26
The sun is just starting to rise when Ben wakes from a restless sleep to find Alex’s side of the bed cold and empty. For a moment he panics, then sees Bart is missing too and relaxes. Gets up and goes to the window; there on the stretch of sand between the house and the water is Alex, tossing a tennis ball for the Labrador. Relieved, he pulls on jeans and a tee shirt and goes downstairs.
Judge Martin left around eleven, promising to call today. Matt and Claire are asleep in the guest room and soft snores rising from beneath a blue quilt remind him Lena is asleep on the sofa, designer shoes on the floor before her.
He makes his way to the kitchen; smiles as the rich, heady smell of coffee envelopes him. Pours himself a cup and watches Alex from the window for a moment before going to join them.
“Hi,” Alex says when he sees him approach.
Ben nods and offers Alex his coffee cup and bends to pick up the tennis ball dropped at his feet. Flings it into the shallow water, smiling as Bart races after it, barking.
The police were clear last night. Janice has at least a five-hour head start - she probably left as soon as she had picked up the girls. That gave her two hours, then another three before they could safely ask for help and then well…. she has a head start. The question is a head start to where?
As predicted, Joseph professed to know nothing. Matt and Alex agree she would not be heading for the Mexican border. Alex hands back the coffee cup and lets Ben pull him closer.
Ben tightens his arm around him.
“Do you think they’re okay?” Alex asks in a low voice.
“Baby, don’t,” Ben tries to soothe him, “we’re going to find them.”
✽ ✽ ✽
“No,” Alex says. He’s leaning against the kitchen counter, arms folded against his chest. Ben slides his hand up his arm, murmuring reassurance. At the table Matt, Claire, Lena, and Detective Marsh stare at him in silence.
Marsh wants them to release photos of the girls and for Ben and Alex to do a news broadcast asking Janice to bring the girls back, promising to listen to any requests she may have if she does so.
“Alex, it’s just to get them back here,” Matt says, “you don’t have to actually follow through.”
Alex raises an eyebrow.
“And just exactly how well do you think that will work out Matt? When has anything like that worked with our mother?”
“Alex…”
“No. You think she won’t know? You think she’s just going to cave and bring them back? And then keep quiet when I have her psycho ass thrown in jail? That she won’t fucking use anything we promise to get out of this? No.”
Ben blinks. He’s never seen Alex like this; trembling with anger, voice cold and distant. If Alex knew how much he resembles his mother right at this moment, he would be horrified, Ben thinks and hopes he doesn’t find out. Claire clears her throat and they all turn in her direction.
“Alex is right. She’s power tripping. She wants you to hit the media and let the world know she’s got the upper hand.”
Matt snorts and asks how kidnapping is the upper hand. Ben feels Alex stiffen beside him.
“Well who the fuck has our kids, Matt?” Alex snarls and Ben feels a moment of sympathy for Matt recoiling from the rage. Ducking his head in embarrassment, he mutters an apology.
Ben drags his hand through his hair as Alex stalks from the kitchen, letting the door to the living room slam behind him. Claire joins him at the sink, taking his hand in hers.
“How are you holding up, Ben?” she asks.
“What?” The question is unexpected and he’s not sure what to say.
“They’re your children too, honey.”
“Oh,” he says and hitches a shaky breath “I’m okay. Not great but okay. I’ll be better when they’re home.” Claire squeezes his hand and he smiles at her. “I better go check on him.”
✽ ✽ ✽
Alex sinks onto Ally’s bed and wraps his arms around Olaf. The pillow and the toy smell like her and the scent is overpowering; he doesn’t want to cry, not like the first couple of hours. Now he just wants to tear the room apart. He wants to be in the courtyard, cradling Lucy while she dozes, and he watches Ally build sandcastles with Ben. He wants to scream at Judge Martin and Lena until they admit he was right. He wants his girls.
“Baby?”
He looks up. Ben is leaning against the doorway, waiting. Alex squeezes his eyes shut, trying to wrangle the fear and anger back down to a level he can cope with. Opens his eyes to Ben standing in front of him and he reaches out to wrap his arms around his waist, burying his face against his belly. Sobs wrack his body as Ben strokes his hair and waits. This is his fault. She’s his mother and she’s done this because of him: taken the one thing he has been able to give Ben in their time together.
As his sobs taper off, Ben lowers himself to his knees.
“Alex, this isn’t your fault.”
Alex pulls back, confused. Did he say that out loud? There’s a tear inching down Ben’s cheek and Alex closes his eyes against the sight. Ben tilts his face up and demands he open them.
“I can hear you thinking,” he teases, “and this is not your fault.”
In the distance a phone rings but Alex ignores it. Claire will answer it. Or Matt. Or nobody. He doesn’t care.
“Do you ever…” Alex’s voice breaks and he takes a breath before trying again. “Do you ever regret it?”
Ben frowns.
“Regret what?”
“The concert. Meeting me. Asking me out.” Alex sniffs and wipes his face with the back of his hand. “Marrying me.”
“What? No! Fuck no.” Ben’s hands are gentle on Alex’s face, thumbing away away tears. “I have never regretted a single second of loving you.”
“If you’d have met someone else, married someone el…”
“Damn it, Alex, I don’t want anyone else. I fell in love with you on our first date and I still love you. You and the girls, you’re everything.”
Alex rubs his forehead and tries to collect his thoughts.
“She’s my mother. How are you going to ever be able to look at me the same again? And if she does something…”
Ben stands and yanks him to his feet; Alex can feel the anger rolling off him in hot waves.
“You know something, Alex? Stop. Just fucking stop. Ever since we met, you’ve tried to find a reason to push me away and you keep using your mother. You’re not her, okay? If I thought you were anything like her, we wouldn’t be married. Give me some fucking credit.”
Alex blinks, shocked at the outburst. He opens his mouth to reply but Ben doesn’t give him a chance.
“I’m scared too but not of her. I’m scared that this is going to be the time she succeeds in scaring you so much you don’t think we’re worth fighting for anymore and you’ll just fucking leave. If she does anything to our girls I’ll fucking kill the bitch myself but if I lose you, Alex, I won’t have anything left to live for. Don’t you dare give up on us, not now. Not because of her. And by the way, I know you told us. I know you tried to warn us. And none of us took you seriously enough. Not even me. So, if anyone is to blame for this it’s me. Not you.”
Ben turns his back on him and starts shuffling soft toys around the shelf in front of him. Alex places a trembling hand on his shoulder and tries to turn him around but Ben refuses to be moved. Sighing, Alex steps closer and drops his hand down over Ben’s chest and rests his cheek against his head.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I never meant that you were at fault. I just … I know her. How she works, how she twists things. You’re right, this is her doing, nobody else’s. I just … I get so scared that I’m going to be like her or that people will think I’m like her …”
“Never. Never, not once.” Ben turns in his arms and Alex pulls him close.
“I’d never give up on you, Ben. Or on us. I’m just so scared, you know? I know you are too and that’s part of it, I just feel … responsible.”
“Baby, you’re not responsible. We’re going to find them. I promise.”
Alex closes his eyes, exhaustion and defeat taking over and taking away even the energy to cry. When Matt opens the door to tell them the police have news, they’re still standing there.
✽ ✽ ✽
“Okay, don’t get too excited,” Marsh says when they get to the kitchen. Ben looks to Lena who just nods back at the police officer. “We know where they spent the night, but they’ve still got a head start and they’ve been gone for at least three hours, possibly longer.”
“Where are they?” Ben asks, leaning over the table toward the man, body thrumming with frustration and fatigue.
“Well they were in Claybourne. Small town just over the border. Like I say they’ve still got a head start and we still don’t know where they’re going, but at least we have enough now to make an educated guess.”
“Guess?” Alex splutters. “They have our children and you’re guessing?”
“Alex,” Marsh says, speaking over Ben’s protests, “I know it doesn’t seem like much, but actually it’s a lot. They didn’t travel through the night, and we know they’re likely to stick with smaller towns. That they’ve ditched their car – it was at the motel, so we assume your father was waiting – in favor of the rental, which they’ll probably try to ditch today. They’re using cash, which isn’t surprising but sooner or later they’ll have to make a withdrawal, so I’m confident we’re closing in.”
Ben watches Alex from the corner of his eye, aware of the tension in his face. Ready for an outburst he tries to place himself between the two men. When Claire places a hand on Alex’s arm, he seems to deflate, and Ben relaxes.
“Right,” Matt says, “how about I make us all something to eat?”
Ben smiles and mouths a thank you, before sinking to the chair next to Alex.
✽ ✽ ✽
Shadows are filling the kitchen as Alex begins to clear away the empty coffee cups and depleted plates of sandwiches. Ben feeds Bart and he can hear Matt on his cell phone speaking to someone at the restaurant about the menu. Judge Martin called several hours ago, instructing them to call her as soon as they had any news. Lena and Claire have gone into the village to get supplies.
The sound of Marsh’s phone ringing is loud enough to make Alex jump and fumble a coffee cup. He manages to get two fingers through the handle just as Marsh barks his name into the device. Ben steps closer, still holding the bag of dog kibble and together they listen to Marsh’s end of the conversation.
“You’re sure? Larch County. Yes. Okay. I’ll call you back shortly.” He taps the screen of the device and looks up at them. Holds his hand up. “I want everyone to stay calm okay? Larch County have found your daughter Ally in a motel room.”
The sound of the coffee cap shattering on the kitchen tiles is loud, echoing around the room as ceramic shards scatter across the floor.
“Found her?” Ben asks. “What do you mean found her?”
“She’s alive,” Marsh says, “unconscious but she seems fine. The ambulance guys think she was given some sort of sedative, but they’re not sure what. Her vitals are stable and they’re taking he…. oh shit, Ben quick.”
Alex is aware of the sound of Marsh’s voice getting further and further away, disappearing down some sort of tunnel and of hands clutching at his shirt. Then darkness closes in and everything is silent.
✽ ✽ ✽
“Alex, come on, you need to wake up for me.”
A hand is tapping his cheek and a voice is insisting he open his eyes, but Alex just wants to refuse. If he opens his eyes, he’ll have to deal with …. He sits up with a shout. Ben grips his shoulder to stop him and Marsh is sitting right in front of him, hand still extended to tap his cheek again. Ally. They found Ally in a motel room. He moans as he remembers Marsh saying she’d been drugged. He turns to Ben in a panic.
“They’re organizing to get us there as fast as possible, baby,” Ben says. “She’s unconscious but she’s fine. She’ll be fine.”
Claire pushes forward, and Alex takes the glass she’s offering. Sips the water, looking around the room.
“She used to get diazepam from our doctor and would use that on us from time to time,” he says. “Mostly if we were sick and couldn’t sleep or if she felt we weren’t going to sleep …”
“I couldn’t remember the name,” Matt interrupts, voice strained, “but I remember her giving you stuff when your stomach was really bad. And once when my wisdom teeth were playing up.”
“She drugged you?” Ben asks. “She fucking drugged you?”
Alex rubs his temple and shrugs.
“It wasn’t that uncommon at the time. Lots of parents used sedatives on kids, hell the doctor probably suggested it.”
Ben looks as though he has more to say but snaps his mouth shut and shakes his head, mouth turned down and bright spots of anger color his cheeks. Marsh, Alex can see, is sending a text of the drug name to the team in Larch County, just to be sure.
“I have to get her clothes,” Alex says, scrambling to his feet, “and Olaf. She’ll want Olaf. And … and ...”
Ben grabs his elbow and swings him around.
“Calm down, you need to eat something. We don’t need you passing out again, okay? We’ve got twenty minutes until they get here, there’s time to get what she needs.”
It isn’t until he’s sitting, head in his hands, while his brother makes him yet another sandwich and Ben gathers up Ally’s things, that Alex realizes none of them have mentioned Lucy. His mother still has Lucy.
✽ ✽ ✽
Marsh ushers them into the police department SUV, directing Ben to toss the bag he’s prepared into the trunk, and hits the lights. Alex sits in the front, on Ben’s order, hand clasped over Ben’s reaching around from behind where he’s seated, back to the door, legs stretched along the back seat.
Alex watches late afternoon turn into early evening, blotting the scenery from view, until finally there is only the occasional set of headlights breaking through the inky sky that surrounds them. He shifts in his seat, trying to get comfortable and Ben squeezes his hand.
“Okay, baby?” he asks.
Alex shakes his head.
“She left her alone, Ben. She’s four years old, she drugged her and then she abandoned her in a motel room in the middle of nowhere. Anything could have happened to her. Anyone could have found her.” He takes a deep breath as something new occurs to his professional mind. “She could have got the dose wrong and she could have …”
“Don’t,” Ben says in his ear. He’s sitting up now and ignoring Marsh, unclicks his seat belt to lean forward and wrap both arms around his chest. “Please, baby, don’t say it.”
Alex hears the terrified exhaustion in his voice and a pang of guilt stabs at him. He clasps one of Ben’s hands and lifts it to his lips. Kisses it. Settles it back on his thigh, aware of Marsh next to him, saying nothing.
“How long will it take?” he asks the police officer.
“All going well, we should be there in the early hours of the morning.”
Alex bites his lip, resisting the urge to yell. The glowing green numbers on the dashboard tell him it’s just gone ten, that it will be at least five hours before they see their daughter. God, he hates his mother.
✽ ✽ ✽