Chapter 5

Sarah

With Christmas around the corner, shops have extended hours, and Sunday is the best time to go shopping with Monica and Lindsay. I’ve already taken care of my gifts, but Monica falls behind every year.

When I get to Monica’s house, Lindsay is hyperactive and excited.

“I don’t think she ever calms down,” Monica says. “I’ll be glad when school starts up again.”

I nod. Working with children throughout the year and experiencing Lindsay first hand gives me no illusion that having kids is easy. For some reason, they always have so much more energy than adults do.

We head to the mall, and when we get there, Lindsay runs ahead to look at toys. It gives me alone time with Monica.

“I went on a date last night,” I say.

Monica looks surprised. “Is this with the guy next door? Well, you move quick.”

I laugh. “It’s not like that. After you and Lindsay left, he came out and asked me out to dinner. It’s not like I was doing anything else.”

“And? How was it with Sexy Santa?”

I shake my head. “That’s the worst thing to call him.”

“But it’s true,” Monica says. “You told me he’s hot.”

I can’t argue with her about that. Graham is extremely attractive, and it’s not only his looks. Everything about him turns me on, from the way he carries himself with authority, to his arrogance in assuming I will love everything that comes out of his mouth. And I do.

“So? Tell me. Did you…”

I shake my head, feeling embarrassed. Monica and I always talk about everything, but I still get shy when she asks me about doing the dirty.

“He kissed me,” I say. “I have to admit, he’s a really good kisser.” I don’t add that I wanted more to happen, that more might have happened if he wasn’t called away.

In a way, I’m relieved that it didn’t go further. I know I would have given in and let him fuck me. It’s never a good idea to move that quickly, and even though I really want him, it might be a good thing that I’m not getting in too deep, too quickly.

We change the topic and shop for a while. Monica manages to buy Lindsay gifts without her knowing. I think it’s a mother’s superpower to be able to do that right under her child’s nose.

We go to the food court for lunch and sit at one of the tables in the middle. They have a kids’ area with jungle gyms near our tables, and Lindsay runs there before Monica can stop her.

“I’ll get her to eat later,” Monica says. She turned her attention to me. “Are you nervous about this guy?”

I nod. “You know how I feel about relationships. Obviously, I’ll try, but no matter how long it’s been, heartbreak is heartbreak, and it’s difficult to forget.”

Monica nods. “I know Jacob did a number on you, but if you don’t risk a little, you might never find happiness.”

I know she’s right.

“I think what gets me is that I actually like him. Usually, the dates I go on suck ass because the guy doesn’t really make me feel much of anything.”

“You like him?” Monica asks. “That really is a first. You’ve never said that about any of the other guys after Jacob. Even when you said that you’d give them another chance.”

I shrug. Every time someone has tried to set me up, I’m willing to give the guy a chance. There must be something to love about everyone. A lot of the guys I have been out with are perfectly nice, but I’m always waiting for that spark. Sometimes, I think that I’m just dreaming. I started to wonder if love at first sight and butterflies in the stomach and fate even exist. I was starting to think that I’m expecting the kind of love you read about in books when it’s just not real. But with Graham, I feel something along the lines of what I always hoped would be out there. A part of me is happy that I held out instead of settling if there is a possibility that I could find love like that. A part of me is terrified that I will fall head over heels for this guy, only for him to break my heart again.

“What do you want to do?” Monica asks.

“I don’t know. I think I want to give it a chance. I want to see where things go. I’m just not a hundred percent sure.”

“What’s making you hesitate?” Monica asks.

“Well, after dinner, when he dropped me off, he kissed me, and it might have gone further.” I blushed, glancing at Monica. Her eyes are glued to me, and I can’t read her expression. “He got a phone call, and he said he had to leave, claiming it was a work emergency.”

“On a Saturday night?”

“That’s what I thought, but he’s in construction, and apparently, they have strange hours. Besides, who am I to say he was lying?”

Monica nods slowly, her gaze sliding to the play area where she checks on Lindsay automatically.

“Look, it’s good to be in the dating game and getting to know him before you really get attached. That’s all you can do with anyone you meet. I know Larry and I had a whirlwind romance, and we got married less than a year after we met, but I wouldn’t recommend that for everyone. We were lucky.”

I know Monica and Larry have the perfect kind of love. They are the reason why I’ve been holding out for the fairytale love when I wasn’t sure it still existed.

“I think you should go for it,” Monica says. “But don’t force anything. Let it unfold naturally, and go with the flow. You might be surprised by him.”

That makes a lot of sense. Monica has always been very open-minded about relationships. It’s the reason why, when everyone else thought she was crazy to marry Larry so quickly, I knew she was doing what she felt was right. If there ever was a sensible person, it was Monica.

“I know you’re nervous because you got hurt,” Monica says. “Just take your time to get to know him.”

I nod. Monica is right, of course. After all, I can’t be hung up on a college heartbreak forever. Jacob may have hurt me, but that was years ago, and I have learned and grown since then. To let him, and what he did to me, hold me back would be to let him win. We were nothing more than kids at the time, and he was nothing more than an asshole. Everyone gets hurt occasionally, right? I won’t let that stop me from giving true romance a shot.

Besides, I want to see Graham again. I want to see if I feel that spark again, if the attraction to him is more than just physical. I think it is, but I was so giddy last night, I might have read more into it. Seeing him another time would help me straighten out my head and my heart.

He’s my neighbor, so I should be able to see him often. It will be easy to stage a run-in at any time if it really comes down to it. What I would really like, though, is for him to call me and set up another date. That would show me that he feels the same about me as I do about him.