7
Ben hands Polly a glass of port and drops onto the sofa next to her.
“Are you good?” he asks, studying her face. Despite the dark circles beneath her eyes, they’re lively and the same vivid green as her grandson’s. Still, she’s pale and keeps dozing off. Alex says at least some of it is the heat and some of it is living with two small children - “not to mention you”, he’d added with a pointed look at Ben.
“I have no complaints at all.”
“Not what I asked.”
“I’m good, child,” Polly pats his knee and sips her drink. “How are you? Are you good?”
Ben gives her a puzzled look.
“Me? I’m fine.”
“You and Alex have been working a lot lately. And the girls take up a lot of time.”
He’s aware of her watching him, assessing his face as much as his words, the way she has done all his life.
“Well, that’s what having a family is about right?” Ben says knocking their knees together. Polly purses her lips and thinks for a moment.
“Yes, it is, but it’s important to take care of you as well as your children. And of that lovely man you managed to score.”
Ben grins.
“Don’t worry, old lady, I take good care of him.”
Polly cackles and waves her hand at him but before she can say anything, Alex come down the stairs with Lucy in his arms.
“What’s so funny?” he asks.
“I was just telling Olly how I take good care of you.” Ben says holding his arms up for the baby. She burrows against him, smelling of milk and powder and sleep. “Why are you still awake little one?”
Alex is looking at him, eyes narrowed, a light flush spreading over his cheeks as he sits on the floor at Ben’s feet.
“Do I want to know?” he asks and groans when Polly chuckles and waggles her eyebrows at him. “Oh God, no I don’t. Really? Do you have to?”
Ben drops a kiss on his head and says yes, really, he does have to. He nudges Alex and nods at the two glasses of port on the coffee table. Alex hands him one before taking a sip from the other and sighing.
“I think, I’m not entirely sure, but I think everything is ready for Saturday,” he says. “I think it’s fifteen plus some parents.”
“So, fifteen plus munchkin is sixteen, Lulu-bug here doesn’t count, probably half-a-dozen parents, plus us. I think we’re going to need Melinda to make another cake.” Ben shifts a dozing Lucy so she’s in the crook of his arm.
“You mean you’re going to need another cake.” Alex rolls his eyes. “Remind me again why we’re doing this?”
“Because our daughter is turning four and we love her.”
“No,” Alex says, “if that was the reason we’d be going to McDonalds or Dunkin’ Donuts and wouldn’t need two cakes.”
“Or a bouncy castle,” Polly adds. Ben shakes his head at her but knows it's too late.
“Ben you didn’t? Seriously?” Alex sighs. “She’s turning four.”
“Baby, everyone loves a bouncy castle, come on.”
Ben knows he’s gone a little nuts, but he can’t help it. Before Ally was born he’d wanted to buy her everything in the catalogue and thankfully Alex had put his foot down or they might have been inundated with baby things right now. Melinda will be fine with a second triple decker chocolate fudge cake - she can make it look like Anna from Frozen to go with the Elsa he’s already ordered.
“A pony had better not show up on Saturday, Ben,” Alex says, interrupting his thoughts. “I mean it.”
“But ba …”
“Don’t but baby me. No.”
“It’s okay, Alex,” Polly pats his hand, “I went with him. No pony. Bouncy castle and balloon blower, yes. Performing dog, also yes. And more Frozen party decorations than I knew existed. But no pony.”
Ben runs the fingers of his unoccupied hand through Alex’s hair and smiles.
✽ ✽ ✽
“Uncle Matt!” Ally squeals as she pushes her way through a pool of brightly dressed children waving balloons and cupcakes to launch herself on Alex’s brother. He picks her up and spins her around, a blur of pigtails and chubby legs. “Did you bring me a present?”
Ben and Alex protest in unison but Matt waves it away.
“Hey brat, what’s up?”
“It’s my birthday,” she says settling her arm behind his neck.
“Yeah? How old are you?” Matt grins.
Ally holds up four fingers already sticky from party food and returns his grin.
“I’m four. Where’s Aunt Claire?”
“We don’t need Aunt Claire, let’s you and me just run away toge …”
Ally squirms to be put down and darts around his legs, to find her aunt and tug her out to the courtyard. Claire surrenders a brightly wrapped present to Ally and watches her scamper across the courtyard to add it to the pile at the end of the table, then produces a bottle of wine from her purse and waves it at Ben. “Presents for the daddies too. Cheesecake’s on the bench.”
Ben’s face lights up even brighter than his daughter’s.
“You're a good man, Matt,” he says as he hugs Claire, “it's a good thing she snapped you up first or your brother might have had some competition.”
“Ahem.” Alex raises an eyebrow.
“What, baby?”
Exasperated Alex gestures at the group of four-year olds and the half dozen parents gathered in chairs watching with amusement. Next to the pile of gifts, helping dress a doll in what Alex dearly hopes is not meant to be a G-string, Polly sniggers.
“Mixed company, children, and oh yeah, I'm right here.”
Ally pats his hand as she pushes past, with a friend in tow, toward the bouncy castle.
“It's okay Daddy, Uncle Matt only likes Aunt Claire. ‘Sides Papa loves you.”
Alex groans. She's as bad as her father, he thinks. A collective snicker ripples through the group of parents and when Ben sidles up to him, and kisses his cheek, Alex rolls his eyes.
“You know you love me,” Ben says, snaking an arm around his waist.
“Yeah you keep telling yourself that,” Alex mutters and goes to let the balloon animal guy in.
✽ ✽ ✽
“Night baby girl, happy?” Ben lies nose to nose with the birthday girl on her bed. She nods and kisses his cheek. The shelves on the opposite wall are littered with new puzzles, games, Lego, soft toys, and several garments that have already been tried on and modeled. By the bed, Bart thumps his tail.
“I love my locker Papa,” she says fighting a yawn.
“Locket.” Ben corrects and Alex glances at the necklace on her side table. He had braced himself for a battle of wills when they insisted she take it off when sleeping but thankfully Ally had been too tired to put up more than a token resistance. Ben stands up. “Love you baby girl, sleep tight.”
“Love you back,” Ally says with a sleepy smile.
“Wine,” Alex murmurs as Ben brushes past him, and sits in his place on the bed. “You have a good day monster?”
She pulls him to the pillow where there’s a faint scent of baby, a fading hint of sugar, and on the pillow a light edge of Ben’s cologne. She smiles against his hair, and for a moment Alex is overwhelmed and he pulls his sleepy daughter closer.
“Daddy you're squishing me,” she whispers in protest and he lets go. Next to the bed is an oversized Olaf, the talking snowman from Frozen, and a doll house that has been the subject of much negotiation for months and earned screeches of delight when unwrapped earlier. “I love you Daddy.”
“Love you back, monster.”
He brushes the hair back from her face and hums while she gives in to sleep. When her breathing evens out, he brushes his lips over her forehead then tiptoes from the room, leaving her night light burning. He checks Lucy as he passes. She snuffles in her sleep, bottom in the air, cheek against the sheet, thumb firmly in her mouth.
Smiling he goes downstairs in search of Ben; he finds him on the sofa, remote in one hand and wine glass in the other. His cheeks are flushed from the day outdoors and from this angle, Alex can see the silver strands that are beginning to appear in his hair.
Alex picks up his wine glass, steps over Bart, sits down, and stretches his long legs out to rest his bare feet on Ben’s lap. Flicks his eyes to the screen in time to see a shark roughly the size of a bus, swimming around a rock on which a young woman appears to be trapped.
“Uh any particular reason we’re watching a killer shark movie?” he asks making a mental note to keep the girls and Bart in the shallows next time they go swimming.
“Yup,” Ben says, eying him over his glass, “no fucking snowmen that sing and dance.”
Alex laughs, choking a little on his wine, and runs his hand through his hair as the shark lunges at the girl on the rock.
“Please tell me next year we can take her to MacDonald’s, and they’ll have the mess,” he says and digs his toes into Ben’s thigh. “She had a good time, though right?”
“Yeah, baby, she had a good time.” Ben puts his glass down and starts massaging Alex’s foot, eyes still on the screen. “You looked like you were getting pretty chummy there with Liam’s mom. Do I need to worry?”
“Oh jeez, don’t remind me. Her name’s Cecilia and God only knows how much she’d had to drank.”
“Pretty sure she started before she got here, babe. She took out three begonias on the way to the car and kissed Dork Dog goodbye.”
Alex snorts.
“Yeah, well I hope I don’t run into her at daycare because that will probably be worse than the conversation I had with her.”
Ben raises an eyebrow, smile flitting over his face.
“That bad?”
“She asked me if either of us is in to lacy underthings,” he makes quote marks with the fingers of his free hand, cheeks bright red, “because she has, and I’m quoting here, ‘a friend who makes high quality ladies undergarments for men who are statuesque.’”
Laughter erupts from Ben and he leans his head back, balancing his glass against Alex’s foot.
“And I bet you blushed even more than you are now,” he finally manages to say.
Alex huffs at him and turns his attention to the television in annoyance just as the shark bites a man in two. Why are they watching this when Ben can barely stay conscious when he gets a paper cut? Not that Ben is looking at the screen.
“That wasn’t even the worst of it,” he complains.
“Oh dear. What else did she say?”
Alex narrows his eyes at the laughter he can hear in Ben’s voice.
“She wanted to know if we’re in an open relationship because if we are she and Tris would love to invite us over and we could all have a little fun.”
Much to Alex’s satisfaction, Ben spits his wine down his front. Swiping the back of his hand over his mouth he asks Alex to repeat himself.
“You heard me. I said we weren’t into that sort of thing and she told me if we change our minds to just give her a call, she’d love to see us in action.”
He rubs his hand over his face again, trying to wipe away the memory of Cecilia’s wine sweet breath and her damp palm on his forearm. Ben pats the cushion next to him with a grin.
“Come here,” he pulls Alex closer. “You should have come and got me.”
Alex nestles his head against his shoulder and sighs, glances at the screen as a mouthful of teeth rush at the camera and reaches for the remote to turn the film off.
“Leave you alone with Cecilia Anderson? I don’t think so. God knows what you would have got us into.”
“You’re such a prude,” Ben says, kisses the back of his neck.
“Ben, I’m a thirty-six-year-old gay man, I don’t think it’s possible for me to be a prude by definition.”
He leans back against Ben’s chest and sighs. Now that the television is off, the only sound is the occasional sigh from Bart and the intermittent whisper of the air con unit kicking in and out. After a day of over excited four-year olds, three of whom had thrown up, parents in varying degrees of inebriation, a grumpy balloon animal blower who had to be threatened by Ben, and Bart announcing the arrival and departure of everyone, the quiet is nice.
“Baby, you’re the biggest prude I know,” Ben says in his ear. “It’s one of the things I love about you.”
Alex elbows him in the ribs.
“Besides,” Ben continues, “my days of threesomes are over. Only person I want to see beneath me or above me is you. Or beside m…”
“Wait. What? You’ve had a threesome?” Alex twists around to peer at Ben, frowning when the infuriating man grins, tip of his tongue between his teeth.
“A foursome too. Hasn’t everyone?”
“Well … no,” Alex says. He rubs the hem of Ben’s tee-shirt between his thumb and forefinger.
“You’re not everyone,” Ben tells him capturing his fingers and lifting them to his lips. “It was a long time ago, when I was in college. No desire to go back there, trust me.”
For a moment they sit in silence, then Alex licks his lips.
“What was it like?”
“Messy. Noisy.”
“Was it all guys or were there women too?”
A puff of warm air hits his neck as Ben laughs.
“No, all guys. I would have run a mile if Cecilia had shown up.”
Alex nods. That’s good.
“Did you enjoy it?”
“At the time yeah, but I repeat I have no desire to go back there, okay?”
“Okay.” Alex drains his glass and sets it on the table. He stretches and stands up; holds his hand out to Ben. “Come on, you look about as shattered as I feel.”
“Joanna’s little guy was cute. You know it might be nice to …” Ben clicks his fingers to Bart.
“No. Just forget it.” Alex flicks the lights out and they make their way upstairs, Bart plodding behind them. As they reach the top, Alex frowns. “What about the other thing she said?”
“Hmmmm?”
“Cecilia. The other thing she said. You know about the underwear.” Alex leans against the bannister, heart pounding. “Is that something you would want to do? Or would want me to do?”
“Baby, come on …”
“Serious question, Ben.”
Ben sighs.
“Is it something you want to do?” he asks.
“I … don’t know. Maybe, if it was what you wanted me to do, I suppose I could try…” Alex’s voice trails off and he wishes he’d never bought the subject up. Wishes Cecilia Anderson had never said anything.
“God you’re hot when you blush,” Ben says with a laugh and cups Alex’s cheek in his palm, brushes their lips together.
“Even now? After all this time?” Alex asks.
“Especially now,” Ben says and pulls him toward the bedroom. “Come on, before we wake up the girls.”
✽ ✽ ✽
Ben is almost asleep, back pressed against Alex’s chest, fingers tracing the tattoo of Lucy’s name from memory in the dark, when Alex’s voice rouses him.
“Ben? You awake?”
“Maybe.” He can feel Alex’s smile against the top of his head.
“Am I too vanilla?”
“What?”
“In bed. Am I too vanilla?”
Sighing, Ben turns so he’s facing him and reaches up to run his fingers through long, floppy hair. After eight years, Alex is still shy. Not as shy as he once was, but shy. He’s still unsure. Not as unsure as he once was, but unsure.
“Alex, come on, enough. I love you. If you want to try something, we can talk about it and try it, but only if you want to. Not because you think I’m missing out.”
“But …”
“I’m happy Alex. Happy with you, as we are. Sure, I’d like us to be a little less tired and to be able to get the toy box out a bit more often, but the girls aren’t going to be little forever. We’ll get there. Now let it go and if you even think of humming that fucking song, you’re sleeping with Dork Dog.”
Alex shimmies down the bed and rests his head on Ben’s chest. Ben rubs his thumb over his shoulder and waits.
“I like the toys,” Alex says eventually and lands a light smack to Ben’s belly when he says he knows, “and I don’t know, maybe the underwear thing might be interesting to try some time but um I don’t think I want anyone else in our bed. I … I … I don’t think I could handle sharing you.”
Ben smiles into the darkness.
“Alex, I’ve been telling you and Polly ever since we met, your ass is mine, nobody else's. If you want to try some, we’ll try some underwear. If you don’t, we won’t. I told you, I’m happy.”
“Me too.”
“Good.” He runs his hand down warm skin until it's resting in the hollow of Alex’s back, fingertips brushing the waistband of his pajamas.
Alex lifts his head until Ben can see in his eyes.
“You could take my pajamas off if you want.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
✽ ✽ ✽