At some point in the night, when Ivy had been asleep for a while, I clicked the TV on to standby.
Captain Control… I heard the words in her voice and I smiled. Yes, maybe. But sometimes Captain Control was the good guy – in a situation like this he wasn’t bad to have around. She hadn’t been her vibrant, smiling self all week. She’d been scared and shaken up. Captain C wasn’t leaving her. I was wrapping her up and holding her so tight she felt safe again. Captain C would look out for her as if I was her guardian angel.
When I woke up Ivy was plastered to my side still and her head gently lifted on my pec muscle as I breathed in.
I looked at the clock on the oven. It was nearly nine.
I remembered looking at the clock last time I was here.
Shit. It weirded me out to think that someone had been in here on her bed, fucking playing with themselves. I understood why she’d needed to change the whole bed. I got why she’d struggled to come back here too.
I brushed her hair off her cheek.
Her dark eyelashes fluttered and lifted.
‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you?’
‘What time is it?’
‘Nine, not early.’
She nestled closer against me instead of moving to get up, her arm slipping about my middle and hugging me. A rumble of humour rolled through my chest.
I gave her a squeeze of reassurance. I thought the world of her. I’d never felt like this for a woman. My innards had been mush for days and the empathy inside me was burning a hole through my chest. I was so attached she could melt me with a smile. And my lust for her… It hadn’t quelled. I was hard for her a dozen times a day, thinking about stuff with her. But we hadn’t done any of that all week. She’d been in need of hugs not sex.
I took a breath. My body wanted to flip her on to her back and have its wicked way. But this was her first night in here. She was not in the right headspace. I’d take her out of here for the day and then tonight I’d sleep over again if she was happy for me to do it, and then maybe… ‘Shall we get up and I’ll take you out to breakfast, then we could go out for the day somewhere, if you like?’ It would be better for her to do something. ‘We’ll have breakfast in Hyde Park, where Daisy and I go for hot chocolates.’
‘Okay.’ But she didn’t get up. Her fingers slid to the back of my neck and she reached up to kiss me, destroying my plan to be chivalrous as the pressure of her fingertips urged me to roll her back. My hand slid to her waist as I leant over her and kissed her, my erection probably peeping out of the top of my boxers as it brushed against her hip.
Her hand slipped down underneath the covers and freed it. I was painfully hard. ‘Sure you’re up to this today?’
‘Yes.’
Well, if she was sure, I was sure. I lifted to let her slip my boxers down over my backside and then helped her strip them off my legs, and then we dealt with her pyjama bottoms. I didn’t try to make this anything fancy, or wild, and yet – like the first time we’d done it in the missionary position at Christmas – it felt so special I was never going to forget it.
I slipped in and out of her slowly while she licked her lips and her sleepy lavender eyes looked at me, and her warm, long legs wrapped around my hips and squeezed me tight. Each time I moved, the muscle in her abdomen clasped at me.
She came after about ten minutes and so did I, but it had been ten minutes of heaven.
I was jumpy today. Fidgeting. I hadn’t been able to concentrate on the advert I was developing because my brain was shot at the minute. It couldn’t settle on thinking about anything work-related.
Ivy gripped my hand to stop me turning the Café Nero drink mat, and tapping it, then turning it again and tapping it.
‘You’re a ball of energy today. What’s up?’
I hadn’t told her I was worried because she was busy trying not to be worried about the stuff going on in her life. She’d spent three nights in her place alone, and she said she felt secure now there was CCTV and a new number on the door and a better lock on her room. But the guy, whoever he was, had sent her a letter, typed not written, just saying, ‘I’m watching you,’ nothing else.
The fucking bastard. I wish I knew who he was. I had a desperate urge to slam him up against a wall and hit him – then watch him dragged off and thrown into jail.
But his letter had meant that the slightest thing was freaking Ivy out. Like, some guy had bumped into her accidentally in the High Street and she’d panicked. That had been a proper anxiety attack. A woman walking past had sat Ivy down and made her relax. I hadn’t been there. I was being pulled in different directions – I wanted to be with her all the time, but I couldn’t be, because there was Daisy too, and work was busy.
I wanted to employ my own private investigator to follow her, to make sure she was safe, but she said it would just scare her more and she was safe in her home now and the streets were always busy, so she’d be okay.
But she was being brave. I wished she’d be less brave and move into my place. We’d work something out for the days Daisy came, but at least then when I had to work late and I wasn’t with her, I’d know where she was and that she was okay.
Captain Control – he’d been yelling in my head for days. He wanted to get a hold of everything and put it in order. I wanted Ivy safe, but I couldn’t do that. She’d made me drop the safety rope because she was determined to not let the bastard who was stalking her alter her life – or me control it. And Daisy… how did I control things with Daisy…? I wasn’t even sure how things worked with a child, not really.
I leaned back and sighed.
‘Jack, come on, what’s up, tell me?’ Her slender fingers squeezed my hand. She had gold nail varnish on.
It wouldn’t harm to share it if she was getting herself worried over what I was worrying about anyway. ‘It’s Daisy.’
She smiled in a wry way. ‘Why? What’s happened? Isn’t she coming for the weekend tomorrow?’
‘Yes, but I’m thinking about what I’m going to do with her? What if she’s bored? I’m worried she won’t have enough to do and she’ll hate it.’
She shrugged at me as if to say ‘so what’. My worries were on a scale of one to her ten.
‘She won’t be bored. You aren’t boring, so she won’t hate it. You’re going out with your parents on Sunday for lunch, aren’t you? And you said she’s excited having spoken to them on the phone so many times. She’ll be looking forward to meeting her new grandparents. Imagine that in a child’s view – two extra people to buy presents for her for Christmas and birthdays.’
My lips twisted; she made me laugh. I hadn’t thought of it like that, but I bet Daisy had. But my fears were not alleviated. ‘Yeah, and then there’s the whole awkward evening in between Saturday and Sunday. What do I do with a little girl when it’s the two of us sat there like lemons?’
‘That’s Captain Control talking, and it’s the first time I’ve heard him speak in a sentence mentioning Daisy. I thought Daisy is his Kryptonite; he can’t be around her. You always say you’re going at her pace, so stick to your gut feeling and go with it. Don’t plan to fill the time with anything, just ask her what she wants to do. Download her favourite movies, make popcorn, get your pyjamas on and then you sit in front of the TV and chill out.’
‘Seriously?’
‘She’ll love that. She’ll probably fall asleep watching a movie, so you’ll have to carry her to bed and tuck her in, and you said she loves the room, and you put a lot of effort into making her feel comfortable to stay in it. It’ll be awesome. She’ll be happy and you’ll be happy.’
‘I feel like an idiot worrying over this with all the stuff you have going on.’
‘It’s okay.’ But I could see in her eyes, she wasn’t okay with what was going on. She wanted the guy, whoever he was, caught. Like I did.
When we were back in the office I got a text at three p.m. from John. ‘Your decree nisi has been agreed, you should get a letter confirming it on Monday, and the court upheld our stance; Sharon has no monthly allowance, just our agreed severance amount, the apartment, and no right to apply for any more in the future.’
I thumped the air. ‘Yes.’
‘Thanks, John. Good work. That’s good news.’
I emailed Ivy. ‘Hey, come in here.’
I think every time she came into my room two-thirds of the office looked. I hoped at some point they were going to get over it. I stood up but waited until she shut the door, then said with a big grin. ‘My divorce is agreed. I just have to wait until the decree absolute is signed and then no more Sharon.’
She smiled. ‘I’m glad. That’ll be one thing off your mind.’
‘Look, Ivy, I don’t mind paying someone to work out who’s been following you. Let me do it?’
‘No, it’s alright, the police are dealing with it.’
Yes, but not fast enough. I sighed, then I went over and kissed her – just a touch of lips against lips as I held the back of her neck. I kept my hand there. ‘Are you still up for tonight?’
‘Yes, I liked climbing at the club last time.’
‘Okay. Then shall I sleep at yours?’
‘No, go home. You’ll want to be ready to pick Daisy up in the morning.’
My lips twisted. There was that tug of war going on in my chest. Daisy would always win out, though, she had to; she was my child. ‘You’re seeing Rick on Saturday night, right? So you’re not going to be alone.’
‘No, Sunday evening now. He’s with his girlfriend Saturday, and I’m spending Saturday with Milly, and Sunday with Mum and Dad. You don’t need to worry about me. I’ll be alright.’
‘You’re good for me, you know that, don’t you?’ I pressed another quick kiss on her lips, mindful of everyone outside potentially watching. I didn’t look to see if they were. ‘Thank you.’
She smiled and then her neck slipped free from my hold.