9
Water laps at Ben's bare feet. His dress shoes and socks are back in the courtyard, on the chair Polly had been in he realizes. The ceremony had been noisy, filled with people dressed in vibrant colors, all laughing and toasting her memory. Polly would have loved it, he knows.
It doesn’t help.
He should go back in. Most people have said goodbye and gone but a few stragglers remain. Melinda from the bakery, Fiona, Matt and Claire. Polly’s agent from her writing days. Claire’s probably helping with the girls and he knows he should go in and join them; knows he’s being rude. It’s just … he takes a deep breath … if he goes in there, he’ll be reminded again that she isn’t there. That she’s gone. And beneath that bright, raw pain is the knowledge that he only has Alex and the girls now and if anything were to happen to them…. he shuts his eyes against the thought. Tells himself to get it together, that this isn’t what Polly would want. Or Allie.
Fingers brush his shoulder and he jumps.
“Hey,” Alex's breath is soft against Ben’s neck.
“Hey.”
“You okay?”
No.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
Alex nuzzles at the skin behind Ben’s ear.
“Claire helped me bath the girls.”
“I’m sorry …”
“It’s okay. Want to come tuck them in with me? Ally wants you to read her a story.”
Ben nods.
“Is everyone gone?” he asks.
“Melinda and Lorna said to say goodbye. Fiona said to make sure you take tomorrow off and that she can work from home. Matt and Claire are just waiting for us, then they’re going to drive back to the city.”
Warm arms slide around his waist and he leans back against Alex. Let’s himself feel the solid strength of the man behind him.
“I thought I’d be okay with it,” he says. “It’s not like mom. She had a long life. She was happy. She got to see her great-granddaughters. But I’m not okay with it.”
“I know.”
“It hurts.”
“I know. Come and read Ally a story.”
Arm in arm they turn back toward the house. As they step onto the concrete path to their courtyard, Ben stops and turns to Alex.
“Don’t you go anywhere. Don’t you leave me.”
Alex smiles and leans down; kisses his mouth.
“I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
✽ ✽ ✽
Alex steps out of the bathroom, pajama pants low on his hips, hair damp and curling against his shoulders. He stops when he sees Ben leaning against the picture window, watching the ocean, damp towel still slung around his hips. Doesn’t move when Alex approaches.
“Good thing nobody is walking,” Alex murmurs.
“I’m wearing a towel,” he says but Alex can see he’s not really paying attention.
“Uh huh, a very small towel.”
Ben shrugs and Alex turns him so they’re facing each other.
“Come to bed.” He smiles and laces his fingers through Ben’s, leads him to the bed. Alex presses him down, nudging his legs up and under the sheets, then slides in behind him, wrapping his arms around his chest. “She loved you very much, sweetheart. She was so proud of you.”
Fingers tighten over his forearms and he feels a shudder run up Ben’s body; dampness on his bicep. Alex buries his face in Ben’s neck, breathes in his scent, lays gentle kisses along the sharp line of his hair cut. Nuzzles behind his ear and smiles when he feels Ben relax against him. Still whispering in Ben’s ear, he trails his fingers down the length of Ben’s body, spreading them and resting his hand flat on his belly. Ben’s hand drops to cover it, his head tipping back against Alex’s shoulder and Alex stretches forward to kiss him and he licks across the full, bottom lip until Ben’s tongue flickers against his own.
“Let me help,” Alex whispers against and pulls Ben over so he’s flat on his back, looking up through wet lashes.
Alex lets his hand drift lower, across Ben’s lower belly, lower still until he’s caressing small circles into Ben’s thigh. He kisses him again, tongue mapping the familiar territory of Ben’s mouth and lips. Home, he thinks, this is home and drags his fingers the length of Ben’s cock, smiling into the kiss when he hears a faint whimper. Still smiling, he slides down, so he can flick his tongue back and forth over a nipple until it’s a tight, hard bud and Ben makes pleading noises in the back of his throat. After a moment he switches his attention to the other nipple, nipping and biting at it.
Ben groans, fingers curling in the younger man’s hair.
Alex shimmies lower down and takes Ben in his mouth. Ben gasps when Alex sweeps his tongue over the already sticky head of his cock, fingers spreading the width of Ben’s hips. He hollows his mouth and sucks. Swirls his tongue as he sucks and tries to ignore the demanding need in his own groin.
“Yes,” Ben hisses, pulling on Alex’s hair. “God that feels good.”
Alex holds him down against the bed, refuses to let him move in any direction as he bobs his head, relaxing his jaw and throat muscles, trying to take in as much as he can.
“Alex ….” Quiet whimpers and moans float down toward him as Ben’s fingers tighten in his hair. “Oh God, Alex if you keep doing that…. I’m not going to …..oh God…..baby….”
Ben bucks up into Alex’s mouth with a moan that sounds as though it’s edging on painful. Panting, Alex tries to hold him down, keep him still.
“Alex … going to come, baby…. going to ….”
Ben’s body stiffens beneath him, then Alex tastes him, salty and hot, on his tongue. Alex works him through the orgasm, lessening his grip when the pulses in his mouth cease. Finally, Ben let’s go of his hair and his body slumps back against the mattress. Alex kneels, straddling Ben’s hips, and thrusts into his own fist with a whine of frustration and lust; Ben opens his eyes, lifting his hands to Alex’s hips and holds him as Alex comes, eyes scrunching shut, marking Ben’s chest and belly. Trembling, he lets his head drop and he sits for a moment panting until he hears Ben groping for something to clean them up with.
“Better?” he asks as Ben swipes at the them with his discarded towel. Ben strokes his cheek and smiles.
“Yeah, you make everything better,” he says.
✽ ✽ ✽