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Mama fussed over Declan when they reached the porch of his house. Connor insisted a wheelchair would be best for the ride home and packed it in the medical transport to Maryland. Declan gripped the arms of the chair and tried to quell the frustration boiling inside him. He was exhausted from the trip even though Jim Manwaring had sent a plush and private plane for him. And his ankle, at a ninety degree angle in front of him, encased in a boot, hurt like hell which made the rest of his leg ache. Damn it, he was going to be laid up for a couple of weeks!

But he did quell his negative feelings. Because he still remembered the acute fear he experienced when he was practically buried in mud: At not ever entering this house again. At never seeing his girls, Mama, Pa, his brothers and Whitney again. And finally, at the feelings he’d recognized he had for Lila though he didn’t know exactly how to proceed with her.

Mama opened the door and Connor pushed the chair over the threshold and into the foyer. Lila must have heard them because she appeared at the top of the open staircase, a vision in a paisley dress, her dark auburn hair glimmering in the lights overhead. “Dec! You’re early.”

“Not early enough,” Connor grumbled in an aside. 

Dec felt ungrateful. “I know I was cranky on the way back. I’m sorry, Con.”

“That’s okay, bro.”

“No more miserable than each of you when you got hurt.” This from Pa.

Lila jogged down the steps, knelt down in front of him and grasped his hands. “Does the chair mean you’re hurt worse than they thought?”

“No. It was more convenient this way. I’ll have crutches here for a few days, then a cane. I’m just ornery.”

Connor put in, “I wanted the chair because he’s still weak from the accident.”

Nodding, she squeezed his fingers. “I’m glad you’re home. And I’ve dealt with your orneriness at being cooped up many times.”

Huh! They’d had a lot of sex when he broke his arm once. And another time, when he’d been shot in the leg and had to stay off it. Maneuvering around that had been crazy, but worth it.

“Pa says you’re staying here. For the girls. And me.”

She stood. “I am. That you have no say in.”

“I want you to.” He angled his head to the stairs. “I can’t climb those yet. Where will I stay?”

“In the downstairs den. I hope it’s okay that I ordered furniture. I had your desk taken out and filled the room with a bedroom set. You were going to convert it for your parents anyway.”

“More than okay. I’ll reimburse you.”

“Want to get settled?” Connor asked.

“Yeah, and I need a shower.”

“I’ll help,” Pa told him. “We have to babysit Nick’s kids, but I’ve got an hour free.”

To Lila, Declan said, “I’ll be done in a bit.”

“Enjoy your shower. I put a seat in the stall, and a bag to cover your ankle. There’s no tub in there, so it has easy access.”

Showering was anything but easy. Connor and Pa got him inside the bathroom without the wheelchair, undressed and in the stall, but Connor misjudged the temperature and the water came out ice-cold. “Son of a bitch!” Dec said before he could stop himself.

“Don’t be a baby. I’ll fix it.”

The hot spray felt great—in Peru, he’d only had sponge baths—and Dec could wash himself thoroughly. Shampooing his hair was luxurious. When he finished, they helped him onto the toilet and Connor dried his hair and back. He handed him the towel and said, “Your crown jewels are off limits for me.”

“Wise guy!”

Back in the room, he found steel-blue, jersey pants and a T-shirt on the bed, both new, so Lila must have gotten those, too, in addition to an ice wrap for the foot. After he dressed, he could barely move because the exertion had exhausted him. He eased down onto the bed but couldn’t even prop up his own foot. “I gotta nap. Tell Mama and Lila I’ll be out when I wake up.” He grabbed Connor’s hand. “Thanks buddy. I’ll return the favor when needed.”

Bending over, Connor kissed his cheek. “I’m just glad you’re okay.” His brother’s voice was gravelly. They’d all been scared.

Pa squeezed his shoulder. “Mama and I will come back when you need us.”

In the bed, the sheets smelled like his laundry soap and the pillow case was downy soft. His eyes closed.

He awoke. Checked the clock. The red dials said he’d slept most of the morning. The door was ajar, and before he could sit himself up, it opened further.

Lila came inside. “Hi. I’ve been checking on you.”

“Hi.”

“You slept for three hours.”

“I’ve been exhausted since this happened.” Glancing at his foot, he realized it was cold. “Did you come in and put ice on this?”

“Yeah, twenty minutes on, twenty off. You stirred but didn’t awaken.”

“Thank you.”

“Want to sit up?”

“Yeah, but let me try to alone.” He braced his arms on the mattress and eased himself up. She crossed to him and when he sat forward, she propped pillows behind him.

He leaned back on them and patted the side of the bed. “Sit.”

“Coffee first?”

“Oh, yeah. And could you bring in the dogs for a few minutes, too?”

The puppies were thrilled to see Declan, licking his face, jumping up and down. She returned with mugs full of steaming liquid then took the dogs out. Finally, she was next to him on the edge of the mattress.

He sipped his drink and sighed. “I thought I was never going to taste this again. Never see this house again.” He cupped her cheek. “Never touch you again.”

Leaning into the caress, she whispered, “I thought I’d never see you again, either.”

His gaze was sure. Direct. “It’s important that we admit that.”

“I know. And I have. But we need to talk about something else first, Dec. Something urgent.”

He frowned. “Everything okay with the girls?”

“The twins, yes. Maggie’s another story.”

His heartbeat sped up. “What happened?”

“She’s been cutting herself.”

His throat clogged. “Oh, no.”

“There’s a lot at work with cutters.” Though she tried to be professional, Lila’s voice was strained. “They’re in so much pain or so sad, the sudden sharp cut diminishes those feelings. Rapidly.”

His little girl? In that much pain? “Is she suicidal?”

“Cutting doesn’t usually portend suicide. Actually, cutting can prevent an attempt. The person gets rid of the pain or sadness so she’s no longer desperate.”

“What causes this kind of despair?”

“I wish we knew for sure. It can be current stressors, or something from her upbringing.”

“Like our divorce?”

“Yes. Or even an event or circumstances from her childhood. But something minor, like a test, or a fight with a friend, can precipitate cutting.”

“Why do you think Maggie does it?”

“Since she’s been sad for a long time, I think you and I have a lot to do with her feelings. Now, and in the past.”

“I was called up on missions. I wasn’t home much.”

Lila bit her lip. An old and rare sign of vulnerability. “And I left her for three years.”

He took her hand. “She was sad before that.”

“Still, it must have hurt her.”

“She was with you months out of the year, and you came to Lakeville when I was gone.”

“I guess. I just feel so bad.”

“Is she in the hospital?”

“No, she’s upstairs. I insisted she come home and called the dean to take her out of school for a week. We can both be with her now. A therapist, who’s a friend and a colleague, has agreed to come in every day.”

“You arranged all that?”

“Yes. You know her. Trish Martin. We spent some time with her and her husband when we both came back from Iraq.”

“Yeah, I remember. Tall, sweet, a beauty.”

That made her smile.

“Can I see Maggie?”

“She’s up and waiting. We wanted to let you get settled and rested before you two talked.”

Frustrated, he raked a hand through his hair. “I’m a novice in this. What do I say to her?”

“Just what I did. You’re sorry she’s so sad, in so much pain, but you love her and are here for her.”

“Okay. I’ll do my best.” Which apparently neither had done for her as she grew up.

Of course you didn’t, idiot. You risked your own life and in the process, made her worry.

Well, he’d make up for what he’d done now. That’s all he could do.

The door was open to the den so Maggie went in to see her father. He was sitting up in bed. When he went away, she forgot about how big and robust he was. “Hey, princess.”

“Hi, Daddy.”

He opened his arms. “Come here.”

She flew across the room, into his embrace, burying her face in his safe, solid chest. “I’m so sorry I’m causing you more trouble.”

He clung to her. Kissed her head. “I’m sorry you’re sad enough to do this.”

They stayed that way for a while. Then she drew back.

“Honey, you don’t have to answer any questions. Mom explained everything to me.”

“She knows a lot about...this.”

“But you can tell me anything you want.”

She owed him something. “I was so scared and in pain, I went overboard.”

“Because you knew I was missing? Hurt?”

“Not yet. But I saw on the Internet there were mudslides. I, um, check every country’s news when you and Mom go there.”

He never knew that. “This lifestyle has been bad for you. I’m sorry we didn’t see that before.”

“I hid it. For a long time. And you were right to serve your country. You and Mom.”

His eyes were so sad Maggie had to glance away. He cupped her chin so she’d face him. “I promise from now on you’ll have a say in what Mom and I do.”

That helped. After they talked a bit more, Maggie yawned. “I’m tired again. Can I go back to bed now?”

“Nope. Help me move the pillows under my legs.” He slid over with them. “Grab the throw from the chair, and lie down here. I want to hold you while you sleep.”

“You used to do that when I was little.”

“I know.”

Maggie crawled onto the bed next to him, covered herself with the light blanket and lay her head on his chest.

“I love you, Mags.”

“I love you too, Daddy.”

After half an hour, Lila went down the hall to the den. From the doorway, she caught sight of the tableau: Father and daughter, eyes closed, both asleep. She stayed there for a long time, watching them. And was besieged by guilt. How had she let her daughter get to this place of such sadness? And how had she ever left this wonderful man?

“Lila!” she heard from the kitchen. Must be a family member, as they were the only ones who walked right in.

Closing the door, she left the den and found Whitney at the window in the kitchen. She looked over when Lila came to the doorway. “Hey.”

Emotion flooded her. She hadn’t cried since all this happened to Mags. Her sister-in-law must have sensed something because she crossed the room and took Lila into her arms. “It’s okay, sweetie. Get it out.”

And Lila let go. Soft sobs, but they went on for a long time. Whitney simply held her. When she drew back, Lila scrubbed her face. “Thanks. I guess everything’s been building up.”

Whitney nodded.

Tired from her outburst, Lila sank onto the stool. “Dec and Maggie are asleep.”

“I didn’t come for them.”

“You knew I’d be a mess.” She shook her head. “This is so hard.”

“As would be expected. I’ll get you some coffee.”

When Whitney came back with coffee for Lila and water for her, she started talking. “I spent a few minutes alone with Maggie at a family dinner. All she said was she was really sad. I tried to get her to see a therapist.”

“We’ve been trying, too. But I was too late in forcing the issue.”

“Not too late. Okay, she cut herself. A lot of kids do. But you caught it and will help her deal.”

“I will, Whitney, I swear.”

“Maybe you should see someone, too.”

“Why?”

“Lila, this is going to wear on you for a long time. And then there’s Dec.”

“Dec?”

“Yeah. My brother who you’re still in love with.”

“Even if that were true, I’m not sure it matters anymore.”

“Why wouldn’t it?”

“Because the last thing Maggie could handle right now is a confused relationship between me and him. We have to be a stable family unit for her.”

“Maybe for a while. But you’d want to get back together, wouldn’t you?”

“I’m not sure. There’s Robert to consider. Besides, Whit,

I’m embarrassed to say this during a crisis, but I’m angry that Dec would move here for you guys when he wouldn’t move for me.”

“I think you just proved my point. You need some counseling, too.”

A deep sigh.

“All right. Enough talk about this stuff. I’ve got news to cheer you up.” She took Lila’s hand and placed it on her belly. “Say hello to the newest Marino.”

“Oh, Whit, I’m so glad for you and Max. I know what you went through the first time you were pregnant.”

“Yeah, I told Maggie to cheer her up too one day at Nick’s house.” Whitney seemed thoughtful. “She was unusually interested in the first pregnancy. She was surprised when I said I hadn’t wanted the child, but regretted feeling that way later.”

“Huh. She never said much to me when I told her about the miscarriage.”

They talked a while longer, then Whitney left. It wasn’t until Lila was sweeping the kitchen tile that her sister-in-law’s words sunk in.

Maggie had been interested in the fact that Whitney hadn’t wanted a baby.

Hadn’t wanted a baby.

As clear as day, Lila remembered twelve years ago, being in the bathroom, finding out she was pregnant with the twins. What had she said to Dec?

How could this happen again? I wasn’t ready for the first baby. I wanted to go into the army. Now I want to start that new job at the VA. It’s déjà vu. Fucking déjà vu.

And Maggie was standing in the doorway.

Dec knew something was wrong with Lila at dinner. She kept up a good front, spent time with the three of them playing Banana Grams while Dec rested, then settled the twins in with Maggie and the dogs to watch TV. They’d said goodnight to all the girls a half hour ago and Dylan and Durango were crated.

Declan was in the den, having managed the crutches to use the bathroom and get back in bed. If Lila didn’t come down in a half-hour he would call her on his cell, the method of communication they’d used all day.

He didn’t have to. Fifteen minutes later, she walked through the door. She’d changed into satiny pajamas with a matching robe. Its lilac color highlighted her eyes, but her face was drawn. “Need any help?” she asked from the entryway.

“I managed.” He pulled at his T-shirt. “I’m sleeping in my clothes.”

“They’re jersey, just like pajamas. I bought several pairs like it.”

“Speaking of clothes, you look lovely.”

“Thanks.”

“Come sit. We need to talk.”

“Not tonight, Dec. I’m exhausted.”

“Please.”

She crossed the room. Sat on the edge of the bed. He could see now why she didn’t want to come close. “You’ve been crying.”

Moisture formed in her eyes.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Is it just the aftermath of me getting hurt and Maggie’s issues?”

“Not just that. I remembered something about Maggie.”

He frowned. “From the past?”

“Way in the past. She was almost seven.”

“Tell me.”

“When I got pregnant with the twins, the day I found out, I said some awful things. We were in the bathroom, and I bitched that I didn’t want to be pregnant, that time or with Maggie.”

“We both were in shock. Don’t worry about your knee-jerk reaction.”

“That’s not it. Maggie overheard. I remember now she was standing in the doorway.” She told him about Whitney’s comment which made her put the pieces together.

“Would hearing something like that cause her to cut as a teen?”

“It could. More than likely, the knowledge is buried in her consciousness. And could have caused her to be so serious all her life, a pleaser. Worse, the memory could pop up at any time. Like in the conversation with Whitney.”

He seemed thoughtful. “I’m not going to contradict something you know more about than I do, but maybe this isn’t bad news.”

“What? Why?”

“Because if we know what’s caused at least some of her sadness—and I don’t think that’s all of her problem—we can talk to her about it. Remember what you always say about dealing with overwhelming issues in the light of day? It makes them less scary, more manageable.”

“Oh, Dec, do you think so?”

His heart hurt for his ex-wife. “Yes. Because she told me something, too. She worried about me when I went on missions. I’m sure her anxiety over that is part of this whole thing.”

Tears coursed down her cheeks.

“Why are you crying at that?”

“I don’t know. Some relief, maybe. Though we have a long way to go with her.”

“Of course we do. But we’ll do this together.”

She nodded like a little girl who wanted to believe her parents’ explanation for why there were no monsters in the closet.

 “Listen, we won’t talk about us anymore. And I have a lot to say to you, Lila. But we’re both whipped.”

After she sat back, she tried to stand.

“You’re not going anywhere. Slide on the bed next to me. I want to be close to you for a little while.”

She seemed like she might disagree, then she slid onto the bed. Laid her head on his chest. “I’ll turn on the TV. See if we can find an old show we used to watch before our lives took a bad turn.”

“Mash?” The army doctor show.

“You’re on, babe.”

“Thanks, Dec. For making me feel better.”

For the first time in years, he felt the hole in his heart created by her absence close a bit.

The next morning, Lila awoke nestled into Dec. The hardness of his chest, the scent that was uniquely him, was so familiar she buried her face in it. Then she remembered last night and how she ended up in his bed. He’d made her feel better about Maggie.

Quietly, gently, she slid off the mattress and went to the kitchen to get coffee. Today was a Saturday, so the girls were sleeping late. She went upstairs and let the dogs out, and when they came back inside, she took a cup to the great room. But before she could sit, she heard a knock on the door. Maybe Dec’s family had come over early to see if she needed help, but knocked so they wouldn’t disturb them if they were all asleep. She went to the foyer and peeked out the window. Oh, dear Lord. She opened the door. “Hello, Robert.”

He looked good this morning. Dressed in nice jogging pants, a T-shirt and hoodie, all in gray, he leaned over and kissed her. “Hi.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I brought you your favorite chocolate croissants and a soy latte. I thought we’d have a snack then go for an early run.”

This was not what she wanted. But she couldn’t turn him away. “Yes to the snack, not sure about the run.”

“I figured the girls would still be asleep and Declan can surely get along without you for half an hour.”

Damn it! She’d asked for space to take care of her family. “Come on out to the kitchen.”

The scent of coffee already filled the room. “Nice house,” Robert commented. “How can he afford this?”

“Highly trained trauma surgeons are worth their weight in gold. Declan makes plenty of money.”

The puppies, who’d been sleeping in the corner, leaped up and ran to Robert. He bent down to pet them perfunctorily but sneezed. “Damn it.”

She banished the dogs to the laundry room then they took seats at the table and Robert got out the treat. He handed her the latte. She sipped, and studied him over the rim.

Leaning forward, he linked his hands between his knees. “I’m sorry I went off the other day. I am jealous. But I’ll work on that, I promise.”

“Let’s not talk about that right now. How’s work?”

“We got coverage for you. You’re still going to see a few clients though, right?”

“Yes, as soon as I settle in here. Declan’s family comes over a lot.”

“How’s Maggie?”

“I’m not sure. We’re working on her issues.”

“I—”

“Well, company this early!”

They both turned from the table to see Declan in the doorway. Blasphemous as it was, Lila felt a slice of desire go through her. He’d always woken up hair mussed, those deep blue eyes sleepy. Sexy.

Robert leaned back. A casual pose. A confident one. “Yeah, I’m used to seeing Lila every morning.”

Declan’s jaw tightened.

Oh, terrific. A pissing contest.

“Why don’t you sit, Dec? I’ll get you coffee.”

Setting the crutches against the wall, he sat down. She fixed him coffee, then put the mug in front of him. If Robert noticed she remembered what he liked in the brew, he didn’t say so.

“Have a chocolate croissant, Declan. They’re Lila’s favorites.”

“Hmm, she never ate sweets in the morning before.”

“Things change.”

“Not so much.” He gave Lila a beautiful smile. “Sleep well?”

Oh, man. “Yeah, you?”

“Like a baby.”

Silence.

“Robert was telling me about work.”

“No more of that,” Robert said. “I want to know how things are here.”

“We’re worried about Maggie.” This from Declan. “But Lila’s made some progress with her. I’m fine, though.”

“Oh?” He glanced at her. “Maybe you won’t have to stay here too long then.”

That made her mad. Let them spar as much as they wanted, but her child was at risk. “Of course I will. Maggie needs me.”

“It’s been six days already. How long will she stay out of school?”

“As long as it takes for me to be sure she’s okay.”

“I see.” Leaning over, he kissed her cheek. “I miss you, darling.”

Dec glared at him. Finally, he said, “We might as well get this all out, Robert.”

“What do you mean?”

“You damn well know what I mean.”

“You two—”

“No, Lila,” Robert interrupted. “I want to hear what he has to say.”

Declan braced his arms on the table and leaned forward. “Just one thing. I’m going to take my wife back from you.”

“Like hell you will.”

“Oh, I will.”

He stared at Lila, expecting a response. The doorbell rang, precluding one.

“That’s my physical therapist.” With that, Declan stood and hobbled out.

Stunned, Robert watched him go. “The nerve of him.”

“Why? You came over here for a showdown, didn’t you?”

“Maybe.”

“I’m angry about that. At both of you.”

“Why?”

“Because first of all, I’m beside myself with worry over Maggie. And second, you gave me a week to decide.”

“If you think I’m leaving you alone for a whole week with that man, after what he just declared, you’re wrong.”

She stood now. “I’d like you to go now and not come back unannounced. I’ll call you when I want to talk.”

“Fuck it, Lila. What’s really going on here?”