Penny
Morning wood—all guys have it. It’s completely normal for a man to wake up with a raging hard-on. So, why am I making a big deal about this? Maybe it’s because I was eye to eye with the beast and when I say beast, I’m not exaggerating. It looked like it was ready to hunt, and I was willing to be its prey.
Get it together.
I’m trying to forget. I really am, but last night was AH-MAZING. I saw a side of Shapiro he doesn’t let out too often. It’s the side I knew was there when we first met, I just wasn’t sure if I was ever going to get to experience it again.
Except I did, and it took me a little by surprise at how much I enjoyed it. Especially after …
“Muffins almost done?” Shapiro hollers out from down the hall. A welcome interruption saving me from my thoughts.
“Yeah, but I’m not sure how they’re going to taste,” I call back as I dump the tin that was cooling onto a rack.
Just as I was about to pick one up to taste test Shapiro comes strolling out.
“I’m starving,” he says while he pulls a black tee over his head, his thick muscled torso stretching the material to the max. “So, I’m sure they will be great.”
Yummy.
Ignoring the little voices telling me to turn around, I stop and stare and when I mean stop and stare, I mean I’m ogling and drooling over this man.
For as much Kool-Aid this man drinks, I’m not sure how he keeps a frame as built as his.
“There’s a storage room in back, I turned it into a small gym,” Shapiro says, as he comes around to where I’m standing, leaning against the island.
“What?”
Can he read minds now?
Taking the muffin out of my hands, he pulls back the paper wrapper and breaks off the top. Throwing the bottom into the trash.
“You just asked how I stayed so fit drinking all the sugary drinks.” Shapiro tears a piece off and plops it into his mouth, smirking. “Not in those words, but yeah.”
“Oh.” We both stand there for a moment as he plops another bite in his perfect, full mouth.
Reaching for another muffin, he repeats his actions throwing the bottom away.
“Are they burnt?” I reach for my own and examine it. “I’m not used to this oven.”
“They’re perfect. In fact, they are the best muffins I’ve ever had.” He plops another bite in and gives me a tight smile.
“Liar!” I break a piece off to taste. Not great, but not bad either given that this place doesn’t even have an electric mixer.
“I’m not a bottom guy.” He winks while grabbing one more.
Needing space. I turn and reach for a couple glasses in the cabinet. Recalling last night that he only drinks milk with baked goods. Pouring Shapiro a glass I hand it to him, but before he can grab it I double over in excruciating pain. The glass of milk slides from my hands and shards of glass fly everywhere.
“Oh shit!” The pain becoming too much.
“It’s okay.”
We both reach down to start picking up the glass, but I quickly stand.
“I … um … I need to go,” I throw my thumb over my shoulder. “Shower.” Realization sets in and the broken glass is the least of my worries.
“That’ s fine. You may want to go the other way.” He doesn’t bother to look up as he continues to pick up the pieces. “Oh hey! Can you hand me the dust pan before you go? It’s under the sink.”
“Um, yeah.” The ache becomes stronger as I bend over, grabbing what he needs and toss it his way. “I need to go …”
Taking off, I skid to a stop and round the corner to the bathroom, slamming the door.
Knowing I’ll need something, I pull open the cabinet drawer Shapiro put my things in. Finding the toiletry bag the hospital sent home with me, I pull it out. Unzipping the top of the white sterile bag, I dump the contents onto the counter.
“Thank God.” I sigh as I pull out the only pad. I thought the hospital gave him a list of items I would need, but I guess they probably figured I was going home and I would have pads, but here I have nothing.
Sitting down on the toilet, I pull down my panties relieved to see only spotting. I figured the cramps were a sure sign of dirty laundry and explanations. After my week in bed, I thought that the bleeding had stopped, but the doctor said there is a possibility this could happen on and off for a few weeks considering the situation.
“Okay this is manageable,” I say bending over, the tub right in front of me, and turn on the shower.
I have one last pad and who knows what kind of time before I’ll need another. Time to get cleaned up and head out.
“I have to go.” I swing my purse over my shoulder, ignoring Shapiro and make a beeline for the door.
“Where in the hell do you think you’re going?” Shapiro’s voice booms from behind me.
Don’t stop.
“Out. I have to get something.” I reach the door, unlocking it in a hurry. Pulling it open only to have Shapiro reach above me to slam it back shut.
“The hell you are.” He begins to lock it back up. “You can’t just rush out of here. The alarm was set.”
“I guess I wasn’t thinking.” I reach over to the pad and punch in the code.
“You’re not leaving,” he barks out.
Spinning around, I can’t take it. I’ll be damned if tells me what I’m going to do. “Yes, I am. I’m bleeding and apparently the hospital only gave me a limited amount of supplies. So, you see, unless you want me to stand here and bleed all over the floor, I need to go.”
I turn back around feeling satisfied that my bluntness probably will gross him out enough to let me leave.
“I can’t let you go,” he says matter-of-factly.
“Didn’t you hear me? I’m bleeding.” I wave my hands, the dramatics in full effect, but if I were to be truthful, this isn’t just about buying pads. This is about what it stands for.
“Four sisters,” he reminds me.
“Seriously, Shapiro. I don’t care if you had ten sisters. This is my issue.” I fling his hand off the door and begin to open the door.
“Dammit, Penny!” He grabs my arm. “The fucker that did this to you is still out there. I’m not letting you go out when we don’t even know where he is!” His voice full of desperation.
“Shapiro,” I plead. “I want you to let go of my arm now.”
Eyes wide, he releases my arm as if it were on fire.
“And I need you to let me run this one simple errand. Please.”
“Penny …” Shapiro runs his hands aggressively through his still damp hair. “I let you go once and look what happened to you.” He begins to pace in front of me. “I can’t let that happen again.”
“He won’t hurt me,” I plead.
Shapiro, whose back is to me, spins around, shooting venom. “He won’t hurt you?” he seethes in front of me, bending at the knees to make sure we are eye to eye. “You have left him not only once, but twice, Penny.” He holds up one finger than the other. “He made sure he put you in the fucking hospital.” His eyes bore into mine while his mouth rapid fires, “Each time he put his hands on you, he took a piece of you. Why in the world would you want to chance that? Huh?” He pauses for a brief second, yet not long enough for me to answer. “How can you honestly say he won’t hurt you?”
He’s speaking the truth. I know this, but no one really understood our relationship and if you were around us, you wouldn’t have known I lived a life full of abuse. It wasn’t the physical kind. He worshiped me. He loved me so fiercely, he just didn’t know how to love me tenderly. Tyler loved me with obsession, not with anger. He just wanted me as his and if anything came in the way of it, he made sure I remembered who I belonged to.
“Because I’m not pregnant,” I whisper.
He doesn’t say anything.
“But I was,” I try to explain, sliding my purse across my body, hands now free, I dig for the picture. It’s in here somewhere.
“Here.” I pull out the snapshot from the ultrasound. “See.” I hold it in front of him. “I was nine weeks here. I was two weeks away from my second trimester when I had the accident.”
He takes the photo and looks down at me. His voice is almost a whisper. “I know.”
“What?” I’m so confused.
“Before you get upset, just know that Nina was worried about you and didn’t want to break your trust, but since you are staying here, with me, she thought …” Shapiro looks away. “She just thought I needed to know how to help you, help understand what you were going through better.” He slowly brings his attention back to my face. Dark intense eyes, silently asking me for his forgiveness.
When I don’t respond right away he continues, “Penny, I’m so sorry. I just wanted to wait and let you tell me when the time was right, and you felt like you wanted to. I know it was extremely painful and I didn’t want to upset you.” He rambles on.
“I’m not upset. Just surprised is all,” I admit.
Maybe I should be. For talking about something so personal behind my back. But how can you be angry at the people who are trying to help you?
“May I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“But how does this guarantee he won’t hurt you? That part, I’m not understanding.”
Taking in a deep breath I tell him the events that took place up until the fall.
“If you were pregnant with his child, why didn’t he stick around? Why didn’t he help you? Call nine-one-one?”
“He didn’t want the baby.” Tears stream down my face. “I mean he said he did, but the moment I became pregnant …”
When he came to me I wanted to run. I really did, but seeing him so broken and pleading for just a chance to ask for forgiveness, how could I not? He was the only family I had left.
“He didn’t want the baby?” Shapiro reaches for my elbow, pulling me closer.
I want to wrap my arms around the man who is here. The one who could take all the pain away. Tell me it’s going to be okay, just like he did the day he left me at Mama Ang’s, but how do you explain that you were wrong. That you made yet another choice that didn’t just hurt you, but hurt the life of an unborn child?
I took Tyler back and even though doubt was screaming at me, it seemed right. Month after month he showed me he changed.
His words, kind.
His touch, gentle.
I didn’t ask for him to go to therapy or continue it when I moved back in with him. It was his choice to better himself … for me.
For me.
For me.
For me.
It should have been for him. We couldn’t get better unless he did.
“No …” I begin to sob, my body quickly going limp and Shapiro doesn’t hesitate, he’s there, catching me before I fall … again.
“It’s going to be okay. I promise you … it’s going to be fine,” Shapiro reassures, tucking my head under his chin. His strong arms protecting, wrap around me.
“I should have left when he changed.” I tilt my head up our eyes meeting. “Tyler never wanted a family. He just wanted me.”
“You have nothing that will hurt him, so he won’t hurt you?” he asks trying to understand.
“Yeah.”
I know he may not understand and sometimes I don’t either. I know my relationship with Tyler wasn’t healthy and the longer I stayed with him, I realized that I wasn’t with him because I loved him, I was with him to have a family of my own.
I’m not sure how long we have been standing here, wrapped up in each other’s arms, but it’s long enough to know that this man of many moods has given me more than Tyler has in the years we were together.
Family.