed like the only place that I felt at peace anymore. No one cared who I was. No one cared about the past decisions I had made. It was just utter calm and assuring to know that there was something out there in control of the universe. Because I had no fucking clue what I was doing.
Tears filled my eyes at that. I wiped them away quickly before anyone could see them as hymnals ended. The minister took the podium again to talk about the one word that instantly made me regret letting Gage tag along for church.
“I want talk about temptations of the flesh,” the minister started, flipping his bible open. “How can we win this war against lust?”
My cheeks burned hotly. I couldn’t bear to look over at Gage who shifted in his seat next to me.
“We live in a sex-saturated culture. It seems impossible at times to keep your faith against sexual immorality, but it can be done, ladies and gentlemen. It can be done. Think of what the Lord would want if you find yourself struggling against lustful and impure thoughts.”
Oh, I had tons of lustful and impure thoughts this past week. Plenty of those thoughts revolved around Gage bending me over the dining room table, or reaching across the couch to kiss me madly. The thought of him fucking me on the washer in the middle of a spin cycle had crossed my mind, too. I lusted after this man more than I’d ever lusted after anyone.
Waiting for marriage had been tough with Scott. He had pushed me at every single turn to go further, but I had resisted until our wedding night. I had expected that night to be romantic, everything that I hoped my first time would be, but it had hurt like a bitch. Then, it was over with Scott breathing heavily against me while I cried into the blankets.
Lust had never crossed my mind throughout my relationship with Scott. I never felt this burning desire to touch him or to press my lips against his for a kiss, with hopes that it would lead to something else.
And yet with Gage, I felt that yearning deep in my soul. Every inch of me ached for his touch. We were sitting so close to each other in the pew, but I couldn’t reach out to touch him. It was though electric sparks were dancing between us when I looked up to find Gage’s eyes focused on the minister intently.
“Matthew 5:28,” the minister said. “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Gage looked right at me, then. My breathing increased to the point I was afraid that everyone in the pew could hear me sucking in gasps of air. I glanced around to find that everyone was looking ahead, unaware of what was going on between the two of us.
Was I imagining this?
He leaned to the side, his arm brushing alongside mine. I swallowed thickly as his musky cologne filled my senses, but I kept my eyes forward for good reason. The temptation to kiss him was strong. Kissing an older man, my father’s best friend of all things, would undoubtedly create a stir in the small tight-knit church.
“What are you thinking about over there?” he whispered hoarsely.
The husky timbre of Gage’s voice caused those butterflies in my stomach to take flight again. The intensity of it was too much as I squirmed in the pew seat with my eyes focused on the minister.
“Nothing,” I whispered back.
“Are you sure about that?”
I looked over at Gage who also had his eyes riveted forward to keep from drawing attention to us. My eyes widened when I caught sight of the perfect, hard erection line in the crotch of Gage’s pants. Holy fuck. My heart slammed into my ribcage. Just like I had always imagined; Gage was obviously well-equipped when it came to that department.
Curling my fingers into fists, I sucked in a deep breath to calm my fraying nerves. This was Gage Devlin. My father’s best friend. A man old enough to be my father. Yet, I wanted this man more than anything. Damn the consequences.
Church concluded after an hour-long service that thankfully strayed to other subjects than lust. I rose from the pew with a relieved breath to put some much-needed distance between Gage and me.
“I’ll go check on the kids,” Gage said. “I’ll meet you outside in a few minutes.”
I managed a weak nod in his direction while I tried to navigate through the crowd. Mrs. Fields, the woman who knew Gage, came up to my side in the church lobby before I could slip outside.
“I’m sorry, dear,” she said, smiling kindly at me. “I didn’t get to catch your name before service started.”
“Oh, it’s fine. I’m Amber.”
The smile on Mrs. Field’s powdered face became expectant. “Amber who, my dear?”
“Roselynn,” I said through a clenched jaw. “I’m Amber Roselynn.”
“Oh, you’re Beau Roselynn’s daughter! Wonderful man, your father. I’d vote for him if he was here in Montana.”
I took a step toward the door. “I’ll make sure to pass the note on to him. You’re too kind.”
“Hold on.” She clasped my forearm with a liver-spotted hand. “I want you to know, my dear, that there are other options than divorce. Counseling through the church can—”
“Mrs. Fields.”
I practically fainted in relief when Gage surfaced from the inside of the church. He placed a protective hand on my shoulder as he looked over at Mrs. Fields with what I recognized as a shit-eating grin.
“They need you in there,” Gage said. “Something about getting the potluck together. There are a few crockpots that aren’t working.”
That instantly diverted the older woman’s attention. She lifted a hand from my forearm with an exasperated sigh.
“What would this church do without me?”
“Thank you,” I whispered, blinking back tears once she was gone. “This is why I rarely go out in public anymore.”
Gage’s fingers tightened against my shoulder. “Don’t let their opinions get to you. They’re old-fashioned. Her opinion really doesn’t count because your father belongs in Colorado.”
“It still hurts though, Gage. I came out here hoping that I would get away from that image a bit.”
“Image?” Gage repeated, frowning. “What sort of image are you trying to get away from?”
“You know,” I mumbled, wiping the few tears that fell from my eyes. “The image my father has crafted with the media. We’re a churchgoing family that has all the right values, old-fashioned ones. The values where staying married was how you worked your problems out.”
“Fuck that,” Gage said. “I don’t care what anyone in this church says. If a man lays a hand on you, then no one has the right to tell you to stay in a marriage where you are getting beaten. No amount of counseling through the church will save you.”
“Not everyone believes that, though.”
Gage’s arm wrapped around my shoulders. He drew me into a half-armed embrace that instantly set my blood on fire. I gladly snuggled up against his side to inhale his cologne, but also that unique masculine scent of his, underneath it all.
“All right,” he said, rubbing my shoulders with a small smile. “Let’s get the kids. Maybe grab some lunch down the road?”
“That sounds good to me.”
I fanned myself with a hand despite the bitter cold. We waited alongside the church for Ethan and Lily to emerge from the church basement. It took all my strength to not reach out and grab hold of Gage again. He felt so warm and strong beneath that heavy jacket of his.
To distract myself from that feeling of heat again, I watched as churchgoers walked by us with curious and lingering looks. I shifted anxiously in my pair of heels while Gage played with a button on his jacket. Unable to stand their looks any longer, I turned away to look over at Gage, who looked up at me with a frown.
“Why is everyone looking at me?” I asked. “Does everyone know who I am? Or is there another reason?”
“Some might know who you are,” Gage said, watching them as well. “I think they are wondering why there is young and beautiful woman standing next to me in the church parking lot.”
He called me beautiful. It seemed so silly to feel excited over such a little thing, but I felt my stomach fluttering all over again. We were skidding on thin and treacherous ice. I imagined that despite the chill of the ice, the water underneath it was hot.
Ethan and Lily emerged from the church basement a few minutes later. I smiled at Ethan as he walked up with Lily’s hand in his. I had insisted on dressing him in a little church outfit of khaki pants and white shirt that now had flecks of blue paint on both articles of clothing.
“Ethan got his shirt dirty,” Lily announced, pointing to the paint. “I told him not to get dirty because Mommy used to tell me the same thing, too.”
Ethan’s bottom lip quivered when he looked up at me with guilty eyes. I gathered him into my arms with a small smile.
“It’s okay, Ethan,” I said. “You aren’t going to get into any trouble. It’s daycare. You’re supposed to get messy.”
“You were eight years old when Mom told you that,” Gage said, pulling on the edge of Lily’s ponytail in warning. “You were old enough to know better, then. Let’s get some food down the road.”
Lily’s eyes brightened in excitement. She grabbed Gage’s hand happily as he pulled her around the SUV. I quietly buckled Ethan in his car seat, half-listening to Lily’s excited chatter in the back seat as Gage drove along the curvy and snow packed road.
The tension between us was thick. I could feel electric sparks in the air between us when I glanced over to find Gage’s eyes flicking away quickly. Of all the things the minister had to talk about it, he had to bring up the one subject that was on both our minds.
Keep it cool, Amber. This is your dad’s best friend. You don’t want to get involved with another man. Not when you aren’t even officially divorced yet.
Even if the temptation was great, I couldn’t go into that one place that I truly wanted to be. I wanted to be in Gage Devlin’s bed. I wanted to be wrapped up around the man in the most delicious ways imaginable because I knew he could show me pleasure like I’d never imagined. Just seeing his hard cock through the fabric of his pants had lighted a fire deep in my belly.
I needed him, and that scared me more than anything in the world.