I was sitting up in bed struggling to lift a beaker of tea to my mouth and chew a sandwich when Ivy tapped the open door. An emotional guitar solo played through my heart. What I’d said to her earlier was true. After this, I loved her more; every emotion I felt was a dozen times deeper. That aggressive nurse downstairs would have said it was an aftermath from the medication. I didn’t think so.
‘Hello, Mr Angry Invalid. I brought you visitors.’
I made a face at her and twisted sideways on the bed, trying to let my legs, from the knees, dangle over the side, but it felt like the stitches in my legs were going to tear open. I twisted back round, but sat upright, stuffing the pillow higher behind me.
Ivy’s dad stepped forward with his hand out. I held my hand out. My arm trembled. I wondered how her first meeting with Mum and Dad had gone. This was the wrong setting for all of this. ‘Mr Cooper.’
‘Jack.’
I’d bet they were dubious about me, about my intent. I was her boss and now they knew my parents they might think I was messing around with Ivy because she didn’t have my background.
The room did a spin as her dad shook my hand then let it go. ‘I’m Brian, not Mr Cooper.’
‘Mrs Cooper.’ I looked over and nodded at her.
‘Elizabeth.’
‘I wish I was meeting you in better circumstances, over dinner or something,’ I said, but at least now I had some clothes on.
‘Sorry he’s in a bad mood.’
‘Can you blame me?’ I gave Ivy a look.
Ivy’s mum smiled at me. ‘No. We know how poorly you are.’
‘Sorry. I’d imagined this moment differently.’ Like I’d imagined talking to her dad differently. Like I’d imagined introducing her to my parents differently. But she was okay with my parents anyway.
I looked at Ivy. ‘Would you ask someone to get us a hot drink?’
‘You have one,’ she glanced at my half-empty beaker, ‘and we had one downstairs.’
‘I know, but I’m really thirsty, and that’s cold.’
She nodded, but her look said I’d sounded rude. ‘Okay.’
‘Sorry, Ivy. Please would you ask if we can have a hot drink?’
When she disappeared I looked at her dad and smiled. I’d rather be on my feet looking him in the eyes. I felt so out of control stuck in a bed. But this was how things were. ‘I want to ask your permission to marry Ivy, Mr Cooper, Brian. If that’s alright. I’d intended proposing to her when we were away, and asking your permission to marry her after, but seeing as you’re here. I don’t want to rush anything. I know there’s Daisy to think about and I’ve only just got divorced, but Ivy wasn’t feeling secure with me, and I love her, and I want to marry her, and I want her to know it.’
He gave me a shallow smile, a little like his daughter’s. ‘Well I guess I don’t need to ask you how you’ll provide for her, as you’re her boss. But thank you for having the decency to ask. You have my consent and she looks devoted to you, so I have no doubt it’s what she wants.’ And they’d seen her turn Rick down. They were positive words.
Devoted to me… They were pivotal words.
God Sharon had never been devoted to me, but I felt devoted to Ivy too I’d do anything to keep her, anything for her. But I still didn’t think she believed that.
She would get it, though.
Ivy came back in, smiling. ‘They’re going to bring a trolley—’ She stopped and glared at me. ‘Lie down. You had three major operations three days ago and you’re white as the sheets. You shouldn’t be sitting up.’
I made a face at her. A trolley… This wasn’t Fortnum and Mason’s.
As I lay down again, I caught Mrs Cooper’s gaze. She winked at me. On first impressions I liked Ivy’s parents; they were homely, normal, nice people.
While we drank our cheap tea, Mum and Dad arrived.
Just how down to earth and nice Ivy’s parents were flashed like a beacon when Dad came in and did his stiff-upper-lip thing and Mum greeted everybody in her ladies-who-lunch voice.
But apparently they knew each other, and my parents liked them… It was as if they’d been friends for weeks.
I was tired and struggling to keep my eyes open after half an hour.
Ivy held my hand, standing on the far side of the bed to the others, saying without words: You’re alright, I’m here.
After that weirdo had broken into her room I’d had her safety rope – now she was gripping mine.
When it got to the end of visiting time I persuaded the nurse, with a bit of charm, to let Ivy break the rules and stay with me and while I said goodbye to my parents and her parents, Ivy went downstairs to get some stuff from the shop so she could wash my hair.
When Ivy came back, the nurse came in and took my dressings off. Ivy hovered in a corner. There were vicious red scar lines on my legs with regimental rows of black stitches, and there was a matching wound on my arm. All my muscles were tight and sore; it was going to be a long time before I climbed again.
Shit.
The nurse told Ivy that she could help me into a wheelchair and help me wash in the shower and do my hair, if we were careful not to get shampoo on my wounds. So she left the dressings off.
Ivy shut the door to the room when the nurse went out after leaving a pile of warm towels in the room.
‘Strip off and get in there with me.’ I said as Ivy helped take my t-shirt off.
‘You’re meant to be too ill to be thinking stuff like that.’
‘I haven’t had sex for nearly a week.’
‘More like half a week, and you’ve been unconscious.’
‘It would make me feel better. At least take your top off.’
She gave me a grin and stripped off the sweatshirt and t-shirt she had on. She had a blue lacy bra underneath. I stood up and pushed down my bottoms and my boxers a tiny bit, my bad arm shaking. Ivy had to help me get them off the rest of the way. I felt foolish, but I was glad it was Ivy helping and no one else. ‘I couldn’t imagine Sharon helping me like this.’ It was a joke, but it wasn’t so sarcastic. Ivy looked at me as she straightened, folding my clothes.
She smiled.
Guilt punched me. ‘Sorry. You shouldn’t have to be my nurse; I didn’t ask you to go out with me for that.’
She smiled again. ‘You told me at Christmas, it was because you liked my bum.’
I smiled. ‘And your eyes. I’ve always loved your eyes, and your face, and your body. Well, just all of you, Ivy.’
Her smile twisted.
I took her hands and leaned heavily on to her to get into the wheelchair. The pain from the wounds was sharp, like knife stabs when I tried bending my legs. The nurses had offered me more morphine but I didn’t want it. I was tough enough to deal with pain. But naked, I could see how much of a mess I was in. There were bruises on my inner thighs and across my chest, and all around the wounds, and then I saw my face in the mirror and the disgusting yellow bruise over half my forehead and around my eye. It was a wonder Ivy still wanted anything to do with me – and that Daisy hadn’t run out of the room screaming.
Ivy wheeled me into the shower room and angled the shower so it didn’t run over my legs and the chair so I could tip back my head and then she washed my hair. God it felt good, not only to have clean hair but to have her hands on me.
After she’d finished washing my hair she helped me stand up under the water for a moment, to wash off the brown stains of the iodine they’d painted on my legs while operating. She got her jeans wet – and her bra was soaked.
When she turned off the shower she put a towel on the wheelchair for me to sit on, then started patting my legs down carefully.
‘I wish we were at home,’ I said. The pressure of tears hurt at the back of my throat.
‘You will be soon. I know you’ll be going crazy in here, but just be patient.’
‘Me patient…’
‘Jack, I do know you, but you can cope.’
I growled at her as she wheeled me back into the bedroom. ‘You know Captain Control is screaming?’
‘I know. But he’s going to have to shut up.’ She smiled at me, lifting her eyebrows. ‘Remember when you made me climb that cliff at Christmas?’
‘Yes.’
‘Think of this as yours. You can get to the top. I’ll help you.’
God, that was mean. ‘Are you trying to sales-pitch me?’
She laughed.
‘It took you moments to get to the top of that cliff. This is going to take weeks.’
‘So what, it’ll be okay. You’ll get there.’
I made a face at her, remembering her resistance and my sales pitch. No pitch could persuade anyone they wanted to be hit by a car.
She helped me get clean boxers on and then the clothes I’d taken off back on, and then she helped me on to the bed. I was exhausted.
‘You look like a ghost.’
‘Lie down and hold me.’
She put her t-shirt back on and then lay down. We put the TV on to some drama and cuddled up until a nurse came in and told her to get off the bed – then she was sent home. It was like being at boarding school again. I had no control over anything.
‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’
‘I’ll ask the nurses if I can bring your PlayStation in so you have something to do – there must be advantages to private care.’
I smiled. She may have reacted badly to my declaration of love, but everything she was saying and doing now said she loved me. ‘I love that you know me so well.’
‘I just love you, Jack. See you tomorrow.’
My first visitors arrived on the ward at eleven o’clock in the morning. It wasn’t Ivy who walked in but Mum and Dad, who’d brought in some clothes and stuff from my apartment – Ivy had texted Mum and asked her to. They gave me my phone back too, so I called Em and found out what had been going on in the office. Then Ivy walked in with her absorbing smile and bright eyes.
‘Hello, beautiful.’
Mum and Dad were sitting by the window discussing where to eat lunch. Dad was going to go back to America tomorrow and Mum was thinking about going home for a couple of days. I’d told her I’d be alright if she did. I didn’t need them hovering around me.
But I wanted Ivy hovering.
I’d told Em I was keeping Ivy off work because I needed her. I’d said she could take Ivy’s salary out of mine and tell everyone else she was taking unpaid leave. I wasn’t going to let anyone malign her for being there for me. She had offered to help me face this cliff and I needed her. The doctor had said to me this morning it would be months before I’d be back to normal. The break in my femur had been complex and there was steel scaffolding holding me up when I stood now. It was going to take months of physiotherapy to get my knees moving and my range of movement would never be the same. That knowledge just made me want to fight harder; I was going to get better.
‘Happy now you have your PlayStation?’
‘Not until you play on it with me.’ I couldn’t face this without her. She was the only person I was prepared to relinquish my control to. I trusted her. I wanted her to be the one who hung on to the rope, while I climbed out of this hole. God it was dark.
She gave me another beautiful smile.
‘I’m not in such a bad mood today,’ I told her. I was resigned to facing the cliff. As long as I had her with me, I’d force the fear away and get up there.
‘Yes. He is happier, but trying to do far more than he should,’ Mum answered. ‘The nurse told us he tried to walk along the corridor alone. They are getting him some crutches.’
‘The doctor said it’s fine for me to be on my feet.’
‘Yes, but to take it steady,’ Dad said. ‘He didn’t mean on your feet all the time.’
‘Jack Rendell?’
I looked up. A policeman stood at the door to my room. ‘Yes.’ Why?
‘I’d be grateful if you’d give us a statement. We believe we have the driver of the vehicle that hit you in custody.’
Ivy’s phone started ringing. ‘Hello,’ she answered it.
‘Are you able to tell us what happened that evening?’ The man pulled out a notepad without even waiting for me to say it was okay.
I sat more upright on the bed. Mum came forward and moved the pillows to support my back. ‘No. I don’t remember. I can’t remember anything after midday.’
‘Yes.’ Ivy spoke into her phone. She sounded anxious as she walked out of the room so she could keep talking.
‘Well, we have the witness statements and we can do an identification check with the witnesses too if necessary, so that isn’t a problem.’
‘Who was it?’ I wanted a name, a label to pin on the person who did this to me.
‘The man in custody is called Rick Baker.’
‘Rick…’ I heard Ivy say his name outside at the same moment.