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Maggie reached out, trying to grasp the fleeting images of her mother. Her red hair was short again, and she wore a tan uniform. “Mommy, please don’t go.”

“I have to. I don’t want to be a mother. I want to be a soldier.”

Maggie tried to get closer. She grabbed her hand. “But you are a mother. My mother.”

“You have your father. His whole family.”

“Did Daddy make you go away?”

Her mother broke the contact and stepped back. “In some ways. Goodbye, Maggie.”

“Honey, wake up.”

“No, no, no...”

A tight grasp on her arms. But her mother had pushed her away. “Mags, you’re having a bad dream.”

She came awake abruptly. Her dad was sitting on the bed, holding her onto her arms.

“She said you made her go away.”

“Who said that?”

“Mommy.”

“In your dream, baby?”

“Dream?” She raked her hair back from her face. Realized where she was. What she was afraid of. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Do you want to talk about your dream?”

“Why? It won’t change anything.”

“I’m not sure what you mean by that, Maggie.”

“Nothing. Nothing important.”

“Mags...”

Shivering now, she scooted under the covers. “I want to go back to sleep.”

He lingered on the side of the bed for a while. Then when she turned over and gave him her back, she heard him get up and then the door closed.

Tears formed in her eyes and she whispered into the pillow, “I’m sorry, Daddy.”

Declan knew he’d been out of the dating game for a long time, but still, he was shocked when later in the week, on the second coffee date after their shifts ended, Annabelle invited him into her house. And up to her bedroom!

What the hell? Why not? He was a free agent until three.

The sex had been hot and sweaty and his orgasm had been hard, intense. So had Anabelle’s, twice. When he rolled over and propped the pillow up and laid back, he stared at the ceiling, wondering why the encounter had felt so empty.

Anabelle came up on her elbow, her head braced in her palm. Her hair was mussed by his hands, her lips swollen from his kisses.

“Wow, Dr. Marino! That was terrific.”

Despite his hollow feeling, he said, “Yeah, Dr. Mills, it was.”

“I’m glad we did this.”

Was he? Now, he didn’t know.

After a few seconds, she said, “You don’t seem very happy about it.”

“Are you kidding? You knocked my socks off.”

“Then tell me what you’re thinking.”

“My mind is blank.”

“Ah.” She pushed herself over him and laid her head on his chest, letting the sheet slip below her waist, revealing the soft curve of her body. His hand went to her blond hair, smoothed out the tangle and he tried to enjoy this after-sex time. It used to be his and Lila’s favorite: cuddling together, grateful for the time alone, hoping the kids wouldn’t wake up and spoil the intimacy.

What was he doing thinking about her while in another woman’s bed? He glanced at his watch. “I’ve got to get going.”

“So soon?”

“Yeah, I have three kids, Anabelle. They need me.”

“At one in the afternoon? Don’t they have school?”

“The two younger ones do. I can’t get hold of the oldest, and something has been bothering her lately.”

In truth, Maggie had stayed home for two nights and he drove her back and forth to classes. He’d planned to take her back to D.C. today, but she told him she had a ride early this morning with a classmate. He’d phoned her before he left the hospital, but she didn’t answer, so must be she got off okay.

“I’m sorry you have to leave.”

She didn’t ask what troubled Maggie.

Drawing back, he threw off the sheet, got out of bed and began to dress.

“Do you want to do this again?” she asked. He noticed now she stretched out very long, shapely legs, unashamed of her nakedness.

“Yeah, sure.” He buttoned his shirt. “When we can. Do you have kids?”

“One recently graduated from college.”

“You’re young for a kid that age.”

“Thanks for saying that. It’s why the marriage didn’t work, though. I got pregnant accidentally in college and had him, but was determined to go to med school and get my medical degree. The groom didn’t want to wait around for me to have more time for him. I’m forty-five, by the way.”

 He fastened his shorts, then slid into his shoes. Sitting back on the bed, he took her hand. “You look great.”

“Good genes. You?”

“Thirty-nine.” Leaning over, he kissed her head. “I’ll see you at work.”

“Sure.”

He left the modern house with decorator décor, got in his car and drove away.

You’re one fucked-up jerk, Dr. Marino.

Funny, despite the twists and turns his life had taken, he’d never felt that way until lately. Must be moving down here and being with Lila had elicited old feelings, old resentments, old guilt.

Instead of wallowing, he turned his attention to the present. After three weeks, he’d gotten a new schedule. A shitty one. All mornings, six to noon, and ten hours from Saturday night to Sunday morning. He was tired as he walked into the kitchen from the garage—and found Maggie at the table. She was picking at some food, playing on her phone. “Hi, honey.”

When he came in closer, he saw there were smudges under her eyes and her complexion was pale. “Hi, Dad.”

“I thought you had an early ride back in. I tried to call and check on you, but you didn’t answer.”

“Must not have rung. Nate couldn’t go till later.”

“Ah, then let’s have a talk.”

“I want to talk to you, too.”

His brows rose. “That’s good news.”

“Why?”

“You’ve kept to yourself for a while.”

“Oh, that. Don’t you know going to college is a trauma?”

“Your reticence hasn’t only been since you applied for schools.”

Her shoulder shrugged. It looked bony through the plain white blouse. “I’m quiet. I always have been.”

“I know.” He got coffee and sat down. “That bad dream you had Monday still bothers me. You wouldn’t talk to me about right after.”

Her brows rose. “Because I don’t really remember what it was about.” His daughter had a tell, ever since she was little. She bit her bottom lip when she was concealing something.

“You dreamed about Mom.”

“I don’t want to talk about Mom.”

“Okay.” He grasped her hand. At least she didn’t shy away from that. “Let’s talk about you. And your mental health.”

“My mental health?”

“Mags, you’re not okay.”

Her chin came up like her mother’s did in an argument. “I think I am.”

“I don’t. Would you want to go to counseling now?”

They’d proposed this before and she refused. “No. I don’t need to.”

“I think you do.”

“Does Mom?”

“I haven’t talked to her about this. We can get her opinion.”

“Sure, okay.” She checked the clock on the wall. “Can I talk now?”

“Yes, of course.”

“I want a car. You had to put yourself out this week to drive me back and forth for school. I have graduation money from your family for a big down payment because they’re so generous.” Declan had taught her to drive. Those lessons had gone smoothly, as Maggie was a stellar student.

“I guess I can talk to Mom about that, too.”

“Okay.” She stood up and slid her hands down her jeans. “I have to get ready to go back. Nate said two.”

“Does he go to AU?”

“Uh-huh. And his family lives about ten minutes from here. He has the same major so I spend time with him.”

“I’d like to meet him before you leave.”

“Fine.”

“We’ll talk about this later. When are you coming home again?”

“Not for a while. Things are getting busy at school and I’m joining some clubs. There’s weekend social events, too.” She plopped her hands on her hips like an untroubled teenager. “You said I’d still have a normal college experience, even though you moved here.”

“I did. All right. I’ll call you after I talk to Mom.”

She started to leave, then doubled back into the room and kissed his cheek. “Don’t worry about me, Daddy.”

“I’ll always worry about you, and Morgan and Meli, honey. That’s what dads do.”

At least that brought a smile to her young face.

“Morgan and Meli are staying here this coming weekend.” Lila made the remark after she and Robert had come in from their before-dinner run. They’d cooled down but stayed in their shorts and T-shirts.

“Again? They were just here.”

“It’s my weekend to have them.”

Robert glanced up from where he was stirring gravy at the stove. His gray hair was damp, but he looked good with his face flushed. He liked to cook, as did she, so they shared the meal preparation. “Both days?”

“Yes.” She frowned. “I know it was hard with the puppies Saturday night, but we did okay.”

In actuality, it was a nightmare. During the evening, Robert sneezed intermittently in the dogs’ presence. Then the pups were up a lot during the night and the girls had school, so Lila tended to them. Meli was cranky to Robert that morning, and Morgan couldn’t find her shoes and got mad about it.

He turned off the stove and crossed to the table. After he sat, he picked up his water bottle and sipped. She did the same with hers. Finally, he said, “You haven’t been yourself since they all moved down here. You’re remote with me.”

Though he was in management, Robert had a degree and background in HR, and he was used to reading people. Lila would have to be more careful. The last thing she wanted was to hurt him by thinking too much about Declan.

Which she was doing. “I didn’t know I was remote. Preoccupied, maybe is a better word. A lot’s happened. But I’m sorry. I’ll try to be better.”

“Talk to me about what you’re feeling.”

“Maybe I want to see the girls more than I used to because they’re local. And I’m worried about Maggie. I think something’s troubling her.”

“What about Declan?”

Her heartbeat speeded up. “What about him?”

“I think his presence in your life upsets you.”

“No, I’m not upset. It’s just that I’m not used to seeing him. An out of sight, out of mind thing.”

“Would you tell me if it was more?”

Remembering that morning in his kitchen she felt like a hypocrite when she said, “More in what way?”

“If you get close. Think you might have feelings for him.”

Now that comment was exasperating. “Robert, I told you when we got together that I still loved Declan and probably always would. But we couldn’t make things work. And our history drove wedges between us.”

He took her hand. “Then how about if you and I get married?”

Her eyes widened. “Wow! I didn’t expect that. We haven’t even...we’ve never said I love you.”

“I know. But I do love you, Lila. And I’ve been thinking about marriage for a long time.”

“I’m not sure I ever want to get married again.”

“I know you’re gun-shy. But would you at least think about it?”

“Yes. I’m touched, Robert. Really.”

If he noticed she didn’t return the declaration, he didn’t say anything. And she was glad he didn’t push her on that.

Because she’d lied about one thing: Declan’s presence in her life again was upsetting her.

Declan had picked a time to meet Lila about Maggie when they wouldn’t be rushed. She was free for a late lunch and he was done with work for the day. So he invited her to the Black Salt Restaurant on MacArthur Street, which by two p.m. was emptying out. He’d dressed up, too, in black pants, a gray shirt and charcoal blazer.

Declan hadn’t dressed up much or spent time in fancy restaurants like this when he lived here the first time. The walls consisted of panes of glass with different rectangles on it, the tables covered in white cloths and subdued lighting shone from above. As he waited for Lila, he sat at a corner table trying to get his thoughts in order. But they kept going to memories of her.

Oh, Dec. This dinner’s going to cost too much.... Wow, we’re splurging on our anniversary.... Thank you so much for taking me out. I really needed it.

They’d had no money then, and time together was short, but they’d enjoyed the hours they could steal. If he remembered correctly, after those dates, they’d go home and make long, luscious love together. He’d never come away from those experiences feeling empty.

“Hi, Dec. You were a million miles away.” Lila’s voice pierced the reminiscence.

“Oh, yeah, I guess I was. I didn’t see you come in.”

She wore one of those slim skirts again, red, with a pinkish color blouse that highlighted her coloring. Her hair was up in a knot, and she looked both cute and sophisticated. He’d always been a sucker for her appearance.

She sat and put her purse on the arm of the chair. It matched her skirt and was demure, not one of those clunky monstrosities some women carried. “Do you want to talk first, or eat?”

“I’d rather talk. If you have time.”

 “I do. I took the rest of the day off. What about the girls, though?”

“Whitney is coming out to get them off the bus and take them out to supper. They adore that woman.”

“They always did. So did I. She was like a sister to me.” Lila fidgeted with her napkin. “Dec, did you know I saw her periodically when I moved to D.C.?”

“Yeah, she told me. I’m glad.”

He picked up the menu. “Is it too early for a drink?”

“I’ll have a glass of wine.”

The waiter came and Dec ordered her a Chardonnay and him a beer. She seemed surprised and only then did he realize what he’d done. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that.” Because he always had.

“It doesn’t matter. I still enjoy white wine.” She sighed. “What about Maggie, Dec? I’ve been worried since you called the other morning.” 

“I’m worried, too. She seems to be getting more and more depressed.”

“I’ve seen it. Did anything new happen?”

“Yeah, she had a bad dream the other night, when she stayed over after Sunday dinner and I drove her to school Monday and Tuesday. She claims she doesn’t remember it, but when she woke up, she said some things.”

Her eyes clouded. “About me, right?”

“And me. She said I made you go away.”

“That’s odd.” Her brow furrowed. “Why would she think that?”

“Did I?”

Lila sat back. For a minute, she was thoughtful. “I used to blame you. At first. I thought you’d come to D.C. because I had moved to Lakeville with you. But now I see I made a choice to move like you did to stay.”

“Doesn’t all that still sting?”

She studied him. “Why? Does it you?”

“Yeah. Sometimes the memory, the hurt is intense. We gave up so much.”

Their drinks came and he waited until they were served.

After he sipped his beer, he said cautiously, “I should have moved.”

Her eyes widened. “I’ve never heard you say that before.”

“Would we still be together if I had?”

“I’m not sure, Dec. There seemed to be so many issues between us. Some of it centered on the second pregnancy.”

“That was hard, more for you than me. I love the girls to pieces, though.”

“I do, too. That goes without saying. How is it that we had two accidental pregnancies?”

“Maybe because we spent so much time in bed.”

The atmosphere changed. He felt a slice of desire go through him. He had to take in a breath to conceal it.

“I, um...” Her face flushed and he could see her nipples bead beneath the light material of the blouse.

He reached across the table and took her hand. “I’m sorry for everything, Lila.”

“Me, too.” She seemed to shake off the same desire he felt. “But we should concentrate on Mags now.”

“Right.” He drew back his hand. “I suggested counseling again.”

“I know some wonderful young adult counselors. I’ve gotten help for a lot of children of veterans.”

“We have to get her to agree, first.”

“What leverage do we have?”

“She wants a car. Maybe that.”

“No, you can’t bribe kids to get help. They’ll stonewall the process. We’ll have to convince her.”

“I guess. When we...” His phone buzzed, making him start. “I have to get that. It might be the girls.”

“Of course.”

But when he got out his cell, Dec recognized the number right away.

And went right into soldier mode and clicked on. “Captain Marino.”

Her eyes widened. She knew.

“Paul Marx here, Marino. We have an assignment for you.”

“Yes, Colonel.”

“Our Special Missions Unit has gone to Peru to assist with the flooding. Even the medical teams are helping with the rescue. We have to send more people in.”

“I’ve had experience with this, sir.”

“Yes, I know. You did some medical training exercises for flooding recently. So we need you.”

“I understand. When do I have to leave?”

“ASAP. Sorry for the short notice, but another doctor was injured in a mudslide.”

He didn’t have a choice. “Of course.”

“I’ll shoot you an email with the details.”

Her expression was familiar after he disconnected. That combination of worry and pride that happened every time he or she were called up. “Where is it?” she asked.

“Peru.”

“When?”

“ASAP.” He punched in a number. “I’ll call my parents to come and stay.”

She frowned. “Why would you do that? I can be with the girls the whole time. I want to be.”

Setting down the phone, he shook his head. “Lila, those puppies are a pain in the ass. And you can’t keep them and the kids at your house indefinitely. I have no idea how long I’ll be gone, though this mission has been going on a while.”

“Please, Dec. I want to be with them.” She grabbed his hand. “If it’s all right with you, I can spend most of my time at your house.”

“Won’t Robert object?”

“I make my own decisions. Don’t you see, this is a perfect opportunity to reconnect with the girls.”

“What about Maggie and the counseling?”

“I can lure her home. Talk to her about getting help. Remember, I have a degree in psychology.”

“Yeah, right. Okay, we’ll follow your plan.”