Chapter Seventeen – Leah

My eyes snap open rapidly, I feel like something has shocked me awake. For a moment, I remain lying in my bed in a bubble of panic, trying to work out what it was. My mind concocts all kids of wild theories from the world ending in a blaze of fire, to a crazed gun man in the house, but in the end once my brain calms I realize it must have been something happening in my sleep. I have vague memories of he who shall not be named knocking at the door and reshaping my life in the craziest way possible. I cannot believe that he still creeps into my dreams after all this time. It’s been five years and still Zane Morris sometimes stars when I sleep.

Wait! All of a sudden, I bolt upright in bed. Wait, that wasn’t a dream, he really is here.

My pulse kicks up again as I try to work out what really happened and what didn’t. My brain is already a bit sleep addled in the morning, but today it feels off the scale. It’s almost as if something dramatic has shaken me right up. Something dramatic like the one person I never thought I would see again showing up.

As I push myself into a standing position, I remember the feeling of opening the door and seeing him there. I can’t even remember what I was wearing, how done up I was, all I can think about is him. He’s grown up into an undeniably sexy man, even better than he was as a teenager, so much so that I was stunned. That’s all that really changed, I don’t need to be all dramatic about it and think that everything is different, I was simply surprised. Now, the next time I see him, I’ll be much more used to him and I won’t even need to talk to him much. I can simply treat him with the cold contempt that he deserves. Even if he did say sorry…

I groan to myself, feeling the power of that apology once more. Mandi was right, his words did mean something. He wouldn’t apologize if it wasn’t something that’s been troubling him for a long while. Maybe he’s been thinking of me over the last five years, wondering if he’ll ever get the chance to make it right. It’s just a shame that he didn’t return six months ago before I met Patrick and started dating him.

Urgh, as soon as those words fill my brain I feel bad about myself. I shouldn’t be thinking anything like that. It doesn’t matter when Zane came back, we aren’t meant to be so it isn’t ever going to happen. Trying to make something happen between us is crazy when we’re so wrong for one another. I met Patrick for a reason, he’s the one that I’m supposed to end up with. And maybe we can even make our spark more intense, if we just work on the chemistry side of things then we’ll finally have it all and I can shut everyone up once and for all.

I have the sudden urge to speak to him. Usually we text in the morning and throughout the day before sharing a phone call in the evening on the nights I’m not at his place, but today I want something more.

Ring, ring… ring, ring… ring, ring…

I chew my thumb nail and pace the room while I wait for him to answer. It seems to take him forever…

“Hey, Leah.” He sounds rushed and panicked. “What’s going on? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, everything is fine. I just wanted to say good morning to you.” I cradle the phone close to my ear, trying to let him warm voice soothe me. I really need to feel him. “How are you feeling today?”

“Erm… I’m okay.” He sounds unsure. “I’m just getting dressed for work. Are you sure nothing has happened?”

“Can’t I just ring you up to say good morning?” I let out a little laugh, but the sound is strained. I guess I’ve never noticed how much Patrick’s routine annoys me before. Mostly because it lets me know what’s expected of me and it means I don’t have to worry that I’m not communicating enough, but it doesn’t leave any room for spontaneity. This feels a little more restricting than dependable. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Oh, no it isn’t that,” he replies, much too lightly. “I’m just running late this morning that’s all.”

“Oh right, I’ll go then.” His words are like an ice cold bucket of water racing over my head. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine, honestly, Leah.” I think he feels bad now, which I don’t want either. I honestly just want to hang up on this call and to pretend it never happened. “Are you coming over tonight? I’ll cook us something nice.”

Okay, to be fair that’s a nice offer. It isn’t usually a night I would stay over but Patrick must sense a neediness within me. As long as he doesn’t work out where it’s coming from, I’ll be fine. I smile to myself, thinking about that lovely sensation of being in his arms while we mindlessly watch a box set or two.

“That would be awesome, thank you,” I reply warmly. “What time shall I come over?”

“I’m going to the gym after work…” I roll my eyes. Of course, he is. “You can meet me there if you like?”

Urgh, I hate this. I know that Patrick doesn’t pressure me for any other reason than he wants me to be healthy like he is and he assumes that it’ll be something fun we can do together, but I don’t want to. I hate gyms, I don’t like the machines, the smell, the judging eyes, the competitive stench in the air…

“I think I’m working a bit late tonight,” I blatantly lie. I never work late. “There’s a bit project on at the moment, but I can meet you at your place afterwards?”

Sensing that he’s lost… again, Patrick caves. “Sure, sounds good. I’ll see you later on then.”

That’s good. As I hang up the phone I realize that tonight is the night I can try and bring new things into our romantic life. I can drag a park out of both of us. It has to be there somewhere, something brought us together and has kept us that way for all this time. I just need to remind us both what it is.

With a small whistle to myself, I head downstairs to grab myself some breakfast. Plans are forming in my mind, I make the decision to be the dominant one tonight to see if that makes a difference. I don’t think either of us are dominant really, we’re both quite laid back, which may be the issue… there’s something in common!

“Oh, hey there. You woke me up.” As I hear this voice, I jump. The house is dark, I assumed that everyone else was still in bed. Who the hell is sitting on the couch without the lights on? “How’s it going, Leah?”

Shit, I would recognize the way that he says my name anywhere. This isn’t supposed to be happening! I know I just told myself that I’ll be fine seeing Zane again, but I didn’t expect it to be so soon, while I’m unaware. I’m in my pyjamas, I have no make-up on, my hair is everywhere… I don’t have anything defensive to protect me.

“H… hi, Zane,” I stammer, sounding just as idiotic as last night. “What are you doing here?”

“What a fine welcome that is,” he teases while leaning across to illuminate the room, revealing all my humiliation. I suck in a deep, panicked breath but I can’t do anything to stop it. Luckily, Zane continues as if I don’t look like a crazy bird’s nest. “I crashed here last night, me and Brandon went a bit nuts.”

I chuckle, relaxing my shoulders as it seems like Zane isn’t really paying much attention to me anyway. “Just like the good old days, hey? I bet Jenny loved that, seeing you two in all your glory.”

“Actually, she left pretty early. I don’t think she could handle in.”

I nod slowly, desperately scanning my brain for something to make this a bit less strange. I don’t want to wake Brandon up early, I know how long he suffers his hangovers for and it isn’t ever a pretty sight. “Do you want some breakfast or do you end up sick all day long like Brandon does?”

“He really can’t hack his booze, can he?” Zane shakes his head and chuckles. “Foolish boy. Yes, some breakfast sounds amazing if you don’t mind. I’d love a bit of cheese on toast.”

I have enough time before work, I can make that happen so I wander into the kitchen with him not too far behind me. In a weird way, this is just like the night of Brandon’s party where I felt acutely aware of every inch of his body, despite everything else that was going on in the room. Luckily, it’s different now though. I haven’t just slept with him and I’m not just about to get my heart destroyed. It’s all absolutely fine.

“So, did you see anyone last night? Didn’t you go to Kings? It gets really busy there…”

As I say that, I realize it’s been a while. Mandi doesn’t go as much as she used to because she has her own home to afford and she’s all loved up, and Patrick isn’t keen either. I suppose he doesn’t like it that I know lots of people and he doesn’t. he often ends up sitting alone while people chat away to me.

“I did, but it would have been better if you were there,” Zane replies boldly. “You should’ve come with us.”

My brain immediately conjures up the scene of that happening, and it makes my breath catch in my throat. Maybe I should’ve, it definitely would have been a good night. Patrick wouldn’t have minded either as long as he didn’t have to come. He certainly wouldn’t have seen any danger of me hanging out with my brother, but that’s because he doesn’t know about my history. He hasn’t ever asked and I haven’t volunteered the information.

“Mmm, maybe I will next time,” I reply evasively. I know I can’t, because I cannot trust myself, but Zane doesn’t need to know that. “We’ll see how it goes.”

“Good, because it would be much more fun to have you there. The night was missing you.”

I spin around, wanting to look Zane in the eyes as I work out what this means, and I find myself staring upwards at him. I guess I wasn’t as in tune with him as I thought I was because he’s practically right behind me, his body almost touching mine. Now that I’m aware of him, I can feel a fizzing and a sizzling racing through me, he has my limbs totally locked in position because I’m frozen to the spot, locked in by him.

He reaches forward and touches my hip, reminding me so much of that night I’m practically shocked back into it. I’m almost sent flying back into the past where I’m an innocent sixteen year old girl about to lose my virginity to the boy I think I’m going to marry. The sensation is shocking, it makes me shudder visibly. I can’t hide what he’s doing to me even if I want to, and Zane knows it. His smug smile says it all.

“Yes,” he murmurs in a very sexy voice. “I’m sure it would have been better with you there last night. I can think of millions of fun things that we could have done.”

I’m drawn to him, like a moth to a flame. I can almost feel myself rising up onto my toes to kiss him, to defy everything that I know I shouldn’t do, just because I really want him.

“Hey.” Brandon’s voice bursts through the room, shattering the magical moment completely. “What’s going on?”