Chapter Twenty Eight – Zane

I pace up and down my apartment furiously, anger racing through my veins. I cannot believe that just happened, I’m absolutely stunned to the core. I knew Brandon wasn’t going to like me and Leah but to say all those awful things about me was too damn much. I even let him do it, I didn’t complain despite everything, I let him say it and it still resulted in a fight. I’m angry and I’m hurt. I didn’t want to ever lose him.

Knock, knock.

My eyes snap up as I hear a soft knocking at my apartment door. My immediate thought is that it’s Brandon come to apologize, but then I remember the sheer fury in his gaze as he physically attacked me and I know that it won’t be. I really don’t think that we’ll ever be friends again. It’s gone too far now. Even when we used to argue occasionally in high school it never got violent. I don’t think there’s any turning back.

I swing open the door to see Leah standing in front of me, giving me sad, wide eyes. “I hope it’s okay that I’m here,” she questions me. “I don’t want to impose, I just want to see how you are.”

I sigh loudly, hating that it’s come to this. “I’m okay, just a bit gutted to be honest.”

She leans up onto her tiptoes and wipes some of the blood away from my nose. “You don’t look okay.”

As I step aside for her to come in, I notice that she’s got a large bag with her. “Are you here to stay?”

She shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t know. I don’t want to come here if I’m not welcome.”

“So, things didn’t go any better with your brother then? I thought that you would make up.”

“No, he really is pissed off.” Her eyes flicker towards the ground, sadness crosses her expression. “And after you left, Mom got involved as well. She finally came out of her room to yell at me. She told me that if I wanted to throw my life away then I needed to leave. She’s very angry at me right now.”

I reach out and wrap my arms around her. However hard this is for me, it’s worse for her. She’s losing the only family that she has over me and it sucks. “Maybe this isn’t a good idea,” I murmur, hating myself for pushing away the one really good thing that I have in my life. I don’t want to lose Leah, but I don’t want to make her life hard either. “Maybe we should separate while everyone calms down. Maybe…” I close my eyes, trying to stop the sadness from overwhelming me. “Maybe we shouldn’t be together at all.”

Leah shoves me roughly, forcing me off of her. “Are you actually kidding me?” she snaps. “Please tell me you’re joking! You aren’t going to throw us away when things are so damn good between us.”

“I don’t want to… I just want to make it easier. I don’t want you to lose everyone.”

“So, you would rather let other people dictate us? That’s what you’re saying. You’d rather listen to Brandon and my mother and split up because they aren’t happy? Yet, you’re happy to defy your parents to do what you want with your life.” She cocks her head in my direction. “Is that because you aren’t happy with me?”

“Oh no, it isn’t that at all! I’m really happy with you.” I hold out my hands to her but she refuses to take them so eventually I let them drop. “I just want it to be pleasant all round. I don’t want everyone to hate us.”

“Zane, I don’t think you get it,” she sounds angry now. I feel terrible because I don’t want to hurt her. I’m just going round and round in circles trying to do the right thing. “I love you. I want only you.”

Love… that word blows me away. I haven’t ever heard it before and I’ve never said it either. I wouldn’t until I know for certain that it’s the truth, but as I think about it the more I realize that I feel the same way.

“I don’t expect you to say it back,” she snaps as I’m silent for far too long. “I just want you to know how I feel. I want you to understand why I’m so serious about this and why I’m digging my heels in.”

She stands in front of me looking vulnerable, and I can hardly blame her. She’s just lay her heart on the line and I haven’t given anything back. Mostly because I’m too stunned for words. But now I need to man up and speak. I can’t lock my emotions down, I can’t be a closed box, I need to finally let it free.

“I love you too,” I insist. “I do, I really do. I think that I’ve loved you for years, actually. I just haven’t understood it enough to vocalize it,. It’s something that I should have said so much sooner.”

As we look at one another, I realize the truth of that. I should have. It shouldn’t have taken this horrible situation for me to reveal my feelings. I’m gutted that the first time we’re saying the ‘L’ word is during all of this, when I have blood on my face because I’ve been fighting with her brother. This is all so wrong.

“I should have too,” Leah whispers. “I’ve been holding back for far too long, I’m sorry.”

I take a step, closing the gap between us and I hold her to my chest again. She rests her head against where my heart is, probably listening to how it’s pounding like crazy. This has officially been the craziest, up and down day that I’ve ever had. It started out so normally and it’s ended up with everyone knowing about us and us sharing our feelings of love. My head and heart are spinning like crazy, I barely even know what I’m doing anymore.

“So, where do we go from here?” I ask Leah quietly. “If we’re in love and everyone knows, what do we do?”

“I don’t know,” she murmurs back. “But can I stay here, just for tonight? I don’t want to go back.”

“Leah, you can move in here, that offer still stands. I want you with me all the time.”

She pulls back to look at me. “Are you sure? I’m not going to push myself on you.”

“Leah,” I chuckle. “I love you. It’s only ever going to be you. You want to just stay here for a while until you find your own place, that’s fine, but if you want to move in and never leave, I’m cool with that too.”

She giggles weakly, still looking incredibly sad. “You’re awesome, do you know that?”

“Why don’t you go and take a bath, make yourself comfortable, and I’ll make us some dinner. I don’t know about you, but all I want to do is eat some crappy food and sit in tonight. Yeah?”

She nods happily, agreeing with me. “Thank you so much. I do want a bath, thank you, that means a lot.”

As I move into the kitchen and I pull some food out of the fridge to cook, I realize that this doesn’t have to be all bad. I mean, it isn’t great now, things are all over the place, but that can’t last. Brandon and his mom can’t stay mad at Leah forever, they’ll have to make up. Especially if they see how serious we are. Once me and Leah prove our love to the rest of the world they’ll have to start accepting us. To be honest, I’m pretty sure that the problem is me and my reputation from all those years ago. I guess only time will show that I’m not who I used to be. I suppose because Brandon was always there before, he saw me at my worst. Now I need to show him who I can be at my best. I truly do love Leah, and all I want to do is make her happy. I would do anything for her, I would literally give her anything, and I just want Brandon to see that. One day he will. It might take some time, but he will. I’ll make sure that a long as Leah wants me, I’m going to be the best man for him.

I start whistling to myself as I picture a magical future between me and Leah. I see things that I never thought my future would hold. I even think about marriage and children, something I never thought would be real. Not for me anyway, and certainly not at this age. But now, the idea doesn’t scare me just as much.

With Leah in the bath and me cooking dinner, we’re already in a real domestic situation anyway and I really don’t hate it. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, like I’m finally really settled. I never thought I would like the sensation of being tied down, but with Leah it’s awesome. I’m happy to have a ball and chain.

“You okay?” I call towards the bathroom. “You need anything in there?”

“I’m good, thank you though,” she calls back to me. “That’s really nice of you.”

She sounds a little more relaxed now which is great. At least she has a safe haven to come to, I’m glad that I can provide this for her. It’s the first step in the rest of my life in making Leah happy.

***

Leah’s head lolls against me as she drifts off into a sleep on the couch in front of the TV. She’s been dipping in and out of sleep for hours, I suppose the emotional exhaustion has been getting the better of her, and I’m more than happy for her to get rest. After the day that we’ve all had, some shut eye will benefit us all. I could do with getting some rest myself but at the moment my brain is still spinning too quickly. My head is all over the place.

I smile to myself as I look at her angelic face, feeling an intense sense of satisfaction. Much as it sucks, I have her here in my arms now which is wonderful. This is all I want in the world. Just Leah, nothing more. Leah in my own apartment where she’ll be living for the foreseeable future.

I lean my head back and think deeply, trying to work out the best way to act now with Brandon. I don’t want him to hate me more now that his sister has effectively picked me over him because it’ll only be for the time being. She doesn’t want to cut her family out of her life forever, like I’ve done, I can see that a mile off. The fact that she is so desperate for her family almost makes me want to make things right with my own. Or at least my mother. Maybe I’ve been a bit pig headed and stubborn, maybe I should give her another chance.

This is madness, I think to myself. Utter madness. What are we going to do?

I don’t want our love to hurt everyone else, I just want it to be this beautiful thing that we can enjoy. It’s a shame. But if I have to fight, then I’ll fight. If I need to battle for Leah then that’s what I’ll do. As complicated as it is, she’s worth every damn battle. I just hope that we all come out of it without too many battle scars. I hope the cuts don’t run too deep and we can’t recover on the other side.

We just need to survive this, I tell myself decisively. If me and Leah can get through this then I know we can get through anything. It’s us against the world, and I sure as hell don’t mind having her on my team.