Chapter 16
Joanna
The feel of Bastian’s hands slowly dipping past my towel to touch my collarbone sent shockwaves through my entire system. I couldn’t stop shivering despite the heated pool and how warm it felt in the swimming lodge attached to Bastian’s log mansion with his calloused fingertips gently grazing my sensitive skin.
My heart thumped at an erratic pace. After two days of wondering when he would touch me, and wanting him to touch me, he finally was. His fingers left fiery trails down the front of my chest as he traced the hemline of the bikini I had found in the guest room. The towel between us slipped out of my fingers. It slid down my back to pool at my feet.
I sucked in a shaky breath to calm my nerves. Desire bubbled in my veins. There had only been a handful of times I had ever felt drawn to a man before, but none of those times compared to how I felt when it came to Bastian. Everything about him screamed sinful release. It wasn’t just those irresistible looks, either. It was the real man beneath the cold exterior that attracted me—the man who had brought me into his home to protect me.
A tumult of emotions filled me as I slowly turned around to face Bastian. His eyes were dark with lust, but I could see the conflict waging war in his eyes. He didn’t want to take advantage of me. That much I knew from when he had kissed me on the forehead the other night because we were both drunk.
Don’t kiss him, Jo. Don’t do it. You know this won’t end well if you do.
I knew the women who trailed behind Bastian with broken hearts. A few of them arrived at his office in an effort to mend things between them, but Bastian never seemed interested in having a committed relationship. He kept his personal life and work life separated. We were merging both of our lives together, and I was helpless against it.
I wanted this man. Even if I never had him again, at least I would have this moment for the rest of my life—a wonderful spot in the darkness that lingered outside his Park City log mansion because of Sid.
Bastian’s hands had lifted when I’d turned to face him. They were clenched at his side while the silence stretched on between us thickly.
“Joanna,” he started, his voice husky.
The pit of my stomach trembled at the way he said my name—lusty and full of longing. I reached up to place my fingertips on his lips to shush whatever excuses were about to roll off that tongue.
“Don’t say a word,” I whispered and savored the feeling of Bastian’s lips against my fingertips. “I want you, Bastian. I just want you.”
The words slipped off my tongue before I could restrain them. Bastian’s eyes fluttered shut at the confession before opening again. He appeared visibly torn between his set of morals and desires.
“It’s okay,” I said, a bit braver this time. “You don’t need to hold yourself back from me.”
“That’s the thing, though,” Bastian said. “I do have to keep myself back from you. I’m not a good man, Joanna. I’m really not good. I’m a piece of shit like the rest of the male population you’ve encountered.”
I shook my head at him gently because I had no idea where his lack of confidence in himself came from. His ex-wife, I imagined. The both of us had suffered through some shitty relationships in the past that had left significant damage on our souls. None of that mattered now, though, standing next to the steamy pool. I didn’t want to think about Sid or those pictures. I didn’t want to think about what I was going to do tomorrow once this fantasy was over.
“I know shitty men, Bastian. You aren’t one of them.”
Bastian’s lips curled up at that. “Your ex is a special breed of shit, Joanna. I’m just not capable of a relationship. I can’t do it.”
“I’m not asking for a relationship,” I insisted. It was the last thing I was thinking about. “You’re the one putting a label on something. It hasn’t occurred to you that I’m an adult. Maybe I’m capable of having casual relationships, too.”
“Maybe,” he said. “I’m just—”
“Don’t be so noble,” I said, a smile gracing my lips. “You’ve already done enough to prove that you’re a good man to me. I think I can afford a slip in judgement. Just this once.”
“Just this once?”
He took a step closer then. I wetted my tingling lips with the tip of my tongue, watching as Bastian’s eyes fixated there.
“This once,” I managed to say. “I promise. Just this once we can cross that line together.”
Goose bumps erupted over my skin when Bastian’s hands skimmed along the curve of my waist before grabbing the string of my bikini bottoms. He tugged me forward with a muttered curse word under his breath. Our lips collided in a passionate kiss that sent my senses reeling in every possible direction.
I poured every inch of myself into that kiss as our tongues tangled together in a battle of dominance that Bastian easily won. His hands cupped the sides of my neck to tilt my head back and deepen our kiss even more. He consumed me in every sense as I dragged my fingers through his hair to pull him even closer, not caring that my bathing suit was still wet. The fabric of his shirt felt starchy against me as I reached for the buttons to rid him of it.
We stumbled backward against a patio table. It crashed to the ground loudly as Bastian backed us up with a growl. His hands roamed every inch of me hungrily, smoothing along the backs of my thighs to grab my ass cheeks firmly. Cold glass pressed up against my back when he pinned me to the window behind me. The contrast of hot and cold nearly did me in as I squirmed up against him. My fingers finally reached the last button of his shirt.
Bastian stepped back to toss his shirt away from his body. I took in his bare and sculpted chest with a breathy sigh of appreciation. I reached out to drag my nails lightly down his chest. A hiss of arousal left Bastian’s lips as he watched me through hooded eyes.
His fingers reached for the back of my bikini top to tug on the string there. He paused briefly to look at me for silent permission. I gave him a nod before the damp fabric loosened around my neck and back. It felt to the floor with a wet plop. Fiery trails erupted over my bare breasts as Bastian took a step back to look at me. I resisted the urge to cover up as he gazed at me long and hard with desire.
“Beautiful,” he murmured and reached out then to cup my breasts in his hands. “You’re beautiful, Joanna. So fucking beautiful.”
I squirmed in pleasure as he replaced one of his hands with his hot mouth and sucked feverishly at my skin and nipple. Breathy whimpers escaped my lips. Wetness pooled between my legs while I ached to be touched there. The lust between us skyrocketed as Bastian tugged my bikini bottom down past my thighs. I kicked it away and stood in front of him completely naked.
I was rendered motionless when he reached between my legs to drag a finger through the wetness there. He circled the bundle of nerves that twitched with longing. Every inch of me felt taut with tension when he cupped me with a throaty growl. I needed this. I needed him.
My fingers trembled when I reached forward to undo the button and zipper of Bastian’s pants. A hot and hard cock immediately greeted my fingers when I reached in to grasp him. A violent shudder shot through Bastian’s body, and his hips jerked forward into my hand.
“Joanna,” he said in a strangled voice, “I won’t last long if you do that.”
Pleasure steadily built in me underneath Bastian’s skilled and artful fingers. They were rubbing me in all the right ways. Sweat poured down my back against the cold glass as the temperature in the pool room felt close to a hundred degrees, not a pleasant eighty-five degrees.
“I can’t last with you doing this to me, either,” I whimpered, squirming against his hand. “Please, Bastian. Please.”
A hiss of breath went through Bastian’s clenched teeth as he kicked out of his pants to stand naked. My stomach twisted with lust at the masculine image in front of me—a physically fit man who was visibly aroused and ready to pounce.
His hands grabbed the backs of my knees to lift me up against him. My skin smeared across the glass as I wrapped my legs around his waist. His strong arms held me there in the perfect position with the tip of his erection nudging me intimately.
“Birth control?” he asked.
“Pills,” I whispered, clutching his broad shoulders. “Please, Bastian. Do it.”
A cry tore past my throat at the feeling of him ramming into me in one thrust. Pleasure exploded through me. I distantly heard Bastian’s own cry of pleasure as he ground up against me. The sensation of him sliding in and out of me smoothly with the cold glass against my sweaty back only enhanced the growing feeling in my stomach. I gazed up at Bastian through the haze of passion that clouded my mind. His cheeks were flushed with the effort to keep control of himself. A vein throbbed in his temples. He was teetering on the edge of a seismic orgasm like I was each time he pounded into me hard.
His fingers dug into my waist while he threw his head back. “Fuck, Joanna. This feels too good. I can’t last.”
“Me neither,” I said as a tingling sensation started up my legs. Desperation filled me then. “Bastian.”
His eyes opened to mirror his own desperation for a release. His hips rolled hard against me before he increased the frequency of his thrusts.
“I know, Jo. Just let go.”
I screamed as my peak burst over me. My fingers dug into Bastian’s shoulders, and I rode it out with blood roaring in my ears. Bastian slammed into me one last time before I felt his erection twitch and empty hotly inside me. He let out a breathy groan of relief against the crook of my neck.
Bastian slipped out of me before lowering me from the window. The warm stone felt strange beneath my bare feet as I planted myself on the floor to regain my composure. Neither one of us moved for a long time, with Bastian resting his head against the cold glass above my shoulder.
Shit. I had been prepared for amazing sex, but not earth-shattering sex. A swirl of emotions went through me then. We had resisted for so long, and now that we had crossed that line, I had no idea what to expect. Shame flooded me as Bastian lifted his head to gaze down at me with an indescribable expression.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
I blinked at the surprising question but didn’t know how to answer it. My emotions were swirling around inside me at a high frequency. I didn’t know what to make of anything.
“I’m fine,” I said. “Are you okay?”
Bastian’s lips twitched at the question as he took a step back from me. He reached down to gather his clothes and get dressed. I followed his movement as well, but I wrapped a towel around me instead while I waited for him to say something. Anything to get rid of this awkward air.
“I have to get back to my office,” Bastian said, buttoning up his shirt. “If you’re hungry later on, don’t hesitate to call in something.”
I nodded mutely because tears were prickling the backs of my eyes. Bastian left the pool house quickly, as I expected him to do. Neither one of us were prepared for how it felt to be so close to one another.
“Shit,” I muttered shakily. “Shit, shit, shit.”
Things were going to be different now. I knew that without a doubt as I sat down on the edge of the patio lawn chair. Having sex with Bastian had been mind-blowing, but I certainly hadn’t expected to feel so much with him. I had a feeling that Bastian hadn’t expected the same feeling, either.
Now what? The question echoed in my mind as I fiddled with my towel. I didn’t know what was going to happen between us, but I had a feeling that things were going to change. Drastically.