Chapter Twelve – Zane

Five Years Later…

Being back here is weird, really weird. It’s been five long years since I set foot in my home town and it’s odd to return. There’s the sense that I belong here and that it’s familiar, but also that I don’t anymore. I have been in California for so long that it’s almost like that’s my home now. This is the vacation for me today. I glance my eyes around in wonder, drinking it all in. it’s the same, but different, it’s mine, but it isn’t. it’s the weirdest thing to ever happen to me. I thought it would just feel normal, like this is somewhere I’ve always belonged, but I don’t really get that sense. I think I’m going to need to take some time to adjust first.

Strangely, I’m back here with a bunch of medical qualifications under my belt. I never thought that would happen. When I first went away, I was determined to make it short term thing that I would try for my dad’s sake, but surprisingly I liked it a lot. I enjoyed finding my own way in life and learning some new things. I did better at it all than at high school anyway which is a plus. I feel like it’s made me grow a lot as a person. I am glad that I’ve taken this step, especially as I’ve managed to do it in a way that I’m still me. I haven’t lost my identity. I think at first, I was really afraid of that, but I just about managed to cling on to me.

I still look similar, although my hair is cut a little shorter now and I have a few more tattoos, but I’ve definitely developed and grown up. I feel much less like a child now. At twenty three years of age, I’m finally an adult and it feels good. The only thing is my dreams haven’t changed at all. I might have the medical qualifications, but I still want to work with bikes. I want my own custom bike shop, which is something that I’ve also been working towards for the last five years. I’ve taken on work experience to help me get better, I’ve had part time jobs to earn myself some cash of my own, and I’ve practiced on my own bike. All of that means I’ve had to cut myself off, I haven’t had much of a social life and I haven’t been back here, but it’s worth it. A short sacrifice to make the rest of my life better. At least I’m back here now, ready to make this place home again, ready for my life.

I drive past my house, not wanting to stop there for even a moment. My parents are probably expecting me, but I don’t want to go there yet. Maybe not even ever. I still don’t get on well with them, I don’t know if that’s going to change. Instead of heading there, there is someone else that I want to see first. Someone that I’ve neglected while being away and that I want to make amends with. I know that Brandon came back here when he finished college last year and that he’s been here ever since. From what I’ve heard through the grape vine, he has a good job now and a girlfriend too. All seems to be going really well for him. I’m proud, I’m happy for him. My best friend from all those years ago deserves to have a good life, I’m glad that he’s got it now.

I smile to myself as I imagine his shock when I turn up at his home. Because I’ve been so busy and I’ve cut myself off a lot, I’ve pretty much lost contact with him. He’s still my friend, that will never change and I hope that’s the same for him, but we’ve just gone our separate ways. Now that we’re both back in the same place, we can rekindle our friendship. I can’t wait to get out on the town again to catch up on our lives. Luckily, I’m aware that he still lives in his mother’s home – probably while he saves up money to buy a home of his own – so I can find him easily. I don’t know what I’d do if he was someone else.

Just before I get to Brandon’s home, I skid past the store that’s for sale, the place that I just know will be perfect for my custom bike shop. I’ve been doing some negotiations on the phone, I’ve talked to a few people about this, the ball is rolling, soon it will all be mine and I can’t wait. There’s even an apartment above it which is great because my dad won’t like what I’m doing. He’ll go mad that his control only worked so well but it’s okay. I know that I’m doing the right thing for myself. I have tried things his way and it didn’t work. Now I know what I want to do with my life for sure and it’s going to be awesome.

I smile to myself as I go past. I have some meetings coming up soon to finalize everything and I can’t wait for it. That’s when I’ll start to feel like my life is back on track again. That’s when I’ll feel at home. I breathe out a sigh of relief and I continue driving along the road on my bike towards Brandon’s home.

As I pull up outside, I stare at the unassuming building for a moment, thinking about the last time I left here. It was Brandon’s birthday, things got wild, I did many things that I shouldn’t, things that I’ve done my best not to think about since, but now it’s hard to push it back. It floods my brain and makes me feel things.

I don’t like to think about Leah, it’s a hard memory for me, but I had to move on and let her go. As I drove away from this place I came to the realization that we were too new and there were already too many dangerous things surrounding us to make it okay. I couldn’t keep in touch with her because we couldn’t ever be real. Even now, all these years later, it isn’t a decision that I one hundred percent agree with, but I did what was best at the time. Brandon was already so pissed with me leaving in such a way that I didn’t want to make it worse for him. In some ways, I feel like that’s the first adult decision I made, but in another way, I can’t help wondering if I just ran. For a moment, I bask in that, wondering what would have happened had everything been different.

Anyway, there’s no point in getting stuck in the past. A one night stand from five years ago really shouldn’t affect me as it does. It’s crazy and I need to forget all about it. At least for the time being.

I slide off my bike and I march down the garden path with determination in my footsteps. I used to only come to this door when I knew that Brandon was in so I didn’t have to face his mom and her hatred of me, but a long time has passed now. She can’t honestly still be worried that I’m in some non-existent motorcycle gang. I’m sure she must have heard what I left to study and while it might not be where I’m pursuing my future, it has to count for something. It would be nice if just for once, she would actually give me a chance.

Despite all my bravery, which might well be more fake than I’m letting on, I lean my ear against the door to see if I can hear any movement inside. There are definitely footsteps, and possibly humming, I’m not too sure. If I really strain my ears, it sounds like it might be someone female. I glance down at my outfit, knowing that the ripped jeans and the leather jacket isn’t really going to help me right now. But if I jut my chin out and I hold my head high, surely everything will be fine? I have to hope so, at least.

Knock, knock. I pound loudly on the door with a slight tremble in my fist. Knock, knock.

I bounce on my toes, rocking back and forth that gives away just some of the anxiety that’s coursing through my veins at the moment. I guess it’s funny, in a room full of people that I already know adore me, such as my high school class, I’m the most confident son of a bitch around, but when I suspect dislike it’s a totally different story. I shrink in on myself almost. That’s just one of the things that I learned about myself at college. I also learned that I can be a bit stubborn and defensive at times, but that’s okay. I’m not against working on myself. To be honest, as long as I don’t turn out like my father, that’s a win as far as I’m concerned.

“Hold on,” someone finally calls, definitely a female voice. “I’ll be there in a moment.”

Finally, the door swings open, but I don’t find myself looking at Brandon’s mother on the other side. Instead, it’s Leah staring back at me with wide shocked eyes. I mean, she might have grown up, just like I have, she’s twenty one years old now and that shows, but it’s certainly, one hundred percent her. Shit, for some reason of all the potential scenarios that I planned for, this isn’t the one that I expected to find myself in. I guess in an attempt to not find anything out about Leah so I wouldn’t have to know, I didn’t realize that she’s still living at home.

What else don’t I know? Immediately, I need to know everything that I’ve missed in her life. I got so wrapped up in my own existence recently that I forgot about everyone else’s, but while I’ve had five years of growing and learning. So, has she. And it looks good on her too. Leah is slightly taller, curvier, her breasts have grown. Also, she’s cropped that gorgeous ash blonde hair of hers into a bob which makes her eyes pop out even more.

Damn, she’s amazing. Possibly even better than before. As I stare at her, the last five years feel meaningless and I’m almost back at the party with her, wondering if we could have a future. We couldn’t then, eventually I would’ve messed it up because I was so young and stupid. I probably would have ended up doing something really hurtful and soul destroying like cheating on her and we would ever be able to be friends again. Now though, things are different. I’m a man, she’s a woman. We aren’t kids anymore. Things could be different this time, better. Maybe this girl is the one who got away and it’s time for me to get her back.

“Hello, Leah,” I say with a bright smile, discretely running my eyes up and down her. Or maybe not as discretely as I’d like to believe because as her cheeks color it seems like she has noticed me looking. The stunned look on her face suggests that I can still surprise her. “It’s good to see you. Long time no see. How are you?”

“Y… yes,” she stammers while clinging onto the door frame as if it’s the only thing keeping her upright. “It has been a long time. What, like four or five years?” She knows that it’s five, she’s just trying to play it cool. “So, yeah, I’m good thank you… how have you been?”

My face breaks into a grin, I can feel a playfulness creeping up inside of me that hasn’t been there for a while. Leah is dragging my cheeky side back out again, I didn’t even realize that I’d hidden it away, and now it’s starting to feel like anything is possible.

“Are you going to invite me in, or shall we stand here looking at each other blankly for a little while longer?”