Paige
MONDAYS ARE ALWAYS harder than any other day of the week. You get into a nice flow by midweek only to have it interrupted by the weekend. After the weekend I had with Sean at his parents’ party, I was dreading today more than ever. The fear of running into David Sanchez coursed through my veins as I rode the elevator up to the floor I worked on.
Sean: Everything will be fine. I promise.
I glance at his text from this morning one more time before I exit the elevator when the doors open. I hold on to his promise to chase away my lingering anxiety.
Murmurs had started when Mr. Sanchez was late, but the rumor mill was in full force when he was a no-show at lunchtime. Things only intensified when Tim Hughes, David’s boss, came and called an emergency meeting where he told everyone Mr. Sanchez would no longer be working for the company. While everyone in the office displayed nothing but shock and confusion, I felt relief.
David had never been inappropriate with me at work. I always took his friendliness as being just that; friendly. But when his finger trailed across my collarbone on Saturday, I knew right away something wasn’t right. A sick feeling in the pit of my stomach was exacerbated by the smell of bourbon on his breath. His eyes weren’t focused and his words were slurred, but when he asked if he could fuck me, I heard it loud and clear. My rejection wasn’t taken well, which was evident when he accused me of sleeping my way to the top. That was the part Sean overheard, and that didn’t go over well at all.
Sean: RQ- Are you okay?
I stare at my phone, unsure how to reply. Yes, I’m okay, but I’m in a constant state of paranoia. I eavesdrop on every conversation worried the whole office will find out what happened this weekend.
Me: I’m fine, just trying to stay busy.
Sean: Okay, if you need anything let me know.
His concern touches me, relieving some of my stress. He’s always so thoughtful when it comes to me, and it makes tense situations easier to deal with.
With a deep breath, I try to refocus on my quality check reports to make sure my loan officers are in compliance. I’ve been hiding out in my office all day, afraid my colleagues would see the truth written all over my face.
Checking the clock, I see I only have an hour to go before it’s time to leave. I make a deal with myself that if I can get through these quality checks before five, I’ll stop for some wine on the way home. Right as I’m getting into a groove, my phone rings. I let out a frustrated sigh as I see a number I don’t recognize. I almost let it go to voicemail but answer it at the last second.
“Hello?”
“Hi, may I speak with Paige Stewart, please?” a woman asks.
“This is she.”
“Hi, this is Dr. Johnson. I have your test results back from your pap smear.”
“Okay,” I reply.
“It came back abnormal so we’ll need to do more testing to see if it was a false positive or if it’s something else.”
“Something else?” A strong sense of worry consumes me.
“It could be a variety of things and likely to be nothing. It’s just better to be safe than sorry, okay?”
“Okay.”
“We’ll need to do a colposcopy to get a tissue sample to send off to the lab. Can you come in Wednesday afternoon?”
Snapping out of my fog, I blink several times and pull up my calendar. “Uh, yeah. What time?”
“I have a two o’clock open.”
“I’ll be there,” I tell her.
“Okay, see you then.” Her upbeat tone soothes my anxiety marginally, but the fact she needs to take a tissue sample has me concerned.
I finished the rest of my work day and came straight home. My first instinct was to call Sean and talk to him about it, but I don’t want to worry him too. Plus, it’s not like he can do anything to change the results. Then I remember Scarlett had the same thing happen to her in college, so I call her up instead.
“Hey, girl,” she answers.
“Hey, are you busy?”
“No, what’s wrong?” Her tone gets serious, sensing the anxiousness in mine.
“Didn’t you have an abnormal pap when we were in college?” I ask her.
“Yeah, why?”
“My gyno just called and mine came back abnormal. She wants me to come in for a colposcopy.”
“Just relax, Paige. It’s probably nothing.”
I start pacing back and forth in the living room, needing something to do to expel this pent-up energy. “Is that what happened with yours?”
“Sort of. I found out I had HPV, which can cause precancerous cells. Did your doc say anything about that?”
“No, she was useless as far as information goes,” I mutter annoyed.
“Well, in my case, my body takes care of the bad cells on its own. The lab results on the biopsy came back benign, I went back six months later for another pap, and everything was good. I haven’t tested abnormal again since.”
“Were you worried though?”
“Of course. Worst-case scenario was playing on a loop while I was waiting on my results. But do you know how common it is to have a bad test and it ends up being nothing?” I sit in silence, waiting for her to tell me. “Just chill a little, okay? When do you go back?”
“Wednesday.”
“Want me to come with you?”
I take a deep breath and let it out. “No, I’ll be okay. Thanks for calming me down. I was freaking out there for a second thinking I was dying or something,” I say with a small laugh.
“You worry too much. Now go bang that hot boyfriend of yours and take your mind off of it.”
“Jesus, Scarlett,” I say under my breath.
She giggles in my ear. “Love you, babe.”
“Love ya back.”
I hang up the phone while shaking my head. She’s a hot mess but I love her.
Sitting on the couch, I search for something to do to occupy my mind until I realize Scarlett’s suggestion has some merit to it.
Me: RF- I’m horny.
I’ve never seen my phone vibrate with a response so quick in my life.
Sean: I’m coming.
Me: Not yet I hope.
Sean: I’m bringing the blindfold.
Me: I’m on the bed waiting.
Sean: Stop it before you make me crash.
I smile, loving that I affect him the same way he does me. I’m not sure how many laws he broke to get here, but my doorbell rings ten minutes later. I barely get it open before he’s pinning me to the wall and devouring me.
I took off work early for my appointment. I’ve calmed down drastically since the doctor called two days ago. I reasoned that if it was something serious, she would’ve told me. As I sit in a room with a paper sheet draped over my lap, I’m ready to get this over with. Guilt fights my anxiety to take presence in my mind as a set of blue eyes flashes through my head. For whatever reason, it feels wrong to keep this from him. It’s like I’m holding back some dark secret or something and it’s the only thing I can think about when we’re together. But, I rationalize, this could turn out to be nothing and then I’ve worried him for no reason.
Five minutes later, there’s a knock on the door followed by Dr. Johnson and a nurse walking in.
“Alright, this will be pretty quick. I’ll take a small sample, and then we’re done.” She smiles warmly at me, but it’s not soothing the nervousness that made a sudden appearance.
I nod and move to the edge of the bed as instructed. My toes wiggle a nervous rhythm as I wait for her to pull out her tools. When I see a long, thin metal stick with teeth on the end, I focus on the ceiling, my heart beating hard in my chest.
I take a deep breath, feeling her moving something inside of me. She counts to three and pinch!
“Ah!” I say in part surprise and pain. It was more than a pinch and hurts like hell. Soon after, she walks out and I’m left alone again.
I’m not sure what comes over me, but I feel like crying. I swallow hard to remove the lump in the back of my throat as I work to compose myself. Between the fear of the unknown and being stabbed in the cervix, my emotions come to a head.
This would be so much easier to handle with Sean.
The thought is fleeting and I mentally berate myself for thinking it. As I repeat my reasons for not telling him, I start to wonder if I’m really trying to protect me or him.
Once I’m dressed, I check out where I’m told they should have the test results within seven to ten business days and will call me.
Seven to ten days until I find out if this is nothing, or something more serious.
Seven to ten days I need to distract myself. But as the thought crosses my mind, I know exactly who can help me with that. Digging my phone out of my purse, I dial up Sean’s number and tell him I’m coming over.