Chapter 42

Graham

“How did it go?” Britney asks me when I go over to her place for dinner. She cooked a full meal, and the kids are complaining about eating their veggies.

“Well, you don’t have to eat your veggies,” I say to the kids.

Britney glares at me.

“But then your mom and I are going to have to eat the dessert by ourselves.”

She smiles. The kids all groan, but they eat their veggies, and I turn my attention back to my sister.

“It went all right. She was willing to listen to me, which is a step forward. I told her I was sorry.”

Britney nods. “That’s a good start. I’m glad you met with her.”

“Me too.”

We focus on getting the kids to eat, and after dinner, I produce the ice cream and chocolate syrup I brought with me. When the kids take their bowls to eat it in front of the TV, I help Britney clear the table.

“So, what now?” she asks.

“I don’t know. I offered to help her look for a place to make it all up to her, and she agreed she’ll try again because of it. It’s a compromise of sorts.”

Britney runs hot water in the sink to start the dishes. “It’s a start,” she says. “I’m glad it’s come this far. I like that there’s a possibility of working things out. I hate seeing you so down in the dumps over something.”

I shrug. “I don’t know if anything is going to come of it, in the end. I’m nervous to get my hopes up.”

“Hope is all you can have, Graham,” Britney says. “Trust me. I know what I’m talking about.”

I smile at my sister. “I appreciate your advice,” I say to her. “It’s because of you that I didn’t just give up.”

“I guess I can say the same for you,” Britney says. “I’m going to the courthouse later to file the divorce papers and get the process in motion.” She takes a deep, shuddering breath, like just saying the words terrifies her.

I pull her against me. She trembles lightly against me, and I know how hard this must be for her.

“It’s ironic, isn’t it?” she asks. “That just as your life starts, mine is falling apart?”

I don’t tell her that her life was falling apart for a very long time.

“It’s going to be okay. No matter what, it’s you and me, okay? And to be honest, your life isn’t falling apart now. It’s starting again, too. Soon, you and the kids will be free.”

Britney nods, and I let her go. I’m relieved that she’s going through with it. It’s going to be hard, and I know it will be a big emotional burden for me to carry to get her through this, but there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my sister. And if Sarah and I sort it out, maybe she can be a friend to Britney as well. My sister has so few of those. James has isolated her from everyone she used to talk to.

“I don’t know if my life is starting, as you put it,” I say, trying to turn the topic back to me so that Britney won’t look so nervous.

“What do you mean?” she asks.

“After all of this, I don’t know how she feels about me. We spent time together, and I’m serious about her, but it’s not exactly enough to be in love with someone. Not usually.”

“What are you talking about? She loves you.”

I shake my head. “I can hope for that, but I can’t know for sure.”

“Don’t be silly,” Britney says. “She was angry enough never to see you again, but instead, she chose to meet with you. Why would she do that if she felt nothing? And she wouldn’t have had an issue with staying at the cabin again if she didn’t feel something. She’s feeling all these emotions because at the core of it, I’m sure she loves you.”

I frown at my sister. Surely, she can’t draw that conclusion from all of that?

Britney laughs lightly.

“I don’t know if that’s something I have the courage to hope for,” I say. If I get my hopes up and believe something that might not be true, I might get hurt.

After we sort out the kitchen and tuck in the kids, I go back home. I offer to go with Britney to the courthouse, and she agrees. I want to be there for her during this difficult time, and I don’t want her to change her mind. She needs to put this into motion as soon as possible so that she can finally be free of him.

When I lie in bed much later, I think about what Britney said about Sarah loving me. Could it be possible that everything she’s doing is because she loves me, and not because she hates me? Looking at it from this angle puts it in a different light. The more I think about, the more sense it makes. Why would she run away from me if she didn’t care? Why would she avoid me, or be so angry, and refuse to live in the cabin when it’s a place that will get her off her sister’s couch?

The pieces fall into place, and it all make so much more sense now. Because I’m not just attracted to her. It’s not just infatuation or a little crush. I realize how she feels about me is important because I love her. I’ve fallen for her completely, and now, I feel that nothing will make me happy if I’m not with her.

Tomorrow, I’m going to the courthouse with my sister. After that, I’m going out and looking for a place for Sarah. I don’t want to find her any place for the sake of having a place to stay. I want a place she will like, a place with space for her to really live and decorate, and that’s close enough to the school where she works. A place with a garden because she like the outdoors.

I want to get her the perfect place. Other men buy women flowers when they want to make up for something they did wrong. I’m going to get her a house, a home.

Excessive? Not at all. I don’t think it’s too much. She needs a home, and she should stay somewhere that works for her, that makes her feel happy, safe and secure.

I want to do something for her that shows her how much I care, and nothing smaller than the perfect home will do. What’s becoming of me? I was a man who didn’t use to care about women’s feeling at all, who slept around, took what I wanted and moved on. I was independent and free with a direction in life that didn’t include a woman.

Everything has changed. I guess that’s what happens when you meet the woman of your dreams, the one who will make you happy beyond a doubt.

I changed because I love Sarah, and I’m going to do everything in my power to win her back because I don’t want to live without her.