Chapter 28
Joanna
The smell of bacon and waffles filled my room when I woke after another night of tossing and turning. Miserable from the headache pounding in my head, I kicked away the blankets and sheets in search of some Tylenol. As usual, my mother was already dressed and ready for the rest of the day. I couldn’t recall a day in my life that my mother ever spent the morning dressed in a pair of sweatpants without her hair or faced washed.
This morning was no exception when I walked in to find her cooking breakfast. She wore a pair of nice pants, short boots, and a nice blouse with her blond hair curled and sprayed into place. It didn’t matter if the world was crashing down on her shoulders—she insisted on looking her best at all times.
“Morning,” she said cheerfully. “I figured you could use a home-cooked meal. You look a bit starved in my opinion.”
“I’m not starved,” I replied, rubbing at my aching head. “I’ve been eating fine. Just some coffee if you haven’t made another pot.”
She nodded to the coffee maker. “There’s a fresh pot. Does your head hurt?”
“Everything hurts,” I muttered cynically. “I’m seriously not hungry, Mom. You didn’t have to do any of this for me.”
“Of course I did,” she said. “You’re my daughter. I love you. It’s obvious that you need the help right now.”
“I don’t need that type of help. I don’t have an eating disorder.”
“I wasn’t talking about that sort of help, Joanna. I meant that it’s obvious you haven’t been taking care of yourself.” She turned away while I poured myself a cup of coffee. “It’s obvious that this boss of yours wasn’t feeding you properly.”
I rolled my eyes as I sipped my coffee before dumping myself into a chair at the dining room table, resigned to the fact that I would have to force myself to eat despite my queasy stomach.
“He took care of me fine,” I said. “I don’t know why you’re so keen on trying to break him down. He gave me a sanctuary to get away from it all.”
“He also used you,” she pointed out and pulled out a waffle from the waffle maker. “Try to remember that part, too.”
“He didn’t use me, though. It was—”
“Oh, for goodness’ sake, Joanna!” She turned to face me in exasperation. “He took advantage of the situation because he knew that you would be vulnerable. Why can’t you see that?”
“Because it isn’t true,” I snapped, shaking my head at her. “I’m not going to give in to your idea of what happened because you have no idea what happened.”
“I’m not oblivious to what happened. I get that Mr. Burke is an attractive man, but he’s also a very calculated one. He knows how to get what he wants. His entire life is about making those types of choices, and he’s good at it. I’ll give him that.”
Confusion cut through my defenses while my mother settled a plate full of food in front of me. The sight of it brought on another wave of queasiness. I couldn’t handle the thought of taking a bite of food right now when my entire world had flipped itself over.
I waited for her to settle down in the chair across from me before I pushed the plate away. It had troubled me since the moment my mother had started trying to push me as far away from Bastian as possible. She had been practically gloating in the van the entire drive back to Salt Lake.
“Why is this such an issue for you?” I asked. “You were somewhat fine with what I was doing for a while until the past two weeks. What’s changed?”
“Nothing has changed,” she said defensively. “Why would you even ask me that question? I’m glad you’re back home with me is all.”
I shook my head at her in disbelief. “I don’t believe you. Something isn’t right. So why don’t you just be honest with me about what is going on here?”
For a long time, she kept her gaze focused on the table to hide her emotions. I waited patiently for her to say something, to hint at the real reason why she had been so insistent about me coming home.
“I’ve been thinking long and hard about this entire situation of yours,” she said. “I just think that maybe Sid is in need of some counseling is all. Running away really was a foolish decision, Joanna. It only added fuel to that fire.”
“I thought I was protecting myself.”
“Wrong,” she said, shaking her head. “Bastian thought he was protecting you. Was going away even your idea?”
I clicked my mouth shut to keep that response to myself. A majority of my life had been spent trying to appease everyone in my life—including Sid. Even Bastian. I had let both men take complete reign of my life without question.
“You’re right that I should’ve been in control,” I said. “It was just a bad situation, Mom. Sid hurt me. He has been hurting me for a long time. Don’t you see that?”
“I have never seen it,” she said. “I just never saw what you were describing to me. He’s a cop too, Joanna. Did it ever occur to you that maybe his job is a bit stressful?”
I set my coffee down on the table with a noise of disgust. “You’re defending him. You’re actually defending him.”
“I’m not defending him,” she said in exasperation, holding up her hands. “All I’m saying is that these sorts of things never happened back in my day. Sure, your father had some rough days while working at the bank. We got into our fair share of arguments—”
“He never hit you, though,” I interrupted. “Not once, Mom. I have never seen Dad speak to you the way Sid speaks to me.”
Her eyes narrowed at me. “Is it any different from how Bastian speaks to you?”
“Of course it is! He doesn’t make me feel like a shitty person. That’s a good thing in my eyes. And he never strangled me or threatened to kill me.”
A knock on the front door stopped the conversation quickly in its tracks. I sat back in the dining room chair in disbelief while my mother rose from her chair, not willing to let whoever was at the door wait.
“All I’m saying is that people are angry for a reason,” she said. “Sometimes that anger is taken out in the wrong way. I won’t condone abuse, but maybe there’s more to it that you aren’t thinking about.”
The headache pounding in my temples only worsened. Coming back home had been a mistake. A major one. It was vividly clear whose side my mother had picked, and it certainly wasn’t mine. I rose from the table to grab the handset. Bastian’s cell phone number was on my fingertips when the kitchen door opened behind me.
“Hello, Joanna.”
The phone slipped from my fingers. Cold fear crawled up my spine as I slowly twisted around to find Sid standing in kitchen with my mother right behind him. His dark eyes flicked up and down me in a scrutinizing manner that instantly made me flinch back from him. He hated it whenever I didn’t shower first thing in the morning. He liked how my mother was always dressed and ready to go in the mornings.
“Wh-what are you doing here?” I stammered, wishing I hadn’t dropped the phone. “I told you to stay away from me.”
“Your mother invited me here,” Sid said. He turned to look back at her with a smile. “She was very kind enough to hear my side of the story.”
I looked over Sid’s shoulder to catch my mother’s eyes. The smile on her face faltered ever so slightly when I let the hurt I was feeling flash on my face.
“I just thought it would be appropriate to hear him out,” she said. “Hear his side of things, Joanna. It’s not a bad thing to talk to each other.”
Sid took a step forward into the kitchen. I got up and took a step back to keep the distance between us as he scooped up the phone from the floor. He handed it over to my mother before I could ask for it back—a subtle isolation trick of his. Take away any chance of me ever trying to contact help.
“Just hear me out,” Sid said and nodded to the table. A warning flickered in his eyes when I didn’t move. “Please? I’d hate to argue with your mother standing right here. It might hurt her to hear it.”
The threat didn’t pass me by. With my fingers trembling, I slowly sank down in a chair across from him while my mother closed the kitchen door to give us privacy. Which was exactly what Sid wanted judging from the pleased look he sent her direction.
“You see, Joanna? Your mother gets it. She gets how to be a good wife and when to listen to someone.”
“You manipulated her into coming here,” I said through clenched teeth. “She’s oblivious to the fact that you can charm almost anyone. What do you want?”
He reached a hand across the table, but I pulled myself back from his touch. He ignored the movement, though, by snatching out to grab ahold of my hand. Pain shot up my arm as he yanked me into the table to bring our heads close together.
“I’ve had enough of chasing you around for the past few weeks,” he said into my face, the smell of cologne and coffee thick. “I know that you’ve been shacking up with that boss of yours in Park City. It’s not that difficult to figure out where you’ve been.”
I squirmed beneath Sid’s iron grasp. “I don’t want to be around you, Sid. You aren’t the man I once loved years ago. You’ve changed.”
“Your mother is right. A job can change you. The things I see in a day…” He trailed off with a glazed look in his eyes. “It’s horrendous. I carry those demons inside me every damn day I clock out of my shift.”
“I know that. It’s not—”
His fingers dug into the tendons of my wrist painfully. “And it would be nice to hear some appreciation for it, Jo. Money means nothing at the end of the day.”
“I never said it was meaningful.” I gasped, trying to pry his fingers away. “Stop it, Sid. You’re hurting me.”
“Only because you’ve done it to me,” he replied smoothly. “You ripped my heart into pieces by doing what you’ve done.”
Tears coated my eyes. I couldn’t escape even if my life depended on it, or my mother’s. Sid never hesitated to shoot and then explain later. That was who he was.
“I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore,” I whispered. “It’s over. I’m done. Just please leave me alone.”
“It’s not over until I say it is,” Sid hissed venomously into my face. “You hear me, Joanna? It’s not over. Far from it. You think your boss’s troubles are just beginning?”
“What troubles are you talking about?”
Sid flashed a dangerous grin. “Ah, so you do have some feelings there. That’s all right, my dear. I am willing to give it some time for you to get over them.”
He released my wrist. I immediately wrapped my other hand around the bruised flesh, tears streaming down my cheeks.
“I’m only going to say this once,” he said, “so pay attention. If you come back to me, nothing will happen to your boss. All his troubles will be gone.”
“What troubles?” I asked, even though it was pointless. Sid had some sort of advantage, and he wasn’t going to reveal it. Not to me at least.
Sid leaned back in his chair to stretch out his back. I caught sight of the holster at his hip before he rose. I scooted back in my chair when he rounded the corner to press his lips against mine forcefully. My stomach churned with nausea at the taste of him.
He drew back before fisting his hand into my hair. He tugged hard, and I felt a few strands break free.
“You have until tonight,” he said quietly. “And remember, Jo, I have this entire house bugged. I can hear your phone calls. I see who is here. If you say anything, even to your mother, I will kill the both of you and then that prick of a boss.”