Chapter Thirty

Harry

I felt like a damn fool. I had no idea what had possessed me, but I was now standing in the hallway outside Amber’s door.

“You’re an idiot,” I whispered aloud.

I looked down at the flowers I was holding and adjusted them. I was a complete sap. I had given women flowers before, but that had all been part of the act. This was legit. I really wanted to see her, and I was hoping the flowers would soften her up. I hadn’t left on the best terms the last time I had seen her. I had been a dick. I had let jealousy win and stomped off like a little kid.

I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. I hoped she was home. I knew there was a good chance she’d be out to dinner with William, but I was hoping otherwise.

When she pulled the door open, I sighed in relief.

“Hi,” I said.

“Hi,” she said, not opening the door all the way.

“I’m sorry,” I blurted out. “I was an ass, and I’m sorry.”

She smiled. “I’m sorry, too.”

She pulled open the door and gestured for me to enter. That was a good sign.

“Here, these are for you,” I said, handing her the flowers.

“Thank you. They’re very pretty.”

“You’re welcome.”

She walked away, and I stood there feeling like a complete dumbass. I wasn’t exactly sure what to say; I just knew I had to see her. I couldn’t leave things the way I had the other day. She came back into the room.

“Did you want to have a seat?” she asked.

“Sure.”

I sat down on the couch. She sat on the far end. There was an awkward silence. I had gone to her house with the intention of saying so much, and now I was sitting here like an idiot. I couldn’t seem to find the words or the courage.

“Amber, I wanted you to know that even though we’re officially over, I hope we can still be friends. I know I said some things, and I am truly sorry about all of it.”

“I would like to be friends. I did enjoy our time together. I hope you know that.”

I nodded. “I do. Really, I do.”

“I know you said what you did because you’re looking out for me,” she said with a small smile.

I nodded again. “I am. I don’t want you to get hurt. I should have probably used a bit more tact. For that, I am really sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’s who you are.”

I cringed. I was a Neanderthal was what she was saying. It was amazing I hadn’t pounded my fists on the table and hung from the chandeliers to impress her. I had gone all caveman on her. It hadn’t impressed her. It had turned her off, and I had lost any chance I’d had with her. I had come to accept that in the days since our lunch date had been cut short.

“How have you been?” I asked for lack of anything better to say.

She sighed. “Confused.”

“Confused?” I asked. “What’s wrong? I would have figured you had all this worked out by now.”

“Everything that has happened—I am seriously so confused. I feel like I’m being pulled in two different directions. I can’t seem to figure out what I want. My brain is having an inner conflict.”

“I’m not trying to make things difficult for you. I hope I’m not. I didn’t come over here to do anything more than let you know I hope to still be friends with you. I really liked hanging out with you. I’m going to miss that,” I said, being perfectly honest. “Have you and William figured things out?”

She scoffed. “No. Not even close.”

“Do you want to be with William?” I asked her point blank.

She looked at me, and I saw something in her eyes that made my heart ache for her. She looked torn. I didn’t want her to suffer. This whole situation was my fault. I never should have asked her out that first time. I should have kept my distance. I had heard her declare her love for my brother, and for some stupid reason I had decided that was a good time to make a move on her.

“I don’t know what I want. It’s so hard to explain, and I know that isn’t fair to you,” she said softly.

“It’s okay. I’ll be fine. What’s so hard for you?” I asked.

“I don’t know if I want what I thought I did.”

“You don’t know if you want to be with William?” I asked a little too eagerly.

“Right. As you can imagine, he isn’t taking that so well. He’s angry. He thinks I should know exactly what I want. I probably should, especially after I said some things to him to give him the impression I wanted to be with him. He broke off his engagement to be with me. How can I say no to the man?”

Her voice was strangled. I could see the war within her. I hated that she was going through the torment, but I had to admit I was happy to know I wasn’t so easy to kick to the side. It restored my bruised ego a bit. Not a lot, but enough to give me some hope.

“You can say no to whomever you choose. No one can force you into something you don’t want. Don’t make a decision because you’re being pressured into it. Take your time.”

She smiled and shook her head. “I made a mess of things. I practically begged him to dump her. Then he did, and I tell him I’m not sure I want him. He’s pissed.”

I chuckled. “I imagine so, but he’ll get over it.”

“We have a history together, William and I. I’ve worked with him for a couple years. We’ve developed a relationship based on that. We’ve spent a lot of time together, and I have gotten to know him and vice versa. I don’t know,” she said, running a hand through her hair. “I know you don’t want to hear any of this. I’m just so confused!”

I fought the urge to reach out and touch her, to offer her comfort. She didn’t need that kind of comforting.

“Take your time. If William truly loves you, he’ll wait,” I assured her. It was the best I could do.

She laughed. “Actually, I don’t think he will. He gave me an ultimatum. The man is impatient and is definitely not used to being told no, especially by me. I have always been such a pushover around him. I have somehow found the strength to tell him no, and it is seriously pissing him off.”

I laughed at her telling my big brother to get lost. That would have been some funny shit. Neither one of us was used to being shot down. We were spoiled in every way. I happened to find it attractive when she told me no all the time. Clearly, William didn’t feel the same way.

“I am sorry. William is his own man. Take your time and do what makes you happy. Don’t do something because he says to. Make sure you’ll be happy with what you decide,” I said and stood up.

I couldn’t stay there another minute. I was dying to touch her. I wanted to kiss her and hold her close. I couldn’t do that. She had tossed me to the side and run back to my brother the first time he had jangled his zipper. It was insulting and hurtful. I wouldn’t let myself be in her shoes. I wasn’t going to be the dumbass running to her every time she called.

“Thank you for the flowers and for letting me vent,” she said, following me to the door. “I do appreciate it.”

I nodded my head. “Anytime. I was serious earlier. I would like to be friends. I know it may be awkward at first. I can deal with that. I hope you do find your happiness, Amber. Take care,” I said and walked out the door.

I was caught up in my own thoughts and didn’t even recognize William striding toward me until he was practically in my face.

“What are you doing here?” he seethed.

I looked up and focused on his face. “I stopped by to see Amber.”

“Why? She told me she ended your stupid engagement.”

I shrugged. “We can still be friends. I wanted her to know that.”

He shook his head. “You don’t need to be friends. You don’t need to talk to her at all.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Won’t that make family gatherings awkward?”

He rolled his eyes. “It doesn’t matter. You’ll find your next girlfriend, and Amber and I will be happy together. She isn’t going to choose you over me. I’m not sure what kind of game you’re running, but you’re wasting your time.”

“What do you mean choose you? She obviously told you everything. There isn’t a choice to be made,” I clarified.

“Oh, sure, play it cool. You always have to be the guy who doesn’t need anyone and comes and goes as he pleases. Do you really think that’s what she wants? She’s too mature for your silly games. Accept that she is going to choose me and go away. Stop trying to confuse her,” he said, his jaw clenching and spittle flying from his mouth.

I shook my head. “You’re crazy. Like, literally, I think you’ve lost your mind. It’s been a long time coming. All the pressure you put on yourself and our parents constantly telling you what to do has finally made you snap. She’s so much better than you. I really hope she comes to her senses soon and realizes it’s you who is playing games.”

His face was red, and I began to wonder if he was going to have a heart attack right there in front of me.

“I’m not playing games. Amber is mine. I told you she was mine first. Stay away from her. Quit trying to persuade her to be with you. If you do care about her, you’ll know she loves me. She’s always loved me. You’re a fool if you think she would ever go after the younger brother. Amber is smart, and she knows what she wants. She’s playing coy right now, and I’ll let her, but this game of hers isn’t going to last long,” he said in a low voice.

I smirked. “I don’t think Amber plays anything. If you’re smart, you’ll give the woman the space she asked for.”

“How do you know about that? What did she tell you?”

“Nothing, William. Nothing at all. Relax. I’m leaving now.”

I walked past him and left the building. I hadn’t been aware there was a competition to win Amber. I didn’t want any part of that game. I had known what I was getting into when I asked her to go along with my engagement charade. I had thought her feelings toward me had changed. Maybe they had. Maybe she did care about me, but it wasn’t enough to keep her away from my brother.

I didn’t want to get into a pissing match with him. I wasn’t going to beg Amber to be with me. That was not my style. She knew my number. If she wanted me, she could call. I wasn’t about to grovel. That was a bullshit game I didn’t play. William could bend over backward trying to get back into her good graces. I wouldn’t.

There were too many willing women out there for me to be getting all twisted up over one.