Chapter Five – Leah

Zane’s visits seem to get less frequent over the next couple of weeks. I don’t know what it is, but all of a sudden, he isn’t around quite as much anymore. When I attempt to bring it up to Brandon he shuts down a little, mentioning something about a new fling in his life taking up all of his time. To be honest, that doesn’t hurt as much as the look on my brother’s face whenever I bring it up. It seems like there’s something more going on here, but I don’t know what it is. I wish I could find out because it’s causing a lot of tension in the house.

“So,” Mom says with a smile as she presents us both with breakfast. Since she isn’t around much, she likes to do what she can when she is here. “What’s going on with you two? It feels like it’s been forever since we last talked. How’s school? How’s… I don’t know life?” She laughs awkwardly. “Anything, come on, tell me.”

I glance at Brandon, hoping that he’s going to go first but his eyes are fixed on his food. He definitely doesn’t want to talk. I sigh loudly, assuming that it’s up to me. Only, I don’t really have anything to say.

“Erm, school is good,” I say slowly. “It’s just the same as normal, you know how it is.”

“Right, I see.” Mom seems to sense something going on with Brandon because she turns her attention to him. “What about you?” Brandon gives Mom a half smile but doesn’t say anything. “Hey, it’s your birthday coming up soon, isn’t it? Eighteen years old. We better have a real party, hadn’t we?” She gives him a desperate look, trying her hardest, but still Brandon’s are sky high. “You’ll want to celebrate, especially when it’s the last one that you’ll have here. The next one you’ll be celebrating at college, won’t you? This is important…”

“No, Mom, I don’t want anything,” he replies sullenly, still not looking up. “I don’t want to worry about anything else but school at the moment. I don’t want to be thinking about partying or birthdays or whatever.”

This is shocking. My brother loves a party and I’ve heard him talking about his eighteenth for years. I instantly know that I need to step in and help Brandon feel okay again. If this is because of Zane, then it sucks. It’s bad enough that I’m pissed off and hurt because of his actions, without it affecting someone else, my brother.

“Oh, come on, Brandon, it’ll be fun,” I say while resting my hand on his. “You know that you’ll regret it if you don’t do it. You need a good party to celebrate getting so old. I mean, eighteen, come on!”

I laugh loudly, finally dragging his eyes up from his food. Brandon’s face eventually cracks into a weak smile. He doesn’t look happy yet, but at least he’s finally making eye contact. That’s a good sign, right?

“Old?” he shoots back. “You realize that you aren’t far behind, don’t you? You’ll be in this place soon.”

“Yeah, and I’ll be having a kick ass party to celebrate, believe you me! I’ll have everyone here singing happy birthday to me.” I can see myself getting through to him, so I push just that little bit further. “You know that everyone will want to celebrate with you. They all love you! Let everyone sing to you as well.”

He doesn’t talk for a while, but the next thing he says fills me with a deep sense of relief. “You know what? You’re right. We should have a party. It’ll be fun. Are you sure about this, Mom? It might be chaos.”

Mom looks happy too, she gives me a smiling glance, thanking me with her eyes for bringing Brandon around.

“Of course, it’ll be chaos. I’m expecting that. I had an eighteenth birthday party myself once. But I want to do it for you. I don’t get to be around here as much as I’d like to, so this is to make up for that.”

Brandon grins at me, looking happy for the first time in days, and I give him a grin too. I already know that there will be a lot of people at this party, and it’s the first one that I’ll be invited to as well. I can really use it as a way to burst out of my bubble, I can get something amazing to wear and really make the world see me in a different light. Maybe even Zane will see me in a different light, he might finally know that I’m an adult.

No, I remind myself sharply. No, I’m not thinking about Zane. None of this will be for him. This is for me. Nothing I do will ever be for Zane again. I’m forgetting about him, he doesn’t exist to me anymore.

“We should get planning,” Mom says overly happily. “Decide what we’re going to do.”

“Oh, we could do a themed party, couldn’t we? That could be fun. And I could invite all the class…”

As they talk, I sit back and think about this. I have an intense urge to go out today to pick something to wear. Maybe I’ll ask Mandi to go with me after school to the mall to see what we can find. She might want to get something new to wear as well. Obviously, she’ll be coming, I don’t think Brandon will have a problem with that. We can both break out of our mould and try to get everyone else to see us in a different light. Maybe if I can get some other guys to notice me, I won’t be obsessed with Zane so much. Maybe I can even get a boyfriend who actually likes me. A smile comes to my lips as I start to see a new future for myself. One that’s just for me.

***

“Oh, my goodness, this is so exciting!” Mandi squeals as we walk through the store. “Our first party.”

I give her a look before turning my eyes back to the racks of clothes. With her deep shock of red hair and her pale skin, I think she’ll need a dark dress to bring out her best features. I grab one off the shelf that’s midnight blue with a plunging neck line. It might be a bit much for her but I decide to suggest it anyway.

“I think you should wear this.” I shove it into her hands. “Or at least try it on. You need to look sexy.”

Mandi gives me a look. “Okay fine. I’ll try it on, but you have to wear this.”

She hands me a red and white polka dot dress that has a sweetheart neck line and a skirt that will puff out around my waist. The idea of wearing this makes my heart hammer against my rib cage and nerves coil in my stomach, but I have to at least try it on, just to see what it looks like. Just in case it’s amazing.

“Fine, I will. But let’s get more stuff.” I smile at her. “I think we might need a few.”

Giggling playfully, we move around the store and grab armfuls of dresses. This is a part of high school that I’ve missed out on so far, and it feels good to take part in it. Even if it doesn’t happen again and it’s just the once, I want to embrace every aspect of being invited to the party of the cool kids. I just hope it goes to plan.

“Right, come on. I think it’s time to go into the changing rooms and try these on.”

As me and Mandi try on the selection of dresses, some of them too conservative, some of them far too sexy, we have a great time. In the end, she picks a little black dress with a ruffled neck line and a elegance as it skims past her knees, and I go for the polka dot dress. It’s quirky, it’s sexy but in a more subtle way, and it’s fun. I’ll stand out anyway, and although that isn’t a position I normally want to find myself in, for Brandon’s party I do. I’m attempting to step out of my shell and becoming a much better person. Maybe that will make the rest of high school that much more bearable. I don’t want to stick my head in the clouds, but it would be nice to think that I could go through the rest of school without suffering any teasing.

Me and Mandi pay for our clothes and we head out to the food court to get ourselves something to eat for dinner. We take our seats with our burgers and fries, just for me to notice the very person that I’m trying to forget.

“Oh my God,” I gush quietly to Mandi as my pulse thuds in my throat. “There’s Zane. He’s here.”

“Is he here with your brother?” She turns in her seat to spot him. “Oh… I see.”

He has a girl with him, but that doesn’t get to me. I already knew that he had a new fling on the go, that’s why he’s been neglecting my brother, it’s the sadness in Zane’s eyes. He isn’t really here with the girl who’s draped all over him. It’s almost as if she can’t see that his eyes are distant, that he isn’t connected to her at all. Maybe she’s so obsessed with him that she doesn’t mind. She’s happy enough to just be seen with him.

“Are you okay, Leah?” Mandi asks. “That must suck. Sorry, I didn’t know that he was with someone.”

“It’s fine.” I give her a shrug. “It doesn’t matter, he always has another girl on the go. I think it might be better for me to forget about him anyway. He really isn’t for me, is he? Like I said before, he’s a fuck boy.”

Mandi sucks in a deep breath and nods. “Yeah, maybe you’re right. There’s plenty of guys in our class anyway, some of which I’m sure like you. Max, for instance, until your brother terrified the living hell out of him.” She laughs awkwardly. “Zane is too fast and lose for someone like you. You’re too nice for him.”

Too nice. That’s the problem, isn’t it? I’m too nice. It’s almost as if people don’t know how the image of danger turns me on. Zane is nice anyway, he isn’t what he appears to be. He might sleep around and be a player, but the rest of it is just a façade, one that I can see all the way though. But anyway, that doesn’t matter, that’s irrelevant. Zane can be whoever the hell he wants to be. It doesn’t matter to me. Aside from the sadness...

“Do you want to go and talk to him?” Mandi asks. “Make him feel uncomfortable? Could be fun.”

I consider that for a second. Both him and Brandon aren’t happy. Maybe I could bang their heads together and make it alright again. But I don’t necessarily want to get in the way of him and that girl. She’ll hate me for it. I can already tell that she’s one of those girls who really doesn’t tolerate other girls in her space.

“No, I don’t want to,” I reply decisively. “I want to sit here with you and talk about the party because it’s going to be amazing. Especially now considering we’re going to be the best dressed there.”

Mandi lifts her hand for a high five, which I smack willingly. On the outside, I’m the happiest ever, but on the inside, I feel all uneasy. It’s almost as if there’s a storm brewing and something really bad is going to happen. Something that’s going to change the lives of me and everyone around me. The question is what is it, and what the hell can I do about it?