Sean
I DOWN THE rest of my scotch and slam my glass down on the bar. A slap to the back startles me as I focus on the burn going down my throat.
“She’s going to be okay,” Marcus tries to reassure me. After helping Paige move into Scarlett’s today, I needed to leave. It was hard watching box after box be unloaded when they weren’t going to my place. Marcus could sense my mood and offered to buy me a beer. I opted for something harder instead.
“But what if she’s not?” It’s the one question I’ve not dared say aloud for fear it’ll come true.
“You can’t think like that, man. You need to be strong for her.”
“You don’t think I don’t know that? How would you feel if Lydia got sick?”
“No need to get defensive, I’m just trying to help. You forget I almost lost Lydia too. It’s the most crippling, earth-shattering experience you’ll ever go through. But you can’t run through the what ifs. It’ll drive you crazy.”
Now I feel like an asshole because he’s right. Being a cop might have prepared him for a lot of things, but watching Lydia die in front of him wasn’t one of them. “Sorry, bro, I’m just a wreck right now. First she tells me she’s known she has cancer, then she tells me she won’t move in. My head is all over the place.”
“Lydia told me the other day she was moving in with Scarlett.” I can’t tell if the burn in my gut is from the scotch or knowing that Marcus probably knew before I did.
“Did she say anything else about it?” Maybe Paige told Lydia something she isn’t sharing with me.
He shakes his head. “Not really. Why?”
“Just wondering if she said anything about pushing me away.” My hand shoots up, letting the bartender know I need another one.
“Patience,” he reiterates his advice from weeks ago. “Focus on the positives and not the negatives, okay?”
“Positives? Like what?” Sorry for being dense, but I fail to see the positive in this situation.
“She caught it early. Paige said it herself that a lot of times cervical cancer can go undetected without regular checkups. It’s treatable, and from everything her docs are saying, her odds look good.”
My hand runs through my hair. “That’s true.” I’m still worried and stressed beyond belief, but his words help calm me. Then an idea hits. “What if we do something to take Paige’s mind off of things? I know she’s nervous about her next appointment and starting treatment, so I want to help her forget, if only for an afternoon.”
“What do you have in mind?” he asks.
“Would it be dumb to throw her a party? Like a let’s kick cancer’s ass party?”
His head tilts back and forth as he contemplates my idiotic idea. I mean, who does that?
Hey, you have cancer. Let’s celebrate!
“You know what? That’s not a bad idea, actually. I could get Lydia and the other girls in on it if you want me to,” he offers.
“Yeah, that’d be great.”
I just hope Paige thinks this is a good idea too.
A week later and Scarlett is putting the finishing touches on our surprise party. Lydia took Paige out for some much needed pampering while we got my house ready. To be honest, Scarlett is doing most of it while I stand off to the side and admire her work.
Scarlett decided to go with a superhero theme, and it’s perfect. It’s badass and feisty like Paige but also ties into the battle she has ahead of her.
“This is pretty cool,” I tell her.
“Yeah, where did you come up with this idea anyway?” she asks.
“I don’t know. She looks like the weight of the world is on her shoulders, and I wanted to do something to distract her. I also wanted her to go into this on a positive note. She has a long, hard road ahead of her. Why not start it off with a party filled with the people who care about her?”
I never thought I’d see the day Scarlett’s eyes would mist over, but they are now. “You’re a good guy, Sean.”
“Don’t tell Paige that.” I give her a wink.
There’s definitely some underlying tension between Paige and me, but we’re managing. I see the fear written all over her face when she thinks I’m not looking and it guts me. We’re both scared and trying to hide it and I don’t know how to make it better. I’m there for her in any way I can be and hold on to hope that this will make us stronger in the end.
I freeze when there’s a knock on the door. Looking at my watch, I know it can’t be Lydia and Paige yet.
“Sorry I’m late,” Charlotte says when I open the door. “I meant to be here an hour ago, but then the baby kept crying and then he spit up all over my clothes and in my hair.” She lets out a sigh. “It’s been a hectic day.”
“Sounds like it,” I respond amused.
“So, what do you need me to do?” She looks around waiting for instruction.
“I don’t know. Ask Scarlett. She won’t let me help.”
Charlotte spins around and looks at her expectantly. “Do you guys want to hang the streamers from the ceiling?”
“Yep,” I reply, happy to not only contribute, but give me something to do. Waiting for Paige to get here is killing me. The fear that she’ll hate this and be upset ties my stomach in knots. The only thing that keeps me from calling the whole thing off is the optimism of her friends. If they like this, then surely she will too, right?
Thirty minutes later and we’re all waiting for her to show up. The guys made it over about fifteen minutes ago, so the whole gang is together to show our solidarity. She won’t have to face this alone, and if anything, that’s what I hope she takes away from today.
I hear a couple of car doors shut and know it’s show time. Seconds later, the front door opens and the six of us yell, “Surprise!”
She jumps back, eyes wide and mouth open. “What is this?” She looks around before her eyes settle on me.
Walking up to her, I grab both of her hands. “This is your surprise kick cancer’s ass party.”
Her face gives nothing away as she looks up at me stoically. It sets my nerves into overload until she puts me out of my misery. A single tear rolls down her face. “Was this your idea?” she asks, her voice tight with emotion.
I nod. “I had some help too though.”
She looks around me at everyone, a tight smile stretching across her face before she loses it and starts crying into my chest.
“Shhh, it’s okay, Paige. This is a happy day. We’re going to have fun, party with our friends, and throw our middle fingers up in the air and tell cancer to fuck off.”
The last bit gets her to laugh as she pulls away and wipes her face. Leaning in close, I whisper, “If this is too much, just tell me and we can go lie in bed or something.”
She shakes her head. “No, no. You guys went to all this trouble and I think we can all use a little fun in our lives right about now.”
And it was settled. We dance, she sings horribly off key, we laugh until we can’t breathe, and eat and drink until we’re full.
Halfway through, I raise my beer and grab everyone’s attention. “I know this is out of the ordinary given the circumstances, but there’s nothing ordinary about you. I love you so much and I know you’ve got this. You’re strong, determined, and so damn stubborn.” She smiles while our friends laugh lightly. “To Paige. That poor cancer doesn’t stand a chance.”
With tears in her eyes, she stands up on her toes and gives me a kiss. I hold on tight to the one I love because in the end, life is too short for all of us. Then, I do something I haven’t done in years.
Dear God,
Please don’t take her from me.