Chapter 21
Gage
A late spring snowfall graced the mountains again. The cold and dreary weather suited my bitter mood just fine. After dropping Lily off at a friend’s house for a sleepover, I had hoped to catch Amber for a private conversation before she went back with Ethan to her parents’ home. That hope had been dashed like everything else that happened over the previous two days when Amber bolted out of the car without saying goodbye. She prompted Ethan to wave goodbye once, before disappearing in through the front door, not even bothering to wait for her father’s security team. I had stood at the back of the SUV like a complete fool and lost.
“What the fuck?” I muttered, running a hand through my hair. “What the fuck happened?”
The roads were slush on the way back up to my cabin. It wasn’t enough snow to create chaos on the roads, but it was enough to dampen everyone’s moods. Amber’s mood had only gotten worse over the past twenty-four hours, too. It had started that morning when she woke up complaining of a stomach ache, and after that, her carefree attitude was gone. She remained guarded, teary-eyed at times, and refused to tell me a word besides that she wasn’t feeling good.
I pulled up the driveway to park in front of the detached garage. At least, Lily would be occupied with her friend. It gave me the time to sort out everything without alerting her that something was wrong. She already believed something bad had happened when Amber locked herself in the bathroom for three hours the night before.
The entire cabin was chilly when I stepped inside through the sliding glass doors. Tossing my bags onto the floor, I went about opening the curtains to let a little bit of sunlight in. I clicked the furnace on as well, before picking up the phone to dial Amber’s cellphone number. The call rang once before going straight to voicemail.
My heart lodged itself into my throat. Frustration burned my chest as I slammed my phone down on the kitchen counter. I mentally ran over the past four days of pure bliss in the Florida sunshine. Going to Florida had cemented one thing in my mind, that I was undeniably in love with Amber. I couldn’t picture my life without her in it. Even if it was going to mean losing a friendship in the long run, or a media frenzy, I didn’t care. I wanted Amber for the rest of my life.
And I had sincerely believed that Amber’s feelings were the same. I still believed it. Something had happened to set Amber on guard again. I just didn’t know what it was.
My phone buzzed on the kitchen counter. Can’t talk right now. I’ll call you later.
I frowned at the curt message. That had changed over the past few months, too. We talked and texted every single day. Amber never ignored my phone calls or pushed them off. I texted back quickly.
What the hell is going on, Amber? I don’t understand what happened.
Seconds stretched into minutes. I stared down at my phone as frustration built all over again. The last time I had felt this confused over a woman was in high school. The mind games. The confused feelings. I ran a hand over my face with an aggravated groan. When did I go back to pining after someone? I was forty-seven years old. I had a life with a child. I didn’t have time to sit around my phone wondering what happened when everything had felt perfect.
I reached into my shirt pocket to pull out the small Tiffany box. Flipping the lid open, I stared down at the sparkling diamond ring that I had picked out for Amber the morning that her guard had gone up. I had carried this damned thing in my pocket for the past couple of days, hoping for the perfect moment to pop up again. The dinner I had planned, the babysitter to watch the kids, all of it had been dashed when Amber curled up in her bed.
The only bit of hope that I had clung to was Amber crawling into my bed the night before, once the kids were quiet. She had kissed me hard then, pulling me down between her legs without saying a word. We had made love fast and hard underneath the cover of the blankets to muffle our breathing and moans. I still couldn’t shake the desperation of Amber’s kisses, or the way she clutched at me as though I was going to disappear at a moment’s notice. Afterward, tears had filled her eyes as she climbed out of my bed. “I’m sorry,” she had mumbled, fighting back sobs. “I’m sorry, Gage.” And she had bolted through the door without waiting for a reply.
I shut the box to toss it onto the table. Maybe the reality of our relationship was starting to wear her down. My own heart was heavy with apprehension over what was going to happen once the news broke. I could only imagine Beau’s anger. I already knew that the press would tear apart the Roselynn name, but it didn’t matter. Not to me. Not to Amber either.
I spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning up the cabin and getting a fire going again to fight off the early spring chill. The forecast had predicted another couple inches of snow over the next few of days. It would give Amber plenty of time to have her space and to sort out whatever was going on in her head. There were plenty of things to keep me occupied, and to keep Lily occupied throughout the week as well, with school and her afterschool programs. There were plenty of distractions to keep the both of us busy.
The rest of the week went by in a cold, slow blur. My phone remained silent the entire time. No phone calls. No text messages. The silence growing between us was deafening, and with each passing day, frustration mounted in me.
I channeled that frustration into the blind hope that Amber would be attending church Sunday morning. That blinding hope ignited when I saw Ethan in the daycare portion of the church, but it was doused quickly with cold water when I found Beau in the pews, not Amber.
“Try not to look too disappointed in seeing me,” Beau commented as he stood up to let me pass by him. We both took a seat next to one another, even though I was burning with anger. “I’m surprised to see that you’re here again. You never liked church.”
“Lily likes to come here,” I explained. Which was the partial truth. I also came to church because of Amber. I couldn’t contain my question any longer, either. “Where’s Amber at? I thought she would be here with you and Ethan.”
Beau looked up from the email he was reading on his phone. A frown tugged at his lips while his eyes studied me carefully. I quickly guarded my emotions, knowing well that Beau had an ability to read people.
“Did something happen over in Florida that I need to know about?” Beau asked flatly. “My daughter has been locked up in her room for days now. She has been physically sick to her stomach.”
I twisted my hands in agitation. “I don’t know, Beau. Everything was going well--” Spectacular. “—and then she shut down on me, too. She didn’t want to come out of the room there, either.”
“And nothing happened that you could think of that would make her feel this way?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I honestly can’t say that I know of anything that would make her feel this way.”
It felt good to be partially honest, at least, with my close friend. I needed advice. I needed to talk to someone about it, but I couldn’t. Not with Beau. Not until I talked with Amber about what was going on with her.
The rest of church passed by slowly. I bid Beau a hasty goodbye before gathering Lily from bible study to head over to Raychelle’s house for lunch as planned.
“Where’s Amber at?” Lily asked, scanning the crowd of churchgoers as they left the church. “I saw that Ethan was in daycare. I wanted to ask her a question about something.”
“I’m not sure,” I replied tightly. “Beau said she hasn’t been feeling very well since our trip to Florida.”
I sensed Lily’s gaze on me. I looked up to find her studying me with a curious frown on her lips.
“What?” I asked defensively.
We stopped in front of my truck. I opened the passenger door for her to climb in before walking around to climb into the driver’s seat. I turned the truck on to blast us both with warm air from the heater. A dust of snow covered the hood of my truck.
“You like Amber, don’t you?” Lily asked quietly.
I stiffened in surprise at the question. “Of course, I do. She’s been very close to me for a while.”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Lily said. “I see you look at her the way you used to look at Mommy sometimes.”
I had to give it to Lily. She was a lot more observant than I gave her credit for. Amber and I both had agreed to refrain from physical contact in front of the kids. We didn’t want to arouse their suspicions. And because it was complicated between the two of us, we didn’t want to drag them into a situation that could possibly end in disaster at any moment.
Which, it had in a way. I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something drastically wrong with Amber.
“It’s complicated adult stuff,” I said as I backed out of the parking spot. “It’s not something you should even think about until you’re at least twenty-five.”
Lily’s face pulled into a disgusted grimace. “I don’t even like any of the boys in my class, Dad. They’re all jerks.”
“That’s right. Don’t go for the jerks. Even when you’re older, don’t even go for them.”
We arrived at Raychelle’s in time for a delicious fried chicken lunch. I ate heartily, starving from the past few days of not being able to eat properly. I waited for Lily to dart upstairs to play with a few Barbies that Raychelle had purchased over the weekend, before I sank back in the small kitchen chair with a heavy sigh.
Raychelle eyed me knowingly as she finished washing up the dishes. She started a pot of coffee before taking a seat across from me.
“Spill,” she said simply. “I can see that you need to talk about something that’s bothering you.”
I smoothed a hand over my face in exhaustion. “I’m just confused about everything, that’s all.”
“Confused about what?”
I spent the next ten minutes talking about the details in Florida, but I was mindful not to reveal who Amber was. Raychelle listened patiently, only stopping me once to pour us both a cup of coffee. She reached out to place a hand on my forearm.
“Honey, you need to put yourself in her shoes,” she said. “Just for a moment. You’ve had plenty of time yourself to come to terms with my sister’s death. Divorce is death too, in a way.”
“He was an abusive piece of shit,” I said coldly. “He beat her. I don’t understand how divorce in that situation would feel like death.”
“It’s complicated either way, Gage. It sounds like she is just having some typical confusing emotions. I don’t think it’s necessarily anything you need to worry about.”
“She won’t return my phone calls, Ray. I’ve tried everything to make her feel like she can trust me.”
“I’m sure that with time, she’ll see what you’re doing,” Raychelle said calmly. “Trust me on this, Gage. Just have faith and hope that she’ll take the time to sort things out. That’s all it sounds like to me is that she needs some time to herself. It’s not a sign of a break up to me.”
“I hope not,” I muttered, clutching my coffee close. “I don’t know if I can handle losing another woman.”
Raychelle patted me on the forearm. “Just be patient, dear. I don’t think she’s slipping out of your fingers.”
I turned away to look out at the sad sight of Raychelle’s rosebushes dripping down underneath the weight of the heavy, wet snow. That was exactly what it felt like. Amber was slipping out of my fingers.