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Present Day, Declan in Peru, Lila at his house

“We’re buying the car in the city?” There was a note of excitement in Maggie’s voice.

Lila glanced over at her daughter who rode beside her to the dealership. “Yes.”

“Why not in Maryland?”

“Because I thought I’d take the lead on this. And you’re in D.C. for nine months of the year. Besides, if anything goes wrong, I want it to be my responsibility.”

They drove for a while in silence. Then Maggie asked, “Why?”

Chancing a glance at her daughter, Lila asked, “What do you mean, why?”

“Why are you doing this?”

Tread lightly , her psychologist mind told her. “Your dad and I talked right before he got called up about getting you a car. Since he’s gone now, I’d like to do this for you.”

More silence. Lila’s attention was diverted as they pulled off the exit ramp and onto Central Avenue.

Again, Maggie spoke. “Is this so I’ll go to counseling?”

A convenient store was located on the left, so she swerved into the parking lot and switched off the engine. She turned to her child. Maggie seemed tired today, as if she hadn’t slept. Her beautiful hair was in braids, and she wore a pretty purple blouse with jeans, but her color was washed out.

“No, honey, this isn’t a bribe. I’m a trained psychologist and I know that a client who doesn’t want to go to counseling won’t work at getting better, or worse, won’t tell the truth. Dad and I are buying you a car because we want what’s best for you, and we love you.”

Her daughter held her gaze. Lila kept the eye contact. “Tell me what it’s like.”

“Counseling?”

Maggie nodded.

“Don’t you know from when you went a few years ago?”

“Yeah, but that was with the high school psychologist in her office. What will I do when I go now?”

“I have a woman in mind. Trish Martin is in her thirties and was a soldier, like me. I’ve stayed in touch with her since then. She specializes in young people.”

“What happens, like, at first?”

“You’d go to her office to meet her and talk some on the first visit.”

“Do I have to lie down?”

“No, that’s a myth. You can sit wherever you want. We always give people a choice.”

“We? Do you counsel people?”

“Yes, honey. Veterans. It’s what I’ve done most of my career.”

“What else happens?”

“She’ll ask you to tell her about yourself, then she’ll go on to more direct questions.”

“Like what?”

“Like why you’re there. It can’t be because your parents insisted. She’ll want to know what you need from her.”

“What if I don’t know what I need?”

“Then tell her your feelings. Which, if I’m reading you right, are mostly that you’re sad all the time.”

She waited a long time then said, “Or worried.”

“About Dad?”

“Yeah. And you, before you left the army.”

At the indictment, Lila kept herself calm. “I’m sorry our choices have caused you such a hard time. And it’s okay to worry about Dad now, but you can keep that in perspective.”

“How?”

“Trish will help with that. I know I give my clients insights into what triggers sadness or worry, then how to stop the feelings from overcoming you.”

“Why don’t you just tell me those things?”

“No, baby. I can’t be objective. And besides, I know you have some negative feelings about me. And you can tell a counselor all that.”

Maggie’s brows furrowed. Lila was struck again at how much this child looked like her. “How do you know that?”

“By how remote you’ve been these last few years. And in a way, since you were little.”

Her expression didn’t change. “Does that hurt you?”

“Immensely. But you’re entitled to your own feelings. Maybe it would help if you told me all this stuff, too. After you get on your way with the counselor, I could go to a few sessions with you and talk about what’s happened between us.”

No protest. Some relief, actually, in her expression. “And Dad.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m like this with Dad, too.”

“Oh, honey, you can talk to us about anything. We’ll listen. We won’t get mad, I promise. And we can discuss however we let you down. And get better at not doing it.”

Tears came to Maggie’s eyes. She leaned over and Maggie took her into her arms. The girl nuzzled into her chest. “I can’t talk to you about this, Mommy.”

Lila’s heart hurt so badly she thought it might be an attack. But she was the adult here, so she stifled any reaction to what Maggie said. “Then talk to a counselor. Please say yes. We’re worried about you.”

“I—I...” She hiccupped. “I’m worried about me, too.”

Declan rode in a Jeep to a nearby village about ten miles away from the hospital where they headquartered with a team of five. He looked up at the sky. “Damn, it’s going to rain again.”

“Just what we need.” Conklin was the same driver who’d picked him up at the airport. “We have no idea how washed out Pervia is.”

“Yeah, I guess we won’t know that until we get there.”

Halfway to the town, the heavens opened and rain poured down in heavy sheets. The Jeep was enclosed, but before they could blink, the surface of the road turned muddy.

“We have to go at a snail’s pace,” Conklin commented. “Unless you want to turn around.”

Thomas and Case, the nurses in the back seat, objected to retreating, as did Dec. So they plodded along. A sudden lurch. A hard stop that banged Dec’s head on the window. “Hell.”

Conklin asked, “Everybody okay?”

“Yeah.” Thomas swore colorfully. “What do we do now?”

“We get out and push.”

Dec exited along with Thomas and Case. Conklin stayed in the car to steer. From behind, the wheels spun, coating them with mud. His back ached as he pushed. And pushed. No dice. He was about to tell everybody to stop and radio for help when he saw something out of the corner of his eye. Declan turned in time to see the side of the hill giving way and heading toward them.

They were caught in a mudslide.

Robert walked into Lila’s office early in the morning. “We need to talk.”

Guilt swamped her. “I guess we do.”

After closing the door, he moved over another chair in front of her desk. “Come around. I want to be able to hold your hand.”

They faced each other, and he did grasp onto her, despite the fact that they’d agreed to no outward displays of affection at the office.

With a sad expression on his face, he began. “This isn’t working for me.”

“What isn’t?”

“You living in Declan’s house.”

“I’m not living there. I’m staying with the girls at their home.”

“I think there’s more to the situation. I think you have feelings for Declan.”

Her heartbeat sped up. “I told you—”

“You’d always care about him. I know. But something’s changed. So I have two requests. I want you to be honest with me about Declan. And I want you home some nights. The Marino clan can take over a few times, even twice a week.”

“Maybe I could bring the girls with me.”

“No, I don’t want that anymore. I want your undivided attention. We have no idea how long your ex is going to be playing hero in Peru and I need quality time with you.”

“Playing hero?”

“Bad turn of phrase. I’m sorry.”

Lila frowned. “Robert, you said you wanted quality time with the girls.”

“Not now, I don’t. I think we’re at a juncture, and I’m trying to steer us onto the right path, honey.”

“That’s a bit dramatic, isn’t it?”

“No. Will you agree to come home?”

She thought about it. Thought about the fact that he was right, pretty much about everything. And she owed him this. “All right, I’ll make the arrangements with his family.”

Declan awoke to darkness. A great heaviness pressed on his chest. His arms. His lower extremities. His ankle hurt. Squishiness surrounded him and there was a taste of dirt in his mouth. No, not dirt. Mud. Then it came back to him. A mudslide had borne down on the Jeep as they tried to get the wheels out of a rut. Three others were with him.

“Thomas,” he yelled but it came out as a squeak. “Case? Conklin?”

No response. He called out again, louder. Nothing. Because it was night, he couldn’t even see a few feet in front of him.

Stay calm, Dec. Think about your training.

Assess the situation : They’d left their base of operations in daylight. At noon, maybe. It was dark now, so he’d been here a while. He could stand, so either the mud was holding him up or he’d backed into something solid.

Test what faculties you have : His vision was clear. He could see, speak and hear. He tried to lift his arms. They were pinned down and he couldn’t move them. And he was aware that he was losing sensation from the chest down where he was immersed. The mud was cold, that was probably why.

Determine any injuries : Gingerly, he tried to hunch his shoulders, then twist his torso. Okay there, though he could only move about an inch. When he attempted to lift his legs and managed a few millimeters, screaming pain shot through him from his right foot. He cried out. Not okay there, he warned himself. He’d probably broken his ankle. Or maybe a bad sprain. He couldn’t remember if it got wrenched in the fall they took off the road. When he tested the other foot, there was no pain.

Chances of help coming : not for a while. If ever. No, don’t think like that. Don’t give up. He’d wait, not knowing how long he could keep his head above the mud. Suddenly he was very sleepy. Don’t give in. Don’t sleep. Just wait. Think about something good: his children’s faces, his brothers, Whitney, Mama and Pa.

And Lila laughing .

Nick awoke with a start. He glanced at the clock in his and Isabelle’s bedroom. The red dials showed 3 a.m. What the hell was he doing up at this hour when the babies were sleeping? Though he’d gone from slumber to alertness in sixty seconds when he was on the PPD, since he married Isabelle, he slept deeper.

Then he heard something outside the room. Were the boys downstairs? His wife slept next to him. So he eased out of the bed, donned pajama bottoms and left the room. The master suite was situated at one end of the first floor hall, and he made his way to the kitchen.

There, he found Ma and Pa, sitting at the breakfast table. Mama was haggard and Pa’s face was gray, like it had gotten that morning she’d called for Nick at dawn to tell him about his father’s spells, which overcame him when one of their children had been hurt. “Mama, Pa?”

They looked over, and Pa shook his head. “I woke you. I’m sorry.”

Coming fully into the room, Nick put his hand on the older man’s shoulder. “You’re having one of your spells, aren’t you?”

Pa nodded. He seemed fragile, as he’d been the last time.

“Who’s hurt, Nicky?” Mama asked, clearly shaken.

“None of us are in the line of fire or in the field anymore. Connor’s more than likely asleep not far from us.”

Pa said, “Then it’s Declan. He’s in Peru on a mission. For flooding from the rain.”

“Which is a dangerous situation.” Mama sighed. “Again. Mother of God, again.”

After hugging her, Nick made coffee. “I might be able to find out if he’s been hurt in a few hours. I can call the army. Somebody must know something.”

The comfort was paltry. They were truly helpless.

A bit later, a sleepy-eyed Isabelle came to the entryway. “What’s wrong?”

“Pa’s had a spell. We think it’s because of Declan. He’s in Peru on that humanitarian mission.”

“Oh, Tony, I’m so sorry.” She crossed to the table. “Did you hear anything? Officially.”

“No, but this is real.”

“Well, then.” She left them and came back with her cell. “Let’s find out.”

Mama asked, “Who are you calling?” But Nick knew.

“Jimmy.”

“The president? It’s three o’clock in the morning.”

“He’ll be mad if I wait. He told me to call right away if the Marinos ever needed anything.”

“Go ahead, honey.” This from Pa.

The phone to her ear, she said, “Hello, this is Isabelle Marino, President Manwaring’s sister. I have an emergency and I need to talk to him.”

Something on the other end.

“If you’ll check the White House notes, you’ll see I’m to be put right through.”

Isabelle covered the mouthpiece. “The person must be new on the switchboard.” She settled her hand on Pa’s shoulder. “We’ll have news soon, Tony, I promise.”

Isabelle spoke to her brother, asking for help. He promised he’d find out about Declan.

So they waited.

At five a.m., the doorbell rang. Everybody jumped and Nick hurried to the front and opened the door to find Special Agent Jay Talbot and Clay Vincent, who were on the presidential detail, at the door. “Nick,” Talbot said. “I assume your house isn’t compromised, but I have to check.”

“The president’s here?”

“Yes. Waiting in the car.”

“All right. Do it quick.”

“Come on,” he said to two more agents on the porch.

Nick went back to the kitchen. “Isabelle, your brother’s here.”

“Here?”

“Is it bad news?” Mama wanted to know.

“Not necessarily. It’ll only take a few minutes for the agents to check the house.”

Soon, the president of the U.S. entered his sister’s kitchen. Without a greeting, he said, “All I know is Declan’s Jeep was headed to a small village and never made it. There was a mudslide on the road they took. Officials are assuming he got trapped. Teams have been sent in. I came in person to be with you.”

Isabelle crossed to him. “Thanks, Jimmy.”

He put his arm around her. “I’m not going to offer platitudes. We just have to wait.”

“Lila’s with the kids.” Nick looked to Pa. “Should we call her?”

“Yes. She should know. But tell her to keep it from the girls.”

“All right.”

He grabbed Isabelle’s phone and punched in the number.

In Lila’s dream, Declan was here, with her, in the bed. His bed. Hmmm, the sheets smelled like him. But a noise interrupted the intimacy. And continued.

She bolted up. Woke up. And heard the phone ringing. She rummaged for it. “Hello.”

“Lila, Nick here.”

She glanced at the clock. 5:15 a.m. “Is it Declan?”

“Yes.” He gave her the information they had so far from the president.

Lila was sure her heart stopped beating. Her hands shook. “So we don’t know anything?”

“No.” Even his voice was strained. “But we thought we should call you.”

 Declan. Her Declan was hurt! “Y-you were right to.”

“Jim Manwaring is here, Lila. He’s sent people out to find Dec.”

“Oh. That’s good.” She sounded like an idiot with trite responses but she had no room for thought. She was filled with fear.

“Don’t tell the girls.”

“Of course not.” She blew out a breath and summoned her soldier instincts to deal with this.

“Why don’t you come over here, honey?”

“Um, maybe. After the girls go to school. But please call me as soon as you hear anything.”

“I promise.”

Lila disconnected, left the room and entered the kitchen. Thankfully the dogs didn’t awaken upstairs. After she made coffee, she sat down at the bar. Declan. In a mudslide. What irony. He’d been through war-zone duty countless times and except for a few minor incidents, came back unhurt.

Unable to stand the notion of Dec trapped or worse, she went back to his room, grabbed her laptop and opened to the browser. She typed in Mudslides in Peru. A host of sites came up. She clicked on the first one. Just general knowledge. Then the second. Specific occurrences. Nothing recent, like right now! Still, she shivered with the knowledge that almost anything could have happened to him.

Pushing the computer away, she rose and crossed to the hamper in the corner. Fished out one of his long-sleeved shirts that still smelled like him and put it on. Back at the bed, she slid under the covers, pulled them up.

And prayed.

The next time Declan awoke, it was light out again. So bright his eyes hurt. He’d fallen asleep. Fuck! How could he have slept bound by this dirty bath? It was a miracle the mud didn’t pull him under. He became aware of the severe pain in his leg but ignored the throbbing.

What about the others? He could scan the area now. A lake of mud. None of his colleagues were visible above it, like he was. They’d gone under. They were dead.

What would happen to him? Other National Guard troops had been sent to Peru and were in Pervia. Would they get orders to do a search and rescue? Of course they would if they knew what happened. There could be other mudslides because of the incessant rain. But someone had to keep track of them, right?

He was thirsty. And weak. How long could he last under these conditions and not succumb to dehydration and exposure? The sun beat down on him brutally. And if it started to rain again, he was dead. But there was absolutely nothing he could do about the situation.

No, you’re not going to die like the others!

He was going to go home to his three kids, his family, and Lila. If he got out of this, he’d hold them all close to his heart forever, and not waste time with them. Even Lila. It was time for a talk. Time for...he heard something. Not a car because the road was gone. The noise came closer. It took him a minute to realize the sound of a chopper above. He looked up to see a rescue plane.

But the helicopter passed over his head.

They didn’t spot him. Dear God in heaven. They missed him?

Now Declan was truly scared. He realized even if they knew he was missing, he could die out here in a mud-filled tomb in South America.

Declan passed out again and never heard the chopper turn around.

Maggie awoke at dawn. She’d been doing that lately. Careful not to disturb her roommate Kiera, she grabbed her laptop and headed out to the common area, empty now because of the early hour. She’d check her email, surf the Internet for news then get dressed and go to the dining hall. She’d also send her mother a note saying she’d go to counseling. She’d talked to Nate and Kiera about her issues, and they encouraged her to get help. They told her they were worried about her, too.

Nothing much in email. Some messages from her sisters, her professors, and one from her mother checking on her. She liked that her mom did that every day.

She clicked into the CNN website. Global news listed information about the president, and in the corner was a box on Peru. On Peru! That’s where her dad was. Her heart began to hammer in her chest. Please, please, please, she prayed. When the words stopped blurring, she read the report. Mudslides in Peru. Rescue workers were missing. A search was on.

Rescue workers. Her father. Missing.

Her stomach pitched and she tossed the computer to a cushion, raced back to her room and vomited in the bathroom. When she was done, she sat back on her haunches and cried so hard she thought she’d be sick again. If something happened to her dad, she’d die. She hunched there, her head on the toilet rim, until she could stand. Then she got up, found her hidden stash and took out the knife.